"We need a miracle!" screamed Dorsey Hill, now fortified by more than collards.
"Holding pigs for my dad to castrate was quite a challenge. I can't say that helped prepare me for football, but it sure did remind me a lot of sacking Steve Spurrier." - Bill Stanfill
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| "Hey Stevie...BOO!" |
With your bright orange shirts and your sissy blue britches, you can go to Hell you sonsabitches! Gators...Gators...how'd ya like to bite my ass?!
How much do I hate florida? Turn the toaster oven to 500, throw it into the center of a thousand suns, and then into the molten lava center of a box of pizza bites.
the legacy of Willy Napier
On the day of November 28, 2021, Napier was known for bringing success to the Sun Belt Conference's UL-Lafayette. He was known as a solid recruiter, and was replacing known counter-recruiting aficionado - Danny Mullen. It seemed a thoughtful pivot for the bull gator intelligentsia.
Also, Billy had turned that ULL program around. They made bowl games in all four of Napier's seasons there as he lead them to a 40-12 overall record. Could he be the full package for florida? And would that aforementioned intelligentsia give him the space and time to right the ship that Muschamp, Sharkdaddy McIlwain, and Mullen had steered into jagged rocks?
Recruiting has improved, which is to say the current gator coaches engage in it and recognize its importance. But (current Georgia backup QB Jaden Rashada) is currently suing Napier and the Gator Guard Collective for failing to stand by their NIL commitment of $13 million and change. It's the first suit of its kind.
And for any gator fan that has stumbled from their single-wide/meth lab over here? When I type "suit" I'm referring to a legal action, not the fact that your 15 jersey with the sleeves ripped off matches your frayed edged jorts.
a Hate as old as time
Gator family, or alligatoridae as it were, have been around since well before Steve Spurrier returned to Gainesville. I'm talking the Eocene epoch, like before they evolved into eatin' boogers. Man came along roughly 29 million years later. Many species of alligatoridae are now extinct. So despite the age difference, the overall record in this series is almost unfathomable - 8 billion humans and nearly a billion dogs to roughly 3 million embiggened lizards.
Why? Well, all scientists agree (even the ones on campus in Gainesville wearing their lab coats backwards) that the alligator evolved much more slowly than mammals and even birds.
I know, shocker right?! These are the reptiles whose fans clap as if their left hand is on fire. Have you ever seen an alligator wearing jean shorts? No, me neither. Then again, I guess jorts are cheaper than alligator skin outerwear.
According to their team fanpage Wiki, in 2010 after outlasting the Dawgs in overtime 34-31, their fans "were found to gather in large numbers for group courtship, the so-called 'alligator dances'." Egad! Sounds like a scene from a late night Cinemax flick.
No thank you! So despite all the millenniums of evolution (mostly on our part fellow Dawg fans), the goal remains the same.
Beat.
Florida.
of note
I believe I took this pic prior to the 2017 WLOCP. On one hand I took it because I have two daughters, and this is not mine nor their mother's impression of "chivalry". But I also took it because...screw you florida douche ass punk! Be a man and carry the case of beer! Jesus, it's not a toothbrush or, Heaven forbid, a non-fictional account of College Football prior to the 1990s!
I imagine it went down something like this:
"Hey babe, let's go catch that bus and get to lil Dickie's tailgate. And can you carry the beer? This bad ass lanyard and my Skoal Bandits are really weighing me down."
"Well, you made me pay for them, so I guess it's only right."
Back to reality. Danny Wuerffel ain't walking down that tunnel tomorrow. More to the point, Trevor Etienne ain't gonna be wearing a helmet with the cute cursive print on it. Prohibition is long over. It's time to work those corked bottles, snap back cans, twist tops and shot glasses. It's the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party! It was a metal, steel chair. With about a five inch cushion! JAWS was about a shark, not a gator. Monthly parole is no longer a undergraduate major, the Urban era is done. FTMF! That's what my coach said. One bit, two bits, three bits ain't gonna get you shit tomorrow! Lindsay RAN so Munson lit the cigar. Your fans throw meth raves and your players throw cleats. You're so poor, you couldn't keep Cam Newton on the roster. You're closer to a circus than a College Football Playoff. To give a nod to ol' Dorsey again, "I haven't worked since Texas, and I haven't slept since Clemson. You expect me to go back home when we play Ole Miss in six days!??" God IS a Bulldog!
Now let us bow our heads...dear little baby Jesus, in the words of Dan Magill, please smite these florida Philistines and keep our ice cold and our Dawg hearts warm. In the name of Nat Hudson, Robert Edwards, Dick Sam IV, and Nakobe Dean...Amen and Go Dawgs!
