Friday Misery - one-thirds Odoms, plus Donny, Monica Lewinsky, and cans of paint

I keep reminding myself, “Hey, we won last week man. Chin up!” Yet somehow I just want to curl up into a ball and wallow in my own pool of self pity.

<deep sigh>

So let’s pass this handle of corn liquor around the circle until we all feel like we haven’t been kicked in the balls for six days straight.

Know thine Enemy, much much betterer this time.

By God we are going to do a MUCH more thorough job of researching this week's opponent than the half-assed stuff my staff trotted out there last week for you to digest. Folks from southeast Louisiana been making me eat every word of that mess all week!

So, onto the actual real life facts!

• 

  According to Google, this is neither Dave nor Barry.

  Missouri’s coach is not Gary Robin Pinkel any longer. It’s Barry Odom.
• Coach Odom is NOT the former basketball coach at South Carolina and Wake Forrest.
• Also, Wake Forest actually has one “r” and not two. (See?!? I’m on point this week!)
• The Tigers are quarterbacked by Drew Lock. And just as Barry ain’t Dave’s son, Drew ain’t Andrew Luck’s younger brother. I know this because Luck is spelled with a “u” and not an “o”.
• (Damn, we’re on a roll now!)
• Missouri has played in front of a combined 111,317 people this season, which also happens to be the aggregate attendance of #93KDay’s concession lines.
• The Tigers’ most complete drive of their first two games was a 10 play 80 yard romp late in the game against the West Virginia Mountaineers when their fate had all but been decided.
• Put their offensive stats up against the timeline and backdrop of current events, and it’s clear that Missouri’s offensive coordinator Josh Heupel gave Hillary her pneumonias. Their offense is still getting it’s feet under itsownself.
• Their fans drink from paint cans.

Annoyingly cute.

A puppy just before it shits on the rug. Soccer games. A newlywed couple standing on a beach, making pouty-lipped faces in the direction of their selfie-stick. Charlie, until he bites Harry’s finger. Kittens. Every kitten.

All appropriate similes for Missouri fans.

CLICK BARF

These jokers can’t completely understand Fall Saturdays, bless their hearts. Follow that link in the last bullet point up there. We’ve seen first hand. I mean, their fans go through all the right motions, but they lack intensity, commitment, drive, as well as an ability to fathom college football the way it’s meant to be fathomed.

Exhibit A. Found this excerpt from a site that is now defunct, but it best exemplifies how Missouri fans go through the motions with a haphazard lackadaisicalness that is really cute...until it’s annoying as hell.

"Like a Tiger at the Zou, shake your tail at the gate. Tailgating is one of the oldest traditions in college football. It's simple. Get a tent, some Missouri apparel, maybe a grill, and you're set for a good time."

Uh, I’m gonna zip right past that part about the tiger and his tail and the gate and head straight to this - “maybe a grill”...??

Again, cute until they’re just pissing you off with the nervous smile that is more than a bit overly forced and how they’re all wearing hoodies even though the temperature is easily in the 80s. And we’re just waiting for a cameraman to jump out from behind a tree and everyone says “PUNK’d!! Hahahaha!” Then everyone is actually normal.

But there’s no tree with a cameraman hiding behind it. The weird just gets more weird over yonder.

Remember that scene in The Big Lebowski where Steve Buscemi’s character Donny continually tries to add to the conversation until at long last Walter yells “YOU’RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT DONNY!!”

That’s Missouri fans in the SEC y'all. Hopelessly and completely out of their element until some suit with an SEC pin on the lapel takes his head out of his ass and gives Missouri back to the midwest.

Don’t take it too personal Pinkels...ya just ain’t our style of people.

Know thine ownself too and also...

This is us coming down the tracks last Saturday…

And this is us filing out…

By Monday it struck me that college football season is an ever teetering balance between the weight of the questions and the weight of the answers. LOT more questions this week than answers. It’s like that time you were expecting the usual 25 multiple choice test in Government and ol’ Coach Watson doubled it and added an essay.

I strutted on in there like a Jeopardy champion, all “Yo Trebek, gimme System of checks and balances for five benjis!” But I crawled out like a low rent lobbyist that’s been outbid.

You beat North Carolina and you feel like Harry Gotdamn Truman. “Howya like the taste of that nuclear Chubb Fedora? Boo-yah!” Then ya eke out a win over little ol’ itty bitty Nicholls and suddenly your name is Monica and your blue dress needs Martinizing.

