the Friday Misery exposes the Irish torso

The short of it is this - Y'all, they ain't ready.

Of course I'm referring to Notre Dame, its fans, its town, its campus, and most of all its tackle football team.

Santa! Hey Santa!! SANTA!! Hey!

Their coach is on the hot seat, and someone just adjusted the flame so that's it's just a bit hotter. He's the kind of coach that addresses his team's failures by firing assistants and coordinators. Yes, Brian Kelly is trash.

Their history is as storied as it is ancient and irrelevant. At least to the game tomorrow night. Parseghian, Rockne, Leahy...they ain't walking through that tunnel. The Four Horsemen will have zero yards rushing and Joe Montana will attempt as many passes as my dog.

The Notre Dame of today can't even stand in its own History's shadow. They're nothing and they're on a map to becoming even less. They beat Miami last year, but lost to Duke at home. They managed just a field goal against NC State and blamed Mother Nature.

That's what storied programs do when they fail, they shift blame and try to distract you by pointing to all the Heismans in the trophy cases. The truth is that the "fighting Irish" have been just a squad of vegan yoga posers since before George O'Leary faxed that resume.

Georgia, on the other hand, is here and now. Kirby has zero F's to give.

While Kelly is drafting a gameplan for another losing side of the press conference where he points to turnovers, or special teams, or the fact that their water boy just switched from boxers to briefs, Coach Smart knows this is the kind of game that is won in the trenches.

Yes, their offensive line is large in size and stature. But they are even less of a match for Trent Thompson than they are for our defense's speed.

Quick, close your eyes and imagine Roquan Smith running around a big tree. One of those big south Georgia oaks. Now put a clock on him and see how long it takes him to get past that statuesque yet stationary massive growth. Two seconds? Less?

That's Smith and anyone else on Coach Tucker's three deep tracking the ball tomorrow night. Size is cool, but speed is sexy. And any and every Dawg fan will tell you that Saturday nights are made for sexy.

Other side of the ball is no different really. Both teams want to run. People have been telling me all week how many yards their running backs had against Temple. Okay, the same Owls that replaced half their defense from last season?

"But Bernie, Josh Jones is 6'2" and 225!"
"So? Jalen Hurd was 6-3 and 227 last season. Lemme give ya two more numbers...four and two. Put them together and that's how many yards he had in Athens."

I don't trust overly tall running backs. Too much of their torso is exposed. I bet Natrez Patrick is licking his chops.

As shown here, Hurd's torso coughing it up.

And please don't even start with me about this quarterback that set career highs as a freshman against UMass and then spent last season carrying a clipboard. Fromm stepped onto campus and was immediately the #2. If he'd've committed to Coach Kelly instead, well Wimbush would be carrying that clipboard again tomorrow night.

So gimme plenty of  Michel and Chubb, even with our offensive line that hasn't quite gelled into a consistent unit. Those Dawgs up front have their own big bodies, and I've met enough offensive linemen to know that they love nothing more than to "road grade" run block.

Let Fromm take the snap, hand it to Michel, and then let the big boys make pancakes. Huddle up, flex Michel out into the slot, then do the same thing with Chubb.

Rinse. Repeat.

Yes, there will be punts and it will be a field position game at the start. But just pace yourself and don't lose hope. Because I just know in my heart that those part-time ACC bodies can't handle 60 minutes of SEC football. If their admins and powers-that-be can't fully commit to a conference, no way their players can commit to taking a hit snap after snap.

These Irish want a "fight", well we've got fly, welter, middle, and plenty of heavy weights. But we ain't lacing up no gloves Coach Kelly. So tell your boys to strap those pretty yellow helmets on tight.

Now, please bow your heads...Dear Lord, please tell me who this Rudy guy is? I can't find him on any college football statistical website or reference book. Just a picture of the dude from Lord of the Rings. Supposed to be some tie between him, Georgia Tech and Notre Dame, so maybe he was O'Leary's agent, but I'm at a loss as to why I should even care. And please shove Irma back out to sea,. Shove her so far that South Bend IN is the only locale in the USA needing FEMA on Sunday.

Amen, and Go Dawgs!

