Tennessee...whew!

What a game on Saturday huh? Aguilar is a couple steps up from that other kid whose name I can't pronounce. Or type.

So what did we learn? I'll take a stab at a list. 

• We're a good team. We're built different than previous versions of a Smart led team. But we can compete against this 2025 schedule and beyond I think.
• We're a young team. I believe we are deep, but when you go on the road in the SEC and that roster gets trimmed down, it exposes your youth. Proud of the way Kirby and Co. rallied them into a team that could fight back.
• We're a lucky team. That's a pretty good kicker (went 3/3 the week prior with a long of 53). I don't think the false start penalty mattered. Good snap, good hold. Bad swing.
• The OL especially struggled. I thought the play calling got too conservative after that amazing drive to open the second half. But on the other hand we seemed to click in 13 personnel. I hope to see that a lot going forward.
• In fact, I would bet if we looked at Reddell's participation, most of his snaps would land in the 4th quarter. Barbour we know is done for the year, and Elyiss Williams made the trip but I don't recall seeing him. I'll re-watch tonight.
• Regardless, with three tight ends and one back in, we really found success both on the ground and off play action especially. I'd love to see more of this going forward. Even with Barbour out, I think we are deep enough at tight end and I think the backs we have would thrive in it.
• If there is one thing thing that surprised me more than anything else, it was our defensive backs, especially Ellis Robinson IV. We know they're going to end up in one on one a lot to start games against Heupul offenses. Even as Schu and Kirby began to put the "roof" back on with our safeties we continued to struggle in 50/50 matchups.
• Also worth noting, Tenn's receivers are better this year. That fact plus Aguilar's arm and composure caught us just as off guard as our secondary.

All things considered, we got to the season's first bye week at 3-0. Just as we hoped. So there is that. Most importantly, the coaches have some good film on their young guys and we should be healthier at OL before the tilt against the Tide. 

Looks like we're recording this week's episode on Wednesday. I'll try and have more then. Go Dawgs!

When anxiety gives way to Eagerness

You're having a nice meal in a very nice restaurant. It hasn't been perfect, but the company at the table is fun and engaging. Sure, you've had better meals. But it's a great evening and you won't have to do the dishes. The bar has a terrific array of bourbons. The wife is happy with her wine selection. Then...

CRACK! You bite down on something, a tooth crumbles and you just scream.

Life is pain. Mileage may vary.

Our Dawgs are out of sync, and almost out of time as well.

Yep. I think Saturday night was the first game in a while I didn't enjoy. Well, beyond the opening moments. After that it was a nightmare.

Sure, Tuscaloosa sucked. But we showed fight. Even a weird story like Jekyll & Hyde has some thrilling moments weaved into the insanity.

But Oxford man...no answers. No clue. No way. It was mistake after mistake where you just wanted to be able to take a knee the entire 4th stanza and get the hell out of there.

Jan.1st, 1993     Zeier > Herbstreit

Yet, once they had their second chance to storm the field and it was finally over, I could breathe easier. I still believe these are the best of times. I matriculated during an era when our best season (by far) was a Citrus Bowl trip. I remember leaving the stadium in Donnan's first game, an 11-7 loss to Southern Mississippi, we saw a kid holding up his free t-shirt for attending the game and setting it on fire!

I can take this and roll with it. Yes, it's your individual prerogative to call for a new quarterback, a new head coach (!!), a new coordinator. We got pantsed by Kiffin and you can be butthurt about it. But would you rather be a Seminole fan about now?

Didn't think so. Part of me was anxious about what we might see when the hypefulled up volunteers come rolling into town tomorrow. But I'm now eager, not anxious.

The whole team looked out of sync Saturday night in Oxford. Tanner mentioned on yesterday's podcast, it felt like the coaches had no confidence. The line can't block, the quarterback can't throw, the receivers can't catch. Jesus Christ on a bicycle! You may be sick of screen passes, but what is Bobo to do?

Punt. Okay, now let's do the defense....

Nope, that's enough. Let's move forward. Because whether you hate this team or you're sticking by them, we should all be able to agree that there's one team in the nation no one wants to play when their backs are against the wall - Kirby Smart's Georgia GotDamn Bulldogs!

They comin'!

