the Friday Misery is now playing Comeuppance, the Sequel

First things first, here’s a conversation I had with Mr. Larry Munson earlier in the week. I think it should set the tone nicely for today.

Me: “Man, forty-one to noth…”

Munson: “Did you know we haven’t beaten Vanderbilt in over 700 days?!?!!!”

Me: “Yessir. Thanks.”#Dawgs

— Bernie (@BernieDawg) October 2, 2017

Forget it Donny...

We’re fans for a team that is 5-0. We’ve seen some days like that. But being fans of a team that has achieved 5-0 in the fashion that these Dawgs have...well, I have doubts that any of us can remember how to act. Hell, many of us weren’t even singing Glory, Glory back then.

To quote the great Walter Sobchak, “YOU’RE OUTTA YOUR ELEMENT!!”

Goff never sat in these kind of players’ living rooms their senior year of high school. Donnan’s era was largely a bend but don’t break method of defending our end zone.[insert yawn emoji for the millennial readers] In Richt’s early years, Van Gorder had a defense that got us excited and even up on our feet some! But what we’ve seen through five games in 2017 is a defense that plays with the fervor and relentless pursuit of doing bodily harm to the ball carrier like none other in recent memory.

WilMart was just a clean cut dude with a half empty can of mace. On his best days. Grantham was the guy that carried an actual glock but often forgot to load it. Even Pruitt, he was at best a novice ninja with a counterfeit conceal carry permit.

But this defense man...it’s like a menstruating, bazooka totin’, wild eyed bitch with a third degree black belt, strutting through the streets and leaving a trail of dead bodies strewn amidst empty bottles of whiskey and cans of Red Bull.

Slowly the book on Tucker’s crew is becoming a consistent read - steer clear and avoid eye contact. Forfeit the game at halftime if you must, just please don’t put those fresh outta high school reserve offensive linemen in during the fourth quarter. Because they will die. And I’m not calling their mama afterwards to explain your ineptitude and overly glib approach to your job.

But in the stands, and across the television waves where it’s just you and I, we’re not ready for this. We don’t know how to act. Like that dream when you’re suddenly on stage at your old high school and are supposed to be wearing a wig and reciting a Shakespearean soliloquy. We’re unprepared. We’re running a 5k for the first time since birth and after a six taco lunch and by the way we didn’t even stretch. We’re making mistakes. I left the Missouri game out of a sentence in a post where it belonged a couple weeks back. Hell, just in the last week I typed the wrong year in reference to The Hobnail Boot.

AND NOBODY CALLED ME ON IT!! Not even my wife...although she’s so sly she probably just left me hanging until I come back around and say, “Wow, can’t believe I said P-44 Haynes was in 2002 and not 2001. What’s wrong with me?”

“Glad you finally caught that Hon. Now, about that ketchup stain on those shorts…”

Vandy is gonna Vandy y’all

That is to say you never know what you’re going to get outta the ‘Dores - the team that lies down by the end of the 1st quarter, or the one that scraps its way into the thick of things and makes you doubt your own manhood.

When Mel Tucker's defense was a baby and was first told
it would grow up to tackle ball carriers.

Leading off this post with that Munson-esque conversation is an acknowledgement of our past. We tend to lose to Vanderbilt at our own Homecoming every so often (and that can lead to some poor life choices btw), and we tend to have some struggles in doing football type things in Nashville more often than not.

Altogether, it has the aftertaste of playing down to a lesser opponent.

I don’t want to see that tomorrow. I don’t need to see that tomorrow. I don’t think we will see that tomorrow.

This team has been built upon a foundation that is structurally sound. They tackle well. They block well. They’re fast. They know their assignments each and every down. Plus, you can tell they just love to play the game. To paraphrase Dan Rubenstein of The Solid Verbal when describing this defense, “They look like a bunch of excited seven year olds that were just told they can play outside another fifteen minutes.”

