Showing posts with label Grizzard loved Catfish. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grizzard loved Catfish. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 28, 2024

Kevin Grizzard, but just a gleam in Lewis' eye

"I hugged perfect strangers and kissed a fat lady on the mouth!"

Lord I miss Lewis Grizzard. So since it's Clempson week, here's his letter to a future son.

To my Son, if I ever have one:

Kid, I am writing this on September 3, 1984. I have just returned from Athens, where I spent Saturday watching the University of Georgia, your old dad’s alma matter, play football against Clemson.

While the events of the day were still fresh on my mind, I wanted to recount them so if you are ever born, you can read this and perhaps be able to share one of the great moments in your father’s life.

Saturday was a wonderful day on the Georgia campus.

We are talking blue, cloudless sky, a gentle breeze and a temperature suggesting summer’s end and autumn’s approach.

I said the blessing before we had lunch. I thanked the Lord for three things: fried chicken, potato salad and for the fact he had allowed me the privilege of being a Bulldog.

“And , Dear Lord,” I prayed, “bless all those not as fortunate as I.”

Imagine my son, 82,000 people, most whom were garbed in red, gathered together gazing down on a lush valley of hedge and grass where soon historic sporting combat would be launched.

Clemson was ranked number 2 in the nation, and Georgia, feared too young to compete with the veterans from beyond the river, could only dream, the smart money said, of emerging three hours hence victorious.

They had us 20-6 at the half, son. A man sitting in front of me said, “I just hope we don’t get embarrassed.”

My boy, I had never seen such a thing as came to pass in the second half. Todd Williams threw one long and high, and Herman Archie caught it in the end zone, and it was now 20-13.

Georgia got the ball again and scored again, and it was now 20-20, and my mouth was dry, and my hands were shaking, and this Clemson fan who had been running his mouth the whole ballgame suddenly shut his fat face.

Son, we got ahead 23-20, and the ground trembled and shook, and many were taken by fainting spells.

Clemson’s kicker, Donald Igwebuike, tied it 23-23 and this sacred place became the center of the universe.

Only seconds were left when Georgia’s kicker, Kevin Butler, stood poised in concentration. The ball rushed toward him, and it was placed upon the tee a heartbeat before his right foot launched it heavenward.

A lifetime later, the officials threw their arms aloft. From 60 yards away, Kevin Butler had been true, and Georgia led and would win 26-23.

I hugged perfect strangers and kissed a fat lady on the mouth. Grown men wept. Lightening flashed. Thunder rolled. Stars fell, and joy swept through, fetched by a hurricane of unleashed emotions.

When Georgia beat Alabama 18-17 in 1965, it was a staggering victory. When we came back against Georgia Tech and won 29-28 in1978, the Chapel bell rang all night. When we beat Florida 26-21 in the last seconds in 1980, we called it a miracle. And when we beat Notre Dame 17-10 in the Sugar Bowl that same year for the national championship, a woman pulled up her skirt and showed the world the Bulldog she had sewn on her underbritches.

But Saturday may have been even better than any of those.

Saturday in Athens was a religious experience.

I give this to you, son. Read it and re-read it, and keep it next to your heart. And when people want to know how you wound up with the name “Kevin” let them read it, and then they will know.

- Daddy

Friday, August 18, 2017

2017: will the scenery change this season?

When collecting one's initial thoughts about an upcoming season of Georgia Football, Lewis Grizzard is as fine a place to start as any:

"If you ain't the lead dog, the 
scenery never changes."

For Dawg fans, the scenery has been about the same for some time. Since our last December trip to Atlanta in 2012, the SEC East has remained very much winnable. But Georgia has only gone 20-12 in conference play during that span, finishing 3rd, 2nd, 3rd, and 3rd. So, far from the back of the pack, but still staring at a lot of rivals' asses.

Pass the Lysol please.
What we hope is the gators' view this season.
(pic taken @ Kenny B's French Quarter Cafe,
Hilton Head Island, SC)

A quick glance shows that the division once again is firmly in Georgia's sights this year. Tennessee, 2016's pre-season darling, lost most of its starters and plays at both Florida and Alabama. South Carolina should be improved but is still at least a year away from bringing in the talent necessary to compete for the East. Missouri is awful, and Kentucky and Vandy will do their best to keep the western Tigers in the cellar.

