A Perfect Start....a Perfect End

Georgia sports fans couldn't ask for a better start to the weekend.

• The GymDogs send Yoculan out on top and truly make her the greatest collegiate coach of all time. It's the program's 5th consecutive National Title and 10th overall. They'll stick around Lincoln to bring home some individual hardware as well.
• Cerione's 9th inning heroics lifted the Diamond Dawgs to an opening series win against visiting Arkansas. McRee (4-0) will take the mound today. Action begins at Foley at 1pm.
• From beautiful St. Simons Island, the mens golf team leads SEC Championship play after round one.

Public Relations Checkmate

I'm big on rules, as you could probably tell from the usual Friday post. They keep things in order and in general, prevent absolute mayhem.

But Michael Carvell at the AJC has me convinced that if I were in CMRs shoes I would not only be wiggling my toes freely but would also be about to break a rule.

As Carvell points out, KiffyBaby is treating rules as if they were chicken bones in Cujo's dinner bowl. What a stark contrast it would be if CMR thumbed his nose at some ridiculous NCAA rule and attended Chris Burnette's graduation ceremony anyway?

On one hand you have a "coach" lobbying for 5 star prima donnas at all costs, and on the other you have a proven winner clearing an absurd hurdle in order to be in attendance at what will be a defining moment in a future Dawg's life.

A moment that transcends anything that will happen on the football field. 

All in the name of academics. The consequence would certainly be minimal. But the result could be a firestorm of support and positive PR.

And no one has to lose their shirt.

America DEPENDS upon R-E-S-P-E-C-T

You have undoubtedly heard by now of the Yankee fan who was thrown out of a game this week for trying to urinate during the singing of God Bless America. For the record, it is a rule that you not do that. And by rule I mean both literally (although how steadfast and established is a matter of debate) and ethically.

Also for the record, Bernie likes that rule. 

The fan is now pursuing legal action....what else? The NY Civil Liberties Union has graciously provided their services, assistance and support in the dubious course of action. 

The Yankhole says he is proud to be an American, but doesn't observe any religious practices. Bernie has tried but doesn't see where Bradford Campeau-Laurion was being required to drape himself in the Red, White and Blue, profess his love for the tiny infant baby Jesus and sing with all his blessed little heart one of our nation's more passionate, patriotic songs.

Another admission: Bernie agrees with Cal Naughton Jr and prefers the Jesus with the tuxedo t-shirt.

Did the cops over-react? Well....I wasn't there and I'm not going to get into all of the he said-he spewed. On the surface it appears that the cops could have handled it differently. The fact is they didn't.

From my perspective the frog eater was just being asked to stay at his seat for about a minute, cross his legs if he had to and keep his trap shut if he must. Want to feign patriotism? Pull a Britney and lip-sync. No harm-no foul. 

To make your own judgment on the issue, I am providing you with one story against the decision to toss out the first commie AND one story in favor.....oh well, couldn't really find one. Guess that puts me in the minority again.

At least let me insert my own research: I finished a Super Gulp! about a half hour ago. And in the time it took to type this out I have been singing God Bless America (....let's see....almost done....there!) Sang it seven times in a row. And guess what? I was able to hold it!!

I doubt any wine swillin' frenchies grace my space, but if you're around Mr. Campeau-Laurion - here's some thoughts for your digestion: in America...we respect songs woven into our national psyche. Steer clear of institutions like the NYCLU and if you want to see a Yankees game, be prepared to follow Steinbrenner's rules.

Lastly, might I also suggest consulting with former astronaut Lisa Nowak on creative ways to work around those pesky bladder issues. After all, it's called the 7th Inning Stretch, not the 7th inning urinal cake.

Friday Feedbag

* It's always appropriate to leadoff on the diamond, and Perno's Diamond Dawgs welcome Arkansas to Foley this weekend
* There were no TurDucKens harmed in the retirement of John Madden. Although I hear Favre cried a little.
* At Bulldawg Illustrated, Jeff Dantzler has some thoughts on CMRs assistant hiring practices and what they could mean now and in the future.
* No doubt inspired by BDBs feature on Yoculan's success at UGA, TotalUGA reports that Kupets and the GymDogs are off to a great start in Lincoln.
* Hale has an in-depth interview with Yoculan as she draws her career to a close; here's the in-depth article that resulted; and here are his collection of deleted scenes.
* Ridge has a wrap-up of this week's news that former UGA commit Dexter Moody is flirting with KiffyBaby on a subterranean level.
* Senator Blutarsky has never been fooled by a plate of Rocky Mountain Oysters, but has a look at what's pumpin' on Rocky Flop and also ponders the awesomeness that will be Saturday's spring game in HillBillyLand.
* And Battle Hymn Notes has a look back and a look ahead for UGA Athletics. Here's to hoping...indeed.