Now, it is our first noon kick (11am central). Which begs the question, “Will Kirby’s Dawgs have trouble cranking the motor tomorrow?” If so, I hope there’s another very large contingent of Road Dawgs there to help turn that ignition turn over. It’s been a long week since tasting all those Vol tears. Dawg fans are hungry for more!

Vandy beat Kansas State. Vandy seemed legit. Then conference play happened. The 'Dores slide continues tomorrow. Dawgs give Kylie Shurfur a four hour long headache, 45-0.

Now, please bow your heads...dear Lord Baby Jesus, please don’t let Ramik and Ray get flagged for playing football again. And save us from all the other weird things that happen up yonder. In the name of Terry Hoage and Pulpwood Smith, Amen!

And Go Dawgs!

the Friday Misery is COMING HOME

Been under the weather and this is the best I can manage. Please file your complaints here. Thanks.

One thing to say

I'm ready to reach for the pylon.
I'm ready to shout to the Heavens.
I'm ready to hear the Bell.
I'm ready to bring the Payne.
I'm ready to put their ball carrier BEHIND the sticks.
I'm ready to give my all.
I'm ready to call the Dawgs.
I'm ready to ATTACK THE DAY!
Yes, I'm ready to persevere.

Autumn Fire: Perseverance from Georgia Football on Vimeo.

I'm ready to beat Vandy.

Please bow your heads...Dear Lord, bless the Redcoats and the forward pass. But please, please let us run free on Homecoming. Amen and Go Dawgs y'all!

Vandy fans...anchoring down...

...for Surrender Cobras.

Vandy rewatch

In an effort to not belabor a seventeen point road win, some bullets:

- If there's ever been a better pair of sophomore running backs to grace one campus at the same time than Michel and Chubb, I'm forgetting their names as well as their vision, drive, speed, power, change of direction, blocking technique, versatility as a receiver, etc., etc...

- There was a lot made around me in the stands of Schotty continually running the ball in between the tackles. But, can we blame him? Chubb averaged nearly ten yards a carry. I'm anxious to see some pitches and counters too. However I also understand the desire not to show the Gamecocks anything more than we need to. And Saturday there was no need to.

- Hope the tight ends can get more involved going forward. They were targeted a few times and both Blazevich and Harris had nice catches. The more yards our running backs get they more those guys should be able to find some open space.

- The offensive line played better against the Commodores than they did against ULM.

- Remember when so much was made about freshmen receivers not seeing the field until they could block? Yeh, thankfully those days are gone. Godwin may not be very big, but he got in the way of at least three Vanderbilt defensive backs on Michel's long touchdown run.

- The wife and I nearly threw up watching the officials get paychecks for absolutely no reason. Seriously, how hard is to see Leonard Floyd's helmet being wrenched in unnatural directions?

- But she took some measure of solace seeing Richt mouth the words "That's targeting!!" when they vaulted over the line to tackle Lambert before the snap. Because she had yelled the same thing from the stands Saturday.

- I felt good not great about the defense walking away Saturday. For all the quarterback pressure and tackles for loss and interceptions, we gave up a lot of dinks and dunks. Rewatching it I feel about the same. They set their jaws in the red zone and the first string (if there is such a thing under Pruitt) did not give up a touchdown. But I keep asking myself How much of that is Vandy's offensive ineptitude?

- Not sure why teams run to Malkom Parrish's side. He's good in pass defense. He's great in meeting the ball carrier at the point of attack.

- Easy to see why Mama Jenkins was saying her son Jordan's game was good but could've been better. His momentary shock at not getting blocked (at all!) on a couple plays meant the ball carrier only lost two yards instead of three.

- Semi-sarcasm aside, if Lambert can take his offensive line out for ice cream, Floyd and Jenkins can take Mayes and Co. out for steaks and mashed potatoes and pork loins and macaroni and cheese.

- Can Collin Barber kick field goals too? I'm not joking when I say that if it weren't for Chubb, Barber would be the team MVP to this point. As we struggle to find answers at quarterback, we're going to need 32 to keep his game at this level. At some point the South Carolina or Alabama or Tennessee or Missouri games are going to drop down into field position games...much like the first quarter in Nashville.

