Just a David Greene jersey away y'all!

I can almost smell the charcoal. And the Tiger tears. Go Dawgs!

Friday Misery - Nine and a half questions with Paul Finebaum

Not sure why, but this kinda stuck in my craw the other day.

started? We been here. Welcome. RT @SECNetwork: SEC! SEC! SEC! It all goes down 48 hrs from now. RT if u’re ready to get this party started.
— Bernie (@BernieDawg) August 12, 2014

Slow your roll Charlotte. We've been here since 1932. And actually, the following year the 21st Amendment repealed the most vile and disgusting legislation ever enacted by a congressional body. That's no coincidence. Just facts.

Which is why I'm glad a certain radio personality who parlayed Nick Saban's success into semi-stardom agreed to sit down with me and get to know the SEC landscape a little better. Many thanks to Seagram's Ginger Ale, ESPN, Mike Slive, The Poulan Weedeater Bowl, Old Crow Reserve, and DirecTV channel 611 for sponsoring this momentous interview.

Bernie and his Glass of bourbon: Thansss for joining me Peter. How ya like Shhharrrlotte?
Paul Finebaum: Wait. Why aren't you wearing any pants?

BahGoB: (whispers, sort of) I know you're new here, but see, how this works is I asss the quesssions there Kewpie. OK! So. Let's start with something basic. Who ordered the Code Water Hose?
PF: I don't, ah...,I don't have the faintest idea what you are talking about. But please put on some shorts at least.

BahGoB: Shuddup Phil! What good is a network on the SEC if we don get any insider information?
PF: I think you have the wrong idea here, ah.. Bernie is it?

BahGoB: STFU Donnie! I'M ASKING THE GODDAMN QUESTIONS!! (straightens tie) Now....If you were still selling pot out of high school parking lots back in 1986, well then, did you at least bring a trasncripp of the Eric Ramsey tapes?
Kewpie: Can we talk about....I mean, no more questions...uhm, I would prefer to talk about something having to do with this upcoming season.

BahGoB: (quickly, and with a generous amount of spittle) Missouri, for real?
PF: Well, I think Missouri is really lucky to miss Alabam... 

BahGoB: Stop right there Francis. Do you ever take a break from stroking Saban's....hairs?
PF: Please. I don't understand what you want or what I'm doing here. Where's Dari? Where's Tim?

BahGoB: Ahah! So Tebow has the tapes and Nowkah ordered the hoses?!?
PF: No. (pulls out phone and starts dialing)

BahGob: Whooya booty calling Paul?
PF: ...Hey. Danny? I need to arrange a pickup.

BahGob: Sheridan?!? He's the gotdamn Bagman?!?
PF: Yes. Tell Tammy the charade is up. "The spider is through the upright." She'll...yeh, she'll know what that means. Now. NOOOOWWWWW!!!

BahGoB: "The spider is through the upright"...is that code for springin' Harvey Updi...?

Poof. He was gone. Like a usual gimpy suspect. Like a Herschel Walker tear away jersey. Like the brain matter from Jules' backseat once The Wolf was called. Like Phillip Fulmer at the 2004 SEC Media Days.

And like a florida fan's 2013 swagger.

Gone.

Dabo takes Tigers to the pool....hall.

So yesterday I posted this that I admittedly stole from my dad.

Well, AHD promptly sent me this pic...

...as proof that Dad was right about living life to the fullest. Since he lives in Clempson, I took the opportunity to share with Dad the invincibility that MY coach feels and how he encourages his team to embrace their fears.

After hinting that it might be photoshopped, Dad sent this video as a tongue in cheek retort.

Those of you upset that the team takes an hour of practice in the natatorium, does this make you feel any better? I mean, at least Richt doesn't have a professional diver do his backflip for him.

The Junkyard Dawg Podcast - episode 14 with Joe Waterloo

Joe Waterloo joins me in the Junkyard for a two part session. We start out by discussing how camp is going so far, the concussions, and how the secondary is shaping up.

There's been some changes since the last episode. Namely, it's finally available on iTunes after a five month battle with Apple. As a result there's a new feed that you can copy here. Thanks for downloading and Go Dawgs!

