Now, why didn't we think of that?

Not that Prez Adams was ever involved in something as malicious and litigious as player safety like Michigan's administration, but a rally would've been a good opportunity to tailgate at the feet of UGA's greatest dictator.

Students and fans flooded the front lawn of University of Michigan president Mark Schlissel's on-campus house Tuesday night, demanding the school get rid of athletic director Dave Brandon.

A few hundred protesters gathered at the school's nearby Diag -- a popular outdoor meeting place on campus -- at 6 p.m. and marched the short distance to the president's house a half-hour later. Craig Kaplan, an undergraduate senior, stood on the home's front steps and led chants with a bullhorn as the rally wound down shortly before 7 p.m.

Come to think of it, seems like there was a time when Adam's home was marched upon. Though I can't remember the reason...?? (The specific reason that is. I can think of plenty.)

"Schlissel's house is that way!"

Monday's Meatloaf - the Prez Adams interview

In this edition of the meatloaf, done and gone UGA president Michael Adams sits down with me to clear the air a bit, thereby closing a dark chapter in my blogging history.

Bernie: Thanks for coming Mike. Now, lets get this over with...
Prez Adams: No problem really. Although the correct address is of course "Former President Adams". (adjusts his bowtie with the canned cheese and Cabernet stains.)
B: Well, my dime means you have the following choices - Mike...or the more casually accurate Former Prez Asshole...
PA: Good gracious. I'm much more accustomed to pulling the strings rather than being used as a common puppet...but I really do want that sausage mcmuffin...
B: Whatever gets us through this prez assh..I mean Mike. Let's start with your plans now that you're done as UGA's dictator and the university has rejected your designs for a new $25000 office. Does this mean you'll have to live in Russell Hall, with the common student drinking Milwaukee's Best and planning ousters of resident assistants that refuse to give you your own private shower time?
PA: ahem...No. I'm working on starting a course for kickball in the Phys Ed department. As well as a fund reallocation class for UGA finance majors. Hopefully one day I'll get that office.
B: Over my dead body. So how is your kickball game?
PA: I'm working on waddling out grounders and my pitching roll. The other day I almost kicked one past the second station thingamajig. 
B: Incredible. Will you still attend the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party now that you're no longer UGA's ruler supreme? 
PA: You mean the Georgia-Florida game. And of course. The football program has enjoyed tremendous success while I've...
B: No. I meant the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. And you've done little to nothing to be honest.
PA: But you'll recall Bernie that I hired Richt and changed the name of that game...
B: Lemme stop you right there. You're starting to make an Adams out of yourself.

Today's Ingredients
- Evidently Adams also sat down with Emerson. If you're interested in reading more revisionist history.
- And kudos to Kerri for the best Prez Adams is leaving tweet.
- And since she brought up photoshop, thanks to BassinDawg for his efforts in tailoring Adams' gift so perfectly.
- Personally, I'd've been more impressed if David Greene had designed the new playbook app.
- Speaking of cutting edge, Blutarsky is already preparing for the WLOCP.
- Lady Sportswriter updates us on Christian Miller.
- Dude You Crazy finds the bar is set quite higher in College Station.
- Heard a radio ad the other day referring to the reigning Sun Bowl champion Georgia Tech. Well, ecdawg explains that they lost some cash getting out there.
- Clempson gon' Clempson y'all.
- Yep. Clempson gon' Clempson.
- Lastly, new president Jere Morehead has some words for us.

Now, back to a Mickey Dees dining room...

Prez Asshole: So, I can get a second mcmuffin right?
Bernie: Sure. You want an order of grits with it?
PA: What are grits?
B: That was a test. You passed. And failed. Congrats. Let's try another one: how many points is a three pointer worth?
PA: That's not funny. That was that goddamn Dooley's hire. All I did was drop the name.
B: Ah yes. I forgot your Wiki-history was written in pencil. Now, noving on. What will be your lasting legacy in Athens: a greedy cash whore or a backstabbing tyrant with a penchant for opening his piehole way too hard...?
PA: I don't like either of those options. Can I stall long enough to order a McRib and an apple pie?
B: No. This place reeks of Auburness and other not so special sauces. Plus you'd probably order an unsweetened tea with it just to piss me off. Damn yankee.

Prez Asshole getting his jort on. (via BassinDawg)

PA: I'll have you know I grew up in the South. I take offense to that sir!
B: Yeh, but I bet your suitcase was made of carpet as you trudged around the north getting your head spun around about the War of Northern Aggression and how to be chivalrous. I saw you push that old lady aside to get your grubby hands on that half-assed breakfast sandwich.
PA: Well, after all I did to raise SAT scores and improve the campus, can I at least get a ride back to the Arch. Want to make sure Morehead hasn't discovered my decanter of cognac yet.
B: Please. You're the Former Prez Asshole of this town. Stick your thumb out to get down Baxter, then hop on a Milledge bus. 
PA: What's a milledge bus?
B: Not at all shocked to hear that come out of your fat mouth. But I am shocked I'm still giving you your gift.
PA: (makes an awkward face to where you're not sure if he's overly excited or just hoping it's a villa in Tuscany he can use...for research and development...)
B: Here. It's a pair of short jeans. Commonly referred to as "jorts". They're very popular, especially in areas of Florida near (coughs) Gainesville (coughs). Now you can kickball AND fly your freak flag.