That leaves Florida. I tend to think our schedule is very favorable this season, but a look at Florida's proves they may have an easier road to Atlanta. We have road trips to Knoxville and West Opelika. They're biggest test away from The Swamp is a toss up between Columbia East or Lexington's new Kroger Stadium. The Gamecocks might be improved, but they're still a young offense and Florida's defense will once again be one of the conference's toughest. And while the former Commonwealth Stadium may not be a true beauty to look at, there's only one brand of conference turf whose recent life mission has become to shred as many Bulldog's knees as possible within a 60 minute game - Knoxville's Neyland Stadium.

"It's bad." Advantage gators.

If all that plays out in the division the way that I just typed it, then it will come down to the annual clash along the St. Johns River. Well, I should say it could come down to the Georgia-florida game. We lost there in 2002 and still made it to Atlanta, but wasn't the trip a little sweeter in 2004, 2011 and 2012?

After all, the lead dog shouldn't need a back door in. Go Dawgs!

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Humpday Hilarity - Grizzard's rivalry jokes

If you don't mind football players going to class as long as it's basketball season, or didn't have enough pimples to get into the North Avenue Trade School, then you'll enjoy this one.



Saturday, August 15, 2015

August 15th - "Dogs will play without Dicks."

All Georgia fans love Lewis Grizzard. So of course Erk would use the greatest headline in sports history as a way of motivating his players while also throwing his old linebacker with the unique name a bone.


If you're unfamiliar with the background to this reference you MUST IMMEDIATELY STOP READING THIS AND WHATEVER ELSE YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING THAT'S IMPORTANT AND WORTHWHILE and click here for Catfish and Cornbread's post from several years ago. And don't slack off before the comments. Because that's when the real fun story-telling begins.

(Also, please don't let their masthead picture sway you. They stopped updating back when we were all excited about that guy coming to Athens. Really miss that blog.)

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Humpday Hilarity - Grizzard on Clempson

This would've been a good one to post a few weeks ago. But it's just as funny today I think.

h/t Porter



Monday, January 7, 2013

Monday's Meatloaf - Grizzard gives Gollum a riddle

The prophet Lewis Grizzard once said, “Will we one day get all our news from a computerized version of a newspaper, or radio or television?” Given that Aaron Murray chose social media via a computer or handheld device to make his big announcement last night, I believe this furthers the argument that Mr. Grizzard was some sort of deep fried, buttered down, sweet tea Southern prophet.

There's a peacefulness that I end each and every day with as I bend over each of my darlings and kiss their little foreheads while they sleep. It's a moment that makes me feel young and old at the same time: young in that it gives me hope and warmth to end the long day and look forward to the next, and old in that their bed gets a little smaller each night that I creep in.



Grizzard shown here with Twitter's
first prototype.
The best days are every day my friend. And so it's not lost on me that I used to start each day with some peacefulness as well. Before kids my world was much different, and the world as a whole was much different. A few weeks ago it was announced that yet another paper press would come to a halt. Forever. I'm not an avid reader of The Sporting News, but it seems like every week another newspaper ceases to exist, at least in its original form.

And when this news crosses my Twitter timeline, or is a small bullet on the side margin of a website I've navigated to, or reaches my electronic mail inbox somehow, I recall a time when I would start each day by walking to the end of the driveway, picking up the paper, retreating to a comfortable spot on my sofa, and reading it. I would start with the Sports section. And in the quiet of the early morning, before the world was graced with another sunrise and the only two people awake were myself and the delivery person, I would digest everything I both needed and wanted from this disposable news capsule. Then I would drive off to start my day with all of the knowledge I needed...until the next morning.

If the delivery person was late there was hell to pay. How dare the AJC force me to go into work less prepared to discuss these new fangled BCS standings than my colleagues. If I didn't know the latest names involved in the search to replace Steve Spurrier at Florida just because someone didn't double bag it on a rainy morning it was like going into the office half dressed. I felt vulnerable, exposed as an uninformed fraud.

Then slowly the news that hit the driveway was hours old before the words that echoed it were even printed. Eventually it became an easy decision to stop going through that motion each morning. The money we saved from canceling the subscription was probably used to fund half of our newborn's monthly diaper allowance. (Insert your own Atlanta Journal & Constipation joke there I guess.)


