ALAHHHBAMMMA MOMMA

If there are any principals' wives out there in the state of Georgia currently having inappropriate relations with their husband's students...PLEASE, please don't wear any Dawg gear to your mugshot when they come to take your sleezy ass away.

To read the skankiness, click here. But better draw your bath first. You're gonna need it.

Saturday Headers

Read quickly. The wife should have that weekend Honey-Do list ready to accost you with soon.

• Mackie not only leads the poll to the right, but he has given us a two-fer. I knew that bye week would be our beeatch!
• Exhile is off and running with his new address. Rich Brooks as Tony Bennett. Click and you'll understand why this is Saban's ass - ->
• Pre-season polls pretty much suck it if you ask me. But the new Corches' Poll is out. As expected it's gayturdriffic.
• In related pre-season news, Reshad has been named to the Thorpe watch list.
• Get the Picture points out that RichRod may be waxing a bit too philosophical.
• Knowshon hurdled contract negotiations. Now he prepares to stiff-arm Raiders.
• Dancing in the Endzone has found another reason to laugh hysterically at the Nerds de North Avenue. BWAHAHAHA!!
• And the biggest news is prolly THIS. I just see this having lasting affects on how I get info as a Dawg fan. Not to mention that it could make SEC blogging even more enigmatic...if that were possible.

Now....better go cut the frickin' grass.

Hi-Jacking Butts-Mehre

I was enjoying another great day as a blogger and celebrating with some adult beverages. I began surfing for some Dawg news and happened upon the best source of info early.

The news wasn't good. Don't worry, Cox is still upright and Curran is still Crank'd up. The Great Hale simply explained that the SEC would now micro-manage any journalism that eased outta the doors of Butts-Mehre.

Sure it starts with video, but it won't end there. Hale put it best:

...but I'm guessing after your favorite team gets spanked by a rival, you're not looking for the watered-down version of what happened. Perhaps you really don't care where the information is coming from, but my guess is that you value quality journalism a lot more than they give you credit for. Maybe you go to one place and one place only for your news. But I'd

be willing to bet the majority of you have gotten used to being able to surf a few dozen sites to get a broad view of Georgia football.

Think back to that Sunday after we got our teeth kick'd in by Saban's pachyderms. As we all tuned in to the Mark Richt Show a cheerier disposition emerged. Sure, the tone was solemn with the right amount of dogged determination mixed in.

But do we really want Dowdle updating the lone official Georgia Blog? UGA Athletics and Slive would love nothing more. And the Mutha would just keep writing the checks.

I guess this is what happens when Corso and Slive have offspring.

Megan Fox Spurns the Nerds...

...and one Kwame makes 105.

With the wealth of depth and talent at DT this season, many wonder why his qualification was so important? Well, it's a great feeling not to have lost any signee to academic casualty.

And a blessing to have discovered Mr. Moody's disregard for behavior parameters before the vernal equinox.

If all goes well, Geathers will have an opportunity to redshirt and get a good grip on his academics while Owens, Atkins, Weston and Tyson hold down the trenches against the SEC this fall.

Then the 6'5" 320 Geathers will be primed to dominate men of lesser worth and heritage.

Friday Feedbag

• Part of the most telling evidence that the team has undergone a subtle makeover with bold billboard painted results is the lack of Police Blotter ink around Butts-Mehre. Daugman updates his Ellen post, part deux. Battle Hymn Notes takes a look as well and finds just good Dawgs.
• In Hale's Practice Notes we learned that Reshad Jones will be sidelined with a hammy for a few days. But it was good to hear Quinton Banks took his place in the rotation.
• Dancing in the Endzone discovered that Tech players like Transformers. However, I guess Megan Fox was too busy to make the trip to Historic Grant Field. Fox is an apt name for the actress, but I always suspected she was also a Dawg.
• The Senator handicaps the SEC West race to the ATL. After reading it, it looks like his coin has three sides.
• Scout's Harbaugh and Mitchell hand out some superlatives. Interesting that Georgia makes so many of the Games to DVR, and yet also was labeled by one as most overrated.
• Freshmen are getting plenty of ink lately. The Chapel Bell likes one particular quote from CMR. Can't say I blame him.
• Dawg Bloggin' has some links from enemy territory as we try to keep up with the pokes.
• Earlier this week it was reported that Gordon Beckham earned the the AL Rookie of the Month honors. TotalUGA has an in-depth update on some more former Diamond Dawgs.
• Lastly, the man who scripted Christie Brinkley naked into a pool and had her ask Clark, "Well, are you gonna go for it?"...has died. RIP John Hughes. At least we can still Save Ferris!!