With that I dropped a five dollar bill on the table, chunked deuces and went to Waffle House to celebrate. Scattered, smothered and covered. Stick a fork in that joker's reign. Y'all have a terrific Monday. Hopefully the new president drinks bourbon.

Bernie

Best Friday ever!!

Usually when he emails me it is to take even more credit for developing the HOPE Scholarship or to ask for a donation so that he can wine and dine bigger donors while in Tuscany or the south of France.

BUT NOT TODAY FOLKS!!

Come on back Monday when I give the guy his exit interview. I have the perfect going away present for him too.

Learning to live with UGA's drug policy

Had an argument with another Georgia fan recently that illustrated both the frustration Dawg fans feel regarding the yearly drug related suspensions and the no man's land that Georgia resides in compared to most of its immediate competitors.

The fact that the SEC's top officials recently discussed the (absurdly remote) possibility of a league wide drug testing program and uniform policies for positive tests is impressive in itself. But Texas A&M athletic director Eric Hyman put it best:

"If another school wants to do it a certain way and regulate it a certain way, that's their prerogative. What are we trying to do anyway? We're trying to help young people. I don't want another school to tell me how to do it." (via)

Who's to say one school's policy is better than another's? I don't want my neighbor having any kind of say so in how I raise and discipline my kids. So why should LSU want to adopt Kentucky's testing program and suspension policies? In short, schools like UGA have made their bed and now we must take a long, tortured slumber in it.

Have you sent Prez Adams his Thanks for the Memories card yet?

 Is it fair? No. But that doesn't mean it's wrong for the SEC to not have some form of uniform policy. Alabama can gain a competitive advantage over Mississippi State by allowing a player to play in their game after a positive test; a standard much lower than the MSU players on the same field. But that's how the University of Alabama chooses to run things. Do we all need the same entrance requirements for enrollment as well? Where does this train stop? Pre-game meals? Equipment deals? Checkboard endzones?

Just win the games on the field and let's stop belaboring minute details over fairness. Do you really think if Georgia players hadn't been so tired from pissing in all those cups they would've found a way to stop Eddie Lacy or managed to gain a first down and kill more clock? No, games are won or lost on the field. Not in front of a urinal.Speaking of which, take a look at this quote too:

"There are a lot of things we don't do the same as other schools," (Alabama AD) Battle said. "The policy for a lot of schools has been undertesting and overpunishing."

If UGA is overtesting and overpunishing (a matter of debate, sure, but logic would dictate that a case could be made for both) that is its business. Personally, I do think we're over punishing. And I also recognize that I must somehow come to accept that because it's not going to change. Ever. UGA won't lower the standards. It's just not going to happen^*.

Instead, as a Georgia fan, I have to come to accept it in some way. In the case of Alec Ogletree, the school's policy did not alter his behavior as much as fans would've preferred. Truly, that's his prerogative. But I can explain to my own kids the tenuous and constantly strained relationship between choices and consequences.

And I can do that without my neighbor knocking down my door and telling me I'm wrong.

^*I suppose the President Morehead era could bring lots of changes, I just don't see a new drug policy for athletes being one. And besides, it's not just the President's office in play here.

Monday's Meatloaf - but at least my name's not Michael F. Adams

Time to address the elephant in the blog space. You’ve been very kind to keep your questions at a distance while I mourn this loss, this abject failure that will tarnish my legacy as a Georgia Bulldog and UGA alum for years to come. I appreciate your consideration. Let’s muddle our way through this shall we?

(steps up to podium wearing wrinkled golf shorts, his Lebowski t-shirt, wife’s terrycloth robe complete with cheese puff dust and UGA slippers. Readjusts vintage ray-bans and speaks uncomfortably into microphone…)

"Who's the guy outside in house slippers
with a bullhorn?"

If you come here often and/or are one of the unlucky and incredibly misguided souls that follows me on twitter, you know that I launched a campaign to become Prez Adam’s successor. It’s been a longtime ambition of mine, dating all the way back to the time the office of the president was disgraced by a pair of high water lady jeans swinging a leg unathletically in the direction of a rubber ball. In the years since I have been laying in wait, readying myself for the time in which I could restore order to our beloved campus. I planned to put grits back on the menu. I was going to bring morale back even faster than the Timberpond fella brought sexy back. Y'all would be invited to my box at Sanford…anytime. Because that’s where I would live. It has a shower right?

Anyway. It was to be a dream come true. Out with the old fat yankee; and in with the blogger that has wifi and a half empty highball. So long you pestilent pig; hello you long lost Athenian with hundreds of dollars of unpaid parking tickets. Hand over the checkbook you money grubbing freeloader; here’s the key to the executive bathroom Mr…ahem...President Bernie.

