Where do we go from here: Smart, Bobo, and Searels

To be clear, I think Coach went to bed early Sunday morning second guessing himself on that fourth down call to go for it. We had momentum. The offense was moving the ball and the defense was shaking things loose. Let Woodring do his thing, let the defense make a stop, then go for the lead.

Stockton looked really comfortable finally and Bowens was getting ten yards between the tackles. We were running the ball better than if we had a all-star dream wishbone with Brannan Southerland, Verron Haynes and Herschel Walker!

Absolute worst case, we end up losing in overtime.

Similarly, I believe Bobo also went to bed second guessing the personnel and the play calls if he knew going into that 3rd down that he had two plays to move the chains. That young right side of the line is learning as they go. That pitch to Jones was a tall ask on many levels.

Other than that, I liked the offensive play calling. I believe Bobo will continue to get comfortable with his playmakers and putting them in position to move the chains and score some points. We didn't run as much 13 personnel as I expected, but I think our tight ends were mostly out there to help block. Hopefuly as the offensive line gets healthy we can disguise those guys in more motion and downfield routes.

Speaking of the offensive line, I came into this season defending Searels. At least to some degree. And to be fair, we're missing some key components. It's a position room that needs some healing hands more than any other in recent memory. 

Coach Pittman (via SicEmDawgs)

But I hope Smart makes an offer to Pittman to come pitch in as an analyst. It can only help in my view. Puts Searels in an awkward position, sure. But this is a business. 93 thousand didn't show up Saturday night and millions of others tune in to see a loss.

Bring Pittman home and give him (and by proxy Coach Searels) a three month on the job interview.

But Bobo and Searels aren't the real problem. The former did masterful work Saturday night and the latter is making lemonade with bruised lemons and freshmen lemon squeezers.

So back to Smart, he's gotta be asking Schumann what they're missing. This, in my view, is of the upmost importance. If Searels needs to feel some pressure, our defensive staff needs a hard look. You can't keep winning in the SEC if you can't get to the quarterback with four rushers. Saturday night, we blitzed like Buddy Ryan on steroids in the first quarter. And had nothing to show for it. (Except a bunch of no flags for excessive Bama hugging. More on that in a later episode.)

If it's a personnel problem, make some adjustments/changes. If it's calls from the sideline, give Co-Defensive Coordinator Robinson some more responsibility. Again, this is a business. I really disliked our staff's body language in that opening quarter. I bet those of you in attendance could even see it from the stands. It wasn't a good look, and despite the adjustments, getting back into the game...as a fan it's hard to see. So how did our players feel?

In Schu's defense, the halftime report was his goal was to affect the quarterback. And we did that. Simpson at least cooled off. So his defensive players responded. But it's a 60 min game. Not 45.

Coach Smart said yesterday he worries about everything. He's a man of his word, we know that and he practices what he preaches when it comes to accountability. I know when that dude looks into someone's eyes, from a fan to a recruit and his family, to the players in that locker room, he intends to do what he deems best for this football team. 

We want it. They've earned it. Smart intends to deliver. So, re-evaluate and let's get the F after it!

Make em quit! (explicit post, caution for sensitive clickers)

It's only Wednesday. I have a podcast to do tonight and I'm already tired of talking. Tired of typing.

Tired of losing to these assholes.

And that's just me. How do you feel about the state of our series against the Tide? And can you imagine how Kirby feels?

Our head guy was 0-1 against Alabama as a player. As our head coach, he is currently 1-6.

The one win was one we'll never forget. One we celebrated like malnourished and incredibly parched animals devouring a steak and goblet of wine. Crazed and deranged, but so goddamn happy!

Kirby likely felt the same, with the added cherry on top being it went down with his mentor/rival/former boss on the opposite sideline.

GATA 16! (via AJC)

Shit, I got sidetracked and all glory-eyed. Sorry. Because those are not these teams. These teams are not even the same as the teams that met last year in Tuscaloosa. Jalen Milroe used last year's win against Georgia to add a few zeros to his paychecks. (I guess Carson Beck did the same somehow...)

Back on track...I don't just want a win. I want to dominate in the trenches. I want Gaston thirty yards downfield shoving a d-end into the dirt. I want Gunner lowering a shoulder into a Tidy linebacker just for the blessed feeling of it being 2nd and 2 and not 2nd and 4. I want Kirby to throw his visor/headset not just in pure unadulterated frustration, but in all out fucking jubilation!

Cash Jones being hoisted in the endzone by Micah Morris like the angel he is. CJ Allen breaking hearts and Chris Cole hitting a running back so goddamn hard it takes the running right out of him. He's just a back, laying on the ground. Hoping he's injured just enough that he can stay on the sideline until their team bus is warmed up.

Yes, make em quit. Make them cry for their mommas. Make them be glad they're losing so they're happy there's less potential of playing us again in Atlanta. Make em act like Auburn fans and turn their sad September eyes towards basketball season.

"Tidy bama bangs you got there bro. But how ya like our Dawg fangs!"

Go Dawgs! Beat em by a hunnerd.

When anxiety gives way to Eagerness

You're having a nice meal in a very nice restaurant. It hasn't been perfect, but the company at the table is fun and engaging. Sure, you've had better meals. But it's a great evening and you won't have to do the dishes. The bar has a terrific array of bourbons. The wife is happy with her wine selection. Then...

CRACK! You bite down on something, a tooth crumbles and you just scream.

Life is pain. Mileage may vary.

Our Dawgs are out of sync, and almost out of time as well.

Yep. I think Saturday night was the first game in a while I didn't enjoy. Well, beyond the opening moments. After that it was a nightmare.

Sure, Tuscaloosa sucked. But we showed fight. Even a weird story like Jekyll & Hyde has some thrilling moments weaved into the insanity.

But Oxford man...no answers. No clue. No way. It was mistake after mistake where you just wanted to be able to take a knee the entire 4th stanza and get the hell out of there.