- Davis took the blame for the uncovered pooch kick. All I'll add is that was awfully generous of him.

I'll have a post on the quarterback situation later in the week, so I'm not going to say much else about Lambert on Saturday. I understand the nervousness fans have watching him work through his progressions (although honestly, there were many times he was only watching one receiver). but I do think too much is being made about his 0-fer first half. There were some drops in there that could've been big plays and given Lambert some much needed confidence early on.

In a nutshell, weird things happen in Vanderbilt Stadium. And sometimes that includes 17 point wins that light up message boreds.

Keys to commanding the Commodores

I think Groo pretty much nailed it:

Georgia showed some progress on special teams in the opener – kickoffs were usually boomed into the endzone, coverage was effective, and punt returns were uneventful. Georgia got to one punt and affected another. The day was a win for special teams. If we get more of that in Nashville, Georgia should win comfortably. After the special teams disasters of the past two games in Nashville, it’ll be a positive development if special teams are just a non-factor.

Nothing can swing a tackle football game like a big play on special teams and turnovers. So protect the ball and execute each and every task effectively in kicking situations and we should have a nice afternoon on Uncle Verne’s lap.

Get sloppy and it has too much potential to be a long drive back home to Desperation Town.

PS. Follow me on Periscope, and/or Twitters. If I remember I’ll post some sights and sounds from the game at Vanderbilt Stadium, where we’ll be wearing red. Go Dawgs!

Friday Misery - "targeting" "deep water"

If this post were just a couple pop-up pictures...

But since true misery is best conveyed through words...

Rare Road Reds vs Fake juice

The thrill of leaving the car flags at full mast while parked on streets in non-706 area codes. The smell of cooked meat in enemy territory. The sound of the Redcoats against a backdrop filled with less glorious colors. The vision of the cheerleaders waving that enormous Power G flag in the other team’s endzone.

The white jerseys on the backs of the Dawgs as they sprint out onto the field.

Not this week. With CBSSports, SEC Network, and even more referees with pockets full of Targeting gift cards coming into town, the Vanderbilt Commodores have alternate home uniforms hung in their lockers.

They’re cute aren't they? Even though they're whitish. Maybe a light gray. Probably both whitish and grayish.

Goddamit! Why in the holy hell am I typing about colors? Just the thought puts me back on a MARTA train with Nama and a cooler full of bourbon, ready to play an orange and blue team not named florida in Halloween costumes that Nike designed.

Yes, Clem is right. BIGTEAMlittleme. I need to let it go. But not before making a phone call to get some clarification.

/opens Nashville area phone book

/hums some tunes over Ryman’s digits

/doesn’t find a number for greater Nashville Port Authority

/or Navy base

/figures there’s someone smart at the end of a Vanderbilt line

/dials…...

Anchored down in deep words

“Hello, Vanderbilt University intramural sports, geological engineering, Greek literature, athletic chancelloric office, and Museum of Railroading. How may I assist you this morning?”

“Yes. We're driving up from Athens for the game this weekend. Do I need to ask permission to tailgate?”

“I...I don’t think I follow.”

“I heard this summer that y’all don’t have to ask permission. I’m just wondering if visitors have to ask permission??”

“Sir...Tailgating…”

“Please, call me Bernie.”

“Uh, Bernie, tailgating is allowed in designated spots.”

“Great! Glad I called in advance. Now...is it imperative that we anchor down, or is a parking brake sufficient?”

“Is this the gentleman that called a couple years ago?”

“No, that was Tyler. The wife and I will be driving a car into Nashville, not a boat. Plus, we prefer not to be anchored when we hunker. If you catch my drift.”

“I’m afraid that I do not and I have someone on the other line, so…”

“Oh, that’s my wife. She has lots of opinions on this Deep Water idea. Can you go into greater, you know, depth?”

“Let me transfer you to our PR department…”

….

“Vanderbilt University graduate admissions, plant services, divinity school, public relations, and Museum of the Absurdly Rich and also Al Gore, where our word for the day is sesquipedalianism. With what directive may I divert your telephonic communication?”