Karma is a fickle bitch. When she slaps you back down to Earth you gotta smile back and say, “That all you got lady?”

"Truman ain't never seen these nuclear
codes Baby!"

Look, Eason is fine. We gotta trust him more. You know this because the opposing defenses don’t trust him not to throw over their safeties’ helmets. A night game on the road makes you nervous for the true freshman and an offensive line trying to find its collective identity, but if Rodrigo brings that cannon as a Delta carry-on, and the defense plays aggressive and knocks those receivers off their routes, then I think we’ll be okay.

After all, beating a really over-matched FCS team by two points proves you have some issues - namely a young coaching staff coaching a lot of young players. But if you lose to Missouri, you’ve besmirched all that is sacred about Life in the (real) South.

You win this one for Sweet Tea. You beat that block in the name of Grits. You catch that pass because Lewis and Larry are waiting out an Eternity to light their cigars. You pancake a dude because it’d make your momma proud son!

Let’s win this game because we were prepared to do so. Let’s be the bigger dog in the yard, the one that eats all the bowls of food because no other mutt will stand up and ask us not to. Let’s fight for every yard and claw for every loose ball as if the winner gets the honor of getting grandma’s macaroni pie recipe handed down to them by the Grace of God!

Now, please bow your heads...Dear Lord Almighty, please help us repair the broken button on the Human Joystick. And make sure Chaney brings the Payne!

Light on the sauce this week...

...but plenty of Dawg talk to go around as Bob, Corbin, and I discuss closing thoughts on Nicholls and look ahead to Saturday night in Missouri.

BullDawg Illustrated has lots of audio content each week if you're a podcast junkie like I am. Subscribe to them on iTunes, Soundcloud, or your favorite podcast catcher app for your phone. Mine happens to be Downcast, but there's plenty of others out there.

Sunday Thoughts on double entendre'd pancakes

Yesterday 'tween the hedges is what happens when the following perfect storm hits:

• inflated early season ranking inflates players' egos
• inexperienced and non-cohesive offensive line plays in front of a freshman quarterback
• receivers that can't consistently get separation
• and playing against a team with absolutely nothing to lose

Absolutely nothing.

And that's where I want to start. Because you have to tip your cap to the Nicholls Colonels. As much as I hate seeing my team struggle, I always really enjoy seeing an underdog rise to the occasion. It's what makes college football great. Those guys were tremendously undersized. Tremendously! They barely had enough scholarship players to fill one bus. Just one! And they gave a bunch of four and five stars all they could handle.

Now, take a step back from the ledge and bear with me now. Read the last sentence of that last paragraph again. Because that's a good thing. I mean, right? There's no question the guys in Red read those press clippings last week and grinned a little too big last week. There's no question they came out the tunnel at Kirby's first home game having already lost whatever pregame direction the coaches' had given.

And there's no question they struggled to regain their composure the next 60 minutes of the game clock.

That's what young teams do y'all. Think about all the young players we're putting out there. All over the field. Even at quarterback, the most important position on the team. Plus, you even have experienced guys like McKenzie making crucial mistakes and even Chubb fumbling the ball...just a weird day. Real, real weird.

So here's how the coaches fix this:

• Keep Eason in. No one is going to respect Lambert deep and running backs need some room. Keeping 10 in there keeps the safeties deeper and helps the offensive line grow up.
• Unleash Rocker and Pittman this week. If I were Kirby I'd tell them to chew ass from dawn til dusk. SEC play starts Saturday night and SEC wins come from the trenches. Those guys need to eat space and eat pancakes.
• Get McKenzie and Godwin more touches. Those guys can neutralize some other mistakes with their speed.

And hey, the kickers played well yesterday. Otherwise we're the headline on ESPN for 24 hours as having lost to an FCS team. Anyone remember Appy State? No, not that one. This one. I really, really like that we trotted Ham out there for the 53 yarder and he nearly delivered. Even though he missed it, it still shows necessary confidence. Necessary.

Granted, a little surprised Blankenship prefers non-fake turf. But then again, so do I. Especially when it's Sanford's.

Two more things y'all. First, hearing a lot of uncomfortable comparisons to Saban's first loss to UL Monroe. Or whatever. Last time I checked we do our goddamn business in Athens GA. Who are y'all, Travelocity.com?