But lo, it was not to be. A number of semi-egregious and somewhat shameful transgressions led me to withdraw my candidacy, albeit quietly and with little to no CNN coverage. I will enumerate some of these sins below in an effort to purge myself of the foul taste and the errors of my ways. But before I did that I wanted to thank you for your support and beg y'all to give incoming President Jere Morehead your full support. He may not be able to blog, play cornhole, swill bourbon from the still, cook a grilled cheese sandwich, operate a blender, skim wifi, eat a grilled cheese sandwich, bark, tweet, pour a Guinness correctly, nap on an Orbit bus, or crush souls with his air guitar the way that I can. But he is our new president. And his name isn’t Michael Adams. 

Amen.

Today’s Ingredients

- Speaking of that guy, Blutarsky will miss Adams' penchant for administrative douchebaggery. Although I think he typed that with his tongue in his cheek.
- BigRedBaller catches up with one of Georgia's newest commits - Jeb Blazevich.
- Evidently Tyler spent the last four days with Mel Kiper and a Costco-sized can of hairspray. He runs down the first three rounds, the last four and the undrafted free agents.
- Lady Sportswriter looks at Baccari Rambo's past and future after being selected late by the Redskins.
- More draft stuff from CCRider as he grades out the first round. Have to agree that the EJ Manuel pick by the Bills and the trade up by the Falcons to get Trufant are two very big mysterious decisions.
- Yesterday Mother Nature was kind enough to replace the Hogs' brooms with umbrellas.
- I was about to call bullshit on this piece by Spencer Hall as I was travelling through Grayson GA this weekend, but then I realized that yes...their Blockbuster Video is going out of business too.

Some of my most trivial and unilaterally embarrassing transgressions, ladies and gentlemen. Exposed to you like an English bulldog rolling around on his back next to the famed hedges, I bear to you my soul and only ask that you not hold these sins against my family. They are but innocent bystanders here, as they unpack the boxes that were marked for the presidential estate and let loose the dreams of living between Sanford Drive and East Campus Road. Just above where the trumpet sounds and Dawg hunkers down.

Some of these may seem overly cryptic. Most names were redacted because I enjoy using the word redacted out of context.

He's a little bit taller. But other than that...

*My second junior year at UGA I broke the rope on the Chapel Bell, injured my leg on a rusty nail and had to get a tetanus shot. *After all these years, and considering myself an Athenian, I still don’t particularly care for most of REM’s music. Plus, having met them, they’re assholes. Except Peter Buck. He casually acknowledged my presence.  *I once resorted to dangerous levels of taunting mixed with intense hatred and grotesquely high levels of alcohol in the blood stream, embarrassing myself and my school for telling a Vandy fan to bark like a Dawg. I mean, it’s Vanderbilt dude. Let it go. *This one time, at band camp… *South Carolina peaches are better than Georgia’s. (Dear God that hurt out loud.) *I never had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky, even back when that seemed to be the popular thing to do. *I have a filthy vocabulary and recently had to pay a fine for absolutely no %$#!@ reason.  *JASPER’S KNEE WAS DOWN GODDAMNIT!!! *During my first sophomore campaign I was caught taking sandwiches out of Bolton Dining Hall one Friday evening. I was on the five day plan, not the seven. This made for some intense hunger pains on Sunday nights while Homer chastised Flanders about not drinking Duff beer. Still, I knew it was wrong. *In yet another Chapel Bell incident Fred, Nama and I were scolded by undercover UGA cops pretending to make out for ringing it too late in the evening. WTF? *I hate gators too much. And yet not enough. Both at the same time. I’m flawed people. Turn your heads in shame. Please! *Recently, while on a boat, I molested a mic stand while singing Jesse’s Girl. (Mrs. Bernie is so lucky.) *I’ve worn orange inside of Clempson’s Death Valley. I was very young and it wasn’t my fault. But it was real and it happened. (Shit. Someone please stop me!) *While touring Italy, I photographed David in all his glory even as the guards screamed at me “NO FOTO! NO FOTO!” In my defense, duh! I don't speak Italian. Can't they recognize a tourist taking pictures in a museum? *Later I also posed as David in all my own glory. But I was not accustomed to drinking fermented grapes. Still, this is my burden to carry for my lifetime of agony. *Never once did I invest money with Coach Donnan. That’s "guarandamnteed". *Lastly, and most painfully, while enrolled at UGA my GPA once rose to a level higher than my BAC. Oh God! The shame!

Come to think of it, that might be why I graduated so early after only eight years.

So there it is. A festering wound exposed with one rip of the band-aid. Take a good long look people. Cast your judgmental eyes upon it and pretend that you have no such wound of your own. As the philosopher once said "Hating people will engage themselves in hating behavior, repeatedly." While I'm proud of each one of these acts individually, collectively they have lead to this much deserved and costly consequence. Forever I will be known as the guy that failed to replace the lying, cheating bastard as UGA President, all because I rarely manage my drunk and don't care for "shiny happy people". With the office of president within my grasp, my past came back and ripped it from my clutch before I could cross the goalline. I'm so sorry y'all. I so totally Jordan Reed'd this whole campaign. I can hear Gary Danielson and Uncle Verne countlessly recalling my epic failure.