So to sum up: Formula One driver Jean Girard and a Mr. Campeau-Laurion eat crepes, Bernie and Ricky Bobby drink PBR and eat pizza crusts. That's all fine and good. But when it's time to pay respects...if you don't take that beret off of your well groomed head pipsqueak, we'll come at you like a spider monkey and scissor kick you in the head!

These colors don't run! 

Shake and Bake Reader. And happy Friday.

Tribute to a High Heel'd Dawg

During her reign as gymnastics coach at Georgia, Suzanne Yoculan has been recognized as much for her boldness and style as the nine NCAA titles and 16 SEC titles she has contributed to the trophy case. 

No, that wasn't a typo. Yoculan's ladies are in Lincoln, Nebraska this week going for their 10th National Championship. Regardless of how you feel about women's athletics, Title IX or Yoculan herself...she gets it. 

She knows how to prepare her team and put them in position to succeed, on the floor and off of it. What's more, she has consistently brought out the best in her ladies when it mattered the most.

GymDog fans have reaped the benefits of her hard work and dedication since 1983.

There's a great piece by Jennifer Iannone of the Banner-Herald on the GymDogs' perspective heading into Thursday's NCAAs. Reading it can give any collegiate sports fan pause, an opportunity to reflect on the legacy Yoculan has built on campus in Athens.

And in case you weren't aware, Yoculan is a Penn State graduate where another collegiate coach is ending a dynasty...eventually. 

Are they a dying breed of coach? Has today's mantra of gimmegimmegimmeNOW left coaches like Bowden, JoePa, Dean Smith, Yoculan, others behind?

It brings (back) to mind Low's write-up on CMR last week where he outlined the lengths Georgia's coach has gone to to put down roots in Athens; roots remarkably similar to ones Yoculan put down some two and a half decades ago. The message is clear: as long as the rabid fanbase is happy with Richt's feathery hair, he's happy to grace Sanford's sideline with it.

For these 26 years GymDog fans have certainly been happy with the energy, enthusiasm and high heels Yoculan has graced the matted floor of Stegeman with.

Most Dawg fans hope the time Richt leaves comes later rather than sooner. And sure, college football coaching is a bit more of a pressure cooker than college gymnastics. But Yoculan's resume is as impressive for its stability as it is its championships. Or at least almost as impressive.

Regardless of the outcome this week in Lincoln, Yoculan's 26 years at UGA will be remembered as glory years in college gymnastics. Sadly, it is the end of an era. 

Happily, it is an era filled with hardware, hard work and a LOT of years.

Coach Yoculan = DamnGoodDawg

(If you didn't CLICK above, check out Yoculan's newly launched website for more on her accomplishments as a coach, teacher, steward and citizen of Athens, GA)

Hump Day Hiccups

If the laptop cooperates, I may have this week's discussion topic up later. Otherwise it'll be tomorrow. So for now these brief spasms of inhaled air will have to suffice.

• First and foremost - tech sucks.
• That feels better already. Amidst all the talk of G-Day, the lettermen's game has been all but lost. But not at TotalUGA. Jensen gives us a look at Cory Phillips and my old US History teacher, Coach Goodwin. Tippacanoe and Tyler too Coach! (That's right!...I got a B)
• For a while now I've been hearing how great 960 The Ref is, but haven't been able to actually pick the station up; Ridge brings news that they now can be heard over something called the internets.
• Streit of Bubba 'N Earl fame has a breakdown of the competition at WR going into fall; for some unknown reason he has AJ Green ink'd in I guess, so the post centers on the other guys.
• Noops gives some credence to the idea of dawgs with facial hair as well as a preview of Jimmy Fallon's guest list for Thursday night.
• And lastly, the dulcet tones of Macon Telegraph's UGA beat writer. More soothing than the raptaptapping of his keyboard??..........debatable.

And a free lunch giveaway this week for the first reader who provides Bernie with Friday night's MegaMillions numbers. Act now, offer good only while the filet-o-fish lasts.

Tri Lambdas Threaten to Lay Down a Bunt

You may see these guys on 316 sometime Tuesday afternoon.