Look, we just need to chill. Stop bitching and moaning and comparing and trying to make this game fit so nicely into your cerebral cortex. Yesterday wasn't as fun as we'd hoped. We should've known better. The coaches should've known better. The players definitely should've known better. But I'm always reminded of how new seasons go when there's a new coach, new philosophy, new procedures, new everything:

Before the season starts, I just ask that y’all support your team. It’s a new era. Many of y’all ain’t experienced this yet. (1/3)

— Bernie (@BernieDawg) September 3, 2016

Not always easy. But we’ll get there together, thru the ups and downs. Go Dawgs! (2/3)

— Bernie (@BernieDawg) September 3, 2016

That said, we’re gonna run unc out of Atlanta like he’s a 21st century Tecumseh Sherman. Go Dawgs! #DawgsOnTop (3/3)

— Bernie (@BernieDawg) September 3, 2016

Okay, speaking of pancakes. Shout out to Smokewagon for borrowing ol' Russ Tanner's variable speed rotary griddle thing, which happens to be the most amazing invention I've ever ever ever experienced. It fed a legion of hungry Dawg fans pancakes, bacon, sausage, and eggs. If only it would pour my beer faster...

Pancakes for a hungry hoard of Dawgs!

A video posted by Bernie (@berniedawg) on Sep 10, 2016 at 6:20am PDT

the Friday Misery drops the dime on Nickels State

Look, it’s been a busy work week and I kind of slacked off on Labor Day and then I had to cut the grass and feed the dog not to mention that it’s just Nickels St. this week and also I've been following this Taylor Swift ex BF stuff and then the iPhone 7 launch is coming now so why even right?

"Wrong. Next question..." - Coach Smart

**You should resist the urge to correct me on any spelling errors you think I have made. I checked numerous sources of both the Wiki and Merriam's Webster variety, and it’s spelled Thibodaux, not Thibadeaux. You’re welcome.**

It’s nickel night at Bernie’s Dawg Blawg!

I don’t know anything about Nickels State. My lovely wife asked the other day and I recall thinking to myself, “Self, I know I’ve heard of this school before and we may have even frosted their cupcake in a previous year’s schedule. But for the life of me…”

“It’s in Thibodaux.”

Blank stare.

“Louisiana Bernie. Thibodaux LA is where Nicholls State is.”

Hmmph. Okay. That’s a long way from Wisconsin which is where my mind was drifting off to. I was then very, very intrigued.

Jump started by this basic fact I employed my internet research team with the task of finding out more general information on Nickels State as well as a half-assed scouting report of their actual tackle footballing team. What I got back from them was as startling as it was informative.

Here ya go!

• Their mascot is Kernels...of popcorn I suppose.
  

  
• They used to have a big rivalry with Texas State. But it was discontinued when Friday Night Lights went off the air.
• Speaking of popcorn and Coach Taylor, the scene(s) where he eats from a big bowl in front of the tv while Tami pours another glass of wine as she argues with their daughter Julie is a scene inspired by actual events from Bernie’s House of Estrogen™.
• ...anyway...
• Former Kernel defensive back and Orlando Predators star Bobby Felder is listed as one of Nickels’ notable alumni. Turns out he is NOT related to Bobby Boucher.
• Also Bobby Felder has zero interceptions against Jacob Eason, but has two sacks against Greyson Lambert even though they never played against each other. Weird.
• Despite the salacious internet rumors to the contrary, Greg McGarity is NOT giving Nickels State head coach Tim Rebowe a box of condoms in return for driving his team from Thibodaux to Athens.
• Turns out in Thibodaux they spell kernels like this - C O L O N E L S.
• Also weird.

Anyway, if you have additional factoids that my crackpot staff missed, please add them below in the form of comments. Especially if you are a Nickels State grad, we’d love to hear more about the popcorn in Thibodaux. Also, why not Thibadeaux? Or even Tibbado?

Saturday afternoon’s alright for fighting, get a little action in.

After tomorrow of course it’s two road games. I may not know jack squat about the Colonels but I do know they’re our tune up game sandwiched between a difficult opener and conference road play. We need to answer some questions and Chubb needs to run for 222 while wrapped in Grandma’s quilts. All of Grandma’s quilts.

Well, he doesn’t have to. But it’d be nice.

Seriously, the coaches need some answers and they’ll be using film from this game to help make important decisions before boarding the plane for ColaWest. Who can give us some pass rush besides Zo? Can Eason pick apart FCS talent using all of the field between the boundaries? How dominant can the 1-2 punch of Herrien and Holyfield be? Can we disguise Kevin Butler somehow and get him on the field?

Will Sanford’s plumbing survive the first tailgate of the season?