Merritt Hall hanging em up

It's been a developing story really, especially once Bing-Dukes moved from linebacker to fullback.

Hall will be missed, no question. Word is he was out there in street clothes this morning coaching the backfield. Damn good Dawg y'all.

To answer yesterday's question...

...looks like Bing-Dukes is permanent at fullback, at least for this season. In light of the list of concussions, the coaches didn't have much choice but to ask the freshman to help out on the other side of the line.

“If I can help the team, I’ll do it,” he said. “It will probably be just for this year and then I’ll move back to linebacker.”

The 6-foot, 230-pound Bing-Dukes moved from defense and practiced at fullback on Monday.

The move came after starting fullback Merritt Hall was sidelined with an injury. Georgia hasn’t said the nature of Hall’s injury, but the fact that Bing-Dukes is staying at fullback could be a sign that Hall may be out for a while.

He said Georgia coaches needed him there because they were “low at that position.” He said he’s a “quick learner,” and expects to grasp the offensive playbook fast.

“I miss it a lot,” he said of linebacker. “That’s my position, but if I can help out the team then that’s all that matters.”

Another "commitment". Are you getting played?

Perhaps Twitter wasn't the best engine to use for some of the opinions I expressed last night in the wake of the Thompson commitment ceremony.

Look, I am excited about getting highly rated and talented kids to "commit" and especially enroll at my alma mater. Very excited. There's some energy in Athens that is most definitely translating on the recruiting trails. Now, for this next class, if Richt and Co. would stop recruiting anyone who is not an offensive lineman I would be really happy. Kidding. (No, not really.)

All that aside, and as I have said before here and here and then also here, the recruiting process is a game. A commitment is nothing more than momentum for a program and some balloons and cake for kids with five stars by their name. What is a five star? Well, sometimes even the "experts" don't know. So is it really that much more exciting when a "five star" commits than a "three star"?

Maybe, when they actually sign. Maybe.

My reality is I love the guys that wear the G and get coached up during their time in Athens to the point where the plays they make on the field actually change the outcome of the game in our favor. My reality is that many of these teenagers get chewed up and spit out by the system in which the process operates. When it's okay to joke about high schoolers getting lied to by grown men, speculated about anonymously on message boreds, praised/chastised/threatened/taunted on social media, or to put them in between one program's magnificent facilities and another's that is even more magnificenter, well then, perhaps it's time to re-evaluate.

Truth is, most (if not all) of you love Trenton Thompson about the same as you loved you some Da'Rick a few years ago. If that's the case, eventually you have to ask yourself - if college football recruiting is indeed a game, am I the one getting played?

Humpday Hilarity - living life to the fullest!

h/t Dad

SEC Network provider information

Find some channel information as well as which package is necessary to view the new network.

.@SECNetwork minimum packages and channel info: http://t.co/BRnlOpZ5jU pic.twitter.com/8qU1aSOTZI
— Good Bull Hunting (@GBHunting) August 12, 2014

One small step for Coach Friend. One giant step for Coach Richt.

I'm not going to get on my offensive line recruiting under Mark Richt soapbox again. But if we're evaluating true freshmen in advance of future seasons, that sounds like progress.

"It's a legacy position so I have a lot to step up to," he said. "I'm just looking forward to keep watching Boss [David Andrews] and see what he's doing. I'll only get better."

Wynn has earned quite a bit of praise this preseason for his performance so far on the offensive line. The 6-foot-2, 283-pound freshman is consistently earning second-string reps at both left guard and center. Though guard is his natural position, he's taking a liking to the center position — a spot he never played in high school.

Don't get me wrong, I'm much more concerned with patching together a functional offensive line unit for this season (and should have a post up in a day or two as to where that stands). And I recognize that we kind of had Andrews penciled in at center during Ben Jones' last season. But to have a true freshmen consistently push for quality reps just after unpacking his bags is a step in the right direction for me.

How big of a step is it? We'll see.

Bing-Dukes at fullback

While Merritt Hall is sidelined, the freshman is seeing some work in the backfield. You think this might be permanent?

