Sunday thoughts on the pig pickin'

I don't watch College Gameday. But I did watch Twitter while it watched College Gameday, and the angst level was particularly high. Personally, I just kept wondering if word of the national disinterest in a Georgia sans Gurley team was reaching the ears and eyes of the team out in Little Rock.

Whether it did or it didn't, Richt's team made quite the statement. Whenever Hutson Mason hangs up the cleats he should make a nice career as a motivational speaker.

- That opening drive by Arkansas was everything this game was built up to be - smash mouth, physical football. It was efficient and bullish enough to make you a little worried.
- But if this was supposed to be a grind it out three yards and a cloud of dust affair, Georgia didn't get that memo by the time Mason took the first snap.
- That play action was probably Mason's best of the season and the ball was thrown perfectly to Conley. As impressive as Mason's 78% completion percentage was last week against Missouri, his 10+ yards per attempt yesterday was equally so.
- And that was clearly by design. Bobo decided to get the Razorbacks' defense off kilter early and his quarterback responded by making his best throws of the season.
- And then Chubb took care of the rest.
- I mean, what more can you say about this kid? I'll let Nabulsi handle that kind of heavy lifting:

Nick Chubb's first two starts: 68 carries 345 yards 5 catches 3 touchdowns 2 SEC road victories
— Radi Nabulsi (@RadiNabulsi) October 19, 2014

-  Seems to me that young man has earned a bye week. Good timing.

- Special teams. Take away the poorly executed onside kick and it was about as good of a day in the kicking game as you could ask for as a whole. Morgan had four of his seven kickoffs go as touchbacks.

- And hey! A blocked kick! Cool.

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- Damian Swann was everywhere the ball was it seemed: 11 total tackles, two forced fumbles, a sack, an interception. Wow.

- If the first few games were about watching the secondary struggle, the last two have been about watching them play with more and more confidence. Sure, it was uncomfortable to watch the second half slide into Arkansas' favor, but the reaction to the ball and the overall coverage skills are vastly improved over the first couple weeks of the season.

- Staying with the second half drop, give Arkansas credit. They didn't give up and took everything Georgia was giving. It many ways, that was the team we expected to see in the Razorbacks.

- Which makes the way Georgia started even more impressive and brings me back to that first point. During two weeks when little attention is being given to the team as a whole, the coaches have had the guys ready to play and the team leaders have led with their words and their play.

Looking forward to the bye week. Looking forward to some closure in Gurley-Gate. Looking forward to spending 14 days devoted to nothing but hating Florida.

Two keys to a pig-pick'n

Last Sunday morning, No Gurley, No Problem. This morning, No Gurley, No Problem?

1. Utilize the tight ends. They won't have one of their leading tacklers (actually he's questionable), but if we allow them to creep up on the line of scrimmage then their defense is good enough to force our hand towards passing downs. So Bobo should get Rome and Blazevich involved early and look for Bennett and Conley on some intermediate routes to keep those Razorback linebackers honest.

2. Lean on em late. Arkansas is an improved team. But they're still learning how to win football games. Out of conference wins are good, but winning in the SEC often comes down to the fourth quarter. If the game is close at that point, we should be able to show that we are the deeper more experienced team.

If you're hungry for a third point it's obviously special teams. Especially if this turns into a low scoring/field position affair. Go Dawgs!

Friday Misery - People of Walmart speak Hoganese

Wednesday: interrupts casual dinner conversation, "Dad, so is Gurley gonna play Saturday or not?"
Thursday: interrupts science test review, "Seriously Dad, is Gurley going to Arkansas?"
Me: "Honey, go get the mother f---kin swear jar. Daddy's about to donate some goddamn benjamins."

Little Rock and the Jabberwock.
Arkansas is a state. (Yes, in this union. I checked.) More importantly, it's the birthplace of Prez Clinton, Maya Angelou, John Grisham, and Houston Nutt. (Giggity.) So it also gave us a blue dress, Oprah Angelou, Matthew McConaGay, and the end of Danny Ford's tyranny. (Giggity!)

But mostest importantly, the state of Arkansaw has given us Walmartians. You know, the people that dress up, leave the house in whatever rotted out El Camino from their front yard that will still crank, and head to the place that sells the mostest shit for less. These People of WalMart go there for more jewelry, IceHouse Light, eggs, prom dresses, cigarettes, deodorant/scented car trees, and also their paycheck.