“Oh! Word games! Lemme go first...What’s the first thing you think of when I say Deep Water?!?”

“Excuse me?”

“Yes! Me too. I’m all ‘Excuse me, but what the hell does that even mean Comrade’ and then you’re all like ‘But check out these uniforms!’...Oh wait, bigger words that make you look smarter...and then you’re all like ‘However please examine our improved accouterments!”

“Sir…”

“No, please. Bernie.”

“Bernie? Are you related to Tyler?”

“If you mean are he and I analogous, yes. ‘Commit to the G Dawg!” But if you intend to question our familial relations, no. We are brothers from different mothers. Now, back to deep water. My wife would like to know it we’ll need ear plugs?”

“Uh, our band is not that loud sir, um Bernie.”

“Band? No, not the Kansas State thing. And wouldn’t the reference there be ‘Hot Water’? I’m referring to the thematic backdrop y’all’re rolling out for Uncle Verne and Company this weekend.”

“It’s just a uniform sir.”

“Just a uniform? Wow. How very unpretentious of you.”

/CLICK/

Okay, let us bow our heads. Dear Little Baby Jesus, please let the referees’ arms fall as limp as James Franklin during a Cialis commercial tomorrow. And also let the WolfPack exact some revenge for the way our great American Robbie Caldwell was treated. And we pray their quarterbacker’s insurance premium is not past due. 

Go Dawgs!

Charleston Southern looking for win 100

The program started in 1991 and comes to Athens with only 99 tackle football wins since then. Do the math and that's not real good y'all. Like, worse than Chan Gailey Tech Era bad. But with last week's victory over Liberty, the Buccaneers have 18 victories in the last two seasons. So these are dudes that aren't used to losing.

And perhaps that explains their refusal to lay down for Vanderbilt on October 11th. CSU outgained the 'Dores in total yards and rushing yards. They also racked up 19 first downs in the 21-20 loss in Nashville. Of considerable note is the fact that Vanderbilt didn't score a point in the second half. The Bucs smelled blood and anchored down.

How did Vanderbilt pull out a win against this considerable FCS foe? Well, the most telling sign is that Charleston Southern was only 2/14 on third downs. Get them behind the marker and then force their hand. They'd much rather run the football than pass.

And that will hold true Saturday when they come to Athens. The more they run the football forward, the less time Bobo has to run the Wild Honkey Nick Chubb and Friends before giving Kid Ramsey his snaps.

Some links:
- Lead up article to CSU's game against Liberty last weekend
- The Bucs at 'Dores box score
- Their roster is filled with Georgia kids, including one with ties to AD McGarity

Sunday Thoughts on Gurley being left-handed

Spectacular day in Athens. But, you knew that already.

• After all the weekdays of belaboring the point, Hutson Mason looked both better, and worse.
• He stood in and threw a couple balls that were clean, decisive and confident.
• He had a few others that were brain farts.
• Bobo allowed Mason to operate in the HUNH some. I faintly remember back when I thought we'd be using that strategy a lot more.
• Never saw JSW get on the field, but Malcolm got a few snaps and looked good. It'd been a long time since we've seen that.
• Conley's long haul from Mason reminded me of a point that Tyler made the other day. I don't recall if Mitchell was in on that play, but Conley was in single coverage and had his guy beat.
• And Ramsey...well, he's not very good rolling out, is he? Had a few balls sail on him
• But Gurley....damn.
• Seriously, if someone came up to your face today and said there was no way Todd Gurley could win dancing with the stars, split an atom, solve atlanta traffic, make a perfect omelet, ride a scooter un-maliciously...would you believe them?
• Like me, on the post game show Richt sounded a little surprised Bobo called that pass from the #WildGurley formation. You know, against Vanderbilt.
• But hey, gives the Raging Pinkels something to think about this week.
• Defensively...I'd give run defense a B and pass defense a C+. But overall they consistently forced the Commodores into long down and distances. And they only converted 2/13 on third down, 1/2 on fourth.
• Hard to complain about a blowout, but the special teams were not, special.
• Poor punts. Bad returns. Blocked PATs.
• Richt specifically mentioned the punting game in the lockerroom. Barber had four and averaged just 34 yards per. Erickson came in and only punted for 32 yards.
• Meh.
• Is it just me or should that last Vanderbilt touchdown have been reviewed?

