Monday, December 31, 2012

Monday Misery - looking for something more

Decided in the interest of time to throw the what to look for post in with the misery. This is a trick I learned in a Blogging 204 class my second year at Georgia. It provides compact quality content while also saving the reader time.

Yes, you're welcome. Now, let's get on with it.

A five yard hangover
Still hungover from the Georgia Dome. I admit that. You do too, right? It's been nearly a full month and I've gone about my day to day obligations and functions almost seamlessly. However, I'm still sitting there having watched that last tick drain. My elbows are on my knees and my chin is resting in the palms of my hands. The confetti rains down and the Georgia players are dejectedly aimed towards the locker room.

Say hullo to my LIL friend Nicky!
While the rest of the world makes their resolutions, we are resigned to this fate. We'll be stuck in this hell for eternity. Always wondering, hoping and wishing for an alternate ending.

What's worse is that if we feel like this then imagine how the team feels? Imagine the task the coaches have in motivating the players for a game in Orlando. While the Dawgs are dining with Minnie Mouse and Goofy, Saban and his minions are living it up in Tony Montana's crib. We get spinning teacups and seven dwarfs, they get Crockett, Tubbs and all the coked out whores they can handle.

Somehow we have to put aside our grief, our abject misery for 60 minutes and play tackle football against Nebraska. Put a pot of coffee on. On second thought, just set aside a second handle of bourbon. Perhaps we'll just drink our way through it. Hair of the dawg as they say.

So, you want to know what to look for? Well here ya go:
  • Nebraska sucks. They're like maybe the fourth or fifth best team in their conference. I'm not sure what that conference is, but it's not the SEC where 4th or 5th best team is someone to be reckoned with. 
  • Understand that the first bullet is there to warn you of two things: we could blow these kids out of the water, or you could be especially frustrated if we play down to their level and lose this damn game. Either way, you've been warned.
  • They have a semi-hispanic mobile quarterback. He must be contained like a rogue frijole wrapped inside a burrito.
  • Our defensive line may or may not be ready to play this game. Jenkins found an "I" in "TEAM" and Abry is looking at spot duty. Nebraska averages 73 plays a game. If they come close to that total we could be in trouble. Our defense has to get them off the field. Quick. 
  • Again...frijole...burrito...contained...and smothered in Jarvis sauce.
  • Bobo wants to get Keith Marshall the ball more. Which means he doesn't mind scoring quickly. I don't either. However, some nice methodical 12 minute drives would be nice as well.
  • Our offense will score at will. In short, Pelini's "Blackshirts" have holes in them that give Coach Osborne nightmares.
Other than that, give DickSamIV the ball running downhill a few more times and then we'll just wait on Aaron Murray's press conference. Not to mention August 31st, when we finally get to make out with this sexy lady we call College Football again.

Happy New Year Reader! Go Dawgs! Shuck em good now y'all!

Bowls and SEC "allegiance"

The SEC bowls start today. So I thought I'd throw in my yearly tongue lashing for those of you that like to wallow around with our enemies. Stand back, and please....PLEASE!! try to reason with me in the comments.
Here...look in the mirror Fake Dawg fans.
It comes down to one question in my mind: how does Florida...or Vandy....or Mississippi State winning a bowl game help me? Argue all you want about SEC Pride and allegiance and some fake award ESPN created for you lap dogs. The gators winning a football game does nothing but make me miserable. Ever. Always has and always will.

Oh sure. You just sit there silently and hope for the scripted helmets to score more points, and tackle really well and throw the ball to the correct jersey. It's not like you're outwardly cheering for them and doing the gator chomp in your living room...mere feet from that spot on your wall with the picture of Lindsey Scott leaving them in his wake. You just sit on your hands and root for them mentally. Blah blah blah.

Shame on you. You make me sick. I'd root for General Sherman over the gators. I'd rather the Russians win an Olympic swimming event. I'd pull for painful itchy hemorrhoids over floriduh.

"But Bernie! Coach Dooley rooted for another SEC when his little boy was coaching up yonder. This isn't even that bad. It's a bowl game. It makes Georgia look better when their conference looks good."

Whatever jackhole. That's him, this is me I'm talking about. I'm proud my team is in the SEC, but part of being in this conference is the understanding that I'd rather see each of the other teams rot a slow death in Hell than win a football game. My allegiance is to Glory, Glory, not a conference that has Penn Wagers on payroll. Our coach has our best interests at heart, not the commissioner. So I support Coach Richt, not Mike Slive.

Therefore, I'd much rather see Louisville win by four touchdowns than mentally do the gator chomp. And the same extends to every other bowl eligible SEC team. I hope they all lose, handsomely.

Well...the BCS game...I don't know. I REALLY hate Notre Dame. And evidently they also harbor sexual assault criminals in addition to the (gasp!) closet protestants. Plus, maybe it helps my Dawgs finish higher in the rankings if Bama, a team we almost beat, win the MNC...??

Then again, what does that really do for me? Is the reward worth the embarrassment I feel having cheered for an enemy? I can't sing rammer jammer any better than I can root for Muschamp. So instead I guess I'll tune in on the off chance I get to see Brian Kelly sodomize Saban.

I do have one question though that maybe you can answer for me: where is Abuurn playing this year? I couldn't find them on the bowl schedule.

Alley emergence in Orlando

According to Jimmy Williamson, Coach Richt already has a biker gang. So if these officers were to try this stunt in Athens they'd be shackled and thrown in front of a judge.



Beard can't crack starting lineup

But he'll still get plenty of reps.
The biggest challenger, guard Austin Long, broke a bone in his right hand, setting him back. But he could play Tuesday against Nebraska in the Capital One Bowl, offensive line coach Will Friend said.
“We’re pretty much kind of stayed where it was at,” Friend said. “We’ve had good practices and had some good competition. There has been some up and down with it, but no, we’ll probably go with what we did toward the end of the year.”
Friend said that backup offensive tackle Mark Beard “will play a bunch.” Friend said that Long practiced well before his injury and “I was looking forward to playing him a good bit in this game.”

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Blackshirts' black eye

I'll have my pre-game what to look for post up tomorrow. But in terms of attitude and overall engagement in the 2013 Capital One Bowl's outcome, this one really comes down to how mad each team is.

As mad as Georgia seemed to be in the wake of the SEC Championship game loss to Alabama, that could easily slip into an extended holiday hangover. And as mad at themselves as the Huskers were after getting curb-stomped in their conference title game, can it fuel them for a full month?

