Friday Misery - "You'll see."

Touring the post-Civil War South, Abraham Lincoln reaches the Tennessee-North Carolina border heading east and leans over to his wife, "Time has not been kind to those f--king idiots, has it Mary? Perhaps one day they'll realize they can get their corn from both a jar and a stalk."

Wrong.

Jim Bob Cooter's theory of de-evolution gives rise to half bear, half cat

The head bUTchugger bout to fly his freak flag y'all. (via @mckelsey19)

Ancient Mesopotamians invented writing as a form of communication and the wheel as a form of transportation. Medieval Europe saw the rise of mechanical clocks, water mills and gunpowder. On Rocky Top they discovered wet dreams about mutant animals and family trees with no branches.

Tennesseans' offering to civilization? Alcohol enemas and "advanced" animal husbandry. Of course, it is possible that the former begat the latter. But this we'll never know for sure because in order to reach the top of one's social strata in Knoxville one only has to be able to script the letter "X". So you see, no records exist. At least until a few years ago when court documents show a group of University of Tennessee fraternity brothers cracked opened a box of Franzia and got extra giggly one night.

Broughton insisted his alcohol poisoning was the result of a drinking game called "Tour de Franzia," but police said he "showed signs of physical and possible sexual assault" and had a blood-alcohol content of .40.

Sad. Truly sad. I mean, it's goddamn hilarious. Don't get me wrong. But mostly it's just sad. Anyway, most anthropologists with experience in this region agree that it all started something like this: "Hey Earl, stick this here tube up my butthole, pour some corn likkur in thar and let's get to wrastlin' with Ol' Man Deckle's goats."

It's a real blessing that Charles Darwin aimed for the Galapagos instead of the "smoggy smoke" on old Rocky Top. Otherwise, the term "smoggy smoke" would actually, somehow make sense to the rest of us because we'd be dumbed down so much from our own monosyllabic grunts and dim-witted gestures over the years that we'd all be wearing squirrel caps, cream orange checker board pants and trimming toenails with our teeth tooth.

In Athens, we tote the rock. Not bricks
This Tenersee program is hungry y'all. It is as rich in tradition as it is triglycerides. Accustomed to competing at the highest level, but in the last several years they have become largely irrelevant. The Vols are like that one mule with the gimpy leg, or an outhouse situated precariously on a steep slope. They're a pathetic, incompetent mess grasping at pathetic, incompetent straws.

I meant bricks.

Seen here, a Univ. of Tennessee Resident Assistant
steers a dormitory towards campus. #VolNavy

Historically speaking, after enjoying a thirty-one year run with two highly celebrated coaches, they've had four in the last six years. Lane Kiffin promised to rebuild. But after an encouraging season that even included a pantsing of Mark Richt in Knoxville, he left the campus in flames. Figuratively. And literally. In came Derek Dools and he promised to improve shower routines to a Tuscaloosian level. Wuh? Errybody knows they don't shower in Alabama. Dumbass. Fired before season's end, a dude named Jim Cheney kept the Vol Navy afloat for the rest of the 2012 slate. And so here we are with Butch Jones and his pile of shitbricks.

So, to sum up, they've gone from a lawless class of Pahokee raiding, Prius driving, pellet-gun wielding, barroom brawlin', orange jumpsuit wearing thugs...to...a soaking wet group of dumbass hillbillys holding a bar of Zest wondering what the hell it's used for...to...a team of hungry bricklayers holding boxes of cheap fermented grape juice. Of course, Jones has them believing they can build a wall, now! Not tomorrow, not next season. Now. But no one's bothered to ask why build a brick wall? And when they finish it they'll just be a bunch of creamsickle hicks with their thumb up their ass wondering where the endzone disappeared to.

Brick by brick. Seriously, that's nearly as dumb as Anchor Down. Nearly.

This ain't about laying bricks. No, not for Georgia. This is about manhood. This is about keeping an assbackwards, down-trodden, half bear, half cat, all inbred tackle football team down where it belongs. This is about gettin' right. This is about making a statement. In Athens GA we don't have intimate relations with domesticated or semi-domesticated animals. We don't need a signature victory, because we already know how to spell our name. We don't use our toes as an abacus and we sure as shit don't climb up a mountain just to turn a stranger into a friend.

"You'll see." - Todd Gurley. You got that right B3AST. You got that right.

Let's bow our heads in prayer...Lord, hand the ball to Gurley. And please let us somehow and in some way smack some more ugly off these knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing inbreds. And then let them find a way out of Athens, hastily, with their poo smelling funnels carefully packed away. Amen.

A Saban and Kiffin standoff

Sometimes a thousand words can't even begin to explain a picture's worth.

Some possible captions:

• Kiffin: "What's new pussycat?"
• Saban: "Yes Lane. I have seen your wife. Can we please get back to pass skels now?"
• Kiffin: "Look, you stand over there Cochise. I got this."
• Saban: "No. No media Lane. We've been over this. NO MEDIA."
• Kiffin: "Pull a finger Nick. Any finger...."
• Saban: "Son, I've told you every gotdamn day so far...there is no mandatory surf time for the quarterbacks! We're in Tuscaloosa Alabama for Christ sake!"