Meanwhile, we need to do our part. Noon kickoff against a cupcake in the home opener...that’s usually enough excitement to barely get some of y’all out of bed. But remember #93Kday? Kirby challenged us and we set the bar high. You can’t go from filling the rafters for a scrimmage to showing up late for a scrimmage that actually counts.

No lolly-gagging. No casually watching whilst sitting on one’s hands. No bitching. And absolutely no moaning.

Sanford Stadium noise'll make ya JUMP JUMP!!

We need to match Kirbs’ energy. We need to pump these guys up! We don’t want to go through the motions when we can be the emotion! Get loud! Kirby’s come home! The team fought their ass off last week. They deserve to be lauded with 100 decibel praise and as often as we can physically manage.

Together we can achieve all things. Sure, no national pundit will care on Sunday that we beat a team from Thibodaux Louisiana. But those players will know next week just how much you cared from your seat tomorrow afternoon. They’ll remember as they get ready for Missouri and Ole Miss and Tennessee. They’ll remember, so let’s give them something to believe in.

It’s Saturday. In Athens. Finally!

Now, please bow your heads...Dear sweet baby Jesus, keep those concession lines short and let those Hokies finish the job that Appy State started. Amen!

Back in the saddle again..

First off, I apologize to my regular reader for any confusion. You can now continue to enjoy all of my incoherent and otherwise ridiculous ramblings here at BerniesDawgBlawg dot Com. After testing the water over yonder I've decided that it's best for me and also you that I just post my words here from here on out.

Secondly, I want to thank the folks at BullDawg Illustrated for the opportunity to write for them. It was a real honor and I don't type that lightly. They're great Dawg fans and give the rest of us content each and every day through a loyalty to the University of Georgia that I both respect and admire.

Over the next few days I'll bring the posts I had there over here. You know, for posterity. And from there I'll continue to post here as often as Life allows me. Regardless, you can expect the usual Friday post before big games as well as some post game thoughts most weeks. If I've failed to address a question you might have, please feel to comment and/or email me at berniedawg at gmail dot com.

And hey, Go Dawgs!

Sunday Thoughts on Kirby being ChubbStrong!

The philosophical questions is "Do we win that game with Mark Richt?"

I withdrew failing from my only philosophy course...so, who cares? We won, And it was spectacular! Congrats to Coach Smart, his staff, the fans, and especially all the players. Great start to the 2016 season!

Other thoughts:
- We knew Chubb was a grown ass man. Now we know he's a recently reconstructed grown ass man.
- Credit North Carolina for being prepared to make Eason be the man. Noticeable difference in their defensive approach when Lambert was in versus when Eason was in.
- Kirby and Chaney saw that and trusted the kid. And that's why we won. That last hole Chubb created wouldn't have been there in the first quarter.
- And I think I'd spend the next week making both 10 and 11 even more confident in practice. Going to need them both in Oxford and possibly in Cola West the week before.
- Which brings me to my main point. I thought Eason should've started. Mentioned that back in May. At the time I had the big picture in mind. What I lacked was the expertise to make the best decision for the team. The coaches know 10 isn't ready for the full meal. They knew he was ready for chunks and they put him in when it helped the team. When they needed Lambert they put him in because he can run the late half offense better.

And you know what? It worked, they were right. I was wrong. If Eason starts that game we probably don't win. He either makes an insecure throw down the middle for an INT (which is what he did in the scrimmages and what they had him avoid last night) or he fails to read something because he's carrying the full load. Instead Chaney, Smart, the sweet Lord baby Jesus...whoever...knew a better way to balance the load in the huddle while also finding a way to beat a ranked team in the Dome in game one.

I love it. That's on Smart because he's the head honcho now. You have to feel good about the direction of the program. In January and February we knew that he could recruit. Now we know he and his staff can also win a big game, even when we're down late and need to make plays to come back.

- Again, I love it. Let me pour one more victory bourbon and then come back and hit a few more points...

......

.....

- SLURP!
- My God where is our pass rush? Was texting with SmokeWagon during the game because we both were like WTF man? Coach Rocker isn't going to eat a Mrs. Rocker home cooked meal for the next several days because he's gonna be full up on the ass that he's chewing.
- Am I wrong? Is UNC's offensive line that much better than expected? I don't think so. I think we need some hungry hearts in there that have bad intentions and speed around the edge.
- Holy crap Maurice Smith!! If Chubb doesn't break that long last run to seal the baby blues' fate, then I think #2 is right there in the running for player of the game. Now we know now why Saban had such a hard on for keeping the kid.