Let them bring their boxes of Franzia, sing their strangely semi-fictional fight song, and talk about the days when Bill Clinton was misusing cigars and Tom Hanks was desperately trying to save Private Ryan from Nazi controlled Europe. I'm eager to see how we handle another strong defense. I'm eager to see how well the crowd affects their ability race the play clock. I'm eager to see Coach Strickland grab and struggle to hold Kirby's belt. I'm eager to see how the team responds. And by God, I'd love to see Thorson use another gap wedge right leg to paint their offense into a super tight coffin corner!!

I've mentioned how this team appears to lack a leadership that we've grown accustomed to seeing the last few years. Well, it's time to step up. It's getting late and the committee is seeing longer shadows. Let's tee it up 'tween the hedges and give them something to think about!

Go Dawgs!

the Friday Misery doesn't wear chaps

Hey Beevo, keep your dadgum ivoryish bovine protrusions away from our doggy!

steered clear

Seriously, why is that thing on the field? I've heard many raise the question, but have yet to hear a true answer. When Ralphie visited Sanford he was on his best behavior. I don't think his handlers even had to sedate him. I mean he ran on the field without trampling Joe Cox. Thank God!

But if this is the same Texas mascot that was at the Sugar Bowl a few years ago, give him a horse tranq for God's sake!

And I don't even know if Uga is travelling. I sure wouldn't if I were Boom and knew what that ornery two-ton sumbitch tried against Que. Give that good boy a tummy rub and let him just nap through the pre-game from the comforts of the Seiler sofa.

(UPDATE: Charles says Boom will indeed be safe in Savannah this weekend.)

when the secondary is a primary concern

Deeeeep.

Breath.....

Okay, it was uneasy then uncomfortable then unfathomable to watch our secondary get torched time and time again Saturday night. I get it, that was not fun at all. Offense was eating up yards and putting up points, but the defense just couldn't make ol' Missy State quit!

It starts, in my humble never been a tackle football coach's opinion, with the pass rush. I was a little, just a little, too hard on the secondary on Tuesday. Upon further reflection, every time we sent a blitz they had the correct call. And it went for a lot of yards if not a touchdown.

We just couldn't get our hands on the kid. And that starts in the trenches. Tomorrow we have to be able to generate a push and at least get some hands in Ewers' face. We made Miss State one-dimensional early. They wanted to run the ball, but we wouldn't let them.

Here's a dude that can GATA!

And while that eventually turned on us when they started to pass, we need to do the same tomorrow night. Yes, it's hard when Mykel isn't 100%. It's hard with Mondon sidelined. But these kind of games are won up front.

Now everybody...yes, even you pea brains in the back still whining about Kirby's forearm shiver. Let's all get into a three point stance...that's it...get your ass down Poindexter! Okay, now. Right arm up ready to chop wood, and...GET AFTER THEIR ASS!!

egos are especially bigger in texas

Gather around longhorns, and put your 10 gallon learning caps on. You are officially in the SEC now, so you have to act right. Yes, even though you were named after a steakhouse chain. And no, most of us don't want you around here anyway. And it's not because we're afraid of you. No, the decisions were and are made above our paygrade.

So listen here, stop whining every time an opposing fan gives you the horns down. Yes, we know it hurts your feelings and we saw when the Big12 front office enabled you like a green-faced toddler that doesn't wanna eat strained peas.

Grow a pair. Instead of putting a replica of a bull's scrotum on your trailer hitch, try loosening your girly chaps and find your own set. This is the SEC son! We can joke about Vandy "blowing the Admiral", and Carolina's choking chicken, and still have some modicum of respect for each other. Yes, we bark at perfect strangers. Yes, Florida claps like the graduating class for the directionally challenged. Missouri goes on the road...to play UMass! And don't get me started on Tennessee's Tour de Franzia or their depressing locker room mantra:

Narrator voice: "It was true. It could not be found."

Taunting, trash talk, turning Parliament Funkadelic's P-Funk hand signal upside down...it's all part of the fan experience. It's expected. It's understood. (And yes, I understand Auburn is more of an exception. But trust me, they're worse than a toddler with strained peas in his ears.)

Now, proudly pat that SEC patch on your jersey and understand you are now playing in the ELITE playground. No more plastic primary colored fake shit. I'm talking solid wood foundation with steel bars. I guess what I'm saying is, if the slide in our playground doesn't chap your ass, then an inverted set of fingers shouldn't either.