Open letter to you Road Dawgs

Dear Road Dawgs,

I trust this finds you well and with tickets in hand. I'm jealous that you are packing a suitcase, complete with Khakis and red polos and maybe a light jacket or two to survive those chilly summer nights in South Bend, while I sludge my way through the work week with one eye towards a Saturday night party.

While you're boarding your flight or gassing up the motor vehicle, I'll be checking to see how many pounds of brisket it'll take to feed the horde.

And while you're setting up the tailgate Saturday morning I'll be mowing the yard and doing my best to rid the porch/patio/deck of mosquitoes.

Following the Dawgs on the road is what dreams are made of; this little ol' blog was born against the backdrop of a trek to Tempe. Since then it's been through half the SEC landscape, Boulder, Atlanta a few times, and even a few bowls.

Unfortunately, this trip has forced me to sit the bench.

But that doesn't mean I have to be quiet. My prediction is that 25,000 or so Georgia fans will make it into Notre Dame Stadium, which will leave only ten or so thousand of you to meander around the streets. Regardless of how big the Sea of Red is inside the stadium, that's a lot of Georgia fans that might be new to this travel thing. So...

First impressions should be painted red. There will be extensive visual footage around South Bend all the way through the end of the game. So, the more red the better. Half of their own fans are expecting to lose this game. So their alumni, faculty, and students walking out Saturday morning to more red than they've scene since Old Lady Stark and son Robb attended his wedding will only accentuate their inferiority complex.

Courteous, but with a tone of smart ass. Momma always said to be polite. But we've also seen her subtly finding ways to point out how tacky so and so's dress is just before the processional on Sunday morning. In short, you'll hear snarks about the barking and how you're from the South, but rising above that fray goes much further in proving the point that we are Georgia and they're just merely a half-assed part-timing ACC team.

Win the tailgate. Every college football fan thinks they know how to tailgate until a bunch of LSU Tigers, or Old Miss (whatevers), or Roll Tiders, and especially Georgia Bulldogs invade their town. Watch this video of our first tailgate in Columbia MO and pick out the spots where we are intrigued by their traditions, but with an air of "That's so cute and bless your hearts". What happens on the field we have little control of, but whether we win or lose the opposing fans should wake up Sunday morning think, "Wow, those guys and gals know how to eat and drink!"

Speaking of which, drink the town dry. It's tradition for local restaurant and bar owners to have to scramble for even more kegs and liquor by Friday evening when the Road Dawgs have just started to quench their thirst. If you're staying in Chicago that might seem like a tall order, but I have faith in you.

That's enough. Most of you know what you're doing anyway and don't need me to prattle on. The rest of you will be with someone who does.

So, safe travels y'all and Go Dawgs!

the Friday Misery is wheels up

A very busy week started with another Jax hangover and just spiraled from there. Suddenly it's Friday morning and I've got to get the car loaded for the Bourbon Trail.

Speaking of wheels up, I do have this though. Watch Tony Milton knock a wildcat on his ass so Greene could hit Edwards deep.

Greene to Edwards for a great 42yd TD catch! Dawgs beat Kentucky in route to an SEC Title! #InTheUGAVault #GoDawgs pic.twitter.com/hoeV8GSr5G

— The UGA Vault (@TheUGAVault) November 3, 2016

(h/t Groo)

I hope you can join us. Shame we have to travel that far north up 75 to get a night game. But it should be a beautiful time up in Kentucky, unless you're an ice cube. Hopefully alls well that ends well on this road trip.

Go Dawgs!

Keys to commanding the Commodores

I think Groo pretty much nailed it:

Georgia showed some progress on special teams in the opener – kickoffs were usually boomed into the endzone, coverage was effective, and punt returns were uneventful. Georgia got to one punt and affected another. The day was a win for special teams. If we get more of that in Nashville, Georgia should win comfortably. After the special teams disasters of the past two games in Nashville, it’ll be a positive development if special teams are just a non-factor.

Nothing can swing a tackle football game like a big play on special teams and turnovers. So protect the ball and execute each and every task effectively in kicking situations and we should have a nice afternoon on Uncle Verne’s lap.

Get sloppy and it has too much potential to be a long drive back home to Desperation Town.