Back to Gurley. He's the clear front runner now for every post season award he qualifies for. That's cool. And what is even more impressive for Georgia fans is that each week he finds new ways to entertain, amaze, and just generally drop jaws.

What will he do next week? I couldn't even venture a guess really. But I'm anxious to find out.

Two keys to avenging Ramik

It's so simple, it's complicated.

1. Frankie says Relax.
2. Tackle the ball carrier.

Vandy is done. They were beat before they crossed through Chattanooga last night. This is a get right game. Go Dawgs!

Friday Misery - Lionel, Robbie and Penn walk into a Starbucks...

This Saturday, on the SECN, live from Sanford Stadium in beautiful Athens GA....your Georgia Bulldogs play host to the Half-Caff-Venti-Non-Fat-Soy-Two Vanilla Pumps-Extra Whip-Caramel Drizzle-Hashtag-AnchorDown-Lattes!!

Anchor Done.

Yes, Vanderbilt is the Starbucks of the SEC - overvalued; a presumptive superior product surrounded by bigger, bolder blends.

When you lose to Vandy...
...you give shirtless, hatless vandy fan a reason to try rooting for tackle football again.
...you've probably also lost your virginity to Penn Wagers' and his sorority sisters of Yella Omega Flagga.
...you bring shame upon your house. A hunnerd fold.
...you have woken up from a nightmare into an even more nightmarish reality whose best possible ending is the Autozone Liberty Bowl.
...your pants are around your ankles. And not in a good way.
...what? Are you f---in' kidding me? You had ONE job asshole!
...your punter must've missed the tackle.
...you've pissed all over Homecoming like that drunk guy that's about to be face down in your neighbor's flower bed.
...you think you lost the road map for getting to Atlanta in December when in fact you never really had it to begin with.
...you've dropped your brand new iPhone7.6.1 into a bloody pool of piranhas. Way to go, Shitbreath.
...their mascot's unibrow lawyers up, thereby ending its interview with Dateline's Chris Hansen.
...God, you're pathetic.
...you force me to have forgetful New Years Eve parties.
...you couldn't out-transition James Franklin's two-star transition lenses.
...you've been surpassed as relevant by a team with a stadium the size of Ralphie May's garden tub.
...you couldn't possibly suck any worse than you suck at that particular moment of sucktastic suckitude.
...you've been outscored by a team that is overseen by something called a "vice-chancellor".
...the 1890s called and they want their outhouses back.
...and all the pretty girls would rather dance with the Dallas Ebola victim than your sorry, worthless, pathetic ass.

Homecoming. Awaygoing. Anchors down.
So long Sanford. Tomorrow is our last hurrah for awhile. When we meet again I'll be the happy drunk wearing Pinkel's visor with a pocketful of gnawed off razorback bones, dragging Muschamp's dignity by the scruff of his neck with one hand and pulling a Radio Flyer wagon full of all of Kentucky's finest bourbon with the other.

Or I'll be poor bastard looking for his drunk loser pants.

Their 40 times are irrelevant. #AnchorDerp

Either way, it's too long. Why didn't we talk about this over the summer in all those posts about the schedule? And why do we have to spend our last evening together with that creepy ass midshipman traipsing on our lawn? Speaking of our hallowed sod, please don't let these overly precocious, Ivy League rejected, snobby, wannabe Southern assholes anywhere near our Hedges, mascot mausoleum, or our midfield Power G.

Hate's a strong word Vandy. But I just can't trust you. For instance, Robbie Caldwell was the best thing to accidentally happen to Vanderbilt Football. And you ran him off like a big ole lovable dog that everyone in the neighborhood enjoys the company of...except you. You drop that anchor in your yard, misuse five dollar words while discussing a basketball season that is a month away, and kick that dog to the curb when he drops that old, dirty tennis ball at your feet.