Part of this eventuality, this foreseeable certainty where every printed form of news goes the way of the dodo bird, gives me pause and forces me to reflect upon a simpler time. Especially during the holidays when I could turn on the Christmas tree and read about how my Dawgs had dismantled the Arkansas Razorbacks for the SEC Championship in the stillness of the early morning. But I'll trade that in for a quick check on the Twitter news feed and an opportunity to tuck my girls in any day.

The more things change, the older I get. And the closer their little toes get to the foot board. 

Today's Ingredients
- Could a Georgia quarterback transfer as a result of Murray returning for his senior season? Lady Sportswriter has an in depth look at where things are, and ecdawg also looks at the logjam at the position.
- hoopdawg looks at the hardwoord win over our nation's first president the other night.
- The Lady Dawgs couldn't withstand a second half surge up in Knoxville.
- Groo has a interesting (to say the least) look at where the running back situation stands today as opposed to last summer.
- Blutarsky wonders if the Big 12 is putting their playoff cart before the regular season horse.
- A lot of BCS stuff: Spencer Hall has a pictorial look at some Tuscaloosa SEC pride; Looks like Mr. Sanchez is watching tonight's college football season finale with Touchdown Jesus. Meanwhile, Tyler takes a look at the game with this preview.
- Most importantly, Kegs 'n Eggs has your 2013 BCS National Championship Drinking Game. Cheers y'all!
- True, hard to believe Chip Kelly turned down the NFL. But cocknfire points out the ways in which it is good for college football.
- Lastly, let this slip for a few weeks, but it is time to congratulate The Country Club at the Highlands for their work in kicking cancer's ass. If you're in the Richmond area you might be familiar with the VCU Massey Cancer Center. Good people, doing great things.

Filthy little Bagginses!
Is anything timeless any longer? If newspapers can stop pressing, is there anything that can't fall victim to Time's persistence?  As Gollum once riddled Bilbo:
This thing all things devours:
Birds, beasts, trees, flowers;
Gnaws iron, bites steel;
Grinds hard stones to meal;
Slays king, ruins town,
And beats high mountain down.
It is the conqueror of all. We all have felt that adolescent feeling of invincibility at a period in our development. Hell, I still feel it from time to time: my hair will never turn gray...oops!...I can play a game of two hand touch with the kids without spraining something...ouch!...Tech never beats Georgia...(waiting...) Well there was that time Jasper's knee was down so they cheated...

But I digress. All good things must come to an end. Whether it is the day as I place that kiss on their foreheads, or a Georgia football season that seemed lost but then was found. We just keep plodding through this thing called life. You can find me there anytime, right in between that bowl of buttered grits and that next glass of sweet tea. Just as our prophet once predicted.

Have a Monday Reader! And don't let Touchdown Jesus keep you up too late. Because news will break early tomorrow (probably via social media) that Saban is taking Frumpy's place. You don't want to miss that!

Bernie

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

A Kindle under the grit tree

Wonder what ol' Grizzard would say about this?
Publishers NewSouth Books and Green-E Books plan to reintroduce Grizzard to a new generation of techno-savvy readers. NewSouth Books has re-released “Elvis Is Dead and I Don’t Feel So Good Myself” and “They Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat” in paperback and e-versions. Green E-Books has re-released four other titles as e-books: “If Love Were Oil, I’d Be About A Quart Low;” ” Don’t Bend Over In The Garden Granny, You Know Them Taters Got Eyes;” “I Took A Lickin’ And Kept on Tickin’ and Now I Believe in Miracles;” and “When My Love Returns From The Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old To Care?”
NewSouth also plans to re-release two more titles in early 2012: “If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I’m Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground” and “My Daddy Was a Pistol and I’m a Son of a Gun.”
All the re-released titles are available at www.amazon.com and www.bn.com. You can also see the  New South site or the Lewis Grizzard sites – www.newsouthbooks.com and  www.lewisgrizzard.com – for information.
 h/t Fred

Friday, December 2, 2011

Friday misery, chapter 12: from MARTA train to ENERGY BUS

Where are we? Right where we should be! Aimed for the Georgia Dome the first Saturday of December. It's been six long years, but Coach Richt has the energy buses fired up. As we stood waiting on those MARTA trains late September 3rd, who knew we'd be bouncing back down the connector towards downtown Atlanta?