Jan.1st, 1993     Zeier > Herbstreit

Yet, once they had their second chance to storm the field and it was finally over, I could breathe easier. I still believe these are the best of times. I matriculated during an era when our best season (by far) was a Citrus Bowl trip. I remember leaving the stadium in Donnan's first game, an 11-7 loss to Southern Mississippi, we saw a kid holding up his free t-shirt for attending the game and setting it on fire!

I can take this and roll with it. Yes, it's your individual prerogative to call for a new quarterback, a new head coach (!!), a new coordinator. We got pantsed by Kiffin and you can be butthurt about it. But would you rather be a Seminole fan about now?

Didn't think so. Part of me was anxious about what we might see when the hypefulled up volunteers come rolling into town tomorrow. But I'm now eager, not anxious.

The whole team looked out of sync Saturday night in Oxford. Tanner mentioned on yesterday's podcast, it felt like the coaches had no confidence. The line can't block, the quarterback can't throw, the receivers can't catch. Jesus Christ on a bicycle! You may be sick of screen passes, but what is Bobo to do?

Punt. Okay, now let's do the defense....

Nope, that's enough. Let's move forward. Because whether you hate this team or you're sticking by them, we should all be able to agree that there's one team in the nation no one wants to play when their backs are against the wall - Kirby Smart's Georgia GotDamn Bulldogs!

They comin'!

Let them bring their boxes of Franzia, sing their strangely semi-fictional fight song, and talk about the days when Bill Clinton was misusing cigars and Tom Hanks was desperately trying to save Private Ryan from Nazi controlled Europe. I'm eager to see how we handle another strong defense. I'm eager to see how well the crowd affects their ability race the play clock. I'm eager to see Coach Strickland grab and struggle to hold Kirby's belt. I'm eager to see how the team responds. And by God, I'd love to see Thorson use another gap wedge right leg to paint their offense into a super tight coffin corner!!

I've mentioned how this team appears to lack a leadership that we've grown accustomed to seeing the last few years. Well, it's time to step up. It's getting late and the committee is seeing longer shadows. Let's tee it up 'tween the hedges and give them something to think about!

Go Dawgs!

the Friday Misery says FTMF!

"We need a miracle!" screamed Dorsey Hill, now fortified by more than collards.

"Holding pigs for my dad to castrate was quite a challenge. I can't say that helped prepare me for football, but it sure did remind me a lot of sacking Steve Spurrier." - Bill Stanfill

"Hey Stevie...BOO!"

With your bright orange shirts and your sissy blue britches, you can go to Hell you sonsabitches! Gators...Gators...how'd ya like to bite my ass?!

How much do I hate florida? Turn the toaster oven to 500, throw it into the center of a thousand suns, and then into the molten lava center of a box of pizza bites.

the legacy of Willy Napier

On the day of November 28, 2021, Napier was known for bringing success to the Sun Belt Conference's UL-Lafayette. He was known as a solid recruiter, and was replacing known counter-recruiting aficionado - Danny Mullen. It seemed a thoughtful pivot for the bull gator intelligentsia.

Also, Billy had turned that ULL program around. They made bowl games in all four of Napier's seasons there as he lead them to a 40-12 overall record. Could he be the full package for florida? And would that aforementioned intelligentsia give him the space and time to right the ship that Muschamp, Sharkdaddy McIlwain, and Mullen had steered into jagged rocks?

Recruiting has improved, which is to say the current gator coaches engage in it and recognize its importance. But (current Georgia backup QB Jaden Rashada) is currently suing Napier and the Gator Guard Collective for failing to stand by their NIL commitment of $13 million and change. It's the first suit of its kind.

And for any gator fan that has stumbled from their single-wide/meth lab over here? When I type "suit" I'm referring to a legal action, not the fact that your 15 jersey with the sleeves ripped off matches your frayed edged jorts.

So in summation, it's been and still is rocky water in the swamps around Gainesville. Ya hate to see it! Where does the SunBelt Billy legacy lead? A win tomorrow could warrant it more time on the gator sideline. A loss might find it at the bottom of the swamp chained to a concrete block.

a Hate as old as time

Gator family, or alligatoridae as it were, have been around since well before Steve Spurrier returned to Gainesville. I'm talking the Eocene epoch, like before they evolved into eatin' boogers. Man came along roughly 29 million years later. Many species of alligatoridae are now extinct. So despite the age difference, the overall record in this series is almost unfathomable - 8 billion humans and nearly a billion dogs to roughly 3 million embiggened lizards.

Why? Well, all scientists agree (even the ones on campus in Gainesville wearing their lab coats backwards) that the alligator evolved much more slowly than mammals and even birds.

I know, shocker right?! These are the reptiles whose fans clap as if their left hand is on fire. Have you ever seen an alligator wearing jean shorts? No, me neither. Then again, I guess jorts are cheaper than alligator skin outerwear.

According to their team fanpage Wiki, in 2010 after outlasting the Dawgs in overtime 34-31, their fans "were found to gather in large numbers for group courtship, the so-called 'alligator dances'." Egad! Sounds like a scene from a late night Cinemax flick.

No thank you! So despite all the millenniums of evolution (mostly on our part fellow Dawg fans), the goal remains the same.

Beat.

Florida.

of note

Did you know that during the years of Prohibition, Georgia dominated this series 6-2-1? Which proves that a florida tackle football team is no better when they are sober.

I believe I took this pic prior to the 2017 WLOCP. On one hand I took it because I have two daughters, and this is not mine nor their mother's impression of "chivalry". But I also took it because...screw you florida douche ass punk! Be a man and carry the case of beer! Jesus, it's not a toothbrush or, Heaven forbid, a non-fictional account of College Football prior to the 1990s!

I imagine it went down something like this:

"Hey babe, let's go catch that bus and get to lil Dickie's tailgate. And can you carry the beer? This bad ass lanyard and my Skoal Bandits are really weighing me down."