Dawgs are flipping the script!

So the sun can shine on our ass. Hmmph.

Hey, it's Friday! Let's ignore the bong in the corner and do something really fun, as well as street legal. Reading (and feeling) all of the positive vibing the last few days got me thinking...what are the most favorable coaching moves/non-moves of the young off season? Then I added favorable early departures to the NFL, especially since Georgia has no one in that boat for the first time in many years. These moments can be fleeting, therefore they must be celebrated!

So I've ranked them below. I originally aimed to stay away from ones that were directly related to Georgia. But then Toddy started tweeting again.

Give us one number greater than the number of
times you've ever won in Jax Will? ... Good! Very good!

So eff you towel boy!

1. Louisville goes grantHAM. As pleasant surprises go, this is up there with that time my soon to be bride sent me to Vegas with my best friends, $10,000 cash and a wink. Except that actually never happened. But the former actually did.
2. Muschamp avoids pink slip. Heady, bold move by Jeremy Foley. Well, not so much heady as bold. Regardless, Georgia fans are gratefully pinching themselves.
3. Texas hooks Charlie Strong. This one is almost tied with Muschamp's vote of confidence. Because the worst thing that could happen for the WLOCP, would be for Florida to have a vacancy while Strong's agent is antsy.
4. Missouri loses Josey/Kony. These early departures, coupled with wrecking ball Michael Sam leaving, make our second trip to ColaWest much easier.
5. Big chicken flew the speed traps. Jadeveon Clowney had a disappointing final season. But I leave him (as well as fellow early departure Bruce Ellington) here because it's worth mentioning that much like Mizzou, South Carolina will look much different next year having to replace Connor Shaw and Chaz Sutton.
6. VANDY SHAKE UP!! Minor tremor in Nashville. Franklin gave us some fits. But all in all his impact on the series between Georgia and Vanderbilt stayed true to history - some tight games, an occasional blowout for the Dawgs, and a mind-numbing loss once in a blue moon. 
7. Saban brings KiffBaby home. It's a match made in blogging heaven. Even though we'll never hear from Kiffin, he'll be there...doing things that make our keyboards dance brilliantly.
8. Paul Johnson survives and advances. With that second half turd he laid on North Avenue this year, he vaulted well past Reggie Ball, Chan Gailey and Dave Braine as my all time favorite engiNerd.
9. Sammy leaves Clempson for greener weed pastures. And his replacement won't have Bahj Toyd to throw to him either. 
10. Arkansas State hires Trooper Taylor. Not directly related to Georgia (unless McGarity schedules the Red Wolves sometime soon...PLEASE!!) but college football is better off with the one, the original towel boy.

Suck it Grantham!

Honorable mention to Auburn having to actually get on the bus and come to Athens for the first time in a while. And also to Tennessee for ordering more mortar as they construct their little wall, brick by brick. Baby steps HillBillys. Baby steps.

So what did I miss completely, and what do you see higher or lower?

Has Saban jumped the shark?

It sure feels that way. And not in just the snarky Lane Kiffin is just another douchebag with a very pretty name. Consider the following statements of fact:

1. Saban thrives on controlling the process. 
2. Kiffin steers towards corners he can purposefully cut.
3. The SEC landscape is where both men complete those tasks most meaningfully.

This will either work because Kiffin has changed enough that he can fit under the Bama coach's miniature umbrella, or it will crash and burn in a way that will set a new standard for failures in grandeur.

Also, screw Slive. Did Nick ask his wife Terry about this first? I have a hard time imagining Mrs. Saban getting along too well with Layla. But admittedly, that's a very surface assessment.

Regardless, pass the popcorn. I'm dusting off the ol' KiffyBaby blog tag! 

via nick_pants

Katherine and Kiffin, lolz

For your afternoon chuckle.

h/t @nick_pants

KiffyBaby "for rent"

Thought this one by @GovernorofDixie was fantastic.

Friday Misery - A Prius, a goat and a box of whine

Before we begin, RIP "Poppa N". Always enjoyed tailgating with you, even though when it came down to cards you had a way of making me the "asshole". We will always hold your seat in Sanford with pride! And I'm sure around 3:30 tomorrow Munson will be in your ear once again. Hunker Down and Go Dawgs!

They just suck. So hard.

Good gracious we fell down hard from that win. Took a few days as we patted ourselves on the back and inflated our egos...to where they should be anyway. But when it happened we fell hard. And all of a sudden we're selling ourselves short again.

I get it, the 2009 loss to the Vols was one of the worst events in Knoxville. Ever. That includes the time Milli Vanilli opened for Nickelback at Neyland Stadium on 2 for 1 Possum on a Stick Night. And the 2007 game was a textbook case of how to fail epically. Hard.