Let's all circle up and pray...take off your cap and let's see your pretty-boy haircut Arch! There we go...Lord, please protect these men tomorrow night as we continue to pray and look for ways to support hurricane victims across the southeast. And please, pleeeeaase! Let us get Ewers jersey dirty. Even after 8:50pm. Because we know it's ALWAYS 10 TO 9 IN TEXAS!! AMEN and Go Dawgs!

Bonus - this week's 4th & 3 Dudes episode

the Friday Misery is home for the Holidays

“I am at the moment writing a lengthy indictment against our century. When my brain begins to reel from my literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip.” - Ignatius Reilly

John Kennedy Toole’s protagonist was pretentious, arrogant, and bloated - both by brain as much as stature. But in times like these…I just wish Mr. Toole had more than one novel to delve into.

Crimes by Committee

Because if you replace just a few words in the quote, it explains our state of discontent these last few days. 

century Committee

occasional frequent

cheese dip Old Fashioned

There we go! Because a gluttonous group of glory holes can’t have it both ways. Best or most deserving…? Can we add another subgroup here - cheaters or non-cheaters? How about GOATs or wannabe-GOATs? Oh wait, they actually covered that one pretty well.

No, I’m not going to harp on it too long. Because you’re tired of rehashing it too. But to punish a team that did everything they could do, won every game including their conference, but because their defense wouldn’t be as good without its star injured quarterback…sorry ‘Noles. And to reward one team SO much for beating your week to week #1 as to elevate them fours spots, all while dropping said #1 team five spots??

That’s enough. My brain is reeling again.

I’m just thankful to have one.

On the other hand, pass me a pacifier

We sure got greedy quick didn’t we dear Reader? I seem to recall in the not too distant past, a time when we would’ve given an appendage just to be in last Saturday and Sunday’s discussion. And not like a Mr. Mays’ pinky digit either. Like a full on, non-dominant or dominant, God-given limb!

Sorry momma, but them aughts and such was Hell!

So yeh, I knew when I woke up Sunday and recalled the final SECCG score, that we had about as much chance of making it into the College Football Championship as Bama did of converting a 4th and 31 for a tuddy on the final play of the game on the plains as an internet wanderer has of going surfing for an hour without stumbling on another 7-8 articles about the NFL’s new wonder couple. 

So, like you most likely, I was resigned to stop whining and reflect on the unprecedented 29-0 run. What a time! We brought back a trophy and Bama-Covid from Indy, and just kept rolling! How many games were there the last couple seasons when the team was not playing to their standard, that we thought we’d actually lose? At Missouri, nah. Homecoming for Kentucky, nope. Hell, the regular season closer against Tech with an interim coach had my 1990’s self in awe!

Peach Ball dropped wide short!

It wasn’t until last year’s Peach Bowl that we finally broke a sweat! Whew.

And then this season? Can you imagine being down at half to the gamecocks and not being bent out of shape? Two weeks later on the Plains…okay, had to get on our knees and pray to dear Ol’ Munson’s Ghost that Abuurn’s secondary got a sudden case of dyslexia and thought that was OWBRES lining up in the slot.

Again, whew!

Anyway, all that to say it’s been quite a run Dawg fans! And despite what those kissin’ siblings up on rocky top, and those toothless reptiles down in the swamp might think…hell, throw in the 2023 SEC championship gumps…just like Kirby told ‘em, “We ain’t going NOWHERE!”

Now, please bow your heads…dear layin’ in a manger Baby Jesus, please keep the lights bright this Christmas. For both those with 5 stars and those without. (Don’t let the tithing plate keep passing you by Vandy.)

Enjoy the Army/Navy game ya filthy animals! Go Army! #beatNavy

Epilogue

Yes, I found the keys to this thing somewhere around the intersection of Inspiration Ave. and Got a Lil Time on My Hands Cir. I’d like to keep posting somewhere between frequently and weekly. But most likely we’re coasting into a “let’s see how this goes” time period.

Full disclosure, we have moved to coastal Georgia and I won’t get to as many games as I used to. With the move, a new gig, a rebuilt engine and a cracked tooth, I managed only two this season. But rest assured we watch every game, relish any game we can get in Jacksonville and any opportunity to tailgate with our old crew, as well as see some of y’all OG readers in red and black!