Man crush...

- And the real significant point to make is that in the second half, that was about as talented a wide receiver core as we'll face.
- Someone comment below with an update to Isaiah Wynn. I'm already worried about our offensive line depth. I mean, even more worried than I was before this game.
- Did the second FG attempt sway Ham's confidence after the first one? Even the made field goal seemed to have a low trajectory. Then again I needed a tutor in Geometry. So...
- Can I say any more words about 27? It really seems I need to, but then again you already know. He's a magnificent beast who gives us yards, hope, touchdowns, and Glory. I remember when he was a freshman. I will miss him when he's gone. I will cherish his every carry. Always. Forever.
- I promise. Promise!
- How do you feel about the defense? I think I feel okay as long as Coach Rocker doesn't kill every defensive lineman with his glare on Monday.
- And how do you feel about special teams? So much is going to be written this week about the offense. But if we are to build on what happened last night then we're going to have to be consistent in our holds, kicks, catches, and assignments on special teams. Not sure that I saw enough last night to make me feel absolutely 100% confident.

But I did see enough to make me confident in the future. It's time to hunker down and give our schedule an ear full. Go Dawgs!

the Friday Misery is cocaine, cheese, and baby blue free y'all!

Yes, we’re back. New era. Newly constructed knee. Newly constructed quarterback controversy. Newly invented SEC East favorite Tenersee VLOLS!! Newly prepped tailgate gear. New gameday wear. New pitcher of kool-aid, and a new pitcher of reality tonic. New blackout date set! And fresh tots for your lunchroom plate!

But, of course, it's the same old Misery.

Carolina history lesson, the crib notes version: Follow these directions for me real quick: open up your Google machine thingiemadoohickie and type these words into the search bar - north carolina football traditions. (now, be sure and add the “north” to the beginning of your search or else you gonna step right into some chickenshit that we’ll save for later in October.) Okay, now click on the first link which as of the typing of this post was a 247Sports “article” outlining the Tarheels’ top five football traditions. Now, let’s dive in!

1. At first the Tarheels’  own “4th Quarter Hype” reads similar to our Krypton Fanfare to start the fourth quarter. But then you get here…”Everyone then moves their arms back and forth, almost like a Seminole chop, signifying the end for the opposition.” Wait, so one of your top five traditions can only be described by mentioning one of your conference rivals? Uh, that’s just too cute baby blues! Then this... “The video board shows highlights of the team. It is impossible to not get excited.” Okay, try me.
2. This next one uses their video board again, but this time to remind fans and opposing visitors of all the past Tarheel greats…”Fans love seeing the faces of some of the all-time Carolina greats such as Jeff Saturday, Julius Peppers, T.J. Yates, and Giovanni Bernard.” Excuse me, but wasn’t Lawrence Taylor a Tarheel?

Awww hell...

Okay, enough of that exercise. Here’s what we know as fact: they once had a coach with a cool name like Carl Torbush. That’s a tackle football coaching name right there. Say it with me...Carl TORbush! If your coach is named TORbush you tackle a damn ball carrier to the ground or you don’t bother going back to the sideline for fear of the TORBUSH WRATH.

But UNC fired him and replaced him with a guy that has a baseball coach’s name - John Bunting. There is absolutely NO goddamn bunting in football. None. The equivalent of bunting in football is punting...from the 30...your OWN damn thirty. That’s just weak. Very extremely weak. Very.

And now they wear a fedora. He's the one that has that cute new fangled offense with the pretty pass protection and the quick screens. Buncha gus bus finesse bullshit if you ask me.

Which is why we run the damn ball. Look it, this norcareliner defense is like a colander. And not the one made of iron that weighed twenty-eight pounds and your grandma used for forty years through both the Great Depression to drain navy beans as well as through the second World War to make the neighbors a warm, home-cooked meal while the men were off shooting goddamn Nazis out of the sky. No this is a colander you buy at a Dollar Store and you get change back and then it melts because the water is too hot and it’s made of plastic. Very, very thin plastic.

Yep, there are holes all through it. Both the small holes that were there when it was manufactured as well as larger ones that are the result of shitty coaching by grown men wearing baby blue pants with matching baby blue blouses. And they refer to their clothes as outfits. Yes...outfits. So effin' cute!

Whatever helps you get through your miserable day cupcake.

So for us it’s not rocket surgery. You hand the ball off and chew that clock and wear their sorry Zinfandel ass out before the end of the first half.