To quote the legend: I gave up. You did too. We were out of it and gone. Miracle!


Over here Betty Sue! Over here!
Tailback Who?
I know it. You know it. Let's say it together: We need our freshman RB on the goshdamn field tomorrow. But judging from the change in Coach Richt's demeanor Wednesday evening once reporters asked him about the tailbacks, even he doesn't know if his star tailback is gonna play more than the token snap or two. It was like the freshman had held that puppy up once more and the little teat sucker had pissed in the head man's hot chocolate. Damn son.


When it comes to running backs in silver britches Saturday there are two things that are certain: 1. DICKSAM4 won't be playing and 2. there will be a lot of drama as to who actually is playing, down to down. And that just frustrates the everlovin' shit out of me. We need #1's talent to have a fighter's chance. He'll definitely start. But given recent history, we can certainly expect to rely on Malcome, Thomas, Harton...Zander...the water girl...into the 4th quarter. You know, when the game tends to be on the line. And the championship could be in the balance.


You get to Atlanta in early December, you have to want the football. You have to want it worse than ol Grizzard wanted Kathy Sue Loudermilk to pucker up under the grit tree. Damn stright! That bad. 


Cuz ya see I'm on
a WINNING streak!
I've got three words for you Mr. Green Jersey: Prove. Us. Wrong.


Satisfaction
Wife says I have thin lips. But right now they feel fat and ready to rock. So much so I feel like struttin'.


I THOUGHT I would be satisfied last weekend by finishing the season off with a (ho-hum) win over our in-state non-rivalrous pimple pushers. I THOUGHT I would just cruise into this little SEC championship all relaxed and stress free. I THOUGHT my college football hunger would be satiated.


Wrong. We're at the end of the season and I only want more. We're down to one game, a month layoff and then the bowl game. It's practically friggin' over people!!! On September 3rd as I finally boarded MARTA headed north I couldn't wait for this day to come. Then the sucker punch that was the Carolina game only intensified my hatred for the 2011 tackle football season. Now...after 10 wins in a row...I wanna punch December in the nose. Get the hell out of here! Take down the tree and send the mall Santas back home. I don't want to feel jolly. I want to see the team come from the tunnel again. I want another trumpet in the southwest corner. Dare I say...I want to go back to Jax.


Don't tell me how white my shirts can be. Lester can't be a man cuz he doesn't smoke the same cigars as me. He chews grass. I can't get no Capital One Bowl. I want some sUGAr honey! 


Pucker up Kathy Sue!


Go Dawgs!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Bye week blues

Mostly some housekeeping notes for you as we near the first weekend of the season that has no Georgia football. Together we can get through. Chin up now. It's ok.

- First and foremost, I intended to have a separate post dedicated to what would have been Lewis Grizzard's 65th birthday. But time did not permit its finish. Maybe it'll fit in Monday's Meatloaf. In the mean time here's a link to some Grizzard based posts under the tag I've dedicated to him.
- What I recommend to people though on a special day like today, is to head over to the site dedicated to him and read one of his columns. (If that link doesn't work I'll correct when I'm off the mobile.) Check out The Grit Tree. Or simply read from your favorite book.
- God I miss that man dearly. Happy Birthday Mr. Grizzard!
- More on this tomorrow, but the family and I are heading out of town for the bye week. That is going to result in little to no posting, barring breaking news.
- However I do have a chapter in misery coming tomorrow. And there's been a request for a Brew of the Week post, so that will come Saturday. Which works out well because Saturday is the first anniversary of the ever popular social beer drinking app Untappd. More to come.

So get some rest Dawg fans. Have a safe and relaxing bye week. Stay away from underage alcohol and scooters. And consider Remerton a ghost town.

- Posted using BlogPress from Bernie's iPhone

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Remembering Sports Journalism's greatest headline

Yesterday there was some discussion about Happy Dicks, LB at UGA during the 1960s. Well, that naturally reminded me of this little Lewis Grizzard story. Best headline to hit driveways and newstands in the history of printed word. The story goes something like this (h/t Catfish and Cornbread):


On the eve of the UGA/South Carolina game 41 years ago, I was hanging out with three of my fraternity brothers (the Hound, Tex, and Bake), drinking a few cold PBRs at the old Callaway Gardens Apartment on the Atlanta Highway. We were discussing the upcoming game against the Gamecocks and lamenting the fact that we were going in with several key players out with injuries, including our starting DE, Billy Payne and his roommate, MLB, Happy Dicks.