Danny Hall brings his Ti-85 wielding, pocket protecting NATS yeller jackets to Foley this evening. It's the first game of the season between the two teams after the first scheduled game in Atlanta was rained out March 25th.

It's also the wrecks first visit to Athens since being ousted from the NCAA Regionals back in June; a two game series in which the Dawgs outscored the helluvaengineers 24-6. Too bad they couldn't engineer a strong outing from one of their starters. 

They tossed the ball like abuncha pimps from Ahmedabad. And no word yet who this guy will be taking the field for.

Let's just hope Perno's #1 Dawgs continue their dominance..... otherwise those algorithmic beeatches could rock all night...

Monday's Meatloaf - Back to the Grind

Good news Reader, I went 36 hours without internet access this weekend and lived to tell about it. It wasn't easy, but with the help of a good book and something the wife calls communication (??) I made it through.

Now it's back through the grinder.

Get your fingers greasy with these ingredients, then heat em up at 400.

• Let's leadoff with the Diamond Dawgs who spent the weekend in Lexington sweeping the Wildcats. Perno's team is now 29-6 on the season including 11-4 in SEC play. Next up: Tech, Tuesday, Foley, 7 pm.
• Also in Lexington, Diaz's netters eased past 14th ranked Kentucky 6-1 Sunday, even after dropping the first doubles match and the first set in three of six singles matches. Next up: Tennessee, Saturday, Magill, 5 pm.
• D was the letter of the day Saturday at Sanford and here's Hale's wrap-up, which was much more thorough than this piece of crap.
• Ridge has his pics from G-Day posted. It looks like AJ may have fallen into his lap with that next to last one. Good work.
• And if you missed Exhile's top G-Day moments, you missed some chuckles.
• There are some comparable jobs, but none any better. Call me a sentimental mush, but quotes like that one from CMR in Low's Friday piece gets me all tingly.
• About the only thing to make me happier would be to see Jeff Owens and Joe Cox holding up that niece piece of BCS hardware January 7th, 2010.
• Speaking of National Championships, Yoculan's GymDogs head to Lincoln, Nebraska this week to defend their well-earned swagger in the nationals. Utah has something to say about it and they're letting their shirts do the talking. I like PWDs take on it.
• Stir in one last question to ponder: when Angel Cabrera wrapped up his first Green Jacket, did Jim Nantz drop an f-bomb at the idea of having to share the Butler Cabin moment with some little neck-tied interpreter?
  

Before leaving the coast I reflected some beside the pool and realized I had spent a lot of time the past week with northerners. And I learned some things too. Like the fact that when one of those pool umbrellas gets on the loose, Ohio State fans look too good in their gray sweater vests to really help out much. And the LOAD of Michigan State fans didn't like my Javon Ringer jokes anymore than they liked the snow they left behind in East Lansing.

And they all frowned when I crushed each dead soldier and threw it back into the cooler amid a loud celebratory belch. Buncha chumps. They all vacay like their defense plays man-to-man in the fourth quarter; a little slow and sitting on their hands.

Here's your napkin Reader. Chew slowly and savor; it's a LONG time 'til two-a-days.

Bernie

G-Day Wrap-up

Anytime your defense is on the field the entire game and only gives up 16...it's a good thing. I've now had a chance to live and re-live and watch and re-watch the effort, competition and the one round bout between Boykin and Green.

Here's some shout-outs:

• Justin Houston - 3 sacks; and just in time too, cuz I'd nearly forgotten what one looked like
• Bryan Evans - 3 tackles and a pick; and just in time too, cuz I'd nearly forgotten what one looked like
• Carlton Thomas - nice to see first hand what we've been reading about; kid's got some get up and go, that TD run definitely showed it
• Blair Walsh - showed he ain't skeer'd of no Bogatay
• Logan Gray - showed he ain't skeer'd of the two-minute offense
• Joe Cox - solid start for a guy who's waited a plenty...and he's still undefeated since the end of the Clinton Administration
• Boykin - kid's not afraid to go toe-to-toe with AJ and rewarded his coaches for their praise with some solid play
• And lastly...Marcus Washington - missed that guy, didn't we?

Suspensions:

• Receivers who dropped passes - doubleUGH!
• Wendi Nix - for not asking the question to Jeff Owens every viewer undoubtedly wanted to hear: So Jeff, how's the blogging going? That was a golden opportunity to show college football fans everywhere the mutha is more in tune than people give it credit for being, not to mention an opportunity to get 95 some more clicks.

