the Friday Misery says FTMF!

"We need a miracle!" screamed Dorsey Hill, now fortified by more than collards.

"Holding pigs for my dad to castrate was quite a challenge. I can't say that helped prepare me for football, but it sure did remind me a lot of sacking Steve Spurrier." - Bill Stanfill

"Hey Stevie...BOO!"

With your bright orange shirts and your sissy blue britches, you can go to Hell you sonsabitches! Gators...Gators...how'd ya like to bite my ass?!

How much do I hate florida? Turn the toaster oven to 500, throw it into the center of a thousand suns, and then into the molten lava center of a box of pizza bites.

the legacy of Willy Napier

On the day of November 28, 2021, Napier was known for bringing success to the Sun Belt Conference's UL-Lafayette. He was known as a solid recruiter, and was replacing known counter-recruiting aficionado - Danny Mullen. It seemed a thoughtful pivot for the bull gator intelligentsia.

Also, Billy had turned that ULL program around. They made bowl games in all four of Napier's seasons there as he lead them to a 40-12 overall record. Could he be the full package for florida? And would that aforementioned intelligentsia give him the space and time to right the ship that Muschamp, Sharkdaddy McIlwain, and Mullen had steered into jagged rocks?

Recruiting has improved, which is to say the current gator coaches engage in it and recognize its importance. But (current Georgia backup QB Jaden Rashada) is currently suing Napier and the Gator Guard Collective for failing to stand by their NIL commitment of $13 million and change. It's the first suit of its kind.

And for any gator fan that has stumbled from their single-wide/meth lab over here? When I type "suit" I'm referring to a legal action, not the fact that your 15 jersey with the sleeves ripped off matches your frayed edged jorts.

So in summation, it's been and still is rocky water in the swamps around Gainesville. Ya hate to see it! Where does the SunBelt Billy legacy lead? A win tomorrow could warrant it more time on the gator sideline. A loss might find it at the bottom of the swamp chained to a concrete block.

a Hate as old as time

Gator family, or alligatoridae as it were, have been around since well before Steve Spurrier returned to Gainesville. I'm talking the Eocene epoch, like before they evolved into eatin' boogers. Man came along roughly 29 million years later. Many species of alligatoridae are now extinct. So despite the age difference, the overall record in this series is almost unfathomable - 8 billion humans and nearly a billion dogs to roughly 3 million embiggened lizards.

Why? Well, all scientists agree (even the ones on campus in Gainesville wearing their lab coats backwards) that the alligator evolved much more slowly than mammals and even birds.

I know, shocker right?! These are the reptiles whose fans clap as if their left hand is on fire. Have you ever seen an alligator wearing jean shorts? No, me neither. Then again, I guess jorts are cheaper than alligator skin outerwear.

According to their team fanpage Wiki, in 2010 after outlasting the Dawgs in overtime 34-31, their fans "were found to gather in large numbers for group courtship, the so-called 'alligator dances'." Egad! Sounds like a scene from a late night Cinemax flick.

No thank you! So despite all the millenniums of evolution (mostly on our part fellow Dawg fans), the goal remains the same.

Beat.

Florida.

of note

Did you know that during the years of Prohibition, Georgia dominated this series 6-2-1? Which proves that a florida tackle football team is no better when they are sober.

I believe I took this pic prior to the 2017 WLOCP. On one hand I took it because I have two daughters, and this is not mine nor their mother's impression of "chivalry". But I also took it because...screw you florida douche ass punk! Be a man and carry the case of beer! Jesus, it's not a toothbrush or, Heaven forbid, a non-fictional account of College Football prior to the 1990s!

I imagine it went down something like this:

"Hey babe, let's go catch that bus and get to lil Dickie's tailgate. And can you carry the beer? This bad ass lanyard and my Skoal Bandits are really weighing me down."

"Well, you made me pay for them, so I guess it's only right."

Back to reality. Danny Wuerffel ain't walking down that tunnel tomorrow. More to the point, Trevor Etienne ain't gonna be wearing a helmet with the cute cursive print on it. Prohibition is long over. It's time to work those corked bottles, snap back cans, twist tops and shot glasses. It's the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party! It was a metal, steel chair. With about a five inch cushion! JAWS was about a shark, not a gator. Monthly parole is no longer a undergraduate major, the Urban era is done. FTMF! That's what my coach said. One bit, two bits, three bits ain't gonna get you shit tomorrow! Lindsay RAN so Munson lit the cigar. Your fans throw meth raves and your players throw cleats. You're so poor, you couldn't keep Cam Newton on the roster. You're closer to a circus than a College Football Playoff. To give a nod to ol' Dorsey again, "I haven't worked since Texas, and I haven't slept since Clemson. You expect me to go back home when we play Ole Miss in six days!??" God IS a Bulldog!