The Nebraska coaches are hoping so.
“It took a few days for everybody involved to get past it on any level,” defensive coordinator John Papuchis said. “It was very disappointing. I’d use the word embarrassing in the way especially we played on defense. Everybody on our team and on our staff is competitors. To go out there and be that close to achieving your goal, which we had set out last January to win the Big Ten and go on a six-game winning streak, to get there and play so poorly in the championship game was obviously disappointing.”
...
“You go back and look at the last game that we played, for whatever reason we did look a little leg weary,” Nebraska coach Bo Pelini said. “It looked like the second half of the season took a little bit of toll on us.” 

Keith Marshall's windmill vs the Huskers

Sounds like Bobo has designs of getting Keith Marshall in space for the upcoming Capital One Bowl against Nebraska Tuesday. The Huskers gave up just short of 4500 yards rushing to Wisconsin in the B1G Championship game. Here's what the Georgia offensive coordinator had to say about #4 going up against that defense:
“We’ve got a big plan for Keith in this game and expect him to make plays and play well in this game,” Bobo said. “He’s running good. I think the little bit of time off has helped him. He’s had some knee soreness the whole season and I think the rest has helped him. He’ll be fresh and ready to go on Tuesday.”
So, given all of this, I just have two questions: will we see more of Marshall's windmill, and can this come true?

Stat to the Future??: Keith Marshall - 12 carries, 278 yards 
and 3 touchdowns against Huskers. Dawgs finish with two 1000 yd rushers.

Friday, December 28, 2012

You deserve a break today.

Whether you're at work watching the clock or at home avoiding those leftovers in the fridge, this video uploaded by Dawg19 will help get you through the afternoon.

Georgia Tech, perfecting Fail for decades.



Lou Holtz can has turnips

No wonder the former coach has so much trouble mastering the teleprompter.
Unable to locate a barcode, Holtz futilely slid them over the scanner again and again, hoping that the machine would somehow register their cost. A customer at a neighboring self-checkout machine explained to Holtz that he needed to locate the turnips on the produce menu so that they could be weighed, but this only further confused the retired coach, as he accidentally pecked his way into the coupon code entry page, where he for some reason began typing his Social Security number.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

No Motel 6, what now?

Hibernating.
So Big John is staying in Connecticut for New Years. His concussion was self inflicted in much the same way my first report card at UGA was. What the hell do we do now?

First, I think we put this in perspective. Jenkins started 20 games in his brief Georgia career and his contribution to the turnaround of Grantham's 3-4 defense has been key. But he's not the dominant force who's ineligibility would consequently spell doom for this upcoming bowl game. In fact, since Abry Jones' injury Jenkins has spent nearly as much time at defensive end as he has nose guard.

And there in lies the rub. How healthy is Abry? If he can contribute significant minutes and provide the depth we need at end, we can ride Geathers and Mike Thornton at nose. Also look out for clips and quotes about defensive ends Ray Drew and even Sterling Bailey in bowl practices these next few days.

Don't get me wrong. We will miss John Jenkins. There's a reason he was selected to the All-SEC team and will be an early pick in the April draft. You can't play against a rushing attack like the one the Huskers will bring and not miss his size and talent.

But we can get through this. I think.

Biggest placekicking turnaround ever?

Blair Walsh goes from a painful to watch, disappointing senior season at Georgia...one that ended in sheer misery in Tampa January 1st with a blocked field goal that was set to win it...to the NFL Pro Bowl after a record setting rookie season.

Wow. There's no reason to over-generalize here. But I can't help but fear for Marshall Morgan's development in Athens.

Moving along, nice group of damn good Dawgs heading to Hawaii along with Walsh: Champ, AJ, Geno Atkins, Tim Jennings. Especially proud of Geno who has developed into one of the NFL's best at his position in such a short time.

GATA.

Pop's hat gets tipped

Haven't heard back from LSUfreek yet, but I think all Dawg fans would love to see a mock up of the now infamous YouTube and Sportscenter video of Pop getting his new hat, only one of those younguns in the background tips it five yards out of reach.

"We goin' to the game Pop...the Cotton Bowl!"

It might not reach 2 million views, but it might serve as a small measure of redemption.

Then again, probably not.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Big John ineligible

The rumors were true unfortunately. John Jenkins will miss his final game as a Bulldog.

via 
So does this mean Kwame gets a full one game tryout for scouts?

Putting on a good face, heading south

Wishing the Georgia Bulldogs safe travel today. The team starts making their way to Orlando this morning. The good news is they are saying all the right things as they pack up their cars and suitcases.
“Would I have liked to have been in the national championship game? Yeah, of course,” (Arthur Lynch) said. “Quite frankly, that’s the only game I really wanted to go to. If we were in New Orleans now, it would be cool, but I wouldn’t be any more excited than I would playing in the Capital One. That’s the approach I’m taking.”
Where the team goes, the media will follow. That means that we'll find out about any academic casualties soon.

Stay tuned.
 

Clearer picture of "Erk", the movie

The Banner-Herald's Chris White gives us a bigger picture so to speak of the movie that Beau Turpin has undertaken. It can't be easy to cast a movie about Erk Russell, much less develop it to suit the needs of every one of the man's fans.

I think this sums it up nicely:
“So far, we’ve had everyone’s blessing, and we’ll be doing a lot of shooting in Athens, at the university with the majority of it filmed in Bulloch County and some in Savannah,” Turpin said. “All of it will be shot in Georgia, though, and I don’t think there has been a movie on this scale that has been shot about Georgia, in Georgia and by Georgia filmmakers.”
Turpin is hoping the impact goes even further than the state lines, though.
“We want this to be a blockbuster hit and to really inspire people, make them cry, make them laugh and make them want to get up and run out on the field and hit somebody,” Turpin said. “It’s definitely more than a sports movie.”
Just as Erk was so much more than a coach.

Win one for Tom!