Quoth the raven, "You suck dude. Eternally."

Well, until the day Morehead gets caught pulling some semblance of a Damon Evans and my alma mater needs a leader to step in. Of course, that Kyle King guy probably will be out of weblogging rehab retirement by then. Anyway, here's your fork Reader. But no napkins today. I used them all to try and clean up this mess.

Bernie

The Michael Adams farewell tour

Did anyone else's invitation look like this?

Humpday Hilarity: Campaign endorsement

Based on my hat being tossed into the ring the other day, I wasn't expecting an endorsement so soon. Just like my bourbon I promise to run my campaign neat.



Also, FU Prez Adams.

h/t Maker's Mark

Monday's Meatloaf - it's time to close the door on Prez Adams

2013...less cognac, more bourbon

(approach podium, clear throat, smile) One score and many moons ago, when I was 17, I failed in an attempt to become mayor of the city of Athens. My whole platform was based on the need for two pizza lines in each school and cheaper gasoline. After all it was $.89/gallon and I was trying to make ends meet while working concessions at The Classic Triple. Goobers and Mike n Ikes stock was down and times were tough. But I was young and a dreamer full of ideals. When I had already lost with 1% of the precincts reporting, I promptly retired from the arena of politics. Convinced it just wasn't for me.


But dear Reader...and mom...I am typing in front of you today as a new man. I lay my 39 years of experience before you as a matter of public record. Debate it, pore over it, let it simmer over the summer. Because a year from now I want to be your president! (pause for applause...)


Thank you, but let me explain. My aim is not for the Oval Office. My aspirations are grander. My vision has laid a course for a loftier perch. You see fair Reader, my skills are needed in Athens GA even more than they are needed in DC; they are needed from the Arch on North Campus all the way across College Station where my intramural softball glory still resonates today; my skills are needed to address concerns over tailgating, concerns over the current lack of pencil sharpeners in classrooms, the need for a week off before and after the WLOCP, seating arrangements in Sanford on Saturdays in the Fall, and lastly...to repair the image that was been shit all the hell over tarnished over the last several years. (another pause, probably longer this time)


You're probably asking how you can help. No, please...put your wallets and checkbooks away. I appreciate the gesture, but I'd rather you save your hard earned money for a basketball recruit ticket or a trip to the Tate Center Plaza. I don't need signs in yards or volunteers interrupting peoples' suppers every night. I don't need expensive airplane trips across oceans and my wife and I won't need a private residence to hide from our esteemed students. We're Georgia red, the Chapel Bell rings within our hearts and even though this could be considered another Reconstruction Era, our luggage isn't made from carpets. And when we win, you're all invited to my suite in Sanford. Every Saturday - winter, spring summer and fall.


GATA y'all, here's some hope, keep your change and rock the vote! IT"S TIME!! (wave exuberantly, light cigar, point to jumbotron, press play and plug in your air guitar)


Today's Ingredients
- And while you're in the mood to vote, Kyle King would like your ballot placed ASAP for a 5th nominee in the HoF voting.

Hoage doing some Tiger hunting, via DawgBone

- Former Dawg diver Chris Colwill is going back to the Olympics after a dramatic win at the trials yesterday.
- David Ching has compiled a bucket list for UGA fans. How's your list coming so far?
- The Minnesota Vikings believe Blair Walsh is the answer at placekicker. As Blutarsky points out, if so Richt may have some serious 'splaining to do. 
- You remember last week's chapter on How much Tech fans are obsessed with us where wedding nuptials were taken over a dead Uga cake? Cute, demented little dorks. In this week's chapter ecdawg finds more hilarity from the internet's funniest location, StingTalk.
- CCRider's "review" of Abraham Lincoln Southern Murderer is brief, then takes on a life of its own.
- Donnan has reached a settlement agreement in his Ponzi scheme case.
- Intellivision over Atari...so says George Plimpton.
- Lastly, Ben Dukes played Down in Flames on national television last week. It's the least Craig Ferguson could do for the guy who "coordinates" the audience so well.


With all due respect to one of the leading scientific minds in history, I would like to take this opportunity to share my own personal findings as it relates to one of Newton's laws of motion.

Sir Isaac, meet Bernie's Law of Energy
Efficiency - SHUT THE DOOR!

You see, it's hot y'all. No amount of lemonade and no number of oscillating/rotating fans is gonna change that now. Each summer I vow to protect my house from two enemies: super-heated, humid air and nasty pests (ants, cockroaches, the flying buzzing kind). My house has three main points of entry, all secured by a door that both shuts and locks. These doors shut out the enemies and lock in the cool, clean air. Amazing!