But others go there to find their babysitter.

The following Monday Lil Earl sat out at recess with what
his pediatrician would later describe as a "wrenched up neck".

I don't know which city Walmartians were born in, but we know they're educated in Fayetteville. So I reached out to Professor of Anthropology at UArk. He answered my questionings about their unique civilization as such: 

"We a fine foke what enjoys a goode state fair or even a trip over to Bentunville to look at the pretty WalMart Museyum." 
"WalMart Museum? You're shittin' me."
"No, now it's a fine history closely tied to our state's job markit and our flagship educashunnal place as that's where we leanr to put our pig hats on correctly what with the pig snout facing forward and what not. It's also where we leanr that a propur and true WPS!! is gonna have I reckon about an 8 secund WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..." (continues on for another thirty to forty seconds without taking a breath...passes out...)
"Okay, Professor Hickey. Thanks for your time."

That was like walking upstairs backwards - ridiculous and just don't make no damn sense. Look, here's all you need to know about Arkansans: they backdoor their way into SECCG's much like they do the next Steven Seagal movie, and they'll get around to pulling up their drawers once the battery finally gives in.

"Says here it'll fit inside my pocket. Reckon they
mean 'tween my navel and thigh tattoos."

Meanwhile, on campus, Coach Bert's in year two of his South of Milwaukee Tour (and he don't mean Racine y'all) and is sporting an extra thirty pounds since last summer. Now, maybe that's just over exposure to fried southern cuisine, but I hear it's written into his contract that he gain enough weight to render any two-wheeled transportation vehicles inoperable. Cautious people those Ozarkian lawyers are.

And he's also introduced a new and improved, non-native tongue to his new disciples. It's called Hoganese. It's two part coachspeak and one part Jabberwocky from what I can tell. Now, no one knew Bielema was a Lewis Carroll fan. But I imagine after enduring several months with John L. Smith smiling all the time, Arkansas officials would've accepted about anyone not named Nutt. (GIGGITY!!)

"And has thou slain the Jabberwock Crimson tusk? Come to my arms my beamish half-back! Oh frabjous fumblous day! You dropped said ball! Callooh! Oh shit he missed yonder afterpoint kick! Callay!" Bertus chortled swore in his joy deepest sorrow.

Huddle up
Shut the hell up! Look. Missouri wasn't shit. When you're done glad handing and circle jerking and patting yourself on the back you might just start to realize we have another goddamn football game. If you're not too fat from feeding off the WESOOOAWESOME!! teet maybe you can figure out a way to block a blitzing linebacker. That's right, while we've been gorging ourselves on positive press and tweets and texts and calls these razorbacks been starved to the point of desperation. They want a win more. They NEED a win more. If you don't believe that go find your seat on the bench, bitch.

I'm looking at you Pyke and Kublanow. I'm challenging you Theus and Andrews and Houston. We ain't got THAT guy, but we got THESE guys. And they need you to pancake some pigs.Those paper tigers laid down. These Hogs ain't. If we want to stay in the driver's seat we got to hunker down and make em earn it.

Now, shall we bow our heads? Lord, please pass the sauce and let the Boss loose. Please let eh rump cook evenly and fall off the bone the way the Lord Baby Jesus intended. And also please keep Penn Wagers the hell away from the Ozarks. Amen.

Finishing the fourth quarter drill

Arkansas is a team desperate for an SEC win. And a lot of the reason they haven't won a conference game this season and even going back to the end of last season is due to the fourth quarter.

Arkansas spent two weeks working on its fourth quarter flaws after suffering a 35-28 overtime loss to Texas A&M. The struggles – at least on offense – didn’t end in the 14-13 loss to Alabama in Razorback Stadium last Saturday.

Arkansas was scoreless in the fourth quarter against a Southeastern Conference opponent for the third time this season. Auburn, Texas A&M and Alabama have now outscored the Razorbacks 38-0 in the fourth quarter and overtime.

“I saw drives that didn’t get going, drives that stalled out,” Arkansas coach Bret Bielema said Monday. “It’s kind of been a continuing theme for us, unfortunately, in SEC play and it’s something I really began to hone in and be aware of last week and tried to make certain adjustments. But it’s something I’ve challenged our offensive staff with, and our players. Obviously, the biggest failure for us overall is to not put points on the board in the fourth quarter and to win close games.”