"Well, you made me pay for them, so I guess it's only right."

Back to reality. Danny Wuerffel ain't walking down that tunnel tomorrow. More to the point, Trevor Etienne ain't gonna be wearing a helmet with the cute cursive print on it. Prohibition is long over. It's time to work those corked bottles, snap back cans, twist tops and shot glasses. It's the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party! It was a metal, steel chair. With about a five inch cushion! JAWS was about a shark, not a gator. Monthly parole is no longer a undergraduate major, the Urban era is done. FTMF! That's what my coach said. One bit, two bits, three bits ain't gonna get you shit tomorrow! Lindsay RAN so Munson lit the cigar. Your fans throw meth raves and your players throw cleats. You're so poor, you couldn't keep Cam Newton on the roster. You're closer to a circus than a College Football Playoff. To give a nod to ol' Dorsey again, "I haven't worked since Texas, and I haven't slept since Clemson. You expect me to go back home when we play Ole Miss in six days!??" God IS a Bulldog!

Now let us bow our heads...dear little baby Jesus, in the words of Dan Magill, please smite these florida Philistines and keep our ice cold and our Dawg hearts warm. In the name of Nat Hudson, Robert Edwards, Dick Sam IV, and Nakobe Dean...Amen and Go Dawgs!

the Friday Misery doesn't wear chaps

Hey Beevo, keep your dadgum ivoryish bovine protrusions away from our doggy!

steered clear

Seriously, why is that thing on the field? I've heard many raise the question, but have yet to hear a true answer. When Ralphie visited Sanford he was on his best behavior. I don't think his handlers even had to sedate him. I mean he ran on the field without trampling Joe Cox. Thank God!

But if this is the same Texas mascot that was at the Sugar Bowl a few years ago, give him a horse tranq for God's sake!

And I don't even know if Uga is travelling. I sure wouldn't if I were Boom and knew what that ornery two-ton sumbitch tried against Que. Give that good boy a tummy rub and let him just nap through the pre-game from the comforts of the Seiler sofa.

(UPDATE: Charles says Boom will indeed be safe in Savannah this weekend.)

when the secondary is a primary concern

Deeeeep.

Breath.....

Okay, it was uneasy then uncomfortable then unfathomable to watch our secondary get torched time and time again Saturday night. I get it, that was not fun at all. Offense was eating up yards and putting up points, but the defense just couldn't make ol' Missy State quit!

It starts, in my humble never been a tackle football coach's opinion, with the pass rush. I was a little, just a little, too hard on the secondary on Tuesday. Upon further reflection, every time we sent a blitz they had the correct call. And it went for a lot of yards if not a touchdown.

We just couldn't get our hands on the kid. And that starts in the trenches. Tomorrow we have to be able to generate a push and at least get some hands in Ewers' face. We made Miss State one-dimensional early. They wanted to run the ball, but we wouldn't let them.

Here's a dude that can GATA!

And while that eventually turned on us when they started to pass, we need to do the same tomorrow night. Yes, it's hard when Mykel isn't 100%. It's hard with Mondon sidelined. But these kind of games are won up front.

Now everybody...yes, even you pea brains in the back still whining about Kirby's forearm shiver. Let's all get into a three point stance...that's it...get your ass down Poindexter! Okay, now. Right arm up ready to chop wood, and...GET AFTER THEIR ASS!!

egos are especially bigger in texas

Gather around longhorns, and put your 10 gallon learning caps on. You are officially in the SEC now, so you have to act right. Yes, even though you were named after a steakhouse chain. And no, most of us don't want you around here anyway. And it's not because we're afraid of you. No, the decisions were and are made above our paygrade.

So listen here, stop whining every time an opposing fan gives you the horns down. Yes, we know it hurts your feelings and we saw when the Big12 front office enabled you like a green-faced toddler that doesn't wanna eat strained peas.

Grow a pair. Instead of putting a replica of a bull's scrotum on your trailer hitch, try loosening your girly chaps and find your own set. This is the SEC son! We can joke about Vandy "blowing the Admiral", and Carolina's choking chicken, and still have some modicum of respect for each other. Yes, we bark at perfect strangers. Yes, Florida claps like the graduating class for the directionally challenged. Missouri goes on the road...to play UMass! And don't get me started on Tennessee's Tour de Franzia or their depressing locker room mantra:

Narrator voice: "It was true. It could not be found."

Taunting, trash talk, turning Parliament Funkadelic's P-Funk hand signal upside down...it's all part of the fan experience. It's expected. It's understood. (And yes, I understand Auburn is more of an exception. But trust me, they're worse than a toddler with strained peas in his ears.)

Now, proudly pat that SEC patch on your jersey and understand you are now playing in the ELITE playground. No more plastic primary colored fake shit. I'm talking solid wood foundation with steel bars. I guess what I'm saying is, if the slide in our playground doesn't chap your ass, then an inverted set of fingers shouldn't either.

Let's all circle up and pray...take off your cap and let's see your pretty-boy haircut Arch! There we go...Lord, please protect these men tomorrow night as we continue to pray and look for ways to support hurricane victims across the southeast. And please, pleeeeaase! Let us get Ewers jersey dirty. Even after 8:50pm. Because we know it's ALWAYS 10 TO 9 IN TEXAS!! AMEN and Go Dawgs!

Bonus - this week's 4th & 3 Dudes episode

the Friday Misery doesn't want Abuurn's company

If a group of young men decide to use paint to express their school spirit, it is generally praised and welcomed by other fans. If said paint is to be used to spell words, it adds a delicate layer of importance in regards to placement.

Trust me, I was once the "W" in DAWGS for a winner take the SEC conference crown matchup in Stegeman Coliseum between Hugh Durham's basketball team and LSU's Tigers. And sure enough, when the camera did aim in our direction, the five of us were in the correct order. There was no confusion as to why we were rooting for "DWASG" or "ADSWG".