That. Yes, that is the reason you can't have nice things Vanderpbilt. Your rallying cry calls for you to not just slow down, but to stop altogether. You think you're better than Robbie Caldwell, but in reality he's better than you. You don't deserve his charm and relaxed wit. You don't deserve random shirtless, hatless, angst-ridden fan. You don't deserve to be named after a classic American funk band. And you sure as shit don't deserve the sympathy of SEC officiating.

But don't get me started on the clusterf--k that was last year in Nashvegas. Enough. Let us bow our heads...Dear Lord, please let Malcolm Mitchell catch a 238 yards pass from Houston Madsun, despite the fact that he's wrapped in bubble wrap as a very cautious precaution. And also our family dentist asks that you keep the cotton candy guy away from our section. Thanks. Amen.

Just another day at the office for Azubike

Stopping Todd Gurley is no different than any other SEC Saturday.

"Todd Gurley is just another running back in the SEC we're going to have to tackle," Vanderbilt linebacker Caleb Azubike said. "I feel like given the strength and given the size of our defense we are going to be able to handle that quite properly."

Maybe he can use his cool contacts to see him better.

About Vandy's Darrius Sims

He doesn't play offense. But he's led the Commodores in scoring for two consecutive games. He's largely the reason Spurrier famously took over special teams duties in Columbia after Sims ran two kick returns back against the Gamecocks. And last Saturday, in the form of an interception return, he accounted for Vanderbilt's only touchdown.

With the Commodores desperate for yards and scoring, Coach Mason's turning to rarely if ever used weapons to touch the ball on offense.

He gone.

"Believe me, and I said it (Monday) night on the radio show, and I'm saying to the TV: Just so you understand, Darrius Sims and Trent Sherfield will get the ball," Mason said. "They are going to touch the ball. I don't know how many times, but they are going to get the ball in their hands. One thing I know about those guys is that they're dynamic."

Sims was a three-star athlete out of Memphis. He's small, but obviously very quick. Although he had no significant stats against us last season as a freshman, he's certainly on the Georgia coaches' radar this week. Especially since the Dawgs gave up over 25 yards per return against Tennessee, and allowed 28 per return against South Carolina.

Now they'll also have to keep a lookout for Sims on offense, as well as freshman wide receiver/speedster Trent Sherfield. Pruitt's front likes to play aggressively and quickly to the ball. So look for Vanderbilt to attack that with end-arounds, mis-direction and draw plays. The latter was especially effective for Tennessee this past Saturday.

If Vandy can take away Georgia's aggressiveness up front, it will allow their very young quarterback a little more time to work their passing game. Coach Mason knows who his playmakers are. Georgia would do themselves some good if they got to know Sims, on a very personal basis, too.

"We're going to have to pass the ball."

And you've been worried about Georgia's passing game. Be glad you ain't a 'Dore.

Vanderbilt has been devoid of perimeter pizazz this season to help the quarterback situation, with junior tight end Steven Scheu serving as his team's leading receiver with 13 catches for 188 yards. The Commodores rank 108th nationally in rushing offense with 107.2 yards a game and 115th in passing with 148.4 per contest.

The most consistent offensive weapon has been redshirt freshman tailback Ralph Webb, who has 90 carries for 427 yards (4.7 per carry).

"We've just got to execute the passing game," a frustrated Webb said after the loss in Lexington. "Defenders take notice and start loading the box with eight or nine guys, so it's going to be hard to run the ball against anybody. We've got to spread the ball out and execute the passing game better.

"Georgia is going to load the box and make us pass the ball. We're going to have to pass the ball."

Saturday the 'Dores will go with Freebeck, the true freshman who has tried to hold things together while Patton Robinette has been out due to injury. You can see it's been a kind of trial by fire for the kid:

So this could be the kind of game where Pruitt's secondary can gain some confidence before setting off on the road.