Now I’m off to clean some things up around here. Somehow since I last logged in the spam filter caught tens of thousands of spam comments. Blessing and a curse and all that. So I’ll first try and get commenting figured out, but it’ll be regulated to some degree to start with. 

Until next time, I’m putting the keys in my pocket this time. Then I’ll text the daughters to remind me of how to drop on of those “pins” from my iPhone so I can keep finding that intersection. Go Dawgs!

"Coach, did you hear Bernie may be bloggin again?"
"Oh he is is he!"

I'm a Dawg fan, not an SEC fan

Today Missouri opens SEC bowl play in the Academy Sports + Outdoors Texas Bowl against the Texas Longhorns. It will be the first of nine bowls that feature a Southeastern Conference team, and thereby sparks up the annual dialogue about the myth that is "conference loyalty".

Some people like to root for our own rivals. It's a practice that I fail to understand. I am a Georgia fan. Not an SEC fan. I can't stand the other teams in the SEC. I can't stand the referees in the SEC. I can't stand all of the Cracker Barrels in the SEC. And I hate watching those other teams win.

Many of you may know that I graduated from Cedar Shoals High School. Our cross town rival was Clarke Centtral. They were bigger and better at most things as I was growing up. So was I filled with pride when they'd bring home another state title just because I was from Athens?

Hell no. I hated them even more for it. The same way I hated it when Tennessee won the National Title in 1998, and don't even get me started on the Gators during their hey days. My heart skips a beat whenever one of our conference rivals' quarterbacks throws a pick six. Oh the joy!

So, you'd sit next to this and high five it when they scored? (Hypothetically.
since we all know they ain't playing in no bowl game this year.)

I'd root for Russia over Florida and I'd prefer to be friends with JR Ewing over Philip Fulmer. At least when JR'd eventually stab me in the back he wouldn't smell like rank possum meat and gin while he did so.

"But Bernie, what if I picked an SEC team in my bowl pool, or maybe even placed a wager on one of them to win a game?"

Glad you asked. I hope you do well in your pool. I've picked my share of enemies to win some of those games too. But I'll be thrilled if they lose instead. If you placed a bet, I hope you don't lose your money. I really don't. But just because you think highly enough of the Gamecocks to bet $50 on them doesn't mean you need to cheer for them to do well.

And if you show up on my lawn wearing orange it'll be a race between my youngest and my dog to see which gets a hold of your ass first.

I'm a Dawg fan. To root for other SEC teams is a Tennessee Hillbilly kind of sad. Cuz those sonsabitches are sitting at home with nothing to do but live vicariously through the rest of us.

the Friday Misery is a Champion at Comeuppance

About last night...

Seriously, we’re gonna run them mountain goat humpers ragged Saturday. They’ll eventually make a 30 for 30 about it. Go Dawgs!

— Bernie (@BernieDawg) September 29, 2017

Bank on it.

Butch’s temperature, a week to week examination

Week 1, visit to Athletic Director’s office

Butch - “Wahoo! You like that goal line stand in OT BABY!!”

AD Currie - “Wonderful. Now put that damn trash can back in the locker room. Coach football, not future internet memes you sonofabitch.”

Week 2, luncheon with boosters

Butch - “Put that whoopin’ on Indiana State boy! Offense starting to come together. I like this kid Dormady. Think I might make a poster of him...Stormin’ the Beaches of Dormady. Nice!”

Booster Cleetus - “No you’re not.”

Booster Bobby Jo - “Boy, you gotta purty mouth. Reminds me of ma best goat”

Week 3, family dinner table

Butch - “That was one heckuva throw. Can’t believe we lost that one like that. Hate it for my guys.”

Wife - “Yeh, into single coverage, on the last play of the game, 60 yards from the endzone. Duh!” (tops glass off with the boxed wine and storms down hallway)

Son 1 - “And that was a BAD gator team Dad, real bad.”

Son 2 - “Can we live in Florida next year and not Michigan or Ohio again?”

Son 3 - “Pass the tater tots please.”

Week 4, getting that wannabe high and tight

Butch - “I tell ya, that’s about the best 0-4 team I’ve ever coached against. Wow!”

Barber - “What about those smokey gray uniforms again? And a pregame speech about flashlights making the dark spots shine bright!”