But here's where it gets troublesome for Sir Isaac, and subsequently myself as well. Opening the door is an action. Now when I open them there is an opposite and equal REaction...the door REcloses, securing everything I hold dear inside (again, most notably cold, clean air). However the same law of motion doesn't hold true for the other occupants of the household. My sturdy, lockable doors are like balls that bounce up, then never return to Earth. It's as if they exist inside vacuums and no amount of times that I say "CLOSE THE DOOR!!!!" does it rectify on its own.


Now, I'm not saying Newton was an idiot. It's just clear he didn't live with my beautiful young ladies...whom I adore and wouldn't trade for anyone else in the world. I just may have to start using that locking mechanism a little more often. And speaking of closing, shut the oven door Reader. Meatloaf's ready. Dig in!


Bernie

DING DONG! The bastard is finally...

...taking his yankee carpet baggin' ass out of Athens.


Michael Adams is a polarizing figure. Some see his long tenure and applaud the growth, development and academic achievements. But while Adams enjoyed taking credit for those I prefer to see things realistically. The University of Georgia has long needed new leadership from the top. Now the Board of Regents will have several months to find it.


The campus and university as a whole has enjoyed tremendous growth since Adams took office in 1997. He deserves credit there. Maybe not as much as he demands, but for the most part he helped raise a lot of money and stood out of the way of UGA's brick and mortar expansion.


Athletics has been more of a mixed bag. Sure, the UGAA has enjoyed profits and success during Adams' time on campus. But there's just as much of an argument that he stood in the way of greater success as one that he was responsible for what Georgia has enjoyed.


Overall, if you ask me how I'll look back on Adams' time as President of the University of Georgia I would say it was a good time to be a student and part of the alumni. I'll always wonder if it could've been greater. I don't care for his hands-on style meddling ways when it comes to athletics. I hope the successor gets along better with the faculty and stays away from Butts-Mehre as much as possible.


But that's just me. I eat grits and don't wear jeans to the Intramural Fields.

Adams almost done bagging carpet in Athens

It's not effective until June 2013, but Prez Adams in retiring from his post at UGA. The Chapel Bell should be ringing all night. I just cracked open a celebratory beer. Join me.


More tomorrow.

Friday's Misery, GDay chapter: as the calendar turns

It's thirteen going on fourteen. Time to get miserable instead of unlucky.


It's a flash in the pan. A meteoric rise followed by a plummet into ocean depths never before fathomed by the college football crazed brain. In the words of Mr. Montgomery and Gentleman Gentry...Gone, like a freight train.


It is the THE SPRING GAME! That quick bold taste of what we all crave. A bountiful steak dinner that is placed on the table before you. You've barely gotten the napkin tucked into your replica #34 jersey and a bite into your mouth before the whole thing is taken away. You show up for a marathon and it sprints away like a bolt of lightning. If the college football season is hot sex, the spring game is either the cigarette afterward...or the taking off of the socks beforehand.

Water Girls don't ride
Hogs, or motorcycles

However you choose to look at it, don't blink.


Trainer's Table Blues
Could it be worse? Well of course it could. Murray's arm could be in a sling and Jarvis could be on crutches. It's mostly a bunch of dings and stings but there's a lot of first stringers that'll be in street clothes tomorrow.


People bitch and moan about doing away with oversigning. We complain about unlevel playing fields when it comes to everything from recruiting to drug testing. We've gotten to a point in our college football development where coaches are no longer revered, but are chastised for throwing bitches off the back of their hog.


Might I take a moment to suggest...swift, fast leglislation that immediately does away with the hamstring pulls...the tweaked groins...the sprained shoulders...and of course the turf toe! You wanna blaze a trail Slive?!? You want to pound your yankee chest on something real Prez Adams?!? 


Take down the trainers tables and let these kids play.

Ya feel me, brah?

Offseason, the sequel
I'm not going to type down to you. I know this ain't your first rodeo. You've handled the long drawn out off season before. Multiple times. But it stands to mention that we are on the brink of the calendar's worst squares. We are tiptoeing ever so close to that driest, most desperate time of year. 


The first edition of the off season is barely enough time to miss it. You pull the winter sweaters down out of the storage and Signing Day is already here. You spend a couple Saturday nights watching some chick flick with Matthew McConaGay instead of football and then suddenly spring practice is here.


The second session however is like a persistent hemorrhoid. It won't go away. There are no salves to make time go faster. No ointments to ease the pain and suffering. Like all sequels to great movies the next chapter of the offseason is the Highlander 2: The Quikening of the offseason. Sucks harder than a Hoover inside a hurricane. These next few months are like that last hour of work that never seems to end. 


But yea...though I walk through the valley of endless discontent...eternal days of no football related news...boundless deserts of no tailgates...I will have no fear. For I carry the sound of the lone trumpeter with me. Forever and always.

h/t AHD

See y'all tomorrow!

Monday's Meatloaf - Cherry Trees and Veto Power

Four score and seven years ago I must confess that I did chop down that cherry tree. Beyond that I am not a crook.