Learning that January 1st will be Nebraska AD Tom Osborne's last day as the school's athletic director makes me wonder what that pre-game speech will be like in Pelini's locker room. Then again, for two and half hours of your time and $65 out of your pocket, you might get a idea from the "Husker Huddle".
Tuesday, Jan. 1, will be Osborne’s last official day as a full-time Nebraska Athletic Department employee. He headlines an all-star lineup of speakers that also includes Chancellor Harvey Perlman, Husker legend Tommie Frazier and Nebraska Alumni Association Executive Director Diane Mendenhall. The event at McCracken Field, located just a few steps from the Florida Citrus Bowl Stadium, also includes the Cornhusker Marching Band and the NU Spirit Squad, plus Herbie Husker and Lil’ Red.
Beginning to agree with those that believe there'll be more Cornhusker fans in Orlando than ticket sales are suggesting.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

A Christmas Flash Mob

I'm fascinated by flash mobs for some reason. The surprise gets me even when I know it's coming. And the planning it must take impresses me too. This one comes from Jay who was kind enough to email it to me. It's very well done and I found it fitting for the day. Appreciate him taking the time to send it. It's worth the look if only to be able to see the look on the kids' faces. Right down to the last few seconds.



Again, Merry Christmas to you and your family! Go Dawgs!
h/t AHD

Monday, December 24, 2012

Merry Christmas y'all!

Been out of town and now home for Christmas. Wish it was already here, but I'll take some time to enjoy this Christmas Eve and appreciate family, friends and of course, my reader!

Enjoy your time as well. We'll hit the ground running later this week with some Capital One Bowl prep. Until then, enjoy these classic videos.


h/t Ben



Don't let your revelries hit their zenith before the turkey is carved folks!

Saturday, December 22, 2012

A Christmas list

What I would like under my tree next week. Feel free to add your own.

  • Peace on Earth and good will toward men.

  • a solid defensive gameplan for a quarterback that can run, like say Taylor Martinez.

  • an awesome defensive line coach

  • a low post player...that can score 10+/game.

  • that those still hung up on the meaningless exercise of Spikegate would fall off a cliff become mute until logic and reason finds their feeble brains.

  • a flask tie, and no...not for church...unless it's a really long wedding that devolves into reception with a ca$h bar.

  • at least one more chance to see DickSamIV with a lone safety in his rearview mirror.

  • and lastly, the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.


But I'd definitely settle for a Red Ryder carbine action 200 shot range air rifle!

Friday, December 21, 2012

About Garner

First of all I'm happy for Coach Garner. Even if I don't understand making a lateral move to a program that at best is a smoldering dumpster fire, he had the opportunity to coach at one place for 15 years. That's practically unheard of these days. I'm thankful that he helped bridge the program between the Donnan era and Richt's. And now he gets to go home to his alma mater. I wish him and his family well.

Moving forward, this is a good thing for Georgia. Some will worry about the timing of it given the full time job that recruiting is these days. But we have some of the best college recruiters in the nation on staff plus we finally hired Daryl Jones to really organize that for us. If a recruit/"commitment" feels a need to leave Georgia behind because Rodney Garner is going to Auburn, then did we really need that kid anyway?

Soon Richt will name John Lilly to succeed Garner as the staff's recruiting coordinator and Grantham will be able to hire his own guy to coach the defensive line. Lilly is one of the best recruiters in the nation and headed up things in Tallahassee for years. With him, Bobo, McClendon and Grantham I like our chances with any recruit we aim to get.

Coaching wise, it will be interesting to see who Grantham goes after. He has contacts everywhere. I always wondered how good of a fit Garner was in Grantham's system, especially given that he's had some run ins with previous coaches on staff. And with my eye outside the arena I didn't see a ton of progress being made along the defensive line. Not saying that's all Garner's fault. I've just wondered how well all of our defensive coaches were reading off the same page.

Lastly, please understand that this is all Grantham's hire. So some of you that are daydreaming (and possibly smoking something funny) about Richt bringing in Hines Ward to recruit and David Pollack to coach defensive line...really? I mean have you listened to David Pollack lately? If he can't say something nice about Georgia football in Bristol do we really want him in recruits' living rooms?

Let Lilly coordinate and let Grantham bring in his guy. Like Michael Stipe, it's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.

The Mayans were wrong!!!

No meteors. No scorched earth. All that happened was Garner changed zip codes! Not even a locust.

Plus, reports indicate Justin Beaver is still alive! Yah!

Best day ever...since yesterday!

The best SEC plays in 2012

Jarvis' forced fumble against Florida that Commings smothered in the endzone makes the cut. But should it be higher? What do you think?



First of all, I think those indeed are the top five for the season. Although I'm glad they chose Ace Sanders' punt return against Missouri rather than against Georgia.

If I'm rating just based on which is the most amazing, the Jarvis Landry catch is easily the best. Nothing against Manziel's touchdown pass, but that catch with the mid-air adjustment was spectacular. However, if I'm rating based on importance overall I think you have to go with Yeldon's touchdown with Jarvis' forced fumble a close second. Both helped solidify their teams' trip to Atlanta.

Support the Spike Squad

Remember these guys?



Thursday, December 20, 2012

Nebraska's ground game

To cast stones at our star linebacker is one thing.

But we need to look at how well Nebraska might be able to neutralize Georgia's pass rush. Alabama certainly did just that with the help of a record setting rushing performance. And a large part of the Crimson Tide's second half adjustments centered on the idea of running right at Jarvis Jones. 

And the fact is that it paid off handsomely. Jones is not known as a definitive run stopper and Bama was able to gain plenty of yards around his end and towards his number, sometimes with just a tight end designed to block him.

To make matters more unsettling, Nebraska will bring the nation's 8th best rushing offense to Orlando, boasting 254 yards per game. It's one thing to humanize All-American Jarvis Jones in a press conference and call him ordinary, will the Huskers be able to do it in the game as well? Sophomore running back Ameer Abdullah (jersey #8) leads the team with over 1,000 yards and quarterback Martinez added 973 on the season. That's more than enough to cause the Bulldogs problems considering our difficulty containing multiple threats in the same backfield.

However, despite what happened in the Georgia Dome a couple weeks ago, matching their season averages against Georgia will be a tall task for Nebraska. For one, Georgia could be deeper along the defensive line in this game than they were for the SECCG, possibly getting Abry Jones back to at least spell Garrison Smith and Ray Drew (along with Big John when we move him out to DE). By the 4th quarter in the last game the defensive front was gassed and gashed at will. And second, Nebraska's offensive line isn't as impressive as the last one we faced. However, they are full of juniors and seniors that average 16 starts between them.

I think Georgia's offense will put up some points on January 1st. A large part of whether or not Nebraska can do the same depends on how well we can control the line of scrimmage when they have the ball so we can contain the Husker ground attack.