For the second week in a row, we had a photo finish to ThursdaysRTrivial. This week is even more muddled and has certainly made me rethink future phrasings to questions. I don't know how that Trebek guy does it day in, day out. Probably has a better intern than Darren.

Anyway, the answer was the renewed and refurbished DawgBone is Greg Blue's surfing stop of choice. And the obvious need for a judge left me scrambling for a full afternoon. @BPMackie suggested Paula Abdul, but he's also one of the potential winners having answered first. It stands to reason he may have bribed her with a handful of pills and a pitcher of cosmopolitans. Al Ford wouldn't answer his phone. Instead Donnan kept picking up and guaranDAMNteeing that @RexRobinson5 hadn't fumbled. But the famed Georgia placekicker also chimed in second...after kicking the whatchamacallit out of it in '78 and sending Munson into a frenzy in Lexington.

Last but not least, @MikeInValdosta mentioned the fact that Greg Blue crushes the soviet tank as if it were an AwwBarn receiver. Classic! So I'm gonna leave it up to you Reader. Since all three contestants are bloggers, I've got some especially fabulous prizes: three Webster's Dictionaries all autographed by yours truly.

I just need to know who should get the lone reference tool without the BBQ stain on page 255. So scroll back up to the poll and cast your vote. There's no ballot box stuffing and no hanging chads. Just a dose of democracy at its lowest and most impressionable.

Appreciate the help Reader. One more day of shells before two-a-days. And as usual....good or not, have a weekend!

Bernie

Thursday Headers

The offices of BDB are undergoing some renovations as we prepare for the upcoming season. Rest assured the dust, sawhorses and empty PBR cans will be outta the way well before we trek over to StillH2O. We here at BerniesDawgBlawg always want your experience to be top-notch. So rest assured that despite some tinkerings and additions to the format, I will continue to bring you the senseless drivel and thoughtless ramblings you've come to adore so much.

That being said, here are a few links of interest this AM:

• CollegeFootballNews likes the Dawgs enough to put CMRs crew at #5 in their power rankings. Probably too high I might agree, but a lot of the points they make are salient (for any toothless wonders who may have wandered in, that means REAL good!!).
• Mark Bradley does not like CollegeFootballNews.
• Hey...if it'll get him off of the mutha...and quietly into some cushy office amongst some lunatic constituency...I'll make a campaign donation.
• Hale's practice notes are up for Day Two. But to be honest, this time of year has so much content to delve into...why not just go to the top of his blog and work your way down?
• The best news from Wednesday was brought to us by Quinton. And what goes nicely with your newly printed season tix? Some new Dawg Gear...that is, if Mackie left any...
• Mike uses BUI as an excuse to speak kindly of Philmer.
• By now you are certainly aware that DawgBone has a new address. Exhile is moving to a new crib on the cybersphere too. OLD NEW Now if only we could get him back home and outta exhile...
• Anytime Rex talks about anything to do with the recruitin' process...well, I give it a good read. You should too.
• And yesterday, Hale provided some insight into the Eric Berry recruitment which has curiously come into the spotlight as he enters his final season in Knutsville. The Senator weighs in. As usual, he needs no filibuster to garner my vote.

Now get back to work. Or at least pull out a spreadsheet or pie chart as you read. Honestly.

Gordon Beckham Exerts his Dawg Powers

Former Dawg Gordon Beckham has been named AL Rookie of the Month for his good deeds on the diamond with the ChiSox.

The Atlantan hit .330 for the month of July after being called up and helped pitcher Mark Buehrle on his way to a perfect game recently.

Beckham leads all American League rookies in batting average (.316), RBIs (38), On-Base % (.376) and sluggin % (.503).

Enough to make a Diamond Dawg fan wonder....what if he'd had an Easton last season?

Gordon Beckham = DamnGoodDawg

Stir Some Video in With Your Coffee

To be honest, I'm just rolling back into town. My schedule hasn't yet allowed me to absorb everything that transpired on our first day of fall practice. From what limited amount of intel I've delved into, sounds like Jancek has been a little more vocal and Searels and Garner are just as grumpy as when we left them.

Awesome!

But to tide you over until you click away from BDB to another blog that is upchucking poetic on how spectacular Charles is gonna be (seriously, I heard there was a run on #7 jerseys yesterday) and how Ealey was wearing Knowshon's number, here's three videos for the vault. First, found this over at TotalUGA. You may have seen it on "Georgia" day at College Football Live.

Hines Ward = DamnGoodDawg

And second, this little gem was making it's way through Twitter last night thanks to @cbrannon. I had first run into it a couple months ago. Suffice to say, as the father of two girls...Thomas can come calling anytime. I won't even threaten him with my gun.