PS. Follow me on Periscope, and/or Twitters. If I remember I’ll post some sights and sounds from the game at Vanderbilt Stadium, where we’ll be wearing red. Go Dawgs!

Sunday thoughts on the Commonwealth bounce back

In many ways this game shows you all you need to know about the 2014 Georgia Bulldogs. Flawed, often to a fault, but incredibly talented. And from the outset it was way too much of the latter for Kentucky to expose enough of the former.

- You can't start this without talking about Isaiah McKenzie. The opening kickoff was as much about great blocking as it was McKenzie's speed. But that punt return showed both his elusiveness and his ability to create seams.
- Mason had about as good a day passing the ball as one could expect. Comes at a good time too as we want him entering the showdown with Auburn confident. 13/16 and four touchdowns will do just that.
- And Brice Ramsey carries a nice mop, going for 80 yards on 5/5 passing with a touchdown.
- Even as the fans were calling for Gurley's return in the stands, anxious for the running back's return, it was impossible to not appreciate what Nick Chubb has done during the four game suspension.
- I ask you, what's more impressive, his five touchdowns, the 671 yards or the 102 carries? There's probably no correct answer. But that was fun to type out.
- Which begs the question, does Gurley start Saturday?
- Defensively, the intensity was there and that led to much better tackling. Probably most impressive was that they held Towles to 139 yards through the air. And a lot of that was coverage.
- If there's something that Pruitt is pointing to its Kentucky's 81 plays from scrimmage. That can't happen next week.

About to hit the road for home, so that'll do for now. Nice road win to wrap up a brutal span of time away from Sanford. It'll be good to be home. Real good.

Go Dawgs!

As I pack for the last road trip...

At least for the regular season, I find myself pondering a question.

I've told y'all before, I love road trips. It's one part seeing other destinations, tailgates, traditions. And it's another part hearing the Redcoats in another stadium while seeing the Dawgs in those beautiful road whites - the best uniform in football iyam.

Recently, I think it was after I returned from the ColaEast game, my kids asked me when they could attend their first road game. I had not thought of that yet, so my answer was somewhere north of a shoulder shrug. Mrs. Bernie and I have taken them to a bowl game before. Hell we may take them to one this year if Santa is good to us. But they've never been to a true, SEC, bonefide road game. 

And I'm not sure when that'll happen. But like I said, as I pack, I thought I'd asked my reader what he/she would suggest. I've been to both MS trips, either of which I'd take them to. We've also been to Tennessee. I'd take them there when they are older, but Mrs. Bernie has vowed ne're shall she return. I've been to USCjr, and it'll be a cold day in Hell before they get the displeasure of those fans' foul mouths. I've been to Auburn a couple times, and that might work as long as Nick Fairley isn't getting honored for his community service while matriculating in Opelika that particular evening. Missouri was a decent trip, though it was rather long. If I hit the lottery and could afford four plane tickets, maybe. And Vandy would be easy. Kinda like a home game across the border and over a ways. Know what I mean?

Those are the only ones I've been to, at least until this weekend. I would imagine Lexington might be a good first trip for a Junior Dawg too, especially if said junior is old enough to drive her daddy back along the Bourbon Trail!

Anyway, what say you reader? Where would you suggest a young Dawgette learn to bark in enemy territory? I don't mind exposing them to uncomfortable/hostile language in the stands. They've heard enough in their time in Sanford (and occasionally when Daddy watches a game on the tv). But ease of travel and fun venue get bonus points. Let me know your thoughts if you have one.

Go Dawgs!

Hating Florida is our most important hobby, episode six

My parents used to visit St. Simons every year. Dad had a conference down there and he'd take the family for a mini-vacation. Recently the folks re-visited SSI after a couple decades away. When they returned I asked them how they liked it. Not surprisingly they didn't want to leave.

I can relate. If I could live anywhere on Earth it'd be in Athens GA. Next, it would be St. Simons Island. So when it comes to GA/fla weekend, I always prefer to stay there for these reasons: 1) Dawg friendly 2) beautiful coastal town 3) it's in Georgia where I prefer my hard earned dollars to go.

And each year before I leave for the coast, I always make this plea on behalf of everyone who enjoys St. Simons as much as I do, but mostly for everyone who lives there - clean up your trash. Don't act like you wear jorts and date your sister. It'll be a much better experience for everyone if you all just manage you own waste.