Now let us bow our heads...dear little baby Jesus, in the words of Dan Magill, please smite these florida Philistines and keep our ice cold and our Dawg hearts warm. In the name of Nat Hudson, Robert Edwards, Dick Sam IV, and Nakobe Dean...Amen and Go Dawgs!

Hate week, florida edition - 4th & 3 Dudes

I'll let you be the judge, but I don't think I exuded enough hate.

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Mid week feelings on the WLOCP

We're getting close! As I cross over the Trout River each day and putter towards MLK, get closer and closer to taking that exit instead. Hope all y'all traveling down in the coming days drive and fly and boat safely. The weather is good this year. I think we'll head into the game in the low 80's, so it could hot sitting in portions of the stands. But overall a very pleasant weatherly outlook.

As for the game:

• I like that we are healthier than we have been in a month or so. Getting Tate back is big. Sounds like Mykel will still be on a play count. On their side of the field, they have a lot of playmakers listed as questionable - RB and especially wide receiver. Most of the real game experience is still available though; the exception being senior RB Montrell Jackson. They've done pretty well with freshman Jadan Baugh toting the rock.
• Here a few days out it just feels like a game that starts slowly before we really lean on them. So it could be close at half, but I like our interior lineman on both sides of the compared to theirs.

I enjoy this week for the social media posting too. One of the greatest Dawg fans I know, Billy goes old school with this post:

And Greg came in with the full video experience. Go Dawgs!

A video that never gets old. “Screw Florida and the mule they came in here on!”. Erk Russell ‘1980 pic.twitter.com/9vJXns7w9d

— 𝐺𝑟𝑒𝑔 - 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡𝑜 𝑒𝑎𝑡! (@Dawgsfan4ever) October 29, 2024

National landscape - week nine, Oregon stands tall

Oregon stood up to Ohio State and dominated Illinois. Those are their only wins against ranked opponents. Does that make them worthy of the top spot? At this point I have them neck and neck with Georgia. Then again, it doesn't mean too much to be #1 vs #2 now that the playoff includes 12 teams. 

1. Oregon (bye)
2. Georgia (bye)
3. Clemson (bye)
4. BYU (bye)
5. Texas A&M (hosts)
6. Penn State (hosts)
7. Ohio State (hosts)
8. Notre Dame (hosts)
9. Iowa State
10. Miami
11. Texas
12. Boise State

The biggest move this week was A&M jumping up to #5. Last week I had LSU at #6, and really thought the winner of Saturday evening's game wouldn't be that strong of a consideration. But the Aggies showed me something different...in the second half. Marcel Reed makes them a true contender I think. Going to South Carolina will be a true road test, and they get Texas at home to close the season.

Elsewhere in the SEC, Georgia sits on their bye weekend. Moved Texas down a spot after their win over Vanderbilt. That's mostly because I still don't believe they have an offensive line that can consistently let their playmakers make plays. They're really, really bad.

Miami beat FSU by three touchdowns. Think about that for a moment. As recently as a year ago all the way back to the 90's, that would be a major headline. FSU is that bad and I really don't think Miami is that good. Again, without some help from the referees, the Canes could be 5-3.

The Big 10 is truly a mystery to me. After Oregon, what team is deserving? Indiana probably should be next. In the end I decided to let the Ohio State at Penn State game this weekend shake things out.

BYU notched a cross country road win against UCF to stay atop the Big 12. Their biggest competition for the top spot is Iowa State. The Cyclones definitely have the harder schedule ahead: Texas Tech on Saturday and at Utah later in November. 

The Golden Domes trounced a good Navy team. That loss to the Salukis really brought Notre Dame around.

Which brings me to #12. I don't know how you can leave Boise State or Army out of the equation at this point. The reason they expanded the playoffs was to give teams like these a chance. Army is undefeated and is probably the one team that no one really wants to play. But I'm sticking with the Broncos as they beat my original Group of 5 inclusion, UNLV.