I could go on for another few lines, but you get the point. Trips up yonder, many times, haven't been pleasant. But don't lose out on this opportunity to stomp a hobnail boot on those backwood bastards while they're down. For those of you who seem to have forgotten that footwear reference, aim your mouse here.

This is the worst Tennessee team we might ever see.  Ever. EVER. They were a really bad team last year. Then they lost Tyler Bray and Justin Hunter and replaced them with guys that wouldn't make the two deep for Kentucky. (Well...ok, Georgia Tech's two-deep.) They're awful. So stop mincing words and call a spade a spade. Dawg up and stop resembling that scrawny ass coon hound. WE ARE GEORGIA! AND WE'RE COMING TO KICK THEIR ASS.

Nothing sucks like a big orange. And Lord have mercy, this is one mother of a BIG ORANGE!!

And then Cooter said to Jimmy Bob...
"You hold its legs and I'll go first."

I'm not saying Tennessee fans are stupid...well, yes I am. They took to rejoicing early this week when our old friend KiffyBaby got hisself canned. On one hand I understand their exuberance as that bastard really did them over good. Laid em down for a season of sexy time, then threw a wadded up ten on the bed and left them in the dead of night with nothing but a confused look and a bag of secondary violations.

"But coach, wuh...wuh...who gon' pump gas for us n all?"

And this picture they made of themselves next to their Molestation Mountain is cute.

This is what knuckle-draggers do. They miss the whole point. You Tennessee fans, Mr. and Mrs. Junior and Lulu, you're the butt of the joke. You ran off a good coach who'd had a couple bad seasons just so you could turn the program into a dumpster fire. Mike Hamilton lit the match and then it's all "Oooooh, look how pretty!!"

You're too busy wiggling that thumb up your ass to realize you're at rock bottom. Karma ain't a "Butch" so much as it is a herd of frat boys after the box of Franzia is empty. It's a BB gun in the floorboard of a Prius. It's a pair of orange britches covering up Lil Dools' diaper his momma strapped on him good and tight. It's the end of a funnel that smells like poo. It's Rocky Top being played when you get ONE GOTDAMN FIRST DOWN. It's Jabari's finger lickin greasy fingers. It's having to steal water from a friendly neighbor just so you can fight the fire that you created years ago..."Ooooh...sooo pretty!!...uh-oh...too hot! TOO HOT!!"

We'll see tomorrow just how much more ugly we can smack off of these inbred mouth breathers. We'll see tomorrow just how rock hard is the bottom on which they've fallen. We'll see if they're anymore interested in tackling than they were last year, or if it's still all about jamming a funnel up your ass while your best friends forever clap and cheer you on merrily!

As Poppa N once said to me, "Bernie, you might be the permanent asshole." True words, as I suck at cards once the seal on the bourbon is cracked. But it's never been home to any foreign objects.

Go Dawgs!

"Do not under any circumstance take the Georgia job."

The Ol' Ball Coach to a youthful Mark Richt back in the day.

It was at the 1991 Heisman Trophy ceremony. Richt coached runner-up Casey Weldon as quarterbacks coach at Florida State and Spurrier coached finalist Shane Matthews as Florida’s head man.

 “He told me: ‘Do not under any circumstance take the Georgia job,’” Richt said when he met spoke to the Touchdown Club of Athens on Monday. “That was the one bit of coaching advice he gave me.”

Of course, if KiffyBaby had been old enough to speak back then he'd've said all Richt would ever amount to in Athens is a gas station attendant.

In all seriousness, Richt goes on to talk about why he respects the man so many Georgia fans find it so easy to hate. Good read by Kramer. Check it out.

Monday's Meatloaf - Realigning Greener Pastures

Despite my worst efforts, it still appears Texas A&M could be the next team to never make it to the SECCG. That should make Ole Miss grateful for the company. Of course, there's a lot of dealings to be done out the back door between now and the end of this chapter in Jim Delaney's memoirs.

But if Commish Slive hitchhiked all the way out to College Station, that means he's serious about gig'n em. So we better get used to it, and whoever else might come along too. Whenever it happens.

And as I wondered what the conversation must've been like between Slive and Aggie A&M AD Bill Byrne, I kept thinking of when Sean Connery was indoctrinating Kevin Costner into the Chicago way. After all, the SEC isn't the play-safe jungle gym with the rubberized wood chips that the Big XII is...once...(whatevs) was.

Slive - You wanna get to Atlanta? They pull a knife, you pull a gun. Saban sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. THAT'S the Southeastern way.
Byrnes - I have sworn to switch conferences with all the legal powers at my disposal and I will do so.
Slive - Well...the Lord hates a coward. (shakes his new ADs hand) Do you know what a blood oath is Byrnes?
Byrnes - Yes.
Slive - Good. Cuz you just took one.

Let's hope there's a lot of self-examination going on in College Station (and wherever else). Because you can't just be a lot of talk and a badge when you tee it up with the big boys.