Shoulda veto'd this casual attire 

Can you imagine being Prez Adams' secretary on a day like today? I mean that guy's ego must be hard to contain any day of the week, but on Presidents' Day I bet that little rosy cheeked carpet bagger goes off the chain. I heard his last chief advisor quit on Presidents' Day in 2009 when Adams insisted he be referred to as Captain Veto. Then the next year he lost the replacement when he insisted the lackey place a call to President Obama so they could "talk shop".


Jimmy Carter has blocked Adams' phone number and George W is one "impromptu visit at the ranch" away from having the guy waterboarded until he admits he can't stand grits. Recently we even reached out to Coach Dooley for an assessment of this strange behavior for our chief UGA administrator.

Bernie: Coach, what do you think about Preh...

Coach Dooley: I wish that %#$! *&%$ing #$%1! would just @*^%ing $!&@# #%$@! @*&%$ go to (H E double hockey sticks). 

Well. That just about says it all. Unless we can get Prez Adams to go see "Our American Cousin" at the Ford Theater this April, we'll just have to somehow endure his presidential sized self admiration.


Today's Ingredients

• hoopdawg breaks down yesterday's loss to Vandy. I think John Jenkins just hit another three pointer. 
• Here's Ching's analysis as well.
• Great weekend for Perno's Diamond Dawgs, including a terrific performance yesterday by the young right-hander Taylor Hicks.
• Blutarsky finds some NFL data to prepare us for the new NCAA kickoff rules.
• sUGArfalling finds a couple reasons not to worry about the Commings suspension, particularly as it relates to the SEC opener against Mizzou.
• Cool feature ($$) on long snapper Ty Frix by Fletcher Page.
• Mr. Sanchez finds a great way to pass the time in between innings. Of course I'm a sucker for some DbT.
• ecdawg found an interesting take on the state of the gayturd program than Muschomp has adopted. Meyer's mire, good swampy read there.
• I doubt it escaped your keen eye, but the big news out of Chickumbia is that "sometimes crap happens. You just have to deal with it."
• Things have quieted down some since the Aggies pitched their little hissy fit over seating arrangements in the big boy league. Welcome to the show boys. Now sit down and shut up.
• Lastly, I'd like to congratulate Dawg Day on his nuptials this weekend. If you are in love with a Dawgette, I'd suggest you follow his lead on how he went about popping the question.

Did not tell you to put the balm on.

There's been some recent concern over Darren the Intern's run in with the law as he investigated the Peach Pass lanes. He was nabbed for "creating a dangerous commuting environment" and "distracting law abiding motorists" while installing web cams along the barren waste of a lane. Governor Deal (perhaps drunk on the taste of his own presidential-like power) quickly stepped in and went all DOT on Darren's ass. BDB's official statement was that the kid was acting on his own accord...


...but we couldn't just leave Darren out there alone to dodge passing cars and the excessively long arm of the law. Frankly I found the whole episode outrageous, egregious and preposterous. Which meant there was only one man to call, Jackie Chiles.


Mr. Chiles possesses the résumé and has the experience a case like this needs. He's taken on Java World and their faulty tops for their caffè lattes and gone head to head with king tobacco. Surely a few miles of unused pavement is no match for his pressed suits and extensive vocabulary.


In short, I expect Darren back by next week at the latest. And with any luck he'll catch Prez Adams on camera drinking a "pop" while listening to Justin Beaver. Douche.


If you have the day off, don't waste the trip to the mailbox and remember - "America is too great for small dreams." Ronald Reagan. Enjoy the meatloaf Reader. It's not gluten-free but it is hanging chad-free.

Bernie

Prez Adams is growing on me?

Really? I mean, maybe. Bear with me here.


As I read more about the aftershocks down in Coral Gables...

As a result, the depth chart for Week 1 is still anyone's guess.

"We'll make sure we practice enough guys because we really don't know what the future brings," Miami coach Al Golden said. "Hopefully we'll find out pretty quickly here in the near future if there are any penalties or suspensions, and we'll adjust accordingly."

Golden said the depth chart may take until Tuesday to complete. He also said that in accordance with Atlantic Coast Conference policy, the Hurricanes will divulge their plans to the Terrapins before releasing anything publicly.

"Any projections or anything like that, all it is is speculation," Golden said.

Spence and Harris are among two of the biggest names wrapped up in the scandal -- Spence is considered by many to be Miami's best defensive player and one of the top linebackers in the ACC. Harris has played 36 games at quarterback for the Hurricanes in his first three seasons, and he's far-and-away the ACC leader among active players in passing touchdowns, yards and wins.

...the more I cringe at the thought at something similar happening in Athens. It terrifies me. Shakes me to my core. 


Setting aside sympathies for Coach Golden (which admittedly run pretty deep), it's true that most coaches are still adjusting depth charts and making starting the season opener decisions. But there's a big difference between what Miami coaches are dealing with 11 days before they play Maryland and what say, Coach Richt's staff is dealing with 9 days before the opening of the season.