And just because it's hate week: Where are the Gators you ask? Basking in their OT loss to the Vols maybe?

Anyway, as always, we close this weekly post with this: Those are at least some intriguing matchups in Round 1. $till not $old on making the $ea$on thi$ long. But I'd watch, and I gue$$ that'$ why they expanded, right?

Let's re-visit a florida gator nightmare sequence

Nama shared this last night. What a game!

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A post shared by Row Sixty: A Georgia Football Podcast (@rowsixty)

We happened to be sitting behind Nolan Smith's grandfather. He busted a knuckle celebrating during that fumble return. So I went home with a bloody polo, but beyond overjoyed!

The longest two and a half minutes of Dan Mullen's career. And precipitated one of Kirby's greatest halftime speeches (at least to our knowledge) where he implores the team to "make them fucking quit!"

I can't wait for Saturday!

Episode 9 - 4th & 3 Dudes

This episode may be sensitive for any Texas listeners. If you or someone you know suffers from the Georgia pass rush, seek professional help. And also grow a pair!

Follow, rate, review - 4th & 3 Dudes

National landscape, week eight shakes things up!

Perhaps last week I was a bit hasty in saying "the waters are a little less muddy." Bama was wildly inconsistent on the road and Texas didn't bother showing up until the 3rd quarter. And even then, only had spurts of success. Let's dig on in shall we?

1. Oregon (bye)
2. Clemson (bye)
3. Georgia (bye)
4. BYU (bye)
5. Penn State (hosts)
6. LSU (hosts)
7. Ohio State (hosts)
8. Notre Dame (hosts)
9. Iowa State
10. Texas
11. Miami
12. Boise State

I watched Miami beat Louisville on the road. I'm still not sold on them winning the ACC, but it was a win in a hostile-ish environment. Clemson however still has the better resume, and I believe the better overall team. Let's not forget, Miami was the beneficiary of bad calls against VA Tech, Cal, and now Louisville. They could easily be 4-3. So the Canes move into the rankings, but that's all I got for them right now.

ACC-lite: Notre Dame looked impressive against GA Tech in the Benz. But again, they'll need to beat Navy this weekend and Army late next month to stay in.

Georgia's win in Austin moves them up into a bye. I debated on how far Texas should slide and landed on (newcomer to the rankings) LSU hosting and Texas moving into a first round trip to Columbus. Alabama's lackluster performance in Neyland was more than enough for me to move them out, especially given it is their second loss in the state of Tennessee. Did the Vols show me enough to move back in? Nope. Keeping the SEC at three teams.

What about A&M, the SEC's other undefeated team (in conference play)? I decided to be as fair as possible. I took to social media and asked followers to vote on these five teams as a third entry for this week's rankings - A&M, LSU, Missouri, Texas, and Vanderbilt. LSU ran away with more than 50% of the votes. (If you don't follow me, here's the FB page and here's my TXitter.)

Moving on, Oregon benefitted from Texas' beat down to move up into the top spot. And they may not give it back as they have #20 Illinois this weekend, and after that their next ranked opponent could be in the Big10 Championship game. I didn't like the idea of both Penn State and Ohio State hosting a 1st round game, but with Bama and Texas Tech dropping out it was hard not to. They play each other in a couple weeks anyway. It'll sort out.

What about Indiana you say? They are undefeated, but the schedule seems soft to me. If they keep winning and take down the Buckeyes next month... 

In the Big12, BYU remains atop the conference with Iowa State. I keep BYU as the conference winner and it seemed time to move the undefeated Cyclones in.

As far as true contenders for the whole enchilada...Dawgs definitely showed they can put things together. Again, I don't think Oregon is going to move much, so I have them as a true contender. And then I guess you have to include Ohio State as well since their game with the Ducks could've gone either way. And I think they're my only three at this point. Everyone else either hasn't impressed me enough to put on that level, or they are simply suffering from a weak schedule so far. We'll see.

Anyway, as always, we close this weekly post with this: Those are at least some intriguing matchups in Round 1. $till not $old on making the $ea$on thi$ long. But I'd watch, and I gue$$ that'$ why they expanded, right?

Digesting Texas

First of all, I need to own up. I was one of the ones not just thinking but also espousing that this Georgia defense was not up to the standard we've seen the last few years. And yes, there's still a long way to go.