Empty Solo Cups Are a Drain on the Economy

Top Ten Signs Your Vacation is About Over

10. G-day has arrived.

9. If you eat another cheeseburger by the pool you might burst.

8. The wife has threatened that if you play golf one more time, the trip to Stillwater is off.

7. Your wallet is about as thin as the lone dollar bill than occupies it.
6. It's moving day at the Masters.

5. You're developing a rep as the grumpy old man by the pool who insists ALL children display a modicum of civility.

4. The transplants from Michigan are really starting to get on your nerves.

3. Your kids are sick of your sense of humor when you tell them the ice cream shop ran out of ice...then ran out of cream....then is closed on Wednesdays....then only serves to grown-ups....

2. Filling up a cooler every morning and lugging it to the pool is just too much work.

1. Your margarita solo cup looks like this 

Friday's Feedbag

* OkayOkayOkay! Here are the rosters....

* Mark Fox has wasted little time in rounding out his staff.
* Kris Durham will not be dressed out for Saturday's G-Day game...or any game the '09 season.
* Meanwhile it looks like Charlie Weis has met his match on the recruiting trail.
* Orson Charles is ready for the Dawgs to beat floriDuh and is putting his money where his mouth is...in Athens, not Daytona Beach.
* KiffyBaby not only kicks a brand new father off the team, he does so before letting his teammates in on the news. 
* A great look at the details that CMR is focused on this spring.
* Jeff Schultz has a look at one amatuer's rise to the hallowed fairways of Augusta National.
* And if you're like me and love some nice statistics to grapple with, the Senator has your hook up.

Boys and girls, it's been real. But real life beckons and Bernie can only turn his back for so long. Plus I know my lone reader is pissed at the lack of meterial this week. 

And I thought my life was dull.

Don't forget your cans tomorrow. Then tip your cap for lots of points, lots of turnovers and NO INJURIES!!

Bernie

Classroom Achievements - Raising the Bar, or at least Lifting it Momentarily

Discussion Wednesday, as popular now as spearmint flavored dental floss. (Come to think of it, that may be an exaggeration.)

So far we've looked at big-time campus wins, campus traditions and favorite Athens eateries. And by the way, there's a Rita's across the street from the condo here in Hilton Head. As Hale suggested, definitely worth the trip....no, not all the way to HHI for a water ice. I meant to a Rita's near you.

We had cousin Matt over for dinner tonight and he reminded me of a (notice - singular) time I rose above the bar in the classroom while on campus. Matt definitely gots the more smarts in the family. After all, Bernie was not invited to apply to become a Rhodes Scholar. 

But there was this one time I was the only (again - singular), the ONLY student to show up for class.

It was spring of my third year and I was well on my way to becoming a sophomore. I was taking Spanish and had about 25 other classmates. The class was a MWF 2:20 appointment and I was doing pretty well, or as they say in MehHeeKo - b w a y - N o h.

I had stayed late at Tate to wrap up a pool game, but was still ahead of schedule getting up the hill. And when I walked into our classroom - it was empty. I stood in the doorway for a moment and racked my brain for a reason, then cursed myself as I walked away for forgetting a major detail like the professor (or as they say in Spain, p r o -F e s - s o r e) canceling class on a Friday.

I got halfway down the stairs and for some reason decided to go back - perhaps feeling as if I had entered the wrong classroom. This time as I stood bewildered in the doorway, our professor walked in moments behind me.

Crapnockers! Now I had no way out. The entire class was at some park playing frisbee and sunbathing, no doubt laughing their arses off at me - the only sucker dumb enough to show up on nearly a sophomore skip day, stuck here with Profesor Jaime.

Then it happened. He asked me if I had any questions in kind of an impromptu while we're here and today's lesson is shot I might as well help the one dumbass that showed up way. I paused and suddenly saw my only chance at scoring an A in the class.

Of course I said. Then I made my best attempt at coming up with a question, left him with a very passable look of appreciation and was starting my weekend by 3:02pm.

Oh yeh...and I got an A. Or as they say on Buford Hwy: 

e g g s  -  s a y  - L e n  - t a h!

A dramatic representation of Bernie's Spanish class one Friday

So what's your classroom highlight reader? What class presentation did you ace, what group project did you dazzle and amaze with, ...or were you one of my espanol classmates who played frisbee that day?