Then there's these dipshits from the plains.

Hey, any idiot can throw a roll of toilet paper...you know, in the event their War Eagle Tiger Plainsmen win a tackle football game. But it takes a special group of mouth breathing, illiterate dumbasses to misspell their school's name whilst calling so much attention to themselves with painted bare chests.

the Deep South's Oldest Rivalry

This game used to define friendly rivalry. These football programs have a history intertwined and woven into the very fabric of their being. Most notably: Vince Dooley was an Auburn man before he moved to Athens; and Pat Dye was a Georgia guy before settling in West Opelika.

Good boy Magillicuddy! (via)

There was even a time about 10 years ago when the series record was not only tied, but the total points scored were remarkably close. Georgia at Auburn in 1996 produced the SEC's first tiebreaker. Uga V tried to take a bite out of Auburn's Robert Baker, which brought the Georgia team out of the doldrums and we came back from a 28-7 deficit to force the OT.

But time has not been kind to this Auburn football program. They are the team you thought of when you were ever posed the question: would you rather win a national championship and then go through years of CFB purgatory, or have a consistent team that always at least makes a bowl game?

They paid Cecil Newton for his son, won the natty, everyone bailed, and they're on their fifth head coach since winning the 2010 BCS trophy. Worse than that, they've become whiny little pissants that get to play two home games against Georgia in back to back years. They not only yell obscenities at a coach on his way out, but also on his way in! 

They're miserable humans. I mean I don't approve of what Harvey Updyke did, but I get it. It's tiring listening to them complain when a call doesn't go their way, when they can't figure out which shoe is for their right foot, who their true mascot is, why their personal pan pizza is SOOO hot, and when it turns out the story their coach having an illicit affair was falsely reported by one of their own!

Maybe misery does love company, but go kick rocks Auburn fan. Sick of your shit!

10th Magnolia Avenue freeeezze out!

It's so fitting that Auburn bought out Harsin's contract just to bring in noted slut shaming Mr. School Issued Burner Phone, just so they could beat Saban's mighty Alabama. You know, the way Freeze did when he was racking up NCAA violations at Ole Miss. How's it working out? Well, Bama beat the War Tigers last season by a field goal, Freeze finished his inaugural season on the Plains at 7-6, then Saban retired.

And it's been downhill since for the little war tigers and Coach Freeze. Instead of developing quarterback talent, ol' Hugh has taken to bad mouthing his personnel to the media, radio show listeners, his wife, their equipment crew, or just about anyone who will listen. Or at least pretend to.

You weep reap what you sow little brother! This is the resume for the guy you hired:

1. engaged in rampant recruiting violations at Ole Miss
2. blamed a former coach for the violations, thereby opening up a defamation lawsuit by Houston Nutt
3. Nutt's attorneys then discovered the escort service calls, dating back to when he landed in Oxford
4. And definitely worst of all, while head coach at Liberty, DM'd a sexual assault survivor that had been critical of the school's hiring of Baylor's former AD who had been part of its unchecked sexual assaults by Baylor student athletes.

Wow. But this is the fanbase that celebrated Trooper's towel and Fairley's late hits. So we hope you are ready for your whoopin' Barners! Then you can continue to enjoy your stroll through Purgatory. Now, let's bow our heads...Lord, please keep Coach Freeze away from Chip Towers' Toppers this weekend. And please let his team's offense continue to be abundantly inept at protecting the football. Amen!

-----------

In memory of the great Senator Blutarsky. He did not care for Auburn. Sir, I hope you enjoy this one from your spot upstairs. Go Dawgs!

the Friday Misery is like Tyler Simmons...onside!

On September 18th, 1965 the Georgia Bulldog offense pulled off an infamous hook and lateral against the Crimson colored Tide for a touchdown inside the beautiful confines of Sanford Stadium. Tide fans argued that Georgia tight end Pat Hodgson's knees were down prior to said lateral, which is perhaps why Hodgson was so open on the next play for a 2-point conversion.

Dawgs won 18-17.

history teaches us nothing

Why bring up that game in 1965, which was even a few years before I was born? Because that's the only Georgia-Alabama game I think of prior to 2002, when Billy Bennett helped us to a win in Tuscaloosa to prove we were "man enough". For two teams that have met 73 times, there hasn't been much history to speak to. After that 2007 "one and done" overtime victory in Tuscaloosa, Alabama has dominated the series. Until Indy saw Bryce Young complete that beautiful touchdown pass to Kelee Ringo, they had won seven straight.

One night in Indy

The teams have played in seven different cities. And Indianapolis is the only one where we have a winning record against the Tide. Tomorrow night marks just the 11th time we've played them in Tuscaloosa (and we're looking for just our 3rd win btw). 

After that 2007 Dawgs' win, Saban went on to dominate Richt and Smart teams to the tune of 8-1. We never beat him in the SECCG in four tries, 2012 being our best chance. If it weren't for the National Championship win over Alabama, we would have a serious complex. They lead the series 43-26-4, but it's the recent history that draws the most frustration. The Richt teams getting dominated in 2008 and 2015. Then Kirby raised the bar, but the Tide still found ways to squirm into a win. (For reference, look back at the two 2018 matchups. Ugh.)

But that was then, and this is the Friday before the young season's biggest game. Coach DeBoer leads the Tide now, while Saban spends weekdays on the golf course. DeBoer's resume is a quick read, but shows he succeeds wherever he goes. Our beloved Coach Smart meanwhile is the second longest tenured coach in the conference.

This week I have seen some people suggest the series between these two teams is a rivalry. I disagree, at least not in the way of the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party or the Third Saturday in October. No, I see this as a series that, until recently, was rather ho-hum. Minus the occasional hook and lateral, it was likely to put Dawg fans to sleep.

We're awake now though, right?

prelude to a new era

I think it happened in the Benz Dome that fateful night January 8th, 2018. Kirby's Dawgs fought hard, but Bama prevailed.