But Saturday night was special. Our offense turned the ball over twice in the first quarter and the Longhorns still went into halftime with zero points. There's a reason their quarterbacks looked like this on the sideline just before half:

"Did...you see the size of that dude?"
"Yeh."
Yeh."

Jalon Walker was impossible to defend Saturday night on his way to 8 tackles and 3 sacks. Mykel, Wilson and Everette added 4 more sacks. The pressure threw off Ewers timing with his receivers, and their running game was a non-issue. Take away the negative sack yardage and the Longhorns struggled to 64 yards on 17 carries.

In short, Georgia's defense quickly put their offense in a box with one hand tied behind them. And when Ewers was able to get the ball off, the secondary (and linebackers...hello Chris Cole!) were more than up to the task. In 49 dropbacks, the Longhorns managed just 230 yards.

By the time the clock hit zeroes, the Georgia defense had limited the Sarkisian offense to 4.69 yards per pass (that is roughly half what they were averaging coming into this game) and 3.76 yards per run (again, taking out ALL of the sack yardage).

Rumor is Muschamp really stepped in to help the secondary prepare for this road trip. Maybe that was because of Schumann's wife giving birth Wednesday to their 3rd kid, or maybe Coach Boom just needed to scratch an old itch. Regardless, the end result was domination.

Offensively, it wasn't domination but I felt like we executed at a much higher level. Yes, Beck had a few bad reads. The receivers had some drops. And a couple more times pretty sure  they are running wrong routes. In short, the offense as a whole is still not completely in sync.

On the plus side, the offensive line had a great night when Jared Wilson returned to the lineup. Gave up just one sack (which may have been as much on Beck) and provided a steady pocket from start to finish.

Etienne remains a bright spot. It's always nice to have a three down back that can run, catch and block. Delp had his best game of the season.

If I were to quibble, I hope the focus going into the off week is downfield blocking. Sure would be nice to spring Etienne on a few long ones at the WLOCP! But on a night that saw Bobo calling in plays on our own walkie talkies, an enjoyable performance to say the least.

Kirby said it post-game. No one believed in those guys. Word is Gameday was a clean sweep for the Longhorns. They scrambled our comms. Threw bottles at us. And then the refs tried to take matters into their own hands. (sidenote - when will the SEC hire full time referees, and make them face the press after games) And still, the Dawgs more than handled their business road trip.

Lastly, thanks to all you Road Dawgs! You sounded great and added an exclamation point to the win with all the horns down pics around Texas Memorial Stadium that floated onto social media. Go Dawgs!

the Friday Misery doesn't wear chaps

Hey Beevo, keep your dadgum ivoryish bovine protrusions away from our doggy!

steered clear

Seriously, why is that thing on the field? I've heard many raise the question, but have yet to hear a true answer. When Ralphie visited Sanford he was on his best behavior. I don't think his handlers even had to sedate him. I mean he ran on the field without trampling Joe Cox. Thank God!

But if this is the same Texas mascot that was at the Sugar Bowl a few years ago, give him a horse tranq for God's sake!

And I don't even know if Uga is travelling. I sure wouldn't if I were Boom and knew what that ornery two-ton sumbitch tried against Que. Give that good boy a tummy rub and let him just nap through the pre-game from the comforts of the Seiler sofa.

(UPDATE: Charles says Boom will indeed be safe in Savannah this weekend.)

when the secondary is a primary concern

Deeeeep.

Breath.....

Okay, it was uneasy then uncomfortable then unfathomable to watch our secondary get torched time and time again Saturday night. I get it, that was not fun at all. Offense was eating up yards and putting up points, but the defense just couldn't make ol' Missy State quit!

It starts, in my humble never been a tackle football coach's opinion, with the pass rush. I was a little, just a little, too hard on the secondary on Tuesday. Upon further reflection, every time we sent a blitz they had the correct call. And it went for a lot of yards if not a touchdown.

We just couldn't get our hands on the kid. And that starts in the trenches. Tomorrow we have to be able to generate a push and at least get some hands in Ewers' face. We made Miss State one-dimensional early. They wanted to run the ball, but we wouldn't let them.

Here's a dude that can GATA!

And while that eventually turned on us when they started to pass, we need to do the same tomorrow night. Yes, it's hard when Mykel isn't 100%. It's hard with Mondon sidelined. But these kind of games are won up front.