Butch - “Oh, yeh. I like that! And the batteries are like the energy that makes it all happen!”

(Mystery solved. It’s been the barber all along, from the bricks through the trashcan. He’s got clippers in one hand and a copy of “Coaching Motivationals for Dummies” in the other.)

Week 5, back in Currie’s office

Butch - “KnockKnock! Hey there John, I brought the trashcan like you asked. I was wonderin…”

Currie - “Good, close the door.”

The buzz cut from La Mancha

Don Quixote was a fictional dreamer; a romantic Spanish gentleman, in pasteboard armor and saddled on a horse well past its prime, driven to insanity by his relentless pursuit of Chivalry.

Butch Jones is an actual professional cheerleader; paid handsomely as a college football coach to drum up motivational slogans and tactics in a continuous failing pursuit of an SEC East crown.

"I DON'KNO WUHT A QUIXOTE IS!! SOME
FRANCH SPELLIN' FOR COYOTE?!!??"

For both, the beginning is whimsical and delightful. Knoxville, much like the Spanish countryside of the 1600s, was a blank canvas in 2013 and in much need of a new spark and direction. Enter Jones who quickly proclaims himself a master mason proficient in the use of words and catchphrases as bonding agents.

The results are mixed. I’m sure Spanish prostitutes didn’t mind being referred to as high class ladies and the innkeepers enjoyed being “lords of the castle”, but when windmills are envisioned as monstrous,murderous giants things take a dark turn.

Besting Georgia two seasons in a row and ending Florida’s 11 year win streak really put Tennessee’s future in a rosy hue. But the epic tumble the Vols experienced the rest of the 2016 season was a dramatic, painful adventure on Rocky Top, as if Rocinante itself had thrown Butch from the saddle into his own pile of bricks.

But here’s where the romantic cheerleader takes a different path from Cervantes’ star gazing Hidalgo. Quixote never parts ways with his “squire”, Sancho Panza. They’re relationship is as loyal as it is symbiotic. Jones on the other hand fires assistants, thereby uprooting their families, in order to continue his ponzi scheme of slogans. After the 2015 season it was defensive coordinator John Jancek, and after last season it was newly hired offensive coordinator Mike DeBord. What started out as a whimsical play with words has devolved into a bloody battle of stab the scapegoat in the back.

Perhaps Cervantes himself said it best: “The truth may be stretched thin, but it never breaks, and it always surfaces above lies, as oil floats on water.” Butch, you’ve run out of heads to lop off and your trashcan is full of broken bricks. Perhaps your barber can provide some sound investment advice for that buyout.

Down to the business of kicking ass

Ladies and gentlemen, though we have more than one enemy tomorrow, only one of them is truly formidable. And no, it doesn’t wear orange and it doesn’t play football.

Hear me out now.

Understand, Tennessee can’t beat us. They just can’t. They are one thread away from becoming completely unraveled. They’re the trash at the bottom of the bin. They’re soon to be has beens being cheered on by low lifes in checkerboard overalls and fancy pants frat boys with a funnel protruding from their nether regions. That’s all they are. They just aren’t able to beat us.

UMass exposed them for what they are, they just lacked the talent and ability to finish the job. Georgia comes out tomorrow and smacks them in the mouth and they’ll crumble into a pile of rubble at their false prophet’s feet.

However, if not taken seriously, our true enemy can absolutely be formidable. She can turn the most prepared and talented team into an on field three ring circus. Her name is Adversity and she planted the Neyland sod that claimed three ACLs in 2013 and Chubb’s entire knee in 2015.

She connives for missed blocking assignments. Next thing you know your quarterback just got blind-sided and the ball is scooped up and headed the other damn direction.

Adversity gives birth to setbacks. And setbacks don’t treat Georgia well. They tend to make a better Georgia team fall flat at a lesser opponent’s feet. They get into our heads and scramble things up until the next thing you know that squib kick turned into a game tying field goal and oops they just intercepted and somehow we just lost to georgia tech.

So tomorrow, when JimBob Cooter drops a stack of cash in a referee’s pocket and Chubb gets flagged for roughing the passer because he ran out of bounds and tripped over Dormady’s out-stretched cleat, we have to stare back at Adversity with a steely gaze.