It was devastating. The Georgia Bulldogs' first National Championship since Herschel's separated shoulder was in our grasp. And then the Mighty Sabanites pulled it away. Fists were clenched. Tears welled. Dreams dashed. We found breathing to be an arduous task.

Our coach, was our player

But that game showed us that we had a coach that could form a team of contenders. And we knew he could not only stand toe-to-toe with his godfather, but was much younger. Indianapolis came and went. Back 2 Back happened before our eyes.

And now Saban has retired, thus the commencement of the Crimson Tide Kalen DeBoer Era.

both here and now

While Kirby didn't cut his coaching teeth in Tuscaloosa, it was his home turf from 2007-2015. While he was trekking through Athens-Valdosta-Tallahassee-Baton Rouge-Athens again-Miami on his way to Tuscaloosa, Kalen DeBoer was building championship NAIA teams in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. He's known as an offensive mastermind, even before coordinating an Indiana offense that averaged well over 400 yards per game!

But he's never faced Them Dawgs. Much of his team helped defeat us in last year's SECCG, sure. But what pours from the heart of our head man, forms itself into his team's constitution.

So gimme Kirby effin' Smart. He's not afraid of Tuscaloosa, a title town he helped build the infrastructure for. He's not afeared of their copy-cat lights and some Dixieland Delights. And he for damn sure ain't gonna shy away from a dude named Kalen.

Hold your head up high fellow Dawg fans...our coach is a Dawg and not a pachyderm! Now let's bow our heads...dear Lord our God, we pray for those that have been in Helene's nasty path. And this is a big one tomorrow night, so provide a path to sack that Milroe a few times. And Carson Beck can take it from there! Amen, and Go Dawgs!

the Friday Misery isn't scared of blue cats

/checks calendar

Full moons. Jason Vorhees' hockey mask. Walmart parking lots. Presidential elections. Snakes. Sharks. Women driving in the left lane on the interstate with one hand on the mascara brush and the other holding their triple non-soy half-caff mocha latte. Black cats. Hell, most cats! They freak me out man!

Those are some things to be afraid of. A blue cat trying to shoot a three point shot with a football from their own 25 yard line.

Nope.

the Bourbon Trail's Tales

The Keeneland crew!

So yes, we've taken to venturing up yonder in the spring. Keeneland is an amazing venue, where memories to be made are ripe for the picking. Taking pictures with our ladies all dolled up. Chris trying to herd us like a group of 8 year olds a full year off their hyperactivity meds. Kelley nerding out over the race bulletin. Heath and I getting absorbed into a bachelorette party for pictures against the rail. Tommy Guns nearly leaving a winning ticket worth hundreds behind!

Just lying there. Next to a puddle mixture of bourbon, melted ice, champagne, and a hint of Tommy's homemade cologne. 

There was also the first time I went up for a Georgia/Kentucky tilt. Celebrating the win with Tony's crew, we were about to run out of bourbon. So Wayne and I walked stumbled up to the local CVS's liquor aisle to replenish. 

Yes you read that correctly.

Shorter versions: early morning conversations in the snakes at Buffalo Trace, waxing your own bottle in Loretto (not a euphemism), Bluegrass Tavern, bundled up for a noon kickoff and sitting next to the Redcoats!

from business decisions, to game time ones

The writing was on the wall for both Brock Vandergriff and Jamon Dumas-Johnson: the 3rd string QB wasn't going to have significant playing time, and the former starting middle backer was seeing it significantly diminish right before his very eyes. So they packed up and caravanned up to the Blue Grass State.

CJ Allen on a previous kitty hunt

It was the right decision. Probably still is for both. JDJ is off to a good start. Vandergriff struggled mightily against the Gamechickens, but that Kentucky O-line is terrible. Like swiss cheese that has aged poorly. I mean, they were so bad you could see their mommas leaving the game early. They were so bad I hear Stoops made them attend classes this week. They were so bad, their professors sent them back! Oof.

That's bad. But there was a moment earlier in the week when I thought, why shouldn't Stoops start (checks notes) Gavin Wimsatt at quarterbacker. Our coaches and most of our players don't need tape on their former player and teammate. 

Things Bernie types that make you go "Hmmm...". But for our side we know what's what. Beck and his boys bring their pimp walk to Kroger Field, while CJ Allen uses his helmet communicator thingy ma-jig to direct blitzes and the what-nots.

We held these guys to under 200 yards last season, with just 50 something rushing. I for one believe there's a chance to do something even worse to these kitties tomorrow night.

Another game time decision...24 point spread? Wow. That's a LOT!

"Thank you sir may I have another?!"

Screw it! Lay the points! I don't know if Vandergriff starts but he sure as shit ain't finishing! Go Dawgs!

An Old-Fashioned Don Draper

Remember when Kentucky was sexy, they were trendy. They beat the florida fightin' gators in the swamp after a 300 year drought and suddenly the "Wild"cats are hot shit on a tin roof. They had "super talented Will Levis Dungarees slingin' the rock. LOLOL!! They were who Tennessee is now - the team people want to pick in the summer so they might look like they know something come falling leaves season.

Turns out, these so called "experts" think 12 personnel is code for sneaking an extra player onto the field. Their dad was a knuckle-dragger and their very own are starting to need some bactine and band-aids. They're chasing the spotlight when they are meant for the dim lighting in mom's basement.

Because the truth is, these Wildcats are staler than that half pack of Marlboro Reds that has been lodged in between seat rows of Kroger Double Fuel Points! Stadium section 222 since the late '90s. After A&M slammed the door on him, Stoops whined in the off season about Wildcat fans stepping up with some NIL money, but for his tackle football players this time. Then he rewarded said fans by losing the SEC opener, at home, to Shane Beamer's travelling cluckers.

Wildcat football donors are so pissed they're diggin up old VHS tapes of Tim Couch and Coach Mumme's days to get them through to basketball season. 