Now everybody...yes, even you pea brains in the back still whining about Kirby's forearm shiver. Let's all get into a three point stance...that's it...get your ass down Poindexter! Okay, now. Right arm up ready to chop wood, and...GET AFTER THEIR ASS!!

egos are especially bigger in texas

Gather around longhorns, and put your 10 gallon learning caps on. You are officially in the SEC now, so you have to act right. Yes, even though you were named after a steakhouse chain. And no, most of us don't want you around here anyway. And it's not because we're afraid of you. No, the decisions were and are made above our paygrade.

So listen here, stop whining every time an opposing fan gives you the horns down. Yes, we know it hurts your feelings and we saw when the Big12 front office enabled you like a green-faced toddler that doesn't wanna eat strained peas.

Grow a pair. Instead of putting a replica of a bull's scrotum on your trailer hitch, try loosening your girly chaps and find your own set. This is the SEC son! We can joke about Vandy "blowing the Admiral", and Carolina's choking chicken, and still have some modicum of respect for each other. Yes, we bark at perfect strangers. Yes, Florida claps like the graduating class for the directionally challenged. Missouri goes on the road...to play UMass! And don't get me started on Tennessee's Tour de Franzia or their depressing locker room mantra:

Narrator voice: "It was true. It could not be found."

Taunting, trash talk, turning Parliament Funkadelic's P-Funk hand signal upside down...it's all part of the fan experience. It's expected. It's understood. (And yes, I understand Auburn is more of an exception. But trust me, they're worse than a toddler with strained peas in his ears.)

Now, proudly pat that SEC patch on your jersey and understand you are now playing in the ELITE playground. No more plastic primary colored fake shit. I'm talking solid wood foundation with steel bars. I guess what I'm saying is, if the slide in our playground doesn't chap your ass, then an inverted set of fingers shouldn't either.

Let's all circle up and pray...take off your cap and let's see your pretty-boy haircut Arch! There we go...Lord, please protect these men tomorrow night as we continue to pray and look for ways to support hurricane victims across the southeast. And please, pleeeeaase! Let us get Ewers jersey dirty. Even after 8:50pm. Because we know it's ALWAYS 10 TO 9 IN TEXAS!! AMEN and Go Dawgs!

Bonus - this week's 4th & 3 Dudes episode

National landscape, week seven

Waters are becoming less muddy I guess. And now that we're in the thick of it, and despite knowing that some two and maybe even three loss teams will make the playoffs, it sure feels like some one loss teams need to prove their worth.

1. Texas (bye)
2. Oregon (bye)
3. BYU (bye)
4. Clemson (bye)
   
5. Ohio State (hosts)
6. Georgia (hosts)
7. Alabama (hosts)
8. Texas Tech (hosts)
9. Notre Dame
10. LSU
11. Penn State
12. Boise State

The biggest game of the weekend brought us the best game of the season. The Ducks outlasted the Buckeyes and have solidified their bye week, at least for now. To round out the Big10 I kept Ohio State at 5 and dropped Penn State down to 11.

The Big12 has three undefeated teams in BYU, Texas Tech, and Iowa State. I'm keeping BYU as the conference winner, kept Texas Tech at 8, and considered letting Iowa State in. I've felt like Utah would play themselves back into contention, but their loss to Arizona State Friday night is gonna leave them hunting for a bowl game. BYU (probably) has the easiest path to a bye week in the playoffs. But along with Texas Tech and Iowa State, I think Kansas State and Arizona State are in contention.

ACC...each week I feel Clemson stakes a better claim than Miami. We'll see if the Tigers can hold it together.

ACC Lite...will it be Notre Dame's last week in the standings? They have trips to GA Tech and then Navy in the next two weeks. Win those as well as a 11/23 home game against Army and they may just survive that home loss to the Salukis.

Boise State Cruised through Honolulu, and they may very well keep cruising all the way to their season finale against Oregon State. As a reminder, the Broncos' only loss is to Oregon, by a field goal.

Lastly, the SEC. The only real change was swapping Ole Miss for LSU. I still feel it's more likely the SEC gets just three teams in the playoff bracket. Texas seems the only shoe-in. Bama is on a couple shaky wheels, and it's hard to believe LSU is good enough defensively to carry them into a playoff bid.

And with our Dawgs, the next month's gauntlet will prove we're deserving, or not.

Anyway, as always, we close this weekly post with this: Those are at least some intriguing matchups in Round 1. $till not $old on making the $ea$on thi$ long. But I'd watch, and I gue$$ that'$ why they expanded, right?