Humanizing Jarvis Jones

On one hand I understand dismissing Jarvis Jones' dominance if you are about to face him on the field. I wouldn't want to dwell on that topic either if I were Nebraska's Taylor Martinez.

However, it might just piss 29 off. And that ain't good either.


Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Flushing the Tide...with pride

Wanted to share some thoughts from finally manning up and rewatching the SEC Championship game. I can't say that I feel better in terms of the outcome. But it was validating (again) to see that our team gave everything on the field, against the best team in the country, in the greatest game of the season.

No amount of heartbreak can take away my pride in that.

The first thing I'd point out is that even those who contributed to big plays by Bama (for example: Swann on a couple passes, Gurley late in responding to a blitz on the last play and Conley who beat himself up a little for doing something that comes naturally to him) had big games.
  • Without Gurley's legs we're no where close at the end. The kid is just a grown ass man running the damn football. Period.
  • The Swann-Cooper battle was interesting to watch the whole game. Cooper might have gotten the better of him, but I hope to see that match up again next season. They are both two very talented football players.
  • Even Verne and Gary pointed out how much we were missing Marlon and Bennett on the perimeter and down field blocking. Conley missed a block or two early, but laid some good ones as the game progressed. And he was a good two strides ahead on the interception. I didn't realize he has gained that much separation until last night.
  • A lesser quarterback would've thrown in the towel, especially after that hit by Dial. If you aren't hoping in your heart of hearts that Aaron Murray comes back next season...you either didn't see the same game I did or I just don't want to know you.
Next, the coaching was the only thing that came close to matching the play on the field. In fact, early on the players were a little tight and took a while to settle in. Yet the coaches hit the ground running. The feeling out and eventual chess match between Bobo and Smart was especially interesting to watch. Bobo called a great screen pass that was negated by a block in the back that kind of epitomized the first quarter - great play calling on both sides, yet neither team could break through completely.

Georgia eventually struck first of course, bolstered by a perfectly executed and well designed fake punt. That was much more than a shot in the arm for the game. How many great trick plays have we seen in recent memory that were negated because of poor execution and/or a flag on the field? Once Commings cradled Lynch's pass for the first down it felt like a monkey sliding off the back of Coach Richt and his staff.

In terms of clock management, there's nothing more to be said about how the game ended for Georgia. Richt and others have answered those questions more than sufficiently. However, it's interesting that not more has been made of Saban's mismanagement of the clock at the end of the first half. They got a field goal out of it, but lost at least a couple shots at the endzone and took two timeouts into the locker room. I'm sure it helps when you win the game, but that really could've come back to bite them.

Last point - if you were in the stadium, there was no way to escape knowing that this was as hard-hitting an affair as you will ever see. But until you see it on television (with the added luxury of replay), you just can't truly appreciate it. So although it was painfully agonizing to watch my team fall short of a goal again that they had so valiantly earned, it was worth it for me to see this epic game once more.

In the end the score was the same, the result was just as painful. But take heart in this Dawg fans: in a game that featured bone crushing hits for 60 minutes, there were two goal line battles that Georgia clearly won. When we absolutely HAD to have a stop after a penalty put our defense's back to the wall, Ogletree met Lacy in a jarring collision and held him up. The next play Commings intercepted McCarron to leave Bama empty handed. And in the fourth quarter Gurley shed tacklers like they were children and ran straight downhill at a Bama defender, the only person who could keep him out of the endzone. He scored.

That may seem like a small consolation. Believe me, I know it does. But it shows how far this program has come. Ready, willing and not afraid to compete with the anyone, on any stage. And with that I'm ready to move forward. I'll never forget this game, and I'll never get over it. But I'm proud to have been a part of it. Again.

The Jarvis special

Pardon me if you already saw this. Meant to post it the other day.

From Buddy in Columbus, via Ching's twitter feed.


If someone has enjoyed this WaHo special I'd love to hear about it. I've never had quarterback's souls hot off the griddle.

Humpday Hilarity - Tortoise beats the Hare again


Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Two weeks to the minute until kickoff

It is exactly 1:00pm on December 18th. There are just 14 days until the Georgia Bulldogs play again. It has dawned on me finally that we are that close to the Capital One Bowl. And yet I have done little to nothing to prepare.

There are a number of real life reasons as to why that is the case. Kids are time destroyers and during the month of December there is something almost every night. But the main reason goes all the way back to the first day of the month. I have as yet been unwilling to let go. I'm a mess, a coward, a miserable fan just wanting to wallow in a pile of pity.

But that changes today. This evening I will do two things: 1) I will move the SECCG tickets that have been lying on the table in my house where I put them that night, and place them someplace where they are not a daily torment and reminder, and 2) I will finally watch the game from my DVR library and remove it from my tortured soul.

Tomorrow took two and half weeks to get here. The game in Orlando is just a bowl against a Big 12 B1G team, but it is one that deserves some attention. So tomorrow I will wear my big boy pants again, stop crying and be free to give the Cornhuskers the consideration they deserve.

Wish me luck. Go Dawgs!

Part corn, but all Dawg

This was a fun article about Coach Richt's midwestern family. You might learn a little something about our coach, like where he got his appreciation for wiffle ball.
“I've honestly been tossing and turning a little bit, but I have to go with Georgia simply because it's just blood,” said Bill Richt, the former Bellevue East basketball coach and retired teacher who even publishes a CornDawg newsletter that he distributes to almost 150 family and friends. “I've been a Nebraska fan for 30 years longer than I've been a Georgia fan, but I just have to go with that.”

Early enrolling, a personal choice

Georgia could have as many as 18 early enrollees for the 2013 class that currently stands at 30 commitments. To help wrap your head around that, Gentry Estes gives this thorough account of the growing practice of getting on campus early, both to help your team manage its roster and to help yourself get a head start.

Here's some nuggets:
Tray Matthews moving to Athens very soon.

  • "Enrolling early helps at any position, but the general consensus is that quarterbacks benefit the most from it. Of Georgia’s four scholarship quarterbacks currently on campus, three of them enrolled early, including three-year starter Aaron Murray."
  • “I have a real, real good opportunity to come in and start as a true freshman, because Bacarri Rambo and Shawn Williams will be leaving,” Matthews said. “If I come on in, I’ll get a good head start on some of the other players coming in then. Coaches said I have a good shot at coming in and starting. … It’s just a good opportunity, and you can finish school early too. In three or three-and-a-half years, we could be done with school and have our degree too.”
  • Lynch, a Massachusetts native, was in a similar place. He could have enrolled early opted against it because he was class president and played on his high school's basketball team. “I just think I would have been cheating my class,” Lynch said. “I think my career would have taken off a little bit faster had I done it. That being said, everything’s worked out now, and I’m glad I didn’t. The way sports are for teenagers right now, they’re put in such a bind. When I was growing up, I played soccer, baseball, football, basketball, hockey. Where now it’s like you’ve got to focus on one, and that’s all you can do.