Today's Ingredients

• PWD says wait a freakin' minute...
• Exile wonders why the Big XII has to die, even if Texas and it's band of bandits become 49ers.
• A read through of Chip Brown's (of Orangebloods, a Texas Rivals site) Twitter status updates seems to confirm that the Big XII ain't dead yet. (h/t DawgSports) As well as the fact that AD Byrne wasn't even in the state of Texas.
• And Big XII nearly lame duck commissioner Dan Beebe has a plan to keep the remaining ten together according to Chuck Carlton. Apparently it involved something more in depth than joining hands and singing We Are Family!.
• As The Lady Sportswriter predicted, Jarvis Jones is as close as ever to becoming a Dawg. Whether it's us or Bimbo Swisher, I just hope that Carver hatchet gets buried a little further.
• Speaking of LB recruits...I'm not holding my breath.
• Hale reminds us of the importance of the OL this fall and why exactly Richard Samuel is feeling at home, finally.
• I like it when Streit goes way (WAY!!) back in the vault for his countdown posts.
• Meanwhile, Scott found some good video of some guys slower than Cornelius Washington to celebrate 83 days left.
• On Saturday morning I found myself agreeing with Erik Kuselias on USCs crime and (lack of) punishment. ECDawg was listening as well and sums it up nicely.
• This Petrino Piggy better be lucky he's not in Athens, riding a scooter.
• Lastly, the story about the Memphis QB's daddy opening his checkbook is the most ridiculously realistic story about where all this expansion/realignment mess leaves us. As The Senator says, it's enough to make you go brown. (UPDATE: FedEx says Smith can't buy BCS love)

And when it all comes to pass, it will be the bottom line that helps the movers and shakers make the decisions. If the SEC stands pat, I'll be pleased. Should Slive bust a move, then I'll come to accept it as fact, eventually. Meanwhile, the new SEC fans will be like kids in a candy store. More money...and better looking alumni and coeds sitting across the field.

For a better understanding, just listen to this old Dire Straits song from the vantage point of those gig em fans dreaming of a day when they too are SEC fans...and substitute SEC anytime your hear MTV.

Yeh, in the SEC our coeds wear sundresses and strap baggies of bourbon to their thighs. And the dudes have drumsticks and guitars that glow neon. So it's not just your football team that needs to pick up the slack if a trip to Atlanta or even an at-large BCS bid is to be earned.

So while you wait on something to happen or not to happen, enjoy your meatloaf Reader. And remember to keep an ear out for news on LeMay. This could get interesting as well.

Here's your napkin.


Bernie

Busted Trojans Cause BIG Mess

From sunny California to rainy Seattle, Pete Sunny Nostradamus Carroll gave himself a lifetime ban from NCAA bowl season back in January. It's almost as if he knew...

USC has been hit with a two-year post-season ban in addition to the loss of scholarships, among other penalties from the NCAA.40 minutes ago via web

BFeldmanESPN

Bruce Feldman

Meanwhile, in Casa de Busted Trojan...the admins have left the building:

USC sources said they were surprised at the severity and length of penalties. USC’s president is on the East Coast, the Provost is in Europe and the SID is headed on vacation. (The response) will be a written statement tomorrow. USC will have 15 days to give the NCAA notice that they are appealing the decision

With Carroll in Seattle, Tim Floyd in El Paso, Reggie Bush in an E! reality show...Let's see...that leaves the village idiot, our dearest KiffyBaby to answer to some serious charges. Allegedly:

• 2 year post-season ban
• 20 scholarship reduction
• and all football players on the three deep required to use Pale Rider prophylactics

I guess you can still hum ol' rocky flop when it rains in LA.

Sometimes it Pays to be a DumbA$$

An HBO report that will air tonight will reportedly confirm that USC is PRINTING DIÑEROS to pay ol' KiffyBaby. At $4 mil a year that's nearly 600K for each victory in Knutsville, and 333K for each career victory.

But my favorite part is this answer he gives to the loyalty question:

I never once told any of those players I'd be there forever. I never made the statement, ‘I'm coming here, This is my dream job, I'm never leaving.' I never made those statements.

Dumb kids. Get crunk.

Monday's Meatloaf - Open Bars...always a best option

Pardon the bleary eyes Reader. I'm fresh off a weekend bender of in-law'n. Survived nearly 1000 miles of I-85 and two open bars. So today's main dish is heavy on potholes, Jim, Ginger, crab cake appetizer and Wendy's drive-thru.


In between all that I was able to read up enough to find that should he be our best option, AJ Green will be returning punts this fall. Sure, this was a topic of discussion already. But in a word...ugh.


Seems Coach Richt is not afraid to put the team's best player on the field with 11 enemy missiles aimed directly at him. Okay. But I'm not too ashamed to admit that I just pee'd my chinos a lil just typing that.


That and I can't help but think that AJ won't be our best option back there. With Carlton Thomas...Wooten the Ankle Breaker...Branden Smith...who else am I missing?...Logan Gray...hell, AJ Harmon for God's sake!! Anybody but Green.