Unlike this guy...

Tebow can't heal what ails that guy.

Now, if you are heading to the beach on Friday to get your drink on, here's some late breaking news from a SSI resident.

Bulldog fans who stop in St. Simons to celebrate on Friday prior to the Georgia-Florida football game should be aware that the traditional site for tailgating will be unsafe due to high afternoon tides, and festivities instead will take place near the Coast Guard station.

Ample parking, as well as live radio broadcasts from 103Q and 104.0 The Wave, will be available near the station, just a little farther up the beach. High tide will peak at 3 p.m.

The following day, fans are invited to join UGA Marine Extension and Georgia Sea Grant, units of the UGA Office of Public Service and Outreach, at the seventh annual St. Simons Island Beach Sweep. The clean up will begin at 7:30 a.m. on Nov. 1, with volunteers meeting at the Coast Guard station beach boardwalk.

Held in partnership with Keep Brunswick-Golden Isles Beautiful, Glynn County, Green Scene of Coastal Georgia, Brunswick Golden Isles Chamber of Commerce and Georgia’s Coastal Resources Division of DNR, volunteers will pick up cans, plastic foam coolers, cigarette butts and other litter left behind by tailgaters.

In 2013, county workers and volunteers collected over 21,000 pounds of litter from St. Simons beaches, parks and parking lots during the three-day weekend.

Tailgaters are being urged to leave their plastic foam coolers at home, as they can easily break apart and enter the ocean. To support this message, Parker’s convenience stores on St. Simons Island will sell special 100 percent recyclable UGA-themed coolers. From October 30-November 1, they are offering to switch these out for free in exchange for fans’ undamaged foam coolers, while supplies last.   (h/t Buddy)

So, who would you rather look like this weekend: the guy cleaning up the trash..or the guy about to get taken out with it?

Gamecock tickets

You wanna join us in Sakerlina? I checked the prices through the blog's ticket broker this morning and they are likely lower now than they will be next week. Use this link to check out the different seats that start as low as $116, or $133 apiece for two together. And that's with Ticket Monster's guarantee of course, plus email delivery.

And if you're looking for tickets to any other game on the schedule (home or away), check out the schedule and tickets link at the top whenever you're ready to find the best deal.

Friday Misery - tales of burglary and animal husbandry

They say that Misery loves company. Let's huddle up shall we?

[right click, paste]
Ahem, as I was saying...want to punch them in their filthy face. Wanna line up and ram the ball down their Pat Dye throats cuz that bastard's been dead to me for years! I want Murray to throw for 600 and Gurley to score touchdowns til Wednesday. No, not next Wednesday. The third Wednesday of December! I hate their Nick Fairley guts! I hate their War, their Damn, their TigerEagle, and their laughable SAT scores. Everything they've earned, they've stolen. Everything they've won has involved some short cut. When they can't win the game on the field, they aim their fire hoses at anyone within a 100 yard radius that reminds them of everything they'll never be - smart, athletic, classy, well dressed, able to obtain dates with non-livestock, mature, sophisticated, intelligent enough to operate their own pants zipper, developed beyond the paleolithic era, funny, astute, enlightened, playing with a full 52 cards, capable of controlling one's own saliva, family tree branches. And it has leaves.

Kristi Malzahn. Posturing for a robbery.

Tradition rich thievery
Oh, perhaps that last one cut a little deep. After all, modern anthropologists agree that the citizens of Auburn have not been able to wipe their ass with anything other than their own hands since 1937. And hey! That's something all Auburn fans can claim as their own! A tradition as deep and rich as two-ply Charmin. Give yourself a pat on the back Barners!

But every other tradition on the plains is friggin' stolen. Right down to their fight song. Bless their hearts, music can be so hard to create on one's own when the university has all the rhythm of a frozen faucet. Don't believe me? Watch an Auburn "graduate" try and clap their hands after a touchdown or a successfully placed bribe. It's about the funniest twenty-six seconds of your life before they just give up and stomp their feet. Again, paleolithic era FOR THE WIN!!