Now, please remove your snap back caps and bow your heads...Dear Almighty Lord, please generously provide our backs room to roam free and Beck the time to spread the wealth. And not just the NIL kind. In the name of Rex Robinson's whatchamacallit, Amen!

Tasty suggestions for Dawgs going to Lexington

A group of us head to Keeneland each April to watch the ponies take our money and to make some distillery visits. I know the Kentucky trip is always a popular one for Dawg fans. I've made it a handful of times. The trip has that Venn diagram sweet spot for us - Georgia Football, bourbon tastings, and good food!

All that being said, I wanted to share a couple new spots we found the last two trips we made.

Spring of 2023 we were finishing up at Woodford, and ventured a couple miles down the road along Glenns Creek to Castle & Key. Originally built by none other than Col. Edmund Hayes Taylor Jr., it quickly became a very popular stop. And not just for the spirits, but also the beauty of the land as well as the buildings themselves. But like with so many distilleries, the government got in the way in 1920 and Prohibition saw the distillery's doors close.

After nearly a century of some other failed ventures and plenty of decline and decay, it was rediscovered in 2012 by Will Arvin. Despite it's caved in rooves and dilapidated architecture, Arvin saw its inner beauty. By 2018, it had re-opened its doors and was a full functioning distillery again. They have a great tour and delicious cocktails. I'm not a fan of gin, but theirs is the most unique version (non-piney) I've ever tasted. The bourbon is coming along, as it just recently hit their gift shop. But I like the rye, which I believe they started selling in 2020.

Great stop for history buffs and those that just wanna sit on a relaxing day and sip a cocktail. Castle & Key opens on Friday and Saturday at 10:30, close at 5:00. On Sunday they open at 11:00.

Then last year we found Whiskey Thief Distilling Co., previously known as Three Boys Farm. I love the history of Maker's Mark, Woodford and now Castle & Key's grounds, buildings, and whiskey. And Buffalo Trace is always a must, especially if they're shelving one of those rare ones you need stock on.

Admittedly, the tour at Whiskey Thief is not nearly as deep an experience at those others. But the views, the food truck, some live music, great bar, the views! This place also stands out for an experience you can't get anywhere else. Sure, you can pay for a customized bottle at Woodford. You can buy a bottle and dip it in that red wax at Maker's. 

But have you every thieved your own bottle of whiskey?

And the whiskey is good! They do a good job of going through their flavor profiles and how they "build" different tastes. Which is good for both newcomers and experienced whiskey afficionados so that everyone can buy the bottle they want. You can grab one off the shelf, or tell them you want to fill it with a thief and get the full experience.

Whiskey Thief is open Friday and Saturday 10-5 and they open at 11 on Sundays.

I'm unable to go this year, but if we were we'd hit BT early Friday (hopefully for some Wellers), then Woodford, Castle & Key, then finish the day at Whiskey Thief, which is still in Frankfort about 20 minutes away. Nice long tailgate on Saturday, before hitting Maker's Mark down in Loretto on the way home.

the Friday Misery once wore orange

 "I want to coach a team that opponents don't look forward to playing." - Danny Ford, Clempson head side line roamer 1978-1989

I understand the sentiment Coach Ford. But feel the opposite about Georgia vs Clemson. And I think Coach Smart feels the same as I do. Maybe Dabo too.

A tail as old as time

Long time readers may recall, I both grew up in Athens and am the product of a Clemson Tiger household. Yes, those two things can indeed both be true! Dear ol' dad took me to 100% more games at Lake Hartwell's version of Death Valley than he did at Sanford Stadium. I both had an orange windbreaker as a kid AND remember listening to Munson on the radio calling Georgia games while I raked leaves in the backyard.

Talk about a conflicted upbringing!

"Coach, that boy Herschel is gonna be a problem for us isn't he?"

And yet it all worked out in the end. Dad went on to get his doctorate from an actual school, UGA, and Georgia continued this rivalry by flat out dominating! Also, I ditched the orange windbreaker for a gray Member's Only jacket in middle school and started doing impressions of Michael Jackson on the side.

The '80s! What a time!

The point I'm failing to get to is...I love this game! My greatest prediction in this series came when I was walking into Sanford in 2002, called the folks on my flip phone, and predicted a 31-28 Georgia win. Thank you Billy Bennett! 

Speaking of Sanford, this game was the first one under lights 'tween the hedges. Forty two years ago ABC moved the game to Labor Day night, gave Vince Dooley $50k for temporary lights, which he parlayed into $250k for permanent ones. Dawgs won 13-7. And then won every other game until we lost to Penn State in the Sugar Bowl. Meanwhile, Clempson went undefeated, but got caught giving recruits extra cow patties and had to forgo a bowl game.

To be honest, it's not much of a rivalry, as Georgia leads the series 43-18-4. But they've played some epic games. And two of which I was sitting beside my IPTAY father in Death Valley. We watched that 2003 team dominate with Pollack, Greene, and Fab Fly Freddie Gibson. And we watched that 2013 team come so close in a 38-35 Clemson win. 

Picture that Dad's colleagues hung at his desk

Saturday it's time to Hunker Down and grab that kitty by the tail, again!

Pro-NUN-see-a-shuns

As we begin another college tackle football season, I again begin to appreciate how we can both hate a team, yet respect their pride in said team. In our family text threads, the perfect Fall Saturday is when Georgia wins, Clemson wins, and South Carolina loses. We can't stand the Gamecocks, but Lord A'mighty they HATE them.

And then there's little things too. Years ago, Dad and I had a nice Sunday at Augusta National (watching, not playing). We're walking out the gate and I pointed at Mike Tirico, who naturally was there to cover the little tournament they had going on. Dad had a long look of disgust, to which I asked why he didn't like the dude.