About 10:00, another fraternity brother, Lewis, came in after he got off work. Our buddy was inactive at the time because he had gotten married over the summer to his high school sweetheart, Nancy. In addition to taking a full load at the university, he was working two jobs to help pay for (as he called it) "this expensive habit". A talented young man, he was writing two columns daily - one in the morning for the Athens Banner Herald and one in the afternoon for the Athens Daily News.

Lewis walked in, went straight to the refrigerator, got a beer, plopped down in a chair, pushed his glasses back up his nose and announced, "Gentlemen, with any luck at all, tomorrow morning you'll witness journalistic history. I have submitted my column and if it gets by my editor - and there's a good chance of that happening, since he "took drunk" earlier this evening - you'll enjoy the greatest headline in the history of sports journalism."

He refused to tell us what it was, and to be honest with you, we all forgot about it. As Lewis went home to his lovely, young bride, the four of us went back over to the fraternity house to get a head start on the weekend.

The next morning, as usual, I went straight for the Sports Section. As I pulled it out, I could do nothing but smile, because our buddy had pulled it off. To this day, Vince Dooley calls it his most memorable column ever - all because of the headline, which read:

DOGS TO PLAY COCKS WITH DICKS OUT


Sunday, March 20, 2011

Resting under the Grit Tree, in peace

With a big h/t to AthensHomerDawg, today we remember the passing of Lewis Grizzard. I can't really type any more than I already have about how much Grizzard's words meant to me both growing up and growing old. He blended humor, realism and southern charm to perfection.


I simply give thanks that he is up there, sittin' a spell with Catfish at his side.


"The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity."

“The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put rum or bourbon in it.”


“She [mama] had an appreciation of the language. She taught me a love of words, of how they should be used and how they can fill a creative soul with a passion and lead to a life's work.”

“The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one.”

“I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.”  



Lewis Grizzard 1946-1994 

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Blowing the Candles Out on the isms

UPDATE: Some of Grizzard's books are being republished. (h/t dawgmikey)

Today would've been Lewis Grizzard's 64th birthday. As I've explained before, the man was pretty high on my awesome scale. Still is, of course. That southern gentleman's grits never get cold as far as I'm concerned.

Grizzard's impression of Dooley
Last year I celebrated the occasion by reminiscing a spell, a close encounters of the Grizzard kinda tribute. Whiskey Nazis in the Night is still my favorite column, but today's feature is another one I hold dear. Those who know me know I'm not real big on political correctness. To Grizzard it was a true Pet Peeve.
At any rate, now all of us, including myself, must deal with petism. I can no longer refer to my dog Catfish, the black lab, as my pet dog Catfish, the black lab. Catfish is now my animal companion.
It takes a gifted writer to both prove a point and have fun doing it. Grizzard could tell a tale and keep you hanging on every word dipped heavily in sarcasm and generously coated in humor. Take the issue he's making fun of above, and just imagine how much hilarity would ensue had he been around for PETA trying to force the Seilers into a robotic model instead of an Uga in the red and black tradition. I may not have survived that column without an underwear emergency.

Even though Lewis Grizzard has long been gone from under the Grit Tree, for me there will always be Great columnists and Great Columnists Not Named Lewis Grizzard. I grew up seeing the South through his horn-rimmed spectacles. He made cheering for Georgia even more passionate and brought characters like Kathy Sue and Dorsey Hill to life. My laughter never ran short. My appreciation knew no bounds.

So today's a good day to read a chapter from your favorite book, or remember a column from his archives. God Bless Grizzard. And God Bless Catfish too.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Trivial Update "Cruitin is Crazee"

.
#ThursdaysRTrivial is coming up right after this PSA: The English Patient sucked. Bad. Real bad. (You're welcome)

#ThursdaysRTrivial ep. 31 "Cruitin' is Crazee" It's the Twitter Twivia game that's as legendary as the gum on the bottom of your shoe. With NSD in the rear view mirror, let's see how well-read you are tweep. REPLY back your answer for a chance at a fabulous prize. What TWO recruits did Coach Richt and Bryan McClendon see play hoops Friday night?