Auburn steals players, they steal championships, they steal their own school's accreditation and burn it during some sixth grade science experiment go awry. "Look y'all! Fire really do get hhHHHHOOOTT!!! OUCH!"

Hell, they even have men there that steal women's purses. Sad really. Almost as sad as the guy that played Grand Theft Auto with someone's actual truck. Oh wait, that was Auburn too. Figures.

And now they've adopted a former Georgia quarterback; a kid that took money from his own teammates. It makes sense really. What other locker room would he possibly fit into except for the one that's also full of cheaters and short cutters? I'm all for second chances. You can believe that. It's just funny how so many of them come in Lee County AL.

You wanna hunker, or you wanna date Mr. Ed?
I need y'all to feel this now. I can smell the negativity from a mile away and I can sense the uncertainty in my sleep. You have doubts. You expect the worst. You're so caught up in your own lowered expectations that you're feeling a draft of cold air.

Dawgs. Posturing for a fight.

Well, ZIP UP YOUR GOTDAMN DRAWERS NANCY!! This is the Deep South's oldest game. It's divided by 54 wins and eight ties apiece. It's Herschel > Bo. It's actual diplomas versus quilted Northern. It's a program that uses its plane for recruiting versus one that uses theirs for trying to steal coaches in the dead of night. We have Tra Battle eating your quarterback's lunch. You have Terry Bowden eating spoonfuls of Crisco. We have sororities and dorms and classrooms full of beautiful coeds. You have tracts of land with sheep, pigs, goats and that one mule with the lazy eye. We get after that ass! You cheat after that ass. Dawgs finish the drill. War Tigers finish the sentence.

Sometimes. When given a minute or two. And the participle dangles just right.

I'm not asking much. Just that you not obsess over a quarterback who lifted personal property from his teammates in Athens just so that he could have a go at Nick Fairley's former equine girlfriend. You think the guys in red and black have forgotten? No. Then you shouldn't either.

Look, you have one team that has over-achieved and another that has under-achieved. Gimme the under. Give me the hunker! Give me the red and black. Give me the straight shooters and you can keep your fly by night fancies. I want Georgia. I want Johnson on a 70 X Takeoff. I want the road whites. I want Murray's scar. I want Dooley's tennis shoes. I want Wayne Johnson coming off the bench. I want Sean Jones crushing souls and then you can keep your Junior Rosegreen and his candy ass. I want Corey Allen's miracle and Ray Goff copping a squat on Baby Bowden's winning streak.

I just wanna hunker. Go ahead Auburn. Do your War Eagle things. Throw your bourbon in Munson's face. Turn on those hoses and let it rain down on me. I'll take your Jordan-Hare baptism if it means the clock ran out on you again. And here, take my wallet if you must. You already charged me nearly $100 just to get in, so there ain't much left. I'll let you continue your thievin' ass ways.

Yes, we're off towards the Cheatingest Little Village on the Plains. And Hell's coming with me!

Sunday thoughts on getting the hell out of Knoxville

On a day when even the head coach was injured (cut his finger sitting down for the post game presser)...on a day when the training table saw nearly as many silver britches as the bench...on a day when Tennessee played their best game of the season...it's just good to get up and get out.

Seriously, seeing the team come over and console Keith Marshall (who was quickly on his way to a really big day) was one of the saddest moments I've experienced as a Dawg fan. Hope all of our Dawgs have quick and successful recoveries.

Onto the game, there were two tweets that I saw that summed things up best. First, Ching gives major props where they're due:

"Give Murray etc. credit. Absolutely nothing went right for them today and they found a way to win. This one's gonna hurt longterm, though"

And then I liked this quote that Streit passed along:

Murray on his long run: "There was a split-second where I was like, 'Slide'. But then I said screw it, let's go for it." #MurrayForHeismen

You can't ask more from your quarterback than to do what Murray has done to win these last two games.

As for my first trip to Knoxvegas, great atmosphere. Had a spectacular time seeing familiar faces against a less familiar backdrop, as well as meeting new Dawg fans from all around. The Vol fans were submissively cautious pregame, very, very loud during, and grateful afterwards.

That's about all I can manage from my phone this morning. Gonna be a hard week. Made a little easier with a win. But difficult nonetheless. 

Go Dawgs!