Monday, December 17, 2012

No meatloaf, just perspective

Just didn't feel right posting anything light-hearted. Maybe that sounds hypocritical given that I've been posting stuff about bowl prep and such. I don't know.

But I do know that we continue to learn more about ourselves each day. And I mean that as individuals and the collective "we". I continue to love all people that I share this Earth with, whether they vote the way I do, wear orange, call Coca-Cola "pop", are mentally ill, left-handed, dark skinned, bald, want to ban the guns we own, don't know what grits are, treat yield signs as stop signs, or feed into sensationalist media. I love you all.

via My Sandy Hook Family Fund
But Friday broke me down. It shook my faith as well as my ability as a parent. As you read this my kids are going about their school day as if it was just another ordinary day, yet they are doing so after their mother and I had to expose them to something as evil and vile as we had ever seen.

Yes, I love you all but sometimes you piss me the hell off. Just driving to work this morning I saw news vans ready to roll film outside of elementary schools; so focused on getting some story for their producer rather than thinking for one moment how that is affecting the little lives they are putting in front of the camera, or their parents' frame of mind as they drop their children off.

I'm shaken but not shattered. Which makes me a lot like you I'm sure. Even though I wish it had never needed to be told, I take heart in stories like Vicki Soto's. She went to Sandy Hook Elementary School Friday morning to teach her first graders about reading and writing. Instead they learned what courage looks like as she hid them in cabinets and closets before being gunned down herself. That's something that's not taught in any undergraduate course or internship, yet Ms. Soto found it within herself to do what was needed to save lives. Amazing.

Together let's agree to a couple things. Let's agree not to give credence to people and organizations using the dead bodies inside that schoolhouse to further their political agenda. Regardless of our own feelings and leanings, that simply is not right. And most importantly, let's agree to do something special for a child every day that we can, but today of all days. Kids need to know that life can be scary, but that people are good and will do whatever they can to protect them from it when necessary. Even if it means looking evil in the face like Ms. Soto did.

The greatest measure of courage comes when it is faced despite the fear of doing so. And it is with that thought that we should take the next step forward.


I've made a donation on our behalf to help the healing in Newtown. I encourage you to do the same Reader.

Jarvis pitches to Garrison

Some team bonding over wiffle ball on a day off.






(via @WeRunThisState) @MarkRicht gave the #Dawgs a break from practice today and the team played a Wiffle Ball Tournament! http://t.co/fW2UY10M

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Morgan kicking through it

This is a nice reflective piece by Paschall on kicker Marshall Morgan. It covers the highs and lows and you learn a little but about his competitive spirit. Take this for example:
He missed a 37-yard attempt against Florida and missed badly on a 47-yarder against Ole Miss, but his least favorite try was a 51-yard miss against Georgia Southern. Darreion Robinson was waiting in the back of the end zone and caught Morgan's short kick, and he ran the ball out for a 59-yard return to Georgia's 41-yard line before Morgan made the tackle.
"It was a perfect snap and a perfect hold, and I should have gotten it," Morgan said. "It was a windy day, and I was already mad as it was. Just to have a guy return my kick really got under my skin."
Good stuff. About the only thing not covered is Morgan and Lindley's job on kickoffs. Together they averaged 40% touchbacks on 85 kickoffs. That's only good enough for middle of the road nationally. But Lindley was really booming them towards the end of the season. He had five touchbacks alone against Tech and was the primary guy on kickoffs.

Next season the job will be Morgan's alone. His best game was his first; against Buffalo he had five touchbacks on seven tries. So he has the power, and certainly had the control as he has yet to kick one out of bounds in 33 tries.

Geathers gone?

If you want to know why I listed Kwame as an underclassmen likely about to play his last game as a Georgia Bulldog, here's why:
Geathers’ family has a history of turning pro with eligibility remaining, but he said he will make his own decision.
His brother, Robert, left after his junior season at Georgia and was a fourth-round draft pick in 2004. Another brother, Clifton, went in the sixth round in 2010 out of South Carolina.
Asked if he could buck the trend of Geathers leaving as underclassmen, he said: “I feel like already broke the trend. I’ve been here for four years. They were there for three years.”
I think Kwame would dominate next season and possibly vault himself into the first round of the 2014 NFL draft. But the fact is that he's 22 years old and has been in Athens since he was a kid. I hope I'm wrong. And I really hope Grantham can convince him to leave when he's 23...like I did.

And look at how I turned out.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Top plays of 2012

This past week over at DawgNation, Ching has featured his top five moments from the season. In order they were: 5) Jarvis takes over Missouri and Florida games, 4) defense turns Vols over, 3) Norman not fooled in Lexington, 2) Shawn Williams speaks out, changes course, and 1) Malcolm's catch and run in Jacksonville.

Of course, we've already looked at Connor Norman's huge play in comparing it to Gamble's forced fumble in '07. In my mind it saved the season just before Shawn Williams' helped turn it around. And while I can't think of a play/moment I would put ahead of what Ching has listed, I would definitely give honorable mention to Rambo's strip at the goal line early in the Tech game, Todd Gurley's 100 yard kickoff return against Buffalo and Rambo's sack in the Florida game (which is one of the greatest plays I've seen in terms of sheer enjoyment value).

However, in the end I nod in the same direction as Ching. Mitchell's touchdown was both pivotal in terms of the game on the field as well as the season as a whole. It was a big throw by Murray, and it was a huge catch and run by #26. One I'll remember forever.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Crappy officiating vindicated

Whew!
Alabama defensive lineman Quinton Dial won’t be suspended for the BCS national title game by the Southeastern Conference due to a hit that included helmet-to-helmet contact on Georgia quarterback Aaron Murray.
The league said it looked at footage from the SEC title game and is leaving any discipline to the schools.
“The Southeastern Conference has completed its review of video from the 2012 SEC Football Championship Game,” the league said in a statement released today. “Several plays involving both teams were reviewed. After review, all subsequent action will be handled internally by the two institutions and the conference office is satisfied with their actions.” 
I recognize that Georgia was dishing some stuff up too. And I also recognize that on the interception return, at the moment that Aaron Murray was hit he was really fair game. But the hit by Dial was helmet to helmet. Clearly.