“It was a fast change,” freshman tailback Nick Chubb said. “It was great to get him in the (running backs) room with us.”

The 6-foot, 230-pound Bing-Dukes switched between fullback and inside linebacker on Monday, Chubb said. Coaches weren’t available to comment.

Georgia isn’t providing injury updates so far this preseason so there was no word on the nature of Hall’s injury. He was on the field in a non-contact jersey but not practicing.

The Bulldogs previously moved Quayvon Hicks from fullback to the tight end position before spring practice.

19.

At this time 19 days from now, we'll be filing into Sanford to greet the Clempson Tigers and the 5:30pm kickoff. I can't think of any better way to get ready for that moment than to remember the day that sends shivers down the spine of any IPTAYer old enough to remember who Scott Woerner is.

I know Homer Jordan would understand why Woerner's pic is at the top of this page.

via Ghost of Erk Russell

This game is kind of a big deal in my family. I'm thankful for Damn Good Dawgs like Woerner. And I'm thankful that college football season is now just one of his tear away jerseys away.

Go Dawgs!

Monday's Meatloaf - No, it wasn't Quincy Carter's Lexus.

(What follows is a true story. One with various levels of embellishment.)

It seemed like any normal non-college football Saturday. It started with some lazy iPad surfing and a cup of coffee, then promptly transitioned into work around the house. The wife has really ratcheted up the "Can do!" spirit and itemized the honey-better-do-it-now list. There are many benefits to marrying a woman that knows how to watch college football. Not having to explain illegal shifts is one of the bigger ones of course. Another is a profound understanding of the importance of rotational depth. But the other side of that coin is that she also knows how many weekends are left before the hubby's DIY network is cut off until some time in January.

"Crikey! I do say, Bernie's to do list is massive!"

We started with some basic carpentry work. The kids sanded and prepped feverishly while I made the necessary measurements and cuts. The blade was spinning powerfully. Much like an eager Quayvon Hicks running downhill looking for more contact. I patted myself on the back for remembering to recharge the drill's battery the night before and I should also add that safety goggles were used when necessary. Well, sometimes.

But late in the afternoon there arose a need to return to the Home Depot and I quickly volunteered. You see, I find it's important to lead by example. Sometimes that means measuring twice so that you're sure. Other times it means admitting you're tired and are just looking for a chance to soak up some A/C in the car. So I grabbed the keys and said I would be happy to run the errand, but with the stipulation that I would also be stopping by Kroger for some ginger ale to mix into my bourbon a little later on. After all, if there are just a couple more weekends to get these projects done, there's also just a couple more to prime the liver keep the liver primed.

So I struck out to reinforce the wood screw supply, with no idea I would soon be saving some stranger's life.

Today's Ingredients
- Emerson found a better, stronger and more confident John Theus.
- Blutarsky recaps the Saturday scrimmage.
- Speaking of the scrimmage, Andrew takes the stats and reworks the running back depth chart then awards Jordan Jenkins the Heisman.
- Is anyone else both excited and concerned with all the Isaiah McKenzie special teams awesome talk?
- He may find himself depressive at times, but Tyler sounds pretty pumped about the new H-back role in Bobo's offense.
- Weiszer remembers Bob Taylor who passed away last week.
- MaconDawg wonders if the UGA recruiting momentum can continue this week.
- Champ is apparently sidelined with an injury and in danger of getting cut by the Saints.
- This may be a bit of a shock, but Corbindawg found a former Urban Meyer player that is still acting the fool.
- In more recent gator news, Krisi found their most current record on grand display.
- Tickets have been mailed. If you need any more, check out the new page at the top featuring ticket deals from Ticket Monster. Guaranteed and no fees!
- Lastly....Aight yu lil shitheads. Get out yurrr bookss (HICCUP!) an read untul tha bell ringsssszzthss (passes out).

The call for help broke through the summer air in the Kroger parking lot like yet another Gamecock defender catching an errant Quincy Carter throw. And just as Donnan's offense was relieved yet again of the burden of possessing the ball, I was relieved of the burden of minding my own business.

"Please, PLEASE someone help me! The car won't start!"