The Razorbacks could manage only 35 yards on 16 plays against the Crimson Tide, struggling to move the ball with the game on the line. Arkansas had four possessions, but went three-plays-and-out twice, was stuffed on fourth down on its third chance and quarterback Brandon Allen threw an interception at the end.

Thats a team that's learn in how to win. And they're close.

And a lot of people feel that's is exactly what the game is going to be - close.  If they're right then any mistakes in the last fifteen minutes are amplified. Georgia is first in the nation in fourth quarter scoring; the Razorbacks are 85th.

It might just be the point where Brandon Allen or Hutson Mason is asked to make a throw to win it, while the team with the lead leans on it's speciality of running the ball.

Razorbacks' Collins looking to rebound against Dawgs

Sophomore sensation Alex Collins is in the throes of a "bad stretch". Missed a couple of workouts, suspended for a quarter, and then had his worst game of his career - just six carries for 13 yards. After the heartbreaking 14-13 loss to Alabama, Collins and the Razorbacks are ready to move forward.

Collins is expected to resume his role in the backfield with Williams and Marshall as the Razorbacks prepare for Saturday’s game against the Bulldogs. Once again, the Razorbacks will face a run defense that hasn’t allowed much production this season.

Georgia, which is coming off a 34-0 win at Missouri, is 12th in the NCAA in rushing defense (101.7 yards a game). The Bulldogs allowed 50 rushing yards last week.

If you dig into that article a little further there's a cute quote from offensive coordinator Jim Chaney about how Bama made them one dimensional. As if they weren't already.

And that is what makes this matchup intriguing. I think we can keep their ground game contained, at least as much as Bama if not better. But make no mistake that the Razorbacks have a stable of backs that they can keep fresh into the fourth quarter. Collins is the more talented of the three. And there's no doubt he'll come to Little Rock hungry.

Like yesterday, let's throw it over to Ramik for his take on the Razorbacks' run heavy offense:

“They are a physical team, but with the game plan we got this week, it’s gonna be fun for us.”

"We are going to be something different and give the same effort."

Yesterday I mentioned how successful Pruitt's 4-2-5 look was against Missouri, but that going into Little Rock it would likely be something different. Take it away Ramik:

Georgia will be seeing a totally [sic] offense, than it did in Columbia, Missouri. While Missouri runs many four and five wide receiver sets, Arkansas often lines up with two and three tight end sets. 

And even though Missouri was held scoreless, the members of the defense know that it is a new week and a new, different opponent.

“It’s a new week. We barely looked at Missouri,” Wilson said. “They are a physical team, but with the game plan we got this week, it’s gonna be fun for us.”

"Get a big neck."

While Georgia came out with a three-safety defense against Missouri, this week’s defense figures to be more conventional,  given the opponent. Wilson knows that the defense is going to have to adjust, while still putting up results similar to Missouri.

“We are not the same defense that is gonna come out every time,” Wilson said. “We are going to be something different and give the same effort.”

When summing up the matchup between Arkansas’ rushing attack and Georgia’s rush defense Johnson also was brief.

“It is going to be an all-out fight."  (via R&B)

I especially like the "same effort" part. And given that Arkansas is first in the league in rushing the football, it's gonna be a Mambo Gook kinda night in Lil' Rock.

Arkansas defense takes a hit

Likely to lose one of their leading tacklers for Saturday's game.

Arkansas starting middle linebacker Brooks Ellis will likely miss the Razorbacks' game against No. 10 Georgia on Saturday.

Ellis suffered "a pretty significant bone bruise" on his knee during a game against Alabama, Arkansas coach Bret Bielema said Monday. Bielema said there is a slight chance Ellis will play against the Bulldogs, but will likely be out a while.

The sophomore is the Razorbacks' second-leading tackler this season with 39 tackles. Josh Williams would likely start at middle linebacker if Ellis can't play. Williams has six tackles and one sack this season.

Razorback military insurgents?

Quick suggestion Arkansas. I know your student information system probably outdates the Iraqi jihadist state, but perhaps its time to change the name.

Humpday Hilarity - a drunj and soggy Bielema

Today in Hoover we get Lester, and we know he's always worth a laugh. But for today's chuckle I thought I would pass along this footage of Bret doing some HUNH his ownself.