Targeting calls "still haunts us today"

New coordinator. A lot of new starters/faces, especially in the secondary. New season. But Georgia's linebackers remember last year in Nashville.

"That still haunts us today, because we know the rule they made at the end of last year," outside linebacker Jordan Jenkins said. "We call it the 'Ramik Wilson rule' or the 'Georgia rule,' because that was a direct relation of that. We knew that it shouldn't have come down to that, but it's something that will always be in the backs of our minds."

SEC spring cleaning

Nice and tidy look around the SEC by Paschall here as the conference heads into spring practice, complete with key departures, position battles and the top story lines for each team. And for a guy that is eternally fretting over the offensive line, I think he hits the nail on the head with Georgia:

GEORGIA

Spring start: March 18

Spring game: April 12

GATA Andrews!

Worth following: This spring was supposed to be about the adjustment from Aaron Murray to Hutson Mason at quarterback, but that occurred late last season. The health of tailback Todd Gurley (ankle) may be Georgia's top storyline this summer if Gurley doesn't do much this spring, but the chore for now is replacing Kenarious Gates, Dallas Lee and Chris Burnette on the offensive line. John Theus has moved from right tackle and will get the first opportunity at replacing Gates at left tackle. There are nine starters back on defense with four new coaches, headed by coordinator Jeremy Pruitt, who had the same role at Florida State last season. Pruitt looks to improve a secondary that was young last season and had to learn on the fly, which resulted in several disastrous moments.

And I agree that we'll see next to nothing of Gurley this spring. There's just not much reason to chance anything with 1) the talent we already know he has, 2) the fact that he never played a game last season while fully healthy and 3) the depth at the tailback spot.

Some other thoughts from Paschall's conference synopsis:

• Auburn returns their starting quarterback form their SEC championship and national title contending 2013 team, but he hasn't locked down the starting spot for 2014.
• There are some that may suggest that previous statement is not true and Marshall is the definite returning starter. But ask them this - if Malzahn has a better arm on the bench, doesn't Johnson deserve a long look?
• Although it's always (always) fun to laugh at florida, after reading their paragraph I can't help but think that Driskell and Roper have to be awfully eager to shut the critics' up a bit.
• Meanwhile Muschamp is somewhere grimacing over watery eggs this morning.
• As much attention as Bama gets, I rarely am intrigued by anything form Tuscaloosa in the springtime. But this six-way quarterback battle to replace AJ McCarron should be a fun storyline.
• One of the more interesting teams to watch this spring will be Missouri. Not much drop off (if any at all) at the quarterback position with Maty Mauk taking over permanently for James Fanklin. But who's going to pick up Henry Josey's 1100 rushing yards?
• Some uncomfortable similarities between Georgia and SEC East foe Sakerlina this spring - fairly seasoned backup quarterback finally replacing a school legend under center, and many questions in the secondary.
• All five starters from Tennessee's offensive line have to be replaced? That's a ton of bricks!
• And it will be curious to see how Vanderbilt's transition to a 3-4 goes. Not sure they have someone to anchor down in the middle yet.

Friday Misery - "To catch a Commodore"

And I ain't talking about Lionel Ritchie.

"I wear my eye glasses at noon..."

I'm not going to Nashville. And I'm flat out miserable about it. To all of you who are: enjoy yourselves, have a great time, hunker down. 

And for God's sake...bring home a win!

Hunker > Anchor

I reached out to Nashville's Corey Hart wannabe, Mr. James Franklin, this week for an interview. His response was extremely eager at first, strangely eager actually. Creepy. 

But after consulting with the Supreme Chancellor of Student Athletic Athleticism at Vanderbilt University he hedged. So I asked for a simple statement. Here's his response:

We're not gonna take any shit. (Please pardon my colorful and mildly intimidating language Supreme Chancellor of Student Athletic Athleticism.) I've made this clear from the get go. When Georgia's defensive players started yapping a couple years ago and your defensive coach was really mean to me, I went straight to Coach Richt and told him about it! That's right. We're not going to take anybody's crap without getting even. I'm trying to build a program based on high moral character. And except for some dirty chop blocks and a few rape indictments, we're doing pretty good.