I don't know if it was google proof, but it was an answer that surely would prove a difficult find for your average Dawg fan. But...Ally ain't your average Dawg fan. It took less than three minutes for her to tweet in with the right answer, Nick Marshall and Lonnie Outlaw...coupla Wilkes Co. studs.

For her trouble, Ally gets the distinguished privilege of taking Catfish for his afternoon walk around The Grit Tree. The leash is over there next to the Royal typewriter.


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Some Grits in Remembrance


Ally, via Bulldawg Illustrated, reminded me through Twitter this morning that today is a Southern holiday. It is the day the South's greatest son was born 63 years ago. A son so in-grained in all things southern, when the cold north stole him from us for a couple of years life itself slowed down until he returned.

Happy Birthday Lewis Grizzard! Across the Dawgosphere, Grizzard is getting his props. Scates at Bulldawg Illustrated, BulldogJosh at Bubba N Earl, and of course the guys over at The Grit Tree.

BulldogJosh shares BnEs favorite Grizzard column Whiskey Nazis, which also happens to be my favorite. I'm also partial to a nostalgic one how UGA Glory Began with Coach Eaves, which can be found with other Grizzard treasures at The Official Lewis Grizzard Website. You should go over today of all days and browse through the archives.

I had the opportunity to meet Grizzard once. My dad had instilled in me an appreciation for his work when I was a kid. I remember hearing him chuckle behind a newspaper or with his nose in one of Grizzard's books.

So when the man came to speak at a gathering of red and black socialites at the Holiday Inn in Athens while I was in school...I conveniently made it so that I worked that banquet in the poolside room instead of the Rotary Club in Ballroom A. (yawn...)

I remember Munson using a column to help him defy the laws of gravity, some northern heathens who carried on side, albeit mostly muted conversations while the guest speaker waxed poetic...and I remember how truly southern the man looked. The neatly pressed slacks, the horn-rimmed glasses, the yellow button-down dress shirt, the neat blue blazer. All of that polished off by the leather loafers, no socks.

I had heard the word dapper before, but not until that moment did I truly understand it's meaning entirely.

Later that school year a kid on my hall had gotten in a fight with our starting middle LB at a fraternity party. I shouldn't say kid, because O'Keefe as we called him had served some time in the Persian Gulf War and was back to earn his degree. But he also stood about 5 feet tall with only two more inches to add on. He probably weighed a buck thirty.

And you notice I didn't name our starting LB at the time...that's cuz O'Keefe beat his ass. Sure, these were the Goff years, but this was not a slouch of a gridiron defender. He would've started on most SEC teams. But evidently, the wrong words had been said. Or maybe the wrong girl had been flirted with. Either way, it was a story that gathered great momentum across campus. Our hallmate became a legend overnight.

And how does this relate to our dear old Grizzard?

The southern philosopher was a columnist at the AJC then of course. He had a weekly Sunday column that was my first order of business in the quiet of Russell Hall those mornings. On this one Sunday morning I sprang from my chair and ran down to O'Keefe's door, newsprint in hand. He wasn't there, but as I remember when we finally got the chance to share with him the honor that had been bestowed upon him...his response: Hmmmph...who's Lewis Grizzard?

Wherever he may be today, God Bless O'Keefe. God Bless Grizzard.

And God Bless Catfish too.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Deadliest Catch or HBO? Stardom vs. Success...



...bourbon or sippy straws. Decisions...

I'll be honest and own up to something I'm sure you have already discovered and subsequently ignored...I've been sucking at putting up my weekly discussion topics.

But tonight the wife's upstairs watching some crappy love movie that's been on the DVR since April, I'm out of Deadliest Catch episodes and there's nothing to drink in the kitchen except Evan Williams and Capri Suns.

Looks like the stars have aligned for ya Reader.

I just read the best damn blog post of the off-season and it should be no surprise that it comes from Hale's service station. The Go-To Guys has the perfect mixture of past, present and future. And it contains an analogy that really helps me close the door on the Stafford/Moreno era to ready/steady myself for the upcoming season.

If you haven't read it, you're a freakin idiot! But I link'd ya up anyway. Go on now ya lazy sumbitch. Click and read before you waste anymore of our time.....