Thanks citizencrane. To sum up: Thomas' parents = DamnGoodDawgs

Best for last....Also making the rounds on Twitter is is this one from none other than @jeffowens95 (who would like some more followers by the way, just click). Get Crunk Uncle Verne!!

WOW! If your blood runs red and black you're about to put your head through the cubcile wall right now. Hellz Yeh!!

Jeff Owens = DamnGoodDawg

Speaking of Twitter. If you tweet, make sure you follow me - @BernieDawg. #ThursdayRTrivial has its sixth episode tomorrow. You could walk away with a fabulous prize, not to mention your name in lights!!

Have a great HumpDay Reader!

A Man, Yet Still a JackHole

Okie State Cowpoke Coach Gundy has decided that getting arrested for drugs does not warrant a suspension (h/t @allyugadawg). Not in the home opener against Georgia...or versus Houston, or Rice. And certainly not Grambling State.

Freshman RB Dexter Pratt and Sophomore TE Jamal Mosley were both arrested for possession of mary-jane back in June. Gundy has decided that the players are in good standing with the program.

OK.

He also says they will be limited to just two bowls of ice cream at dinner for the weeks leading up to the opener.

Egads! If you'd like to hear more from the Man at Big 12 Media Days....well, go 'head and get your StillH2O freak on - - -

Liberian....American....

...GEORGIAN!

Decided yesterday's tidbit on #35 wasn't enough. Here's the ESPN segment on our WILL. Talk about a kid being raised right.

I don't know how much Mr. Curran's paycheck was...but God has blessed son Rennie.

And the Dawgs!

Monday's Margarita - Once Upon a Time...

...on the East Coast. Live from Hilton Head!!

And you know what that means, no meatloaf. Just margaritas for lunch today. I blew out my pop-top...stepped on a flip-flop. Weather's here, wish you were Michael Douglas' wife. Something like that, you get my drift.

On Friday I dreamt I played for Coach Erk and I GATA...until AJ stepped onto the gridiron. Today I thought I'd supplant myself in the offensive huddle, where I'd surely be a stud RB. I might not strike fear in the heart of Darth Visor like Robert Edwards. But I wouldn't get the late night munchies like Kirtsey...or Sanks.

However, a LB I'd never wanna greet as I cut through off tackle would be Rennie "Flomo" Curran. We all know why, but let's refresh our collective memory. Lots of impressive choices, but I like this just because it's fun to see #35 throw Colt Brennan out of bounds like a pre-teen pop princess.

The word BEAST seems fitting, but I have a feeling it's still selling him short. The former Brookwood Bronco RB turned LB is still taking out his frustration at the position change. We Dawg fans just get to sit back and breathe a sigh of relief.

Curran's official bio.

Mix em Up!! Salt or no salt??

• We all know football season is closing in (in fact, Legend announced yesterday to be Herschel's day, and after celebrating a birthday...Streit at Bubba N Earl did the same). Fall practices are beginning. But news that Dawgbone is back up on the internets is the best news of the weekend. Follow THIS LINK, take note of the new address and bookmark carefully.
• However, Mackie is still on hiatus and sends his apologies. Just means we're still stuck at 5-1 according to his prognostications.
• Of course for that to come true, we'll need some spectacular play from our defense. Josh Kendall at Scout has a preview of Coach Willie's unit.
• Nice of MikeInValdosta to have the team over for supper last night, on the eve of fall practice.
• Missed this for Friday's Feedbag, but PWD has a tremendous analysis of some hidden yardage that I'm sure we all remember became quite burdensome last season.
• Ever wonder why your blood lust for skinny people was so rich? Rex has an idea as he takes a look at one of the Dawgs strengths this season. The Telegraph also features the guys in the trenches. Speaking of the great Hale, he says 10 Wins is No Easy Task, and has 5 reasons the Dawgs will be better in '09. Being the savvy journalist he is, he also provides 5 reason the Dawgs will be worse.
• Cousin Walter always has Football on the Brain, but his weekend links were from all reaches. I like that since my wife is always telling me to branch out.
• Feeling the urge to bark...loudly? Alan has your diagnosis.
• Since every person on Earth except for 92,000 of my closest friends have deemed floriDuh the best team ever to wear protective cups, it may be time to focus on the other SEC time zone. Battle Hymn Notes takes a look at the West division and has a fresh face in the Dome come December.

And while we're talking about the wacky west, even with Year2 on honeymoon TeamSpeedKills' cocknfire has a good look at Houston Nutt from a Pythagorean perspective. I won't spoil the analysis on you here with my non-mathematical genius, but it turns out Nutt does his job...