WE'RE VANDERPBILT! ANCHOR DOWN!!   

So yeh. There's that. But how you gonna stop Todd Gurley...Michael Bennett....Malcolm Mit.......Keit....(shit!)....Justin Scott- We...(oh dammit!!)...

How you gonna stop Aaron Murray?

"Wanna see my hot tub young man?"

WE'RE VANDERPBILT! ANCHOR DOWN!!

I rest my case. Show up and win. If our minds are back in Athens or in Knoxville or ahead in Jacksonville...well, our chances are cut in half.

While both a hunker and an anchor are "down" in trajectory, one is for winners wanting to rise to the top. The other is for losers waiting to have their battleship sunk.

Let me just break this down for you...

That last section was too woe is me and my woe is just about damn broke. So here's why we win: 

They suck at everything but SATs. 

Their mascot's uni-brow once sat on a stool next to Dateline's Chris Hansen and discussed an online chat log.

Their quarterback's name - Austyn....with a "y"...

They're pure-bred yuppies who'd rather drape a sweater around their necks than strap on a helmet and sweat for a few hours.

Their undergrads play drinking games with chess pieces. 

They rhyme with "dandy". 

Their football players evidently can't get dates by any legal means. 

Their fans do shit like this for giggles. 

The ones that actually tailgate prefer to listen to Nickelback, the muzak version.

They also prefer a chilled, fermented grape over beer. 

Jay Cutler. 

They steal shit from your kicker's duplex while he's kicking the winning field goal. 

Their basketball court is permanently erect. And that's really creepy.

Their football stadium is the 18th largest stadium in the state.

Their players have stars on their helmets but have been tackled by our punter.

James Franklin's transition lenses.

Did I mention their quarterback's name?

When chilled, fermented grapes run out, they break out the Zima.

Out of 74 meetings with Georgia, they've won 18.

And two of those wins came while I was matriculating and Goff was...was....goffing. Times have changed. Let's keep it that way. Cuz The New Vandy ^TM just creeps me the hell out.

Go Dawgs!

Thursday headers - anchoring down

Some news and notes from Vanderbilt as well as Athens. As well as Vegas. Well, not really.

- Need a Woody Widenhofer reference this morning? Okay, Vanderbilt will be making a CBS appearance Saturday for the first time in over a decade! And it's the first time a game at Vanderbilt Stadium has been on CBS in over 20 years.
- Commodore defensive end Kyle Woestmann feels good about being able to "exploit" Georgia's offensive line and pressure Murray. This has been an area of emphasis for Vanderbilt in the off week as their ability to pressure the quarterback has seen a significant drop off since conference play started.
- Meanwhile, in other news, former Commodores Brandon Vandenburg and Corey Batey will stand trial next August.
-If you thought some of the names on the new playoff selection committee were interesting, how about the selection criteria? Talk about having a lot of gray area to work in.
- It's been eight years since the ACC had a matchup of two top five teams. Clemson is looking for payback.
- Georgia is one of three SEC East teams favored on the road this weekend, giving 8.5. Florida is favored over host Missouri by 3.5 and South Carolina by a touchdown over Tennessee. That covers everyone in the division except for Kentucky, who is getting 3.5 from Bye Week.

Just don't use up too much of that 2014 Kentucky Derby money!

So...anyone remember this?

It's Vandy week! And the first trip back to Nashville since the chop block and the chippiness and "the confrontation" post-game.

Don't you just know that James Franklin would love to stick it to Grantham? Kick him while he's down? Especially after the way last year's game in Athens turned out. Plus, the 'Dores have had an extra week to prepare for this one. So there's also that.

Suddenly, very glad this one isn't a night game.

James Franklin impersonating Coach Richt

h/t AHD

A "10"?? Really? That was a half-assed entry. Plus, where's the flip? And I bet the Old Vandy could've jumped off a real cliff. 

Yeh, I'm looking at you Coach Widenhofer.