Numero Ocho has dazzled Dawg fans for two seasons...despite the fact that he's yet to be healthy for a full fall. CMR is right that he's just as likely to get hurt catching passes in the opponents' secondary. But if he's serious about this...truly serious...I'm going to need a series of open bars to make it through the '10 campaign.

Today's Ingredients

• Expansion. It's become a word synonymous with vomit. At least in my vocabulary.
• The latest upchuck - Kentucky to the Big Ten. All together now...Yeh, right.
• I think the least CMR could do for his basketball counterpart is loan him a pair of Oakleys.
• The Senator takes Tomahawk Nation to task...after the FSU blog decided to wear their ass as a hairpiece.
• In a related note, while the coaches hit the trail, their newest commit Christian LeMay is hitting the keypad of his smartphone, thumbs ablaze. And he also sat down with Chip Towers for a Q&A.
• Speaking of recruiting, HillBillys are pacing themselves...slowly.
• Exile spent the weekend dodging rainstorms and donating money to Churchill Downs. Sounds like it was a great time nonetheless.
• Lastly, with Mother's Day around the corner I'm sure I have a few readers who are still looking for that special gift. I recently got a ring for Mrs. Bernie...one of those just for the heck of it deals. She liked it a lot, and even received an ohhh! and an ahhh! at the wedding this weekend. That my friend is music to a husband's ears.
• Believe me, I hate ordering crap online. Cuz you never know if it's gonna look like crap. Despite my skepticism, I pulled the trigger anyway and couldn't be any happier. So if you want to get the lady a little bling for whatever occasion, a nice deal with a classy look is just a click away.

It's always intrigued me just how crucial music is for a wedding reception. The right energy needs to be applied to the crowd (some good food and beverages help as well of course) to make the occasion go from just plain memorable...to Granny took her shoes off and is bumpin' bootys with Uncle Clyde. 


So finding a band with this song in their repertoire or a DJ with it in his playlist I think is crucial. Cuz the Brothers Johnson just scream Let's get our groove thing on...

I'd crash a wedding just for the chance to slosh my Jim and Ginger around on the dance floor to that tune. In the meantime, here's your napkin Reader. And remember, the bar closes with the band...




Bernie

Wednesday Headers

Heading out of town for a few days, so posting may be scaled back some. But as soon as Gray makes a decision, I'm sure I'll have something to say about it...as long as I'm still in an area with available WiFi.

Until then...here's the news in and around the arches.

• Prez Adams fell short of becoming NCAA Supreme Dictator. As a show of support, I invited him over for dinner. But I made it clear that he'd have to park at our neighborhood's clubhouse in a designated spot and would have to leave the pull behind trailer at home.
• Aron White takes Ms. Bailey Keigers to task, and rather bluntly suggests she not torch her Dawg wardrobe.
• Dean Legge sees next year's draft playing out much differently than this past weekend did for the Draft Dawgs.
• Steve Babik, former FU Gaytuh broadcaster pleaded guilty to being a dirtbag child porn fiend. Maybe that'll overshadow the big ass bong Hernandez left in Gayturdsville.
• Looks like Herschel Blogger's back and has some thoughts on the ups and downs of the spring so far.
• Brooms. Nerds. Another...collapse.

Regardless of any score those enginerds put up...it'll never add up to...

3 3 9

Monday's Meatloaf - From Glory, Glory to Bus Fare

Wow. What a difference a week makes huh?

Last meatloaf had a heavy ladle of Mett gravy. In the post-GDay glory we suddenly had a QB competition. The kid from Oconee had thrilled, been as sharp as could be on short, intermediate and deep throws. He still couldn't be the starter, but it at least seemed possible that Gray could provide some depth at WR while Mett pushed Murray.

Now...well...we still have Murray. Instead of awarding Zach Mettenberger his share of snaps in August, we're making sure he has the bus fare to wherever his next stop is. And probably the one thing we can be sure of is that this kid will land on his feet. He's got an all-star arm and the difference in his foot work and pocket poise between last year and this year is like night and day. He's got Bobo to thank for that.

And hopefully in the years to come, Zach Mettenbeger will also be able to thank Coach Richt for helping him learn a valuable life lesson.