“You messing with the wrong mothereffer today bitch.”

Kirby has filled us with hope. We believe we’re past the days of wetting the proverbial bed and making up excuses for our own inadequacies. Maybe so. But we’re right where Missy State fans were this time last week. And those doggies got walloped from the get-go and never bothered to get back up into the fray.

So when She swings and connects, don’t reach up to wipe the blood from your mouth. Smile at Her and tell her what Damien and Greenie and McMichael and Verron told her before that last drive in ‘02 - “Nice shot, but you’re gonna need more than that today.”

It’s a long road through a college football season. Knoxville is just the next stop. Let’s treat it like a business trip. And like it says right there on our business card,

Georgia Football

“We’re here to make your life even more of a living hell.”

Four dissatisfied customers from Starkville to South Bend.

You’re next!

Through our own faults, we’ve fallen victim to this Hillbilly regime’s magic and sheer dumb luck before. Still today, two years removed, they mock our best player’s injury, like some dipshit point of pride that they can’t use fertilizer for anything other than their own goat farming. For that and many other reasons they need their comeuppance. They’re overdue for a good ass whoopin’. Set your jaw and turn your motor all the way to HIGH.

Now, please bow your heads...dear Lord, Herschel’s angels, Mr. Grizzard and the late, great Munson, please keep their Franzia Frat boys away from our Dawg brethren tomorrow. Let Chubb run free and Roquan run amok! Thank you please, Amen.

Early thoughts on SEC play and the Starville pups

Georgia finally opens SEC play this week. After so many years of having the Gamecocks in week two or sometimes three, it feels weird opening up the conference schedule this late. But alas, the OOC slate is shelved until November and it's time to strap em a little tighter men!

Still a little surprised by what happened in Columbia Saturday night. No, not talking about Purdue. How did anyone think Missouri would stand a chance there? Can we officially get rid of those Tigers now? I guess not since they've actually competed in the SECCG twice since they joined the conference. But man, what a joke.

I digress..no, I'm referring to Kentucky beating South Carolina at their own game. Deebo socked them in the mouth the first play and those Cats just rolled with it. I hadn't completely bought into the Gamecock hype yet, but I thought they would push the Wildcats around. After all, that was the same Kentucky team that struggled some against Eastern Kentucky and even shuffled their quarterbacks around.

And now the Gamecocks have lost their best player for the season. Hate seeing such a good player go down like that, but this is football. Wish Deebo a speedy and full recovery.

Meanwhile, down in Gainesville Butch still has his DB's in press coverage on the final play of the game more than half the field away from the Florida endzone. You think Shoop wishes he'd played that just a little differently? Give credit where it's due, the Gators saw what they were up against and went right for the win and not the 30 yard out to hope for a true field goal.

(pardon me while I spit that foul taste outta my mouth)

Shout-out to Coach Bobo for hanging tough against Bama. Sure, they never had a chance because of course they were far and away out-matched talent wise. But the Rams made it respectable by halftime and then scored some points in garbage time late. Our old quarterback showed he can move the ball against another elite defense. Good on ya Mike!

Ole Miss played their bowl game in mid-September and shat their pants. Oh well, basketball season should bring that old consortium feeling back to Oxford.

Back to the East, with Florida and Tennessee still trying to find their identity (one in the aftermath of a credit card scandal, the other perhaps at the bottom of a trashcan), is Vandy going to step up with Kentucky as the darling picks to challenge in the East? Granted, the Dawgs haven't proven to be the top dog yet, but we've had the most complete start to the season. However, if Vandy can play Bama as hard-nosed and tough as they did K-State Saturday night, then I'll be a firm believer.

Jared Stitham leads the Southern Conference in passing after torching the Mercer Bears for 364 yards Saturday. We were talking about this at the tailgate. Until Cam Newton or Nick Marshall's kid turns 18, Malzahn is gonna keep paying on that loan for the Struggle Bus.

Which leaves us with the dog fight Saturday night under the lights in Sanford. I guess I'm not surprised Miss State beat LSU. But I was shocked by the score. That Tiger defense just laid down huh? Clanga clanga.

Regardless, as a result the Fake Dogs come in boasting about being just shy of a touchdown favorite. I still like our chances. On the one hand they've got a mobile quarterback that is averaging 7.8 yards per pass and 7.78 yards per rush (via cfbstats.com). I still like our defense's chances at making their offense beat us through the air. And if Malkom Parrish can indeed play, forget about it.