In the NFL Dial would've lost a chunk of a paycheck. In the SEC, this type of thing is handled "internally" with stadium stairs. At best.

Unbelievable. Not surprising mind you. But still unbelievable.

Poor Capital One Bowl officials

Mike Bianchi was kind enough to air some grievances on behalf of the Capital One Bowl yesterday. Turns out what they really wanted was Johnny Football jerseys in their stadium and on the streets of Orlando New Years Day.
According to two members of the bowl search committee, the Jan. 1 Cap One Bowl reps wanted Texas A&M quarterback and Heisman winner Johnny Manziel to play in the Citrus Bowl on Jan. 1, but the Southeastern Conference essentially forced them to take Georgia -- the loser of the SEC Championship Game. Not only that, but Cap One Bowl reps wanted to match up Texas A&M with Northwestern, but the Big Ten forced them to take Nebraska, which was in the Cap One Bowl last year and was clobbered by Wisconsin in the Big Ten Championship Game.
While Georgia and Nebraska were probably the most deserving teams to be in the Cap One Bowl, Texas A&M would have been more exciting for fans and more lucrative for the local economy.  Johnny Football is currently college football's greatest show on turf and it's been more than half-a-century since Texas A&M played a bowl game in the State of Florida. Aggie fans would have flocked to Orlando for the bowl game and many local residents would have bought tickets just for the chance to see Johnny Heisman work his magic.
But don't get them wrong, they're happy to be part of the SEC and B1G families!
"Without conference partnerships, you don't have the inventory to play your game," Hogan says. "We don't have the groceries, but we have to cook the dinner. ... We are a host destination that wants to continue to be important.
"You have to understant that we've had a 20-year relationship with the SEC and Big Ten where we've had the top (non-BCS) selection from those conferences. That's an important place to be and we'd like to continue that relationship."
Being lucky enough to land two conference runner ups, especially one that was five yards and a few seconds from going to Miami, is a nice consolation. Add in the star power of Aaron Murray, Jarvis Jones and a Taylor Martinez...it's not so bad is it? So I can understand Hogan's back-tracking.

And I'm sure it helps that Georgia is well on track to meet its share of the ticket allotment. If only the same were true for the Huskers.

Bowl Season is upon us!

You know those people that stand in line to purchase a phone? You know the ones that get up at all hours of the morning to shop on the day after Thanksgiving? Or how about the ones that wear orange to football games?

Well, I would never do any of those things. But I recognize that those people must have a certain level of excitement in them to help them cross that line towards insanity. And that's how I feel about bowl season. Are many of the games just a glorified crap sandwich? Sure. But I love college football, ergo I love being able to tune in each day and watch some of it for the better part of a month.

So, it all starts tomorrow at 1pm with the Gildan New Mexico Bowl from Albuquerque between Arizona and Nevada. And that means there is but a few hoursto enter the third annual bowl pool here at Bernie's Dawg Blawg, Festivus4theDawgNus. It's a "confidence" pool, so just select your winners and how many points to assign to each pick. Winner gets a Festivus t-shirt.

What do you mean by confidence points Bernie? And why is the spread listed on each bowl? Am I picking based on the spread? Also, while we're at it, what is a "spread"? Glad you asked:

  • A spread is the number one team is favored over the other. The spread for the CapOne Bowl is Georgia -10.5, so the Dawgs are favored to win by that many points. They'd have to win by 11 points for a bet on Georgia to win.
  • However, our pool isn't based on the spread. It's a confidence pool. You pick each winner and assign a number of points to each based on the confidence you have that you're right. So I picked Georgia to win the CapOne Bowl and gave it a 35. In other words, that is the pick I'm most confident in, and if I'm right I'll get 35 points for that selection. If I'm wrong I'll curse a lot and get zero points.
  • So the spread that is listed is just for your information and to help you in making picks.
Thanks. Lastly, what is Festivus? Infidel! Leave! At once! You obviously don't read my blog or have better than average skills in remote control usage. Therefore this pool is too deep, no picks for you!
The rest of you...to enter, CLICK HERE and then submit the password - thehumanfund. After that, all that is left is to make sure the beer fridge is full.

*You have until the day after Christmas to enter, but any picks prior to that date would be locked already, which greatly hinders your chances at the t-shirt but still allows you to display some feats of strength.

A Capital One Bowl preview, prediction

Mark Schlabach runs down each and every bowl game. Here's what he had to say about the Dawgs and the Huskers.


Capital One Bowl

No. 7 Georgia vs. No. 16 Nebraska, Jan. 1 (ABC, 1 p.m. ET)
Why to watch: To see which team shows up motivated to play in Orlando. The Bulldogs lost to No. 2 Alabama 32-28 in the SEC championship game, which cost them a chance to play Notre Dame for the BCS national title. The Cornhuskers were embarrassed 70-31 in the Big Ten championship game, which knocked them out of the Rose Bowl.
Who to watch: Georgia linebacker Jarvis Jones was one of the country's most disruptive players, finishing with 77 tackles, 22½ tackles for loss, 12½ sacks, 33 quarterback hurries, seven forced fumbles and two fumble recoveries. The USC transfer is considered a potential No. 1 pick in next spring's NFL draft and might be playing in his final college game.
Motivation for Georgia: The Bulldogs lost to LSU 42-10 in the 2011 SEC championship game and then blew a big lead in a 33-30 loss in three overtimes to Michigan State in the Outback Bowl. UGA doesn't want to finish consecutive seasons with back-to-back losses.
Motivation for Nebraska: Nebraska is a proud program, and its ugly loss to Wisconsin left a bad taste in a lot of people's mouths. The Cornhuskers' defense needs to make amends after it was ripped for 539 rushing yards in the Big Ten championship game.
Pick: Georgia 49, Nebraska 31

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Which comes first, the court or the call?

Either way, Richt's staff appears to be home for Christmas.
The coaching carousel continues to spin, but Georgia coach Mark Richt said he hasn’t been contacted by other schools about his assistants.  
“Not one bit,” Richt said. “Can you believe that? I think our coaches are worthy of that, and I think our coaches have been obviously courted, but no one has called me.”
Offensive coordinator Mike Bobo was one of five finalists for the Broyles Award for nation’s top assistant. Defensive coordinator Todd Grantham has aspirations of becoming a head coach one day. 