As I commented to Hale's post I struggled with my words, in regards to Stafford especially. As opposed to when I commented to this worthless AllJackCrap piece on Stafford's legacy as a Dawg QB. To be quite frank, I don't give a damn if Stafford convinces Kim Jong-il to grow his hair long and sing Kum-Ba-Ya with Winston Churchill...he didn't win a championship.

Back on point, Hale really got me thinking. I mean, Stafford's probably the most talented arm to walk on campus since Lewis Grizzard last covered a game with his pen. But sometimes the abyss between stardom and results can be profound.

We can be reasonably safe in assuming that Zeier suffered from lack of talent around him. And when it did rise up in the fall of '92, the Visor had cheated just enough to steal a win in Jax. Maybe if tha mutha hadn't been so enamored with the Hat, or if Kentucky had closed the door on Philmer's last run in '07, the story would be different on Kiper's Golden Boy.

But we can all agree that something was wrong last season. More accurately, somethings wuz wrong. It wasn't all Martinez's defense, it wasn't all injuries....and it wasn't all because Nama wore the wrong undergarments.
Sure, Stafford succeeding in the NFL can only help Coach Richt and staff on the recruiting trail, but for my donation dollars...gimme Greene, Shockley ...Tarkenton... Belue.

For today however, let's look at the future. Hale intimated that it should bear to reason that having 11 guys on the field with an equal investment in the outcome could make a big difference.

Will inexperience and youthful talent leave us as stranded as Captain Phil Harris of the Cornelia Marie was after his engine bailed on him outside of Dutch Harbor in last week's episode?

Or will it taste as good as Evan over ice?

One thing's for sure...Opilio or King crab...it's gonna be a great season.

Phone lines are open...


Monday, June 15, 2009

Monday's Meatloaf - Mammal or Fish?


If you're a northerner...bless your heart. (And if you're a southerner, you know what I meant by that.)

An actual one from Meecheegan, overheard on the beach talking on her cell phone last week: Edith! You won't believe it...we spent 2 grand on the condo and now they're closing the beach....THERE'S SHARKS! Unbeleeeeveable I tell ya.

Gag me with a snowshoe.

There should be a penalty for yelling SHARK! when it's just a dolphin. Makes me appreciate the fact that Grizzard survived the great white north those scant years. If you live amongst denizens that can't tell the difference between a dolphin and shark, what chance is there that they can tell the difference between a 4.4/40 and...Ron Dayne?

So on more than one occasion I just had to leave Nanook the Frozen to fend off the fins to the left...and fins to the right with just their mukluks and the Hilton Head permafrost, to take a dip in the pool. Luckily, that only brought me closer to Buddy the seaside bartender.

And for some reason he was always out of soda pop.


Your Ingredients for Today:

  • Summer's here, whether it's official or not. And you know what that means?...even more ads with that creepy Six Flags dancing old man.
  • After picking up a BIG commit this week from a top state WR prospect, the Dawgs are holding out hope for another WR from Tulsa.
  • Joe has always had a keen eye for research, and he sends this link in from College Football News that remarks favorably on CMRs program, as well as UGAs campus and Athens as a whole. Ol' Joe and I should know a thing or two about UGA co-eds having bedazzled a couple of them long enough to shove a ring on their finger.
  • Weiszer's hedge clippings.
  • Despite being drafted in last week's MLB draft, the great Hale has obviously decided to stick with his gig at the Macon Telegraph. Here's an outlook for the 2009 season. And here's an apt comparison of an apple and...a nut.
  • After a torrid season that ended like a splattered bug on the windshield of a big motorhome with a Utah license plate, Bama IS BACK!!
  • Are you a dad? Looking for something to do Saturday morning before devoting a few hours to BethPage? Join me (oh! and also Coach Richt) at the practice fields for Bulldogs Father and Kids Experience. I bet my five year girl can beat yours in skeleton drills.
  • Lastly, Title IX (and the ladies who read BDB) require me to post a link to the story that UGA Athletics leads the SEC in gender equity.

Hope Catherine Zeta-Jones is happy now. Maybe she'll return my phone call.

So it is with renewed enthusiasm and vigor that I head back to normal life. I'm sure the office inbox is chock full of goodies. Fortunately it's right next to the trashcan.

It could always be worse though...I could be a lifeguard on Hilton Head Island armed with only a whistle amid a sea of wannabe Jacques Cousteaus. One minute you're just a few minutes away from your lunch break, the next you're telling every dimwit within earshot to get out of the water.