At least he didn't ralph on the trooper's shoes. Or fling a blonde volleyball player in the ditch.

Bielema on Malzahn envy, footprint in Georgia and his secretive alliance with Saban

Arkansas' "Bielema Project" is turning out to be a case study in how a major college football coach adapts to life, recruiting, coaching, and public relations in the South.

In this interview he talks about how Malzahn had it so much easier as a first year coach in the SEC, how he plans to attack recruiting in the state of Georgia, and how everything between him and Nick Saban is above board. But what really stands out is his defense that it's always about player safety. Always.

I really do think that the only thing I regret about that whole conversation and things that were said … the only thing at the top of my priority list in player safety. Nothing will ever derail from that. Nothing will ever take me away from that. It’s something I believe in strongly. Our one solid and unwavering commitment to parents when we recruit young men is that we will look out for the safety and well-being of their child, no matter what. And I think that’s something that can never be lost in in translation.”

Truth. But then Carvell gives him full authority over the NCAA and asks him for one thing he would change. Rule change to address concussions? Manifesto to protect gassed defenseless players?

Nope. Recruiting.

I would suggest, and I’ve put in motion now for about four or five years in a row now, the ability to bring in a parent on an official visit by plane.

Hey, I agree that a program should be allowed to bring in parents on recruiting trips. In a way, maybe that does address player safety...??

Arkansas has it tough this season. They open in Auburn and get Georgia (home) and Missouri (away) from the East. Bielema seems over his head down here. But fully admits this is what he wanted for a challenge as a head coach. And since his contract buyout is nearly $13 million for the first three seasons, he'll likely get the chance to recruit his own players for his own system.

Will be an interesting situation to watch develop. We travel to Little Rock midway through the season. Should be a good time for a temperature check.

Tuesday's Meatloaf - of fees and Fezziks

[Half of this post has been sitting in the oven for awhile. And I just didn't quite finish it (again) Sunday night. So to keep it from being terribly overcooked for yet another week, you get a very rare edition of Tuesday's meatloaf. Enjoy!]

-------------------------------------------

Hello this is Bank of American Corporate Greed in America, how may I direct your call to someone who can actually pretend to give a damn?

Well, what happened was I was going to the grocery store on Christmas Eve to get some last minu...

via

One moment...[insert Nickelback muzak]....[it's actually better this way I think]....[wonder if muzakians are Canadian too..] ...

Good afternoon. This is Chalonda. How can I disappoint you today?

You charged me a fee for someone else's bad check. I'd like that money credited back to my account.

I'm sorry sir. It's ours now and we're keeping it. You should be more careful who you take checks from in the future. Can I interest you in a Money Market accou...

He was a kid! Stranded on the side of the road with no gas. I gave him a ride to the gas station and gave him some money. Did I mention it was Christmas Eve?!!?

Sir, he didn't have $20 in his account to cover his reimbursement. Maybe you can be charitable with your cash, but we're going to bill his bank for every cent we can. Now, how about that...

It was Christmas Eve DAMMIT! I was being nice and now you're penalizing me for it?

Yes. Is there anything else I can not help you with today sir?

Okay. I guess just one thing. How much is the fee for closing my accounts?

...[insert Nickelback muzak]....

Yes. It's definitely better this way. Here's a plate reader. No fees added.

Today's Ingredients
- First up, Emerson covers a wide variety of red and black topics in this post, hopefully the first of many On the beats.
- Not a great start this weekend for the Diamond Dawgs, especially the pitching staff. But this is a nice preview to the season and its expectations by MaconDawg.
- After the latest NCAA tune-up, Blutarsky revs the HUNHcycle engine.
- Speaking of slowing the game down, if you haven't already, be sure you catch Spencer Hall's A Very Bielema Valentines Day before the roses wilt.
- Over at Georgia Sports Blog, PWD runs down the odds of Fox's re-energized team making the NIT. And Tyler looks at just how Fox out-coached the guy that'd rather placate Marshall Henderson's ego than his wife's libido.
- Hoop Dawgs looks at the player at the center of this hardcourt resurgence - Charles Mann.
- Bulldawg Illustrated has a nice Q&A with new Georgia Bulldog offensive lineman Dyshon Sims' mother.
- Kimberley looks a little closer at the defensive end that flipped his commitment to Georgia over the weekend.
- Good weekend for former UGA golfers. Congrats to Bubba, Harris English and friend of the blog Brian Harman!
- Lastly, just wanted to make sure you caught this Valentines Day themed post by Garbin. Just another great read you will not want to have missed.