Turns out, Tirico pronounces "Clemson" in a way that is considered somewhere between a gross error and downright idiocy. He emphasizes the "s" as more of a "ZZZZ" if I recall correctly. Which is why I often type "Clemson" with a "p", because that's what I've heard since childhood.

Come on Tirico! How are you gonna make it in that business if you can't connect to a rural upstate South Carolina farming population. Jeesh.

Other adventures in pronunciations. en-dor As in Georgia fans enjoy indoor plumbing, now going on more than a century! Or how about, klown. Because our coach isn't named after one. And tra-dish-shuns. They touch a rock.

And we create HA-VOK! Go Dawgs!

Chubb didn't need a helmet in 2014

Quick housekeeping notes

Stapleton's White Horse will forever be my go to tune before a game. It was playing at our tailgate before we marched into the WLOCP last year...I lost my voice. Thanks to our youngest for the reminder!

And here's a link to the first episode of our podcast - 4th & 3 Dudes - in which Nama does his best to put a tent over a circus. 

In closing

I understand what Farmer Ford meant when he gave us that quote about the kind of team he wanted to build. But there's a real, tangible difference between opening up on national television against Clempson, as opposed to an Austin-Peay. Even at noon.

The players are tired at this point of lining up against their own teammates. They're hungry to hit someone in a different jersey. They want this game. Kirby wants this game.

I want this game. And I know you do too. It's been a long off season. About a week longer than we had gotten used to, am I right? Now let's bow our heads please...dear Lord, please allow our fellas to give Klubnik an awful nightmare tomorrow afternoon. And thanks for helping me get rid of that hideous windbreaker!

Amen. Go Dawgs!!

the Friday Misery is home for the Holidays

“I am at the moment writing a lengthy indictment against our century. When my brain begins to reel from my literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip.” - Ignatius Reilly

John Kennedy Toole’s protagonist was pretentious, arrogant, and bloated - both by brain as much as stature. But in times like these…I just wish Mr. Toole had more than one novel to delve into.

Crimes by Committee

Because if you replace just a few words in the quote, it explains our state of discontent these last few days. 

century Committee

occasional frequent

cheese dip Old Fashioned

There we go! Because a gluttonous group of glory holes can’t have it both ways. Best or most deserving…? Can we add another subgroup here - cheaters or non-cheaters? How about GOATs or wannabe-GOATs? Oh wait, they actually covered that one pretty well.

No, I’m not going to harp on it too long. Because you’re tired of rehashing it too. But to punish a team that did everything they could do, won every game including their conference, but because their defense wouldn’t be as good without its star injured quarterback…sorry ‘Noles. And to reward one team SO much for beating your week to week #1 as to elevate them fours spots, all while dropping said #1 team five spots??

That’s enough. My brain is reeling again.

I’m just thankful to have one.

On the other hand, pass me a pacifier

We sure got greedy quick didn’t we dear Reader? I seem to recall in the not too distant past, a time when we would’ve given an appendage just to be in last Saturday and Sunday’s discussion. And not like a Mr. Mays’ pinky digit either. Like a full on, non-dominant or dominant, God-given limb!

Sorry momma, but them aughts and such was Hell!

So yeh, I knew when I woke up Sunday and recalled the final SECCG score, that we had about as much chance of making it into the College Football Championship as Bama did of converting a 4th and 31 for a tuddy on the final play of the game on the plains as an internet wanderer has of going surfing for an hour without stumbling on another 7-8 articles about the NFL’s new wonder couple. 

So, like you most likely, I was resigned to stop whining and reflect on the unprecedented 29-0 run. What a time! We brought back a trophy and Bama-Covid from Indy, and just kept rolling! How many games were there the last couple seasons when the team was not playing to their standard, that we thought we’d actually lose? At Missouri, nah. Homecoming for Kentucky, nope. Hell, the regular season closer against Tech with an interim coach had my 1990’s self in awe!

Peach Ball dropped wide short!

It wasn’t until last year’s Peach Bowl that we finally broke a sweat! Whew.

And then this season? Can you imagine being down at half to the gamecocks and not being bent out of shape? Two weeks later on the Plains…okay, had to get on our knees and pray to dear Ol’ Munson’s Ghost that Abuurn’s secondary got a sudden case of dyslexia and thought that was OWBRES lining up in the slot.

Again, whew!

Anyway, all that to say it’s been quite a run Dawg fans! And despite what those kissin’ siblings up on rocky top, and those toothless reptiles down in the swamp might think…hell, throw in the 2023 SEC championship gumps…just like Kirby told ‘em, “We ain’t going NOWHERE!”

Now, please bow your heads…dear layin’ in a manger Baby Jesus, please keep the lights bright this Christmas. For both those with 5 stars and those without. (Don’t let the tithing plate keep passing you by Vandy.)

Enjoy the Army/Navy game ya filthy animals! Go Army! #beatNavy

Epilogue

Yes, I found the keys to this thing somewhere around the intersection of Inspiration Ave. and Got a Lil Time on My Hands Cir. I’d like to keep posting somewhere between frequently and weekly. But most likely we’re coasting into a “let’s see how this goes” time period.

Full disclosure, we have moved to coastal Georgia and I won’t get to as many games as I used to. With the move, a new gig, a rebuilt engine and a cracked tooth, I managed only two this season. But rest assured we watch every game, relish any game we can get in Jacksonville and any opportunity to tailgate with our old crew, as well as see some of y’all OG readers in red and black!

Now I’m off to clean some things up around here. Somehow since I last logged in the spam filter caught tens of thousands of spam comments. Blessing and a curse and all that. So I’ll first try and get commenting figured out, but it’ll be regulated to some degree to start with. 

Until next time, I’m putting the keys in my pocket this time. Then I’ll text the daughters to remind me of how to drop on of those “pins” from my iPhone so I can keep finding that intersection. Go Dawgs!