Hairy Dawg history


Hairy Dawg is currently one of the most recognizable college football mascots in the country.  He made his first Georgia Football appearance during the 1981 Sugar Bowl for the 1980 National Championship Game. Coach Vince Dooley saw sketches of Hairy, presented by the designer, Tom Sapp.  He liked the sketches and wanted the new mascot to make his first appearance at the Sugar Bowl game. "It was designed to be a more intimidating look than our previous mascot." he said.  Tom got to work right away and created the new mascot in a short 3 weeks, cutting and stitching it himself.  UGA student, Stan Beecham, wore the first Hairy Dawg costume.  Hairy was a big hit among Bulldog fans!  The Bulldogs went on to beat the Irish and became the national football champions.

From the folks who created "1980 Dawgs - The Inside Story of the National Championship Season". Which, by the way,  is incredible look back at that amazing season, with many stories that haven't been told before.  "1980 Dawgs"  would make a great stocking stuffer for that favorite Dawg fan in your life.  You can order here:  www.1980Dawgs.com
(via Mike Moss, exec. producer; photo:  Wingate Downs)

Our haunted quarterback

Yesterday when I got home the wife was replaying the game...the Bama game. Although I only caught a glimpse my heart sank and I couldn't draw a breath. I just quietly did a 180 and walked back downstairs.

And I thought I had it bad.
Georgia quarterback Aaron Murray says he has yet to move past what occurred in the closing seconds of the SEC championship game, when the Bulldogs' hopes for an upset of Alabama and a chance at a national title died at the Crimson Tide's 5-yard line.
"I can't sleep at night," Murray said Wednesday in his first interview since the 32-28 loss to Alabama on Dec. 1. "I literally replay the entire game pretty much every night before I go to bed. It's stressful. It's a game that will probably haunt me the rest of my life, honestly."
[Here's Radi's video of the answer that includes a quick comment about the bowl game and the seniors.] Then later...
"We're great at (the back-shoulder fade)," Murray said. "That's why I feel like if that ball wasn't tipped, there was a pretty good chance that it would have been a completion. But hey, it happens. Move on."
And our quarterback is having a hard time practicing what he preaches when it comes to moving on. More so than the rest of us I'm sure. Easier said than done.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

More on Murray and Geathers

One of the fringe benefits of being a hotshot blogger is having "experts" like Mel Kiper read your blog. That way he can piggy-back on what I set up for him. So after reading yesterday's post on potential early UGA departures the ESPN draft analyst was kind enough to call in and teleconference with the media. If you can get past his unsolicited and off base assessment of the waning SECCG moments, its hard to argue with his logic. On Murray:
"I think he'd be in the second and third round discussion. If he wants to be a first-round pick, if he wants to improve your stock you go back. It really depends on where he is, in terms of his career, whether he just wants to move on and go to the NFL and take his chances."
Kiper goes into pretty good depth on Murray. Worth the read. But ultimately, like we said yesterday, it will come down to a personal choice. And given his career thus far and any obligations he may feel for his family, it will be easy to support whatever decision he eventually makes.

And there's also some analysis by Kiper on the other underclassmen making a decision. Here's what he said about Kwame:
- Junior nose tackle Kwame Geathers projects to the second or third round if he decides to leave, according to Kiper.
"Geathers is a junior who has a decision to make. He's huge, he's a space-eater. He frees up the linebacker, and that obviously helped out Ogletree at inside linebacker, having Jenkins, having Geathers," Kiper said. "You pop (Geathers) in the second round as a possibility.
After thinking about it some more yesterday, I decided to check to see where Geathers might possibly fall in the defensive tackle projections for April's draft...should he decide to leave. Here's some of the names other than Jenkins: Star Lotulelei (Utah), Johnathan Hankins (OSU), Sheldon Richardson (Missouri), Jesse Williams (Bama), Sharrif Floyd (Florida), Kawann Short (Purdue), Sylvester Williams (UNC), Akeem Spence (Illinois), Daniel McCullers (Tennessee). Of that group I would think Geathers would fall towards the bottom (still 2-3 round) prior to combine workouts and pro days. Given how hard Kwame has worked and how competitive he is based on his response to Jenkins moving to Athens, I really think he has the potential to move up to the middle of that pack, say even with Floyd. That would almost assure him of an early to mid second round selection at worst.

For a guy who's 22 and is playing a position that doesn't have a whole lot of longevity in the NFL anyway, that's a pretty good spot I think. And by the way, in terms of size Geathers dwarfs all of those guys with the exception of his teammate and McCullers, who's really not much more than a miniature dumpster. He'll impress a lot of scouts just by walking onto the field.

Anyway, we'll talk about it plenty more in the coming weeks, but for now I'll stick with my previous assessments: Jarvis and Tree are most definitely done in Athens, Murray may stay and Geathers probably goes.

2012 All Star Dawgs

via @WeRunThisState


Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Who's leaving early?

Here's who we're not going to keep on roster and who I think we will, with a brief synopsis.

Jarvis Jones - Gone. what seemed like an easy decision last year this time (and one he thankfully chose against) is an even easier one this year thanks to an amazing season. Even though he missed a couple games Jones established himself as the best defensive player available in this year's draft and perhaps the best overall.

Alec Ogletree - Gone. I read somewhere the other day that a 2013 commit will be using the #9 next season while on defense. The fact that he's rated so high (mid-first rounder) in spite of a four game suspension tells you all you need to know. Jarvis could've slipped to the late first round or early second round in the 2012 draft. Tree won't leave anything to doubt.

Aaron Murray - Stays. This was going to be a difficult decision for Murray even if he had a few more seconds to throw that game winning touchdown in the Dome. The mechanics and the talent really can't brush up against much higher of a ceiling can they? And still he can't make himself any taller at the combine. So his decision will come down to personal perspective I think: weighing whatever feedback he gets from the league and those close to him (Bobo, Richt, the Mannings, family...) against where he wants to be next year physically and mentally.