Heard about this pic (or one similar to it) on the latest 1Beer1Song podcast. Being a longtime member of the Brute Squad fan of the movie The Princess Bride I felt compelled to catalog it here.

That's just fantastic. Unfortunately, they don't sell this shirt any more. Which is clearly not fantastic. Oh well.

But if there's another thing Fezzik taught me other than how to rhyme away the time, it was that it's important to encourage one another. Whether you're futilely throwing punches at a man twice your size or wiggling your finger after being mostly dead all day, it's important to recognize good effort and good progress. And here in the middle of February, when the height of the off season is still nowhere in sight and the journey seems to only get longer with each passing day, I just want you to feel you are doing well.

Keep it up! I believe in you! At least you didn't get your 

degree form Auburn! You look great in that Halocaust cloak dude!

It's also a time when a college football heavy blog can get pretty difficult to keep afloat. But you should know I've got some exciting developments on the horizon. And I've also been compiling a list of important off season topics we should discuss at length and ad nauseam and to the nth degree as well.

So stay tuned. And until then, here's you fork Reader. Have a great Tuesday!

Bernie

What the hell is going on here?

One of the most interesting pictures of the college football season. Can you tell me what the hell is happening? Miles hunkering, Bielema towering, trooper itching to pull the sidearm....wow.

John L. Smith...meets Stuart Smalley

The insanity will continue until morale improves.

The resemblance is slight. At best. (seriously, click the link above and witness the intensity in motion picture form firsthand. You'll probably laugh, at least a little. But there's more than a little creepiness to it.)

Advice for Petrino successor

Piggy Petrino is done in Arkansas.

The phrase still fits Hog fans!!

I called Arkansas AD Jeff Long last night to suggest he hire Dorrell's fiancé Josh Morgan as the interim coach. There wasn't an answer.

So in a persistent effort to help, I'd like to suggest the new Arkansas coach take the time to complete Pig Trail's Skilled Rider Course.

What is Pig Trail you ask? That's a Harley-Davidson dealer about 25 miles outside of Fayetteville Arkansas. For the sake of Ozzie Guillen's the new coach's wife, family, mistress, mistress' fiancé, the Hog fans and of course all the people that showed up Monday night...a head coach with better "cornering judgment" and experience at "swerving" could save everyone a LOT of hassle.

All Dawg, or All Slive

First this...I'm actively rooting for Arkansas tonight. More on that in a sec.


But that begs the question...why would I root for any team in the SEC other than my own? I ask that because I see this issue come up a lot during bowl season on the Twitter and message boards. I didn't root for the FU fight'n gators in the recent MNC games, didn't root for LSU...or Bama last year. I've never cheered for South Cracky in any of their numerous bowls throughout the history of the game....(Ahem!)

It evidently says so
on his birth certificate

I guess I can surmise a situation where I would be compelled to root for a geographical rival, if it somehow helped my Dawgs in the fangled BCS rankings. However, I would only do so with my internal Mute button on and would never, EVER admit to it.


I just don't feel the pride in a conference that would require me to root for the 11 other members. Others do. They feel like any SEC win is a feather in their own cap. They get into this conference bowl championship crap when really, the Big Ten (or whatever) does a fine job screwing up on their own without anyone else's help.


So why? Why would I want to pull for Tennessee to beat the Tarheels? I hate that song. And does it help me if Auburn wins Monday? Does it help our coaches in recruiting? Does it help educators across America in the fight against illiteracy?


The answer's no. But yes...I'm making an exception tonight with Petrino's Piggies. An Arkansas win celebrates so many things: even more #NCAAfail, yet another #Buckeyefail and more reason the divorce between BMFP (h/t Heath) and the Atlanta Falcons was one of the ugliest, yet most satisfying in all of sports.

HogPigSouie! (or whatever...)

and Go Falcons!!

Sunday's Thoughts on the Pig's Pickin

Yet another reason to hate Bobby $%&! Petrino...