When you're used to fighting crime, sinking screws, blogging blogs, and solving mysteries, the first Please is all that's needed to grab your attention. But the second one's emphasis is what drives great men to swift action. And what I found on this warm August afternoon was an elderly woman screaming at the driver side door of a luxuriously equipped Lexus. I quickly surmised that her car wouldn't start.

Although I would prove her to be a liar exclamation to be erroneous and that the sedan, complete with leather seating plus dual temperature settings, would in fact start, I must first commend her for her bravery. Although I approached her with a calming smile, my deodorant had long given out hope of surviving the day's chore list and my vintage Georgia t-shirt circa 1998 was the first victim. As my grandmother would say, I smelled to High Heaven.

"Whoa! Did you see what he did?!?"

As my odoriferous threads did battle with the pine scented air freshener dangling from the rear view mirror, readily equipped with OnStar and backup camera display , I quickly noticed the car was "parked" in "Drive". Such a conundrum would send mere mortals' heads into a disastrous tailspin. But when you're a hotshot blogger such riddles are commonplace, so I eased my right foot onto the brake, slid the gear shift thingamabob into "Park", and turned the key.

The car started. Her milk would not spoil y'all.

Proud of my quick diagnosis and workable solution (plus eager to relieve the dangly air freshener of the beating it was taking), I exited the vehicle with finger guns blazing to the boisterous applause of nearly ten other grocery shoppers. The elderly woman pinched her nose with one hand and lifted me up onto the mob's shoulders with the other. The sun burst through the clouds. I'm pretty sure I saw a dude allow a lady in front of him in the gas pump queue. The Redbox machine worked flawlessly for the rest of the day. Bruised produce regained their ripeness. The manager gave out double fuel points. The embedded Starbucks lowered the price of a cup of coffee to just $7.99 for the next hour.

Most importantly, after the celebration ended and I had a chance to hug the lady before she drove away, as I checked out with my Kroger Plus card, the Seagram's Ginger Ale was just one dollar. Now, where'd I leave my wallet?

Do something heroic today Reader. But first, here's a napkin. Don't want to stain that cape!

Bernie

A rocky flop in the UGA Bookstore?

Pardon my English, but what in the HOLY SHIT!! is this?

Is the UGA Bookstore manager colorblind, a dumbass, or a victim of some cruel joke? Regardless, I'm gonna have to invoke a Dudeism and say...

O'Leary altering his resumé again?

Bruce Feldman thinks he might be almost done at UCF, according to sources.

That move could happen as early as after the Knights' opening game against Penn State on Aug. 30 in Ireland, with his protege Brent Key getting to take over the program.

If it's true it's either because UCF is nervous about losing Key after he entertained offers this offseason, O'Leary has some health concern, or something much more scandalous.

Like more scandalous than JASPER'S KNEE WAS DOWN GODDAMMIT!!

Never forget.

Morgan is talking about kickoffs

From Emerson, Marshall Morgan is using math and stuff. “I can consistently get them in the back now, unless there’s a crazy wind in my face or something."

But he is worried about kickoffs. Last year that was the only blight on his resume. His yards-per-kickoff was down three percentage points from his freshman year, and only 17 of his 72 attempts (23.6 percent) were touchbacks.

For comparison’s sake, Aguayo had touchbacks on 37.5 percent of his kickoffs, although his average kickoff length was about the same as Morgan’s (60.8 to 60.3).

Morgan said he changed his footwork in an effort to get longer kickoffs. Prior to kickoffs, he used to take 10 steps back and then three to the left, before running straight to the tee. Now he’s doing nine steps back, then six to the left.

Kickoffs and field goals have a different trajectory, which is why it’s not automatic that someone who can make 55-yard field goals should be able to boot it through on kickoffs. Kickoffs have a tee an inch off the ground.

On field goals, he takes three steps back and two to the left. So Morgan figured why not make it the same fraction on kickoffs.

Hard to imagine Morgan having a better season than last. But if he can get that touchback percentage into the neighborhood of Robert Aguayo's there'd be a lot of happy Dawgs in the stands. And on the field.