On another hand, word is that Grantham has really pared down his defense. So you're telling me that gone are the days of 10 of 11 guys staring at the sideline as the center snaps the ball? Okay, good for you Toddles. But even despite my frustration with Coach Chaney's play-calling at times, I'd still take Jim against a defensive coordinator that's been run out of the last two towns largely because he can't make any mid-game adjustments.

In other words, anyone remember the MVP of the 2014 Belk Bowl?

"Get a BIG neck."

Since everyone showed up by Sunday evening and camp began successfully forthwith, your Georgia Bulldogs have earned a preseason ranking of #15!

"It’s the sixth straight year Georgia landed in the top 25 in the first poll, but has finished unranked in two of the last four seasons in 2013 and 2016."

To avoid finishing unranked again, our offense line is going to have to be much better (because it can't possibly be....nevermind, not going to even finish that thought). To go from #15 to top four, our playmakers are going to have to stay healthy well past that Autumn visit to Neyland Stadium's zombie hillbilly turf of the walking dead apocalypse.

Anyway, thought I'd just off the ol' blogger password and say "Hey!" and whatnot. And also remind everyone to keep following their Erk calendar!

Go Dawgs y'all!

(click to enlarge)
h/t Mac...h/t Kid Terrell

Sunday thoughts on four seconds short

If you're coming here for a pity party or to look for blame, keep clicking amigo. I'm pretty okay all things considered.

Because on a day when the referees brought their C- game, the team's best player only played one snap, and a team with vastly more experience was down and out against our young pups...I can only see sunshine this morning.

But dear God in Heaven, I absolutely HATE losing to those bastards. Ugh. Onto the bullet points!

• I sure hope we don't have to defend against a hail mary anytime soon as my heart just can't take it. But if we do, I'm sure the coaches will have Lorenzo line up at the goal line in that situation. If he's in front of that play, well then....
• But really you have to start with Eason yet again. So I think I'll just embed what I posted on twitter last night:

If you need hope, that last UGA drive was still magical. Improbable catches by Godwin, McKenzie, and Blazevich. 4-4 for Eason, great throws.

— Bernie (@BernieDawg) October 2, 2016

I mean, there ain’t many dudes on earth able to make those throws. That’s what Kirby means when we grew up today. Hurts still, but..wow.

— Bernie (@BernieDawg) October 2, 2016

• That's the truth. Uncle Verne and Danielson kept on keeping on with the Stafford comparisons. I guess I get that in a way. But Eason is so very far ahead of Stafford. Even if you put aside the fact that Eason has long been the clear starter, the comparison really stops with the fact that they both enrolled early. 
• I've mentioned before that Eason makes plays with both his arm and his head. Stafford, especially at this point in his career, was just an arm. A really, really sexy arm. But still, Eason has something more. 
• Yes, he still looks like a freshman at times, but it's truly less and less each game. He's growing up fast. And I'm loving it!
• The defense showed improvement. I'm going to stop short of saying it was a vast improvement because they still gave up big plays and had trouble containing Tennessee's best player.
• But, they were better in coverage as I had predicted. And they pressured the quarterback consistently. Well, until we only rushed three with four seconds left.
• Hey, we can has a field goal kick!!

I don't think there's much more to say other than the road ahead is much more manageable. That's not to say that there aren't challenges ahead. After all, this is still a young team with a young coach and a freshman quarterback.

But, even though we lost to that team from the inbred hills of tenersee, I feel good about where this team and this program is heading. Chubb played one play. they had a hail mary answered, and Catalina still hasn't been named as an accomplice to a murder. The sun is about to rise. And I'm already starting to get hungry for some chicken.

Friday Misery - Lulu and Junior and Catherine the Average

Had this Misery circled on the calendar ever since October 10th, 2015 at about 3:34pm. I've waited that long to see someone exact some measure of revenge. Someone who is about the humblest, most talented running back my kids have ever seen. Someone who worked his ass off to get back..not for this game tomorrow, but for the earliest game he could (in)humanly possibly play in.

I desperately want to see Nick Chubb run over tackle footballers in orange tomorrow. I desperately want to see 27 put his team on his shoulders and cure cancer on the way to the endzone for the game winning touchdown as the sun sets and the Middle East finds peace.