• Getting the ball back with just over two minutes left, there's only one person in the stadium that thought Arkansas was gonna win. And he was wearing their headset. We had everything going our way. Only needed about 20 yards to get in Walsh's range. The crowd was juiced.
• But instead we got back to our very, very poor blocking that has plagued us since Lafayette left town. In fact, it's clear to me that the only thing holding Aaron Murray back from being All-SEC this season is his own protection. 
• And that starts with Ealey. He's a great ball carrier, but we desperately miss King's protection in the backfield. Ealey missed come crucial blocks yesterday. The last one cost us the game, and nearly his QBs head.
• Before I leave Ealey, can he pass the ball? If not, I hope Bobo scraps that Wild Dawg.
• Speaking of Bobo, I'm sure there's plenty of people questioning his play calling. And in my opinion some of it is deserved. But in fairness, he should direct most of those questions to Coach Searels.
• One thing I do fault Bobo for however, is the inability to get our tight ends involved in the game. On a day when we were seeing a few difference makers on our sideline in street clothes, Orson Charles and Aron White could've made a difference.
• That and a screen pass or two may have slowed down that rush a little bit.
• Why can't Ben Jones snap the ball when they jump offsides?
• Defensively Grantham has his work cut out for him. With the exception of a couple series, we couldn't pressure one of the nation's best QBs. We came to pull the pork, but Mallet picked us clean.
• With Mallett hitting a few wide open receivers for TDs, the secondary certainly didn't have a great day. But the cornerstone of this defense is pressure. And except for one series in the fourth quarter, that wasn't there at all.
• The national media can talk all they want about AJ Green's absence, but one definite bright spot was the play of our receivers. They continually made plays on balls that needed just that. And Marlon Brown nearly pulled a miracle out of his silver britches there on the last play of the game.

And another bright spot is that we've faced the best passing attack we'll see all season. Unfortunately we weren't able to pressure it into a win.

Georgia vs. Arky...oh, the memories!

Some highlights from last year to stir into your bourbon.

h/t daviddurango14

Remember to turn the pig carefully for even heating. Go Dawgs!

Monday's Meatloaf - Realigning Greener Pastures

Despite my worst efforts, it still appears Texas A&M could be the next team to never make it to the SECCG. That should make Ole Miss grateful for the company. Of course, there's a lot of dealings to be done out the back door between now and the end of this chapter in Jim Delaney's memoirs.

But if Commish Slive hitchhiked all the way out to College Station, that means he's serious about gig'n em. So we better get used to it, and whoever else might come along too. Whenever it happens.

And as I wondered what the conversation must've been like between Slive and Aggie A&M AD Bill Byrne, I kept thinking of when Sean Connery was indoctrinating Kevin Costner into the Chicago way. After all, the SEC isn't the play-safe jungle gym with the rubberized wood chips that the Big XII is...once...(whatevs) was.

Slive - You wanna get to Atlanta? They pull a knife, you pull a gun. Saban sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. THAT'S the Southeastern way.
Byrnes - I have sworn to switch conferences with all the legal powers at my disposal and I will do so.
Slive - Well...the Lord hates a coward. (shakes his new ADs hand) Do you know what a blood oath is Byrnes?
Byrnes - Yes.
Slive - Good. Cuz you just took one.

Let's hope there's a lot of self-examination going on in College Station (and wherever else). Because you can't just be a lot of talk and a badge when you tee it up with the big boys.


Today's Ingredients

• PWD says wait a freakin' minute...
• Exile wonders why the Big XII has to die, even if Texas and it's band of bandits become 49ers.
• A read through of Chip Brown's (of Orangebloods, a Texas Rivals site) Twitter status updates seems to confirm that the Big XII ain't dead yet. (h/t DawgSports) As well as the fact that AD Byrne wasn't even in the state of Texas.
• And Big XII nearly lame duck commissioner Dan Beebe has a plan to keep the remaining ten together according to Chuck Carlton. Apparently it involved something more in depth than joining hands and singing We Are Family!.
• As The Lady Sportswriter predicted, Jarvis Jones is as close as ever to becoming a Dawg. Whether it's us or Bimbo Swisher, I just hope that Carver hatchet gets buried a little further.
• Speaking of LB recruits...I'm not holding my breath.
• Hale reminds us of the importance of the OL this fall and why exactly Richard Samuel is feeling at home, finally.
• I like it when Streit goes way (WAY!!) back in the vault for his countdown posts.
• Meanwhile, Scott found some good video of some guys slower than Cornelius Washington to celebrate 83 days left.
• On Saturday morning I found myself agreeing with Erik Kuselias on USCs crime and (lack of) punishment. ECDawg was listening as well and sums it up nicely.
• This Petrino Piggy better be lucky he's not in Athens, riding a scooter.
• Lastly, the story about the Memphis QB's daddy opening his checkbook is the most ridiculously realistic story about where all this expansion/realignment mess leaves us. As The Senator says, it's enough to make you go brown. (UPDATE: FedEx says Smith can't buy BCS love)