Back to the beginning of this post...this just wouldn't happen under Adams. I understood his decision relating to North Campus tailgating. Didn't agree with all of the rules that hurt the rest of us, but you gotta protect one of the University's greatest attributes. And now I appreciate Adams' hands on approach to adminstration.


Now I'm sure he has aspirations of his own he's protecting as well as UGA's best interests. And he's an awkward dude to be closely aligned with to say the least. But when you get right down to it, which picture would you prefer your Alma Mater's president to pose for:

THIS...or...

THIS?!?

Thank You Sir, May I Have Another? - Evans Scandal, part II

I've read as much as I have time to. And although I was wrong yesterday with my guess that he would resign, I haven't given up on trying to discern how this Evans Scandal plays out. I just care too much...and the stakes could not be any higher.

What we don't know - The two key figures right now are Prez Adams and the media. We may know a lot about how Adams wheels and deals, but Evans is his guy. Hand picked just after Dooley was kicked in the rear, Georgia's AD has been Adams' glamour boy. That relationship should be given serious thought. Because although Adams might find some cleaner, shinier resumes I doubt he'd find a better director for UGAs athletics than the one who's been groomed.


As far as the media, we certainly know that they will drop the gloves (if there's any that are still on). But we don't yet know what's in the report or the videotape. And while both will definitely be harmful for Evans, the question may be...will it live up to the AllJackCrap's expectations?


What we do know - Damon Evans only missed one lesson from Dooley's tutelage - always use a driver. And it doesn't appear he's missed anything Adams' has taught him. He's savvy (when sober) and knows how to play the game. Drinking like a HillBilly punter and carousing like an Alabama spring coach (read: Mike Price in Auburn strip club) doesn't take away all of your dignity when you can face the cameras and digital voice recorders 18 hours later and play the only hand you've got.


I'll be man enough to admit I'm completely torn. When the news interrupted a round of golf yesterday I was quick to judgment. How can we have a guy who's behaved this way lead our own student-athletes? And although I've softened that sentiment at times, I still don't see how it plays out any other way.


But perhaps that's a rushed judgment steeped in embarrassment. Raise your hand if you woke up this morning and discovered that lump in your gut when you remembered yesterday's big headline? Or recalled the now infamous mugshot? Couple that with all the calls/texts I'm sure we've all had from friends in lower places and the embarrassment easily triples.


And that's no way to make a decision. Right now I don't really want a DUI offender in charge of 600 student athletes in Athens. I don't want a possible (...probable...) adulterer making hires within Butts-Mehre. But who's to say that after Ed Tolley does some work and the videotape runs its course that I can't be talked away from the ledge? I mean, do I really want Prez Adams hand choosing another AD when we've already dodged that bullet and came away smelling like English Privet? 


Yesterday I was mostly focused on prayers for Damon's wife and kids. Today I'll simply add that the powers that be make the best decision for Georgia.




Sidebar - For a superior read on the decision on Adams' desk, click over to Dean Legge's article. It's dead on.

Monday's Meatloaf - Realigning Greener Pastures

Despite my worst efforts, it still appears Texas A&M could be the next team to never make it to the SECCG. That should make Ole Miss grateful for the company. Of course, there's a lot of dealings to be done out the back door between now and the end of this chapter in Jim Delaney's memoirs.

But if Commish Slive hitchhiked all the way out to College Station, that means he's serious about gig'n em. So we better get used to it, and whoever else might come along too. Whenever it happens.

And as I wondered what the conversation must've been like between Slive and Aggie A&M AD Bill Byrne, I kept thinking of when Sean Connery was indoctrinating Kevin Costner into the Chicago way. After all, the SEC isn't the play-safe jungle gym with the rubberized wood chips that the Big XII is...once...(whatevs) was.

Slive - You wanna get to Atlanta? They pull a knife, you pull a gun. Saban sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. THAT'S the Southeastern way.
Byrnes - I have sworn to switch conferences with all the legal powers at my disposal and I will do so.
Slive - Well...the Lord hates a coward. (shakes his new ADs hand) Do you know what a blood oath is Byrnes?
Byrnes - Yes.
Slive - Good. Cuz you just took one.

Let's hope there's a lot of self-examination going on in College Station (and wherever else). Because you can't just be a lot of talk and a badge when you tee it up with the big boys.