Home...away from actual home. No Athens tomorrow. Sorry. We’ll have to wait another week. But we ain’t going far; this is still SEC country. Forget that the game is played in Tech’s backyard. The last time we lost to those pansies in Atlanta I was still in school and George Bush was president...yes, Daddy Georgia Bush. Because NO! As a matter of fact I don’t recognize that “loss” in 1999 because Jasper’s knee was down goddammit! Between the moment his knee hit the turf and that Al Ford bastard blew his disdainful whistle George O’Leary had time to add three bullet points and two more degrees to his resume.

Yet I digress...

"Why can't our power forward tackle 27??"

This is the landscape where basketball remains a backdrop until January, dammit! Football is our hard tack and bourbon is what forces it down the gullet. Meanwhile in Chapel Hill…

“Oh dear Percival. I must say these Georgia Bulldogs are rather braggadocious with their barking and other animalistic behaviors that I’ll spare mention of in front of our better halves. Would you like that I procure another pound of Beaufort D’ete for our pregame table? Nothing charges the ole gridiron battery like a gruyere and a mellow merlot for good measure! I say!!”

WTF? Seriously. What. The. F**k? Look, I know about as much about french cheese as I do UNC’s African and Afro-American Studies Program. Which is to say if I could throw a ball in Chapel Hill I could get an A in the course. And to be fair, I didn’t know Jim Harrick Jr. had the credentials to teach the subject. But I do know that you can’t let these sissyass-britches come up in here and pretend to be superior when they’ve been handing out A’s for decades to point guards and wide receivers that are now selling Toyota Carollas all the way from Raleigh to Wilmington.

But that’s none of my business because the NCAA certainly isn’t interested...

Instead we need to set our own table. And the perfectly blunt assessment after an entire offseason is this table is a GOTdamn mess. Most of y’all wanted to start the meal with a fork and the rest feel safer with a knife. That’s all fine and good except you seem to have forgotten that YOU WILL EAT THIS GODDAMN MEAL THE WAY THAT COACH KIRBY SMART TELLS YOU TO!

I don’t care if he puts my old English 102 professor in the first huddle tomorrow. Yes, the fancy dude with the starched pinstripe button down and the matching navy sweater with the sleeves cuffed. Yes, talk about Mr. McPrissy Britches. But you know what? Never saw him wear baby blue. Never saw him draw up some weak ass screen pass when his running back was gaining six yards a clip.

And I damn sure never saw him wear a fedora.

The point is you, me, my mailman, the guy at the office that reheats fish for lunch in the microwave, the kids’ algebra teacher, the lady in the produce section at Kroger back in March that saw your Georgia cap and decided to weigh in with her thoughts on Jacob Eason, and also the guy at the beach this summer that cornered you for a half hour next to the low tide to explain away his expertise in tackle football...none of us...NONE of us know shit.

While he's smacking a damn gator Kirbs says,"Time is short 
so I'll get right to the point...support your
team asshole. Be a team player or GTFO!!"

We’re all the same damn people that cheered with joy when we heard Schottenheimer was gone. And we’re the same damn people that nodded our heads in approval when Coach Smart hired Jim Chaney. So what’s changed? Really, what makes us think we can dictate which quarterbacker takes the field first? What makes me more qualified than an actual real life footballing coach? These guys haven’t even taken the sideline in their first game with a McG signed paycheck, yet we can’t help but second guess them like we wrote the damn book on how to wear a headset in the SEC.

“But...but Eason played so well at #93KDay Bernie!”

STFU dumbass. He also didn’t need to worry about getting his ass sacked either. Your own tired ass could complete a pass or two if you had anywhere between seven and twenty seconds to step into one.

Please. I’m sick of it. Let’s stop sniffing the Krazy Glue tube and start acting like we have just an ounce of goddamn sense. Jesus. Put down the tweeter and pick up your dignity while I stop bitching and start barking. It’s time y’all. It. Is. TIME!

No (zero, none, nada) more days left on the countdown calendar. No more hours left to pick our own damn butts.

The Tarheels are coming. We need to put a fat ass red clay stain on those baby blues. Go Damn Dawgs!

Now, let us bow our heads… Dear Lord God Almighty and your Southern Saint Lewis Grizzard, please don’t let these northerners slander our grits and unsweeten our tea pitchers. Give Mr. Chubb gaping holes a’plenty and let our kickers be true. Amen.

Go Dawgs y’all!