And when it all comes to pass, it will be the bottom line that helps the movers and shakers make the decisions. If the SEC stands pat, I'll be pleased. Should Slive bust a move, then I'll come to accept it as fact, eventually. Meanwhile, the new SEC fans will be like kids in a candy store. More money...and better looking alumni and coeds sitting across the field.

For a better understanding, just listen to this old Dire Straits song from the vantage point of those gig em fans dreaming of a day when they too are SEC fans...and substitute SEC anytime your hear MTV.

Yeh, in the SEC our coeds wear sundresses and strap baggies of bourbon to their thighs. And the dudes have drumsticks and guitars that glow neon. So it's not just your football team that needs to pick up the slack if a trip to Atlanta or even an at-large BCS bid is to be earned.

So while you wait on something to happen or not to happen, enjoy your meatloaf Reader. And remember to keep an ear out for news on LeMay. This could get interesting as well.

Here's your napkin.


Bernie

Monday's Meatloaf - Open Bars...always a best option

Pardon the bleary eyes Reader. I'm fresh off a weekend bender of in-law'n. Survived nearly 1000 miles of I-85 and two open bars. So today's main dish is heavy on potholes, Jim, Ginger, crab cake appetizer and Wendy's drive-thru.


In between all that I was able to read up enough to find that should he be our best option, AJ Green will be returning punts this fall. Sure, this was a topic of discussion already. But in a word...ugh.


Seems Coach Richt is not afraid to put the team's best player on the field with 11 enemy missiles aimed directly at him. Okay. But I'm not too ashamed to admit that I just pee'd my chinos a lil just typing that.


That and I can't help but think that AJ won't be our best option back there. With Carlton Thomas...Wooten the Ankle Breaker...Branden Smith...who else am I missing?...Logan Gray...hell, AJ Harmon for God's sake!! Anybody but Green.


Numero Ocho has dazzled Dawg fans for two seasons...despite the fact that he's yet to be healthy for a full fall. CMR is right that he's just as likely to get hurt catching passes in the opponents' secondary. But if he's serious about this...truly serious...I'm going to need a series of open bars to make it through the '10 campaign.

Today's Ingredients

• Expansion. It's become a word synonymous with vomit. At least in my vocabulary.
• The latest upchuck - Kentucky to the Big Ten. All together now...Yeh, right.
• I think the least CMR could do for his basketball counterpart is loan him a pair of Oakleys.
• The Senator takes Tomahawk Nation to task...after the FSU blog decided to wear their ass as a hairpiece.
• In a related note, while the coaches hit the trail, their newest commit Christian LeMay is hitting the keypad of his smartphone, thumbs ablaze. And he also sat down with Chip Towers for a Q&A.
• Speaking of recruiting, HillBillys are pacing themselves...slowly.
• Exile spent the weekend dodging rainstorms and donating money to Churchill Downs. Sounds like it was a great time nonetheless.
• Lastly, with Mother's Day around the corner I'm sure I have a few readers who are still looking for that special gift. I recently got a ring for Mrs. Bernie...one of those just for the heck of it deals. She liked it a lot, and even received an ohhh! and an ahhh! at the wedding this weekend. That my friend is music to a husband's ears.
• Believe me, I hate ordering crap online. Cuz you never know if it's gonna look like crap. Despite my skepticism, I pulled the trigger anyway and couldn't be any happier. So if you want to get the lady a little bling for whatever occasion, a nice deal with a classy look is just a click away.

It's always intrigued me just how crucial music is for a wedding reception. The right energy needs to be applied to the crowd (some good food and beverages help as well of course) to make the occasion go from just plain memorable...to Granny took her shoes off and is bumpin' bootys with Uncle Clyde. 