"Coach, did you hear Bernie may be bloggin again?"
"Oh he is is he!"

the Friday Misery puts down the fork, and picks up the gauntlet

“Aww...look at these poor little Dawg fans,” she said as she came upon our table. Then, as she wiped away fake tears, “Did they get their wittle feewings hurt?” 

There was no logical retort to make, as indeed, we had.

Comfort food in an uncomfortable moment

Paul Dupre' has a cozy little restaurant in Baton Rouge where his staff serves food inspired by his grandmother's home cooked meals. Elsie’s Plate and Pie has everything a southern palate might find comfortable to a hard working fork - okra, tomato pie, red beans & rice, pork chops. And of course, plenty of fried catfish.

It is also true that this is where our crew sought comfort after witnessing Kirby’s Dawgs get spanked harshly and very publicly by Coach O’s bengal bayou tigers last season. It had been quite a day for our hungry appetites already, having been invited into the infamous JR Vendetto’s tailgate. Under the shadow of the campus' Memorial Tower he and his fellow Louisianans had graciously served up gumbo and boudin and jambalaya and enough shrimp to feed Ignatius Reilly for at least a week. 

Nick Offerman as John Kennedy
Toole's sardonic protagonist

Although Ignatius would probably wash em down with a glass of sherry instead of all that cold beer. And given his penchant for grandiose complaints, he’d even find a way to underappreciate and pick nits at anything that graced Miss Elsie’s dinner table. But last October, as our band of dawggone tired travelers gathered around an outside table under the evening sky at her restaurant’s namesake, we needed comfort. To travel and witness a loss is one thing, but to see the team get beat so soundly was even more devastating than humbling.

So we passed around plates and argued over which dish was best (and for the record, it was the seafood pot pie in my humble opinion. But the Natchitoches meat pie will likely be my order the next time I’m there) all while punishing ourselves by reliving this failed play and that bad call and DEAR GOD DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THAT FAKE FIELD GOAL! 

There's something about sharing a table being weighted down as much by great food as good friends' voices. On a day that ended badly on the playing field, it was comforting to find familiarity in conversation and used silverware. Not to mention napkins used beyond their ways and means.

Yes, looking forward to another visit to Elsie's. But next time I hope to not be interrupted by an LSU fan spewing hateful truths and logic.

this offensive echo chamber is offensive

Look. We've all been arguing about it for months. And I know by now I’m not going to convince you one way or the other. I know that. By now you’ve either decided to hate this Georgia offense until you’re blue in the face, or to support it despite it’s awkward and unwelcome visage. 

As a person who is himself very often awkward and also, at times, finds himself unwelcome, it should be no secret I’ve chosen the latter stance. When Jake Fromm turns one way to hand the ball off and the ball carrier of note has moved in an opposite direction, I can relate. Just a few months ago I fell head first into the backyard trying to catch my dog by the collar before he gobbled up his own excrement. (I know right? I was all like “WTF dude! Naw, don’t do...oof.”) Like Fromm, my intentions were true. But the dog zigged when I thought he had committed to the zag.

We all pay a price for our inadequacies. It’s just that mine are less public. And not punishable by a 300lb lineman barreling in on me.

But can we all agree that we’ve said everything that needs to be said at this point? Does it really do any damn good to rip the scab off again just to shove it in a fellow Georgia fans’ face?

Regardless, by tomorrow night around 7:30 you’ll have one of a couple options: 1) keep pissing in your own cheerios and wallowing in your own misery over the fact that this offense hasn’t lived up to its potential despite its 11-2 record and third straight trip to the December Dome, or 2) enjoy another incredible win over LSU on the grand national stage.

Kind of like we did here. And also here. And I especially enjoyed it when we did it here.

I hold true to the lifestyle of being a Georgia Bulldog fan where it means you take the good with the bad. In other words, I’m just as much a Dawg fan now as I was when we lost to Georgia Tech 40-23 my first year at UGA back in 1990. 

Ray Goff wore a UGA conductor cap. I wore a grimace.

People train don't run outta
Wichita huh Coach?

Transitioning stanza

But I won’t wear a grimace tomorrow. Nor a UGA train conductor’s cap for that matter. And not because I’m too proud to be upset over a season like this that we’ve been begging for. For years now we’ve wanted a program that took us to back to back to back SEC Championship contests where we could see how we could stack up against the conference's elite as well as the nation’s best.

During the Richt years we had a taste of it every now and then. His teams took the lid off the cardboard box that held the cake and we got to drag our finger through the icing a bit, During the Donnan years we got close enough to stare at the lid...until Quincy threw yet another interception in Columbia and we just settled for another Little Debbie.

During the Goff years we played with toy trains evidently. I don’t know. I can’t remember anymore. 

No, tomorrow I will not be wearing a grimace because we’re gonna win this damn thing. I’m sick of hearing about this unstoppable LSU Fightin’ Tiger offense and ready for Kirby to change the national narrative to “Hey, maybe this Georgia defense is really THAT good. Garsh!”

Have we faced an offense this good? Nope. Not close. But have they faced a defense as good as Tae and JR and company? I bet not. And I'll take the Dawgs in that fight.

All. Damn. Day!

We're already living rent free in Dabo's head. Tomorrow Fromm and Co. make Coach O drop another F-bomb on his way down to 4th in Sunday’s rankings. Joe Burrows gets next week’s Heisman, but Rodrigo gets carried off the field on Jordan Davis’ shoulder as the red and black confetti reigns down.

Strike your pose Burrows, but #RespectTheSpecs! Always.

Now, if you will, please bow your head...Dear Lord Baby Jesus...gives us one more shot of Herrien barreling downhill with sights set on an LSU defensive back. And then please, please let our defense get after their ass! Go Dawgs!

-------
For reference if you're interested - Elsie's Plate and Pie. You won't go wrong, promise.

Also, if you're unfamiliar with the Ignatius Reilly reference, go buy a copy of Confederacy of Dunces, Toole's only book, may he rest in peace. From his tragic end we must celebrate every incredibly vivid character he gave us.