Today's Ingredients

• The timing of news like this Mett thing is never good. But this time it's also especially odd. Despite the press releases to the contrary, can't help but think something else surfaced that forced Coach Richt's hand.
• And I have to admit, the conspiracy theorist in me had these same thoughts running through the synapses yesterday afternoon. It was a peculiar GDay all around, and as Noops says - it started with the odd QB rotation.
• That being said, from my seat Mett played as cool as a cucumber so I'll leave it at that. At least until the next random thought hits my brain. You know, like this one...
• Did you hear Jonathan Dwyer bought a handful of crank from Reuben Houston at a World of Warcraft allnighter and swallowed them behind a couple shots of Mountain Dew? At least that's how I read this one.
• Doubt it will affect Dwyer's draft status. But while we're talking about enemy players and the draft, I think Buffalo would be a great destination for St. Timmy...assuming there's not a team in east Siberia.
• Both AwwBarn and Bammer's spring game was Saturday. Scarbinsky compares the two events, in a way.
• From the other end of the bus trip Mett is now on...you know the age old story of the high profile recruit that strays, gets kicked off campus, resurfaces at another only to turn his life around? I submit to you Newton as a WarTiger and Nu'Keese as a Pirate.
• Speaking of Hampton University, looks like Michael Vick has given up training dogs and now is ready to train young 8 year olds how to play behind the center as a running back.
• As we head into the longest stretch of football's off-season, Mike is pensive...and still has his eyes on the prize. 
• Chad Simmons chronicles the commitment ($$) of Devin Bowman, which came over the weekend.
• Andrea Griffeth of the ABH has the first of a three part series on Larry Munson up. Go over and get the picture.
• Hale says after the summer workouts there can't be any defensive regression.
• Weiszer has a great piece on the relationship between scooters and the UGA athlete. In the wake of Chance Veazey's horrendous accident, it's nice to see the Athletic Administration is taking precautions. I hope and pray every athlete is listening.
• It's not that other schools can't ride horses, it's just that UGAs team is a little more Hi-O Silver!! and they're a lot more like circus acts. Congrats to the Equestrian team on yet another national championship. 
• And another trophy is returning with the men's golf team from St. Simons as they won the SEC for the seventh time in Haack's 14 year career.
• If you like watching old videos of college football games and/or evaluating X's and O's...this is a pretty good read/watch from Smart Football, looking at the evolution of spread offenses.
• A Prez Adams follow up - a couple weeks ago I labeled the carpetbagger's flirtatiousness with the NCAA a lethal cocktail. This piece follows up with Bob Ryan who was the initial pot stirrer. (h/t Mrs. Bernie)
• If Boise State really wants to be taken as serious as their soon to be top ranking, they gotta come up with bigger stories than the replacement of their smurf turf.

If I asked for a show of hands as to who among us had once had to eat their own words this would suddenly look like a Justin Bieber concert (well...without all the dried zit cream and training bras). You just can't go through life without it kicking you in the ass at least a couple of times. 

So...remember this??...

"Last year I was around a lot, and the leadership wasn't too great last year. I've been here three weeks and I can already tell that the leadership and the seniors, they want to win a championship again. They want an SEC championship. They want a spot to play for the national title. So far, the leadership has been outstanding in my opinion."

Yup. That's Mett in January '09 discussing what he'd seen so far that had surprised him. I remember reading that and being shocked. Shocked that a new kid would say them and shocked that the words must be true.

But it didn't compare to how shocked I was yesterday around 5pm when I heard the news that Mett was booted. The local kid who had been moderately recruited and had jumped for joy in a Wal-Mart when Richt had delivered the news over the phone. The kid who's mother parks next to his coaches. The kid who wowed us 'tween the hedges last week.

Gone.

And so is another plate Reader. Come back for seconds now ya hear?

Bernie

A Lethal Cocktail - Michael Adams and the NCAA

There's suddenly a great big spotlight on the large elephant in UGAs room. It's not that UGA alumni and fans have always refused to discuss the topic of Is Michael Adams the actual devil? It's more like we just prefer to pretend he's not really there. He'll come out of his North Campus hole every so often to make an ass out of someone and then he slithers away.

Unfortunately, having seen him in person I can attest to the fact that he does indeed exist.

But will he exist much longer in Athens? We've known for awhile that he's a leading candidate to replace Myles Brand as NCAA Chief Dictator. Brand left a modest legacy of academic improvements that evidently Adams would like to ruin.

That's just how he rolls....

Back in my day we had Charles Knapp as UGA President. I never saw him play kickball, but I bet he didn't kick like a girl getting ready to promote from kindergarten. No, the main criticism against Knapp was that he didn't do enough. Boy, we didn't know how good we had it back then. Adams wakes up each day to crush souls and find new and more malevolent ways to wield his massive ego. He's hated by a majority of the faculty, the only alumni that don't despise him are the ones he's wined and dined on the private jet he used to use like a Winnebago, he doesn't like cocktail parties and let's see...what else...

Oh yeh! He stabbed Coach Dooley in the back...several times...publicly.

At this point if I were to pull back the curtain the Board of Regents hides behind, I wouldn't be surprised if I found Adams there holding a gun in one hand and an unfiltered Camel in the other. The man spends cash extravagantly like there's no tomorrow then raves about the influx of donations to the University, most of which he has nothing to do with. If I were to hunker down at the foot of the arch and miraculously find a cure for cancer, this jackhole would not only take all the credit but would be sure to do so within earshot of the Action News van.

The truth is, I don't know if Prez Adams will be anointed NCAA King. It's entirely possible he's lined the right pockets and slapped the right backs. We all know that the NCAA isn't a perfect organization and that it likely never will be. Those of us in and around Athens also know Michael Adams isn't the right choice to succeed Brand. Mixing that amount of power with his stature of indignity is a lethal cocktail, pardon the pun.