So finding a band with this song in their repertoire or a DJ with it in his playlist I think is crucial. Cuz the Brothers Johnson just scream Let's get our groove thing on...

I'd crash a wedding just for the chance to slosh my Jim and Ginger around on the dance floor to that tune. In the meantime, here's your napkin Reader. And remember, the bar closes with the band...




Bernie

Yes Virginia...there is a Bernie

Linus has loaded the Tahoe with gifts of great tidings and much joy. For the next 10 hours, I-85 is my arch nemesis once again! DAMN U p o t h o l e s...

(Update: Yes, I've heard of the twitterings...I'll have a I have a Coaching Update as well) I counted myself among those disappointed that the new DC was not announced this week. Tuesday was the first possible day and I'd held out hope that the Evil Richt had planned a big time [quote] FU Chumps...I genetically rebuilt Erk Damn Russell [unquote] presser. The timing of Kyle's announcement only fueled my frenzy.

And yet, we wait. Which is likely good news. For one, a genetically re-engineered Erk Damn Russell would not have bled from his forehead; instead his skull would have ripped through his defensive charges' helmets like a hot knife through Country Crock, ultimately leaving our defensive depth chart depleted. And second, as I mentioned yesterday (as well as actual BDB Readers and bloggers on the internets)...Coach Richt has a better than passing score in hiring assistants.

Promoting assistants...eh! But hiring, yessir!


the Friday Feedbag

• To lead off, a PSA: Blogger has a new editor I've recently switched to which has some features I like. BUT...it has a bad habit of F*$%!! screwing things up once I click PUBLISH. Yesterday, things came to a head when the post was riddled with gaps and spaces that were not present in editing. If you experienced technical difficulties, I apologize. I shall persevere!
• Congrats to all UGA graduates. It's your day, you've earned it and no one can take it away from you.
• Can't really call it a read, but this is an interesting glance from Low on the SEC bowl records.
• On Wednesday I gave a balanced preview of Texas A&M. But really, the posts that are preparing us best for all things Aggie have come from Quinton at Georgia Sports Blog. Here's the one on the cheerleaders and here's the one on the band.
• While you're there, check out PWDs DC Search Update. 
• Leather Helmet has some pics of floriDuh recruits having fun with fingers. Luckily, it appears no hostesses were harmed. Go gatuh!
• Yesterday we noted that DawgsOnline had the skinny on what officials would be Christmasing in Shreveport. Now he asked a very interesting question about replays. He even drops some legalese knowledge on ya.
• Chilling yet inspiring article on Bacarri Rambo. Looking back, I'm guessing Rambo sees it as a helluva way to garner extra Facebook Friend Requests.
• Rex has some Post Season's Greetings. Suck it St. Simons!!
• I really enjoy bowl season. Whether you do or not, surely you agree that a bowl pick 'em helps make the games interesting. Last year I actually learned what a MagicJack was. So if you're still in the market for a challenge...remember Bubba N Earl's. If you beat Streit...he'll even put your name in lights.

Trivial Update

Q -  As the Dawgs prepare for the Agreeculturals, they undoubtedly want to stop the guy with the girl's name. Who is the 2009 Big XII Offensive Freshman of the Year?

A - Christine Michael

After a week playing second fiddle to @Stuff_of_Legend, @allyugadawg turned the tables back around and got her tweet in just ahead of Scott and @MikeInValdosta. For first place Ally will get her own personal 12th Man...to yell, start a bonfire or just take Lassie Reveille for a walk. Meanwhile Scott and Mike must share eight maids a milking.

Hey! it's the season to be merry. Take your fabulous prize and move along...be happy.

Need to give a shout-out to Exhile and Mike for their help in deciphering the phrase Courier and Ives yesterday. I plan to check your answers against what the wife says as we take a sleigh ride up to the northland. And speaking of my friend up in Big Ten/Golden Homer country, I guess this is another opportunity to experience life as a Dawg in exhile. But I'll draw the line at the official exhile hairdo.

Meanwhile, hope you're able to steer clear of malls, rooftops and Wal-Marts this weekend Reader. I'm trying to give the BDB staff some time off as well. So if I'm not back in time to mold the meatloaf Monday, let's try and get together for some eggnog next week.

Bernie