My heart wants that. My heart needs that.

But we don't win this thing tomorrow with what my heart wants. We don't become a better blocking and tackling football team with what my heart needs. We don't beat the Volunteers based on romanticized ideals.

We beat them only by earning it. Now buckle your damn chin strap son. Ole Miss was five days, 14 hours, and one minute ago. You gonna let them beat you twice?

Bitch please.

Lulu the Great

The easiest way to understand the abject simplicity with which the UTKnoxville HillBillys live is to really listen closely to the “lyrics” of their “fight” song.

A couple years ago I gave you a picture of what Honest Abe and his dear wife Mary saw as he toured the post-Civil War South and traveled through the Tennessee hills. Today I think we need to go back even further to the very beginning.

Yes, back to the Adam and Eve of HillBillys - Junior and Lulu.

I'm pretty sure Lulu is the one on the left.

“Down” in the Tennessee hills, Junior once had a girl on Rocky Top. According to local legend, she was half bear and the other half was a cat. (Yes, you read that right.) And together they commenced to a level of advanced husbandry no one has, or ever will (hopefully) match.

Catherine the Great, according to rumors, died trying under the weight of a horse.

Catherine the Great evidently was neither half bear nor half cat. (may she rest in peace)

The Butch and Dobbs' lovechild.

Most civilizations entrenched in the practice of incest and animal seduction die out as a victim of their their unGodly nature. Somehow “corn from a jar” has sustained these hillbilly deviants to the point where their tree of life ain’t seen a branch since the day Lulu dropped that spork into an empty can of beans, farted and then Junior felt his Wranglers rise to attention.

Yeehaw.

Hey hoss, you can’t crush faces with a box of kleenex

Can you imagine…”We just threw a box of tissue and got snot on their nose...we just snotted their face!!”

Ugh. We’re all like:

“Chubb may not play.”

“We can’t put no pressure on anybody.”

“We couldn’t block a no parking zone with a semi truck and a herd of buffaloes.”

“I have a real, real sad and college football won’t make me happy no more.”

“I burnt my tater tots yesterday and momma won't go back to the store!”

The thing about humiliating losses like last Saturday is that they tend to beat the fanbase more than once. Hell, some of y’all done gave up on the entire season! And some more have already started the next coaching search!

Lord A’mighty! What in the name of all things Holy! Look, it’s one thing to get caught with your drawers down. You’re embarrassed and ashamed and oh no Chad Kelly just threw another touchdown pass 187 yards downfield while side-stepping a dozen rabid black bears! But it’s another thing altogether to get caught with your pants down with one arm around ol’ man Cooter’s goat and the other cradling a box of Franzia.

Get hungry BIG DAWG!

We’re GEORGIA goddammit! WAKE the F up! You don’t shit the bed and spend the rest of the season wallowing in it. You stand up and clean yourself off. You grab a mop and get back down to basics. You GET YOUR ASS DOWN IN A THREE POINT STANCE BY THE MAILBOX AND WAIT FOR THAT BASTARD MAILMAN TO COME AROUND JUST TO GET ONE MORE REP IN!

We’re 3-1! THREE and one! Did you wait around all offseason to get shit-faced wasted on your own self-pity? Was it over when Casey Clausen hit Travis Stephens on the screen? No!

HELL NO!

So put down your sloppy box of tissues and strap on them boots. The first act is over, so tomorrow begins the second stanza and I’m damn sure not tuning up for some gotdamn song about non-existent animals and strangers that disappear into smoggy smoke.

I told y’all at the beginning of the week this one was different. I NEED to know y’all care. I HAVE to know you have the INTESTINAL FORTITUDE of Damien Gary and Verron Haynes combined. I’ve GOT to know you want this one more than your next breath, because just as Butchie and his boys aren’t coming to town in a Prius with a BB gun in the floorboard, we ain’t planning on sniffling like a bunch fancy pants’d sissies before the coin toss.

Brick by brick...F that. Attack the GOTdamn day and let's beat these tourdefranzia assholes!

Now, please bow your heads...dear Lord, please let their band get a flat tire and also help us make Josh Dobbs over work his deoderant. Blessed! Jazz Hands! Go Dawgs!