Sounds like a good time for a cheeseburger in paradise. Or a heaping helping of meatloaf. Take a dolphin sized bite Reader....and enjoy!

Nanook and Edith's friend...well, as dear ol' Grizzard would say...Delta's ready when you are.

Bernie

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Sanford Saturday Withdrawals...and other ways to survive the off-season






The season is a month and a half into the books.

National Signing Day came and went.

So...what do we do now...??

Over 200 days until toe meets leather in Stillwater. That is much too long to twiddle ones thumbs and probably not long enough to complete the wife's to-do or else list.

Bernie feels ya. Below you'll find a carefully constructed guide for surviving the off season. (trademark pending)

  1. Re-introduce yourself to your wife and/or other significant others. Assuming they are still around, take a moment to convey your appreciation that they understand their place in your priority pecking order.
  2. With Mat Drills well under way, why not take the opportunity to make Coach Van Halanger proud of you as well. Join your local gym. Or kick it old school and follow Herschel's body sculpting 2 trillion sit-ups and push-ups a day. (Results will vary.)
  3. Give the Diamond Dawgs a swing. They went deep at Omaha last season, but came up just shy of the warning track. So they are looking for a return trip this June. And what better way to spend a spring afternoon than listening to the clank! of aluminum?
  4. Speaking of sports other than football, spring has to be considered Dawg time in the NCAA. With Yoculan's GymDogs making another run at a NCAA title and Diaz's netters doing the same, there are few programs in the nation as successful as Georgia.
  5. If professional sports are more your style, then start a weekly chat to discuss the latest MLB players who have been outted as cream users. Or chart the NBA players who have the largest collection of tatts. Bonus points for cross-referencing the two.
  6. G-Day game. It is set for April 11th. Great opportunity to catch a first hand look at the competition at RB, DB and to be Joe Cox's backup. Any DE who is healthy is likely to get plenty of playing time and Coach Searels will be trying on his new hat. As a bonus, if you are a Bulldog in Exhile you can watch the game on the mutha.
  7. Start working on the menus for the upcoming season's tailgates. Westerdawg has his predictions for the '09 TV schedule if you want to prognosticate as to which games will be more heavy hors d'ourves and which will be more sit down and get greasy!
  8. Read a book. Maybe two. Might I suggest Herschel Walker's Breaking Free or anything by Lewis Grizzard. That way you still get small doses of Georgia football without the risks of gluttonous over-indulgence.
  9. Spend an afternoon going through the closets in your house to make sure that no garment, umbrella or other incidental colored orange didn't slip by you while you were playing cornhole, drinking bourbon and barking like a Dawg.
  10. Speaking of orange, spend an hour or two a day on the HillBilly message boards disguised as an overall'd toothless wonder supporting the new head squealer. IMO - the longer KiffyBaby sticks around the better.
  11. And speaking of volunteers...you could provide your assistance to the basketball coaching search. Start a petition around campus to demand that Bobby Knight be interviewed...oh wait...someone's ahead of you there. Maybe you could start one for Ron Jirsa.
  12. Follow hockey. It's fast, physical and fighting is part of the game. Sure, it can be hard to follow at first. But if you can coordinate a ten hour tailgate before a night game you can spare a few brain cells towards understanding the art of fore-checking. And if the play of the Atlanta Thrashers doesn't inspire you, check out the Gwinnett Gladiators.
  13. Take up a new hobby. Something like mountain climbing or scuba diving would be refreshing. Sofa surfing while collecting cheese doodle dust on your t-shirt would be easier to master. Pace yourself and always use caution.
  14. Do daily drive-bys (the casual kind, of course) of Sanford Stadium to tide you over until the chickens visit in September. Remember when Greene and Co. made Saban look like an average Chan Gailey? Remember when the Cowboys came to town back in '05 with their much ballyhooed offense and the Dawgs but the beat down on them and the horse they rode in on? Good times... Just make sure not to interfere with authorized traffic.
  15. And if all else fails, invest in a PlayStation and use the off-season to beat the living snot out of Tebow at least once a day. Yeh! How's that timeout feel Slurban?
Hope you find this helpful reader. If any of them work for you, please let me know.

I'm bored to tears.


Bernie