Today's Ingredients

• PWD says wait a freakin' minute...
• Exile wonders why the Big XII has to die, even if Texas and it's band of bandits become 49ers.
• A read through of Chip Brown's (of Orangebloods, a Texas Rivals site) Twitter status updates seems to confirm that the Big XII ain't dead yet. (h/t DawgSports) As well as the fact that AD Byrne wasn't even in the state of Texas.
• And Big XII nearly lame duck commissioner Dan Beebe has a plan to keep the remaining ten together according to Chuck Carlton. Apparently it involved something more in depth than joining hands and singing We Are Family!.
• As The Lady Sportswriter predicted, Jarvis Jones is as close as ever to becoming a Dawg. Whether it's us or Bimbo Swisher, I just hope that Carver hatchet gets buried a little further.
• Speaking of LB recruits...I'm not holding my breath.
• Hale reminds us of the importance of the OL this fall and why exactly Richard Samuel is feeling at home, finally.
• I like it when Streit goes way (WAY!!) back in the vault for his countdown posts.
• Meanwhile, Scott found some good video of some guys slower than Cornelius Washington to celebrate 83 days left.
• On Saturday morning I found myself agreeing with Erik Kuselias on USCs crime and (lack of) punishment. ECDawg was listening as well and sums it up nicely.
• This Petrino Piggy better be lucky he's not in Athens, riding a scooter.
• Lastly, the story about the Memphis QB's daddy opening his checkbook is the most ridiculously realistic story about where all this expansion/realignment mess leaves us. As The Senator says, it's enough to make you go brown. (UPDATE: FedEx says Smith can't buy BCS love)

And when it all comes to pass, it will be the bottom line that helps the movers and shakers make the decisions. If the SEC stands pat, I'll be pleased. Should Slive bust a move, then I'll come to accept it as fact, eventually. Meanwhile, the new SEC fans will be like kids in a candy store. More money...and better looking alumni and coeds sitting across the field.

For a better understanding, just listen to this old Dire Straits song from the vantage point of those gig em fans dreaming of a day when they too are SEC fans...and substitute SEC anytime your hear MTV.

Yeh, in the SEC our coeds wear sundresses and strap baggies of bourbon to their thighs. And the dudes have drumsticks and guitars that glow neon. So it's not just your football team that needs to pick up the slack if a trip to Atlanta or even an at-large BCS bid is to be earned.

So while you wait on something to happen or not to happen, enjoy your meatloaf Reader. And remember to keep an ear out for news on LeMay. This could get interesting as well.

Here's your napkin.


Bernie

Monday's Meatloaf - Open Bars...always a best option

Pardon the bleary eyes Reader. I'm fresh off a weekend bender of in-law'n. Survived nearly 1000 miles of I-85 and two open bars. So today's main dish is heavy on potholes, Jim, Ginger, crab cake appetizer and Wendy's drive-thru.


In between all that I was able to read up enough to find that should he be our best option, AJ Green will be returning punts this fall. Sure, this was a topic of discussion already. But in a word...ugh.


Seems Coach Richt is not afraid to put the team's best player on the field with 11 enemy missiles aimed directly at him. Okay. But I'm not too ashamed to admit that I just pee'd my chinos a lil just typing that.


That and I can't help but think that AJ won't be our best option back there. With Carlton Thomas...Wooten the Ankle Breaker...Branden Smith...who else am I missing?...Logan Gray...hell, AJ Harmon for God's sake!! Anybody but Green.


Numero Ocho has dazzled Dawg fans for two seasons...despite the fact that he's yet to be healthy for a full fall. CMR is right that he's just as likely to get hurt catching passes in the opponents' secondary. But if he's serious about this...truly serious...I'm going to need a series of open bars to make it through the '10 campaign.

Today's Ingredients

• Expansion. It's become a word synonymous with vomit. At least in my vocabulary.
• The latest upchuck - Kentucky to the Big Ten. All together now...Yeh, right.
• I think the least CMR could do for his basketball counterpart is loan him a pair of Oakleys.
• The Senator takes Tomahawk Nation to task...after the FSU blog decided to wear their ass as a hairpiece.
• In a related note, while the coaches hit the trail, their newest commit Christian LeMay is hitting the keypad of his smartphone, thumbs ablaze. And he also sat down with Chip Towers for a Q&A.
• Speaking of recruiting, HillBillys are pacing themselves...slowly.
• Exile spent the weekend dodging rainstorms and donating money to Churchill Downs. Sounds like it was a great time nonetheless.
• Lastly, with Mother's Day around the corner I'm sure I have a few readers who are still looking for that special gift. I recently got a ring for Mrs. Bernie...one of those just for the heck of it deals. She liked it a lot, and even received an ohhh! and an ahhh! at the wedding this weekend. That my friend is music to a husband's ears.
• Believe me, I hate ordering crap online. Cuz you never know if it's gonna look like crap. Despite my skepticism, I pulled the trigger anyway and couldn't be any happier. So if you want to get the lady a little bling for whatever occasion, a nice deal with a classy look is just a click away.

It's always intrigued me just how crucial music is for a wedding reception. The right energy needs to be applied to the crowd (some good food and beverages help as well of course) to make the occasion go from just plain memorable...to Granny took her shoes off and is bumpin' bootys with Uncle Clyde. 


So finding a band with this song in their repertoire or a DJ with it in his playlist I think is crucial. Cuz the Brothers Johnson just scream Let's get our groove thing on...

I'd crash a wedding just for the chance to slosh my Jim and Ginger around on the dance floor to that tune. In the meantime, here's your napkin Reader. And remember, the bar closes with the band...




Bernie