But it'd be nice if all this sudden national attention would also awaken the powers that be. Maybe someone would find it within themselves to backstab the backstabber...

Some other related readings of interest:

• Michael Adams Is The Worst Possible Choice To Be The NCAA\'s President - Brian Cook - The Sporting Blog - Sporting News
• NCAA should use a presidential veto here - The Boston Globe
• Attention: The anti-Michael Adams crowd will love this one | Mark Bradley

A KiffyBaby Documentary

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Perhaps you've seen this riveting docudrama already. It's awash in raw emotions and tells the story of a simple coach looking for his next headline. If you haven't had the pleasure, it's worth three minutes of your busy day...avoiding that inbox that has staked a claim to over 40% of your desk.

Press play. Sit back. Pick your nose. Whatever.

Again we're reminded that there are times when Al Davis uses words that are as true as they are nearly coherent. That and pumping gas can be a noble profession.

But best of all, one of my doctored pics made the cycle of graphics peaster68 used in the documentary. A steady round of golf applause to the reader that can comment as to which one.

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As the HillBilly Turns

It'll take about eight minutes of your life...but if you wanna see the press room negotiations before KiffyBaby gave his "statement" on Tuesday night...CLICK HERE. (classlesskiffin disabled embedding, so I couldn't import it.)

Plenty of Stoopid Will Go Unfixed

Leaving town with a full blown riot in your rear view mirror will do more than burn some mattresses bridges. KiffyBaby seems as drawn to negative publicity as strongly as I am an ice chest full of cold beer.

Although I'm not surprised by the backlash given the swarthiness with which the Kiffin Kamp operates, the truth is there's plenty of stoopid to spread around. Chief among them, Athletic Director Mike Hamilton. After all, it was his multi-colored lollipop and endless Wal-Mart mini merry go round rides that lured the young Kiffin.

I don't usually buy into the violin strumming when a coach leaves and his players are left behind with empty promises...plus a free education. I mean, a show of hands for those of us with student loans...

But while we chuckle at those HillBilly fans who have pissed on their own dreams (h/t Pump)...it's easier to feel sympathy for those Tennessee student-athletes that just arrived on campus. What a hot mess they just got themselves into. If the admins in Knutsville had any measure of class, they would cut these kids loose to make up their own mind.

But University of Tennessee and class are difficult to fit into the same sentence. I had to use a hammer myself just then. But a bucket full of hammers won't fix the stupid up on Rocky Flop. Let them rant and rave about their coach leaving in the dark of night, trading the Rocky Mountain Oysters for the warm sea breezes. Let them stamp their feet and test the integrity of their suspenders.

A truckload of hammers ain't gonna fix that much stupid.

the Friday Feedbag

• Just think...last week this time Carroll still wore a trojan, Kiffin still gave Slive a headache and Conan wasn't facing unemployment.
• Asked to describe KiffyBaby's career in Knutsville in one word, AD Hamilton said, "brief." I didn't know Hamilton's vocabulary was so extensive.
• As news broke in Tennessee Tuesday night, I found the Fulmer rumors preposterous (laughable...uh, I got a chuckle for any HillBillys visiting today). However, it becomes clearer that Philmer may be positioning himself well for the ADship once the row boat Hamilton's using finally sinks.
• Out in SoCal, Kiffin has already ruffled some feathers (all together...Duh!!). As he took the podium for his presser, USC was in desperate negotiations for Norm Chow to head the Trojan offense. Yet the Kifster balked when asked, indicating that he would run the offense as he always has. (editor's note: Chow and Kiffin do not exchange Christmas cards)
• Yet in the transcript of the press conference, that particular question and answer mysteriously disappeared.
• Back on East coast time, South Florida skipped to Holtz.
• Kyle King wonders why Jeff Schultz is giving Gary Stokan such a pass.
• Chad Simmons' lays out just why ($$) this weekend is so big for the short-handed Georgia staff.
• The Senator finds Sen. Hatch's letter to Prez Obama a little ironic.
• PWD sees progress on the hardwood.
• Meanwhile, the Lady Dawgs saw their streak end in Nashville.
• Daugman stayed up to watch Yata's late night heroics. And if you missed the video of his call up from D-league, you should watch it.
• It's always great to see a Dawg have his day! And for Sundiata Gaines, there should be plenty more ahead.

Trivial Update

Q - After starting his collegiate playing career at Garden City Community College, Coach Mark Fox lettered two years at what institution?
A - East New Mexico University

To help celebrate Coach Fox's birthday, ThursdaysRTrivial made a fastbreak for the head guy's bio. Ally didn't need a steal this week, but threw it down Leslie Style to claim the retro replica wig of Albert Jackson's former dreads. Alan then broke the game wide open with an easy lay up; he claims a pair of Carlos Strong size 16s (go Jags!). Last but not least, Melissa heaved a desperation three at the buzzer that couldn't find the bucket. For her efforts though she gets a very festive Happy Birthday kazoo and matching hat. That is...if Coach Fox is done with them.