Kwame Geathers - This is as big of a decision for the defense as Murray's is for the offense. We're already losing Jenkins at the nose spot. If Kwame can bridge the gap as we give some younger guys some experience here it would be huge. Still, our luck with getting members of this family to matriculate fully has not been good. Grantham and Garner can use a deep 2013 class against the idea of Geathers leaving (Jenkins is one of a slew at DT that would go ahead of Geathers), but in the end I think Kwame is Gone.

Surprises - There's usually one or two that we're caught off guard by, at least from a "didn't see that coming" standpoint. Redshirt sophomores that are eligible as well as ones who have had significant playing time is a small pool. Like, Ken Malcome is about it. Unless you include Michael Bennett coming off a knee injury. As for juniors that we haven't already covered, we're looking at guys like Wooten and Vasser as well as some offensive line guys that are just getting their feet under them and some good exposure.

So I think we're concentrating on the list above, which is full of talent and experience, but is luckily short in number. We'll know more once we start to hear substantial rumors and the list of players who turned in requests for evaluation is leaked. And now that it's December we've officially created separation between Murray and Mason. So hopefully Murray stays and we get another season to establish some competition for Mason in the 2014 season with Bauta or the Ramsey kid that's supposed to enroll next month. That didn't seem like nearly as big of a deal until we saw how much more faith Bobo/Richt had in a walk on quarterback taking garbage time snaps over the redshirt freshman scholarhship player.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Monday's Meatloaf - No longer numb, but I might still vomit

It's taken a week or more, but I don't think I'm completely numb any longer as to the ways things unfolded in the Georgia Dome against Alabama. I've heard a lot of people describe the level of frustration and displeasure as they walked away from this year's SEC Championship. I only recall a deep ache in my heart and then just being kind of dazed, anesthetized. Weary from walking up to the summit, then turned around just as we thought we were traversing the peak, I just remember looking at all the Crimson Tide fans and thinking, "This is our reward? To walk through this madness, get in our car and go home? With each and every shout of 'Roll! TIDE! Roll!' like a dagger in my chest, this is what we get?"

Pippa posing a few
paragraphs too early...
Normally after a loss, each day you wake up a little easier and light of foot. But such was not the case last week. Each day was agony and Saturday was brutal as we didn't even get to go to Athens to heal together with another game.

But I'm ready to move forward. I'm taking off the robe and slippers I've been wearing for eight days and putting on clothes. I've brushed my teeth and am acting as if there is life after the 2012 SECCG! I'm not humming a tune yet but there's one gathering in my head. I don't want to push it, but I may even (gasp!!) watch a few minutes of the Monday night football game tonight. However, if there's a random deflected pass at the line of scrimmage I might need an elephant tranquilizer to deal with the anguish. So I'll enter that threshold carefully and steady of foot.

So, I guess what I'm saying is I'm coming to grips with losing that amazing game. I'm ready to embrace the idea of watching my team put everydamnthing out there on the field and still walk away with nothing but nightmarish memories. I think I can actually stand the thought of moving forward with life after the 2012 season.

Because what we witnessed nine days ago was, for all intents and purposes, the national title game. We can all agree on that quite easily. The game in Orlando is a celebration, a matter of bridging the gap between what happened December 1st and what will happen next August 31st; a holiday reward for the players and fans of one of the best teams I've had the pleasure of rooting for in all of my days.

That shower and shave felt good. The memories of what happened didn't wash away...but I'm no longer just numb.

Today's Ingredients
- And a lot of credit for me being able to move forward this morning goes to this video ecdawg posted yesterday - We'll be back!
- Heading down to Orlando? Tyler has a lead on some bowl packages as well as a giveaway.
- But the coaches won't need any help getting to Orlando after their bonuses kick in.
- Buck moved forward pretty quickly as he's already looking at the changes in store for Grantham's defense next season.
- Speaking of moving quickly, Spencer Hall already has footage from the "contest" in Miami.
- In Knutsville things are moving quickly towards a very merry Christmas. Even though CCRider doesn't think Santa Claus will last long in the HillBillys' chimney.
- Blutarsky has little sympathy for Texas Tech's AD. However, I feel very sorry for the Bearcat grad assistants.
- Looking for more coaching news? Mr. SEC has all that and more in his headlines from yesterday.
- If you watched Johnny Manziel make history Saturday night, you really only have yourself to blame. I did all I could to help you.
- Have you joined the third annual bowl pool, Festivus4theDawgNus? Password is - thehumanfund. Kruger's flask is running low. Bowl games start Saturday!

Alright, so while I was dazed and confused, evidently it was announced that Pippa's sister is preggers. Everyone's all worked up that there will be a royal dirty diaper in the kingdom sometime next summer. But in truth it appears as if things have already gotten dirty.

The royal embryo seen here flipping off
the duchess' digestive tract
The duchess...oh, am I supposed to capitalize that? I don't know, being American and all I don't really give a flip on the formality of it. Especially when the newspapaers across the pond can just print stories about Prince William's wife vomiting, and her vomit that has been vomited all over top of the old vomit that she vomited earlier. It's enough to make me vomit, which is about 349 less times than Duchess Kate has vomited in the past week it seems. (btw, it wasn't until just now that I realized that the word "vomited" only has one "t" and not two. The more you know huh?)

Yep, Pippa's sister has something called hyperemesis gravidarum. Mrs. Bernie had that with our youngest. But I don't guess Prince William and his fancy ascot will be mopping up all of his wife's vomit. Which I did, time after time. And all while caring for the two year old, working 40 hours a week and feeding my queen one and a half saltines each evening. And I don't suppose it'll take the royal subjects six months and 349 more piles of vomit to convince the doctor that it might just be time to give her highness something more than a pat on the back and a roll of the eyes from the nurses. "By the way, your copay is $20 Mr. Bernie."

Thanks. Thanks a lot. No Prince Willy probably has doctors lined up ten deep as well as chambermaids and stewards and butlers and younger brothers to hand the mop to. Because God Save the Queen!! and all should Lady Kate be asked to hold her head over a toilet, er commode...or is it just a bloody john? "My lovely Kate, bearer of my son the future King of England and most likely a smashing good cricket mid-wicket, or a jolly good gully, could you perhaps retire to the powder room to wretch your guts out me lady? I am desperately trying to type out this tweet to Harry. Oh! And on your way darling, what is a hastag any way?"


#royalbaby causes #lovelyDuchessKate to throw #pricelessvase 
at the heir's head. Then she #vomits on his #spongebobslippers
[insert picture of Harry snowboarding] 

Have a lovely day Reader! I hope it's vomit free.

Bernie