If you're in the Mall of Georgia Sunday afternoon and hear the screams of 8 year old girls, don't panic. Steer clear of the daughter's birthday party and everything will be fine. If you hear me scream...well, keep running. Save yourself.

Besides, we don't have enough cake for you too Reader. But have a good weekend anyway.


Bernie

Merry Christmas!!

Our sincerest wishes for a very Merry Christmas to you and yours Reader. Hope your day is filled with Holiday Cheer and fond memories in the making.

Congrats to @allyugadawg, @alanashley and @TNRLM for answering correctly...Which two Dawg defenders returned fumbles for TDs in the 2000 O'ahu Bowl? They all knew it was Kentrell Curry and Cap Burnett.

Which means they get to share what's left of the Bernie Fruitcake and two and a half ladles each of egg nog. Don't consume it all under the tree tweeps. And....

Merry Christmas!

Yes Virginia...there is a Bernie

Linus has loaded the Tahoe with gifts of great tidings and much joy. For the next 10 hours, I-85 is my arch nemesis once again! DAMN U p o t h o l e s...

(Update: Yes, I've heard of the twitterings...I'll have a I have a Coaching Update as well) I counted myself among those disappointed that the new DC was not announced this week. Tuesday was the first possible day and I'd held out hope that the Evil Richt had planned a big time [quote] FU Chumps...I genetically rebuilt Erk Damn Russell [unquote] presser. The timing of Kyle's announcement only fueled my frenzy.

And yet, we wait. Which is likely good news. For one, a genetically re-engineered Erk Damn Russell would not have bled from his forehead; instead his skull would have ripped through his defensive charges' helmets like a hot knife through Country Crock, ultimately leaving our defensive depth chart depleted. And second, as I mentioned yesterday (as well as actual BDB Readers and bloggers on the internets)...Coach Richt has a better than passing score in hiring assistants.

Promoting assistants...eh! But hiring, yessir!


the Friday Feedbag

• To lead off, a PSA: Blogger has a new editor I've recently switched to which has some features I like. BUT...it has a bad habit of F*$%!! screwing things up once I click PUBLISH. Yesterday, things came to a head when the post was riddled with gaps and spaces that were not present in editing. If you experienced technical difficulties, I apologize. I shall persevere!
• Congrats to all UGA graduates. It's your day, you've earned it and no one can take it away from you.
• Can't really call it a read, but this is an interesting glance from Low on the SEC bowl records.
• On Wednesday I gave a balanced preview of Texas A&M. But really, the posts that are preparing us best for all things Aggie have come from Quinton at Georgia Sports Blog. Here's the one on the cheerleaders and here's the one on the band.
• While you're there, check out PWDs DC Search Update. 
• Leather Helmet has some pics of floriDuh recruits having fun with fingers. Luckily, it appears no hostesses were harmed. Go gatuh!
• Yesterday we noted that DawgsOnline had the skinny on what officials would be Christmasing in Shreveport. Now he asked a very interesting question about replays. He even drops some legalese knowledge on ya.
• Chilling yet inspiring article on Bacarri Rambo. Looking back, I'm guessing Rambo sees it as a helluva way to garner extra Facebook Friend Requests.
• Rex has some Post Season's Greetings. Suck it St. Simons!!
• I really enjoy bowl season. Whether you do or not, surely you agree that a bowl pick 'em helps make the games interesting. Last year I actually learned what a MagicJack was. So if you're still in the market for a challenge...remember Bubba N Earl's. If you beat Streit...he'll even put your name in lights.

Trivial Update

Q -  As the Dawgs prepare for the Agreeculturals, they undoubtedly want to stop the guy with the girl's name. Who is the 2009 Big XII Offensive Freshman of the Year?

A - Christine Michael

After a week playing second fiddle to @Stuff_of_Legend, @allyugadawg turned the tables back around and got her tweet in just ahead of Scott and @MikeInValdosta. For first place Ally will get her own personal 12th Man...to yell, start a bonfire or just take Lassie Reveille for a walk. Meanwhile Scott and Mike must share eight maids a milking.

Hey! it's the season to be merry. Take your fabulous prize and move along...be happy.

Need to give a shout-out to Exhile and Mike for their help in deciphering the phrase Courier and Ives yesterday. I plan to check your answers against what the wife says as we take a sleigh ride up to the northland. And speaking of my friend up in Big Ten/Golden Homer country, I guess this is another opportunity to experience life as a Dawg in exhile. But I'll draw the line at the official exhile hairdo.

Meanwhile, hope you're able to steer clear of malls, rooftops and Wal-Marts this weekend Reader. I'm trying to give the BDB staff some time off as well. So if I'm not back in time to mold the meatloaf Monday, let's try and get together for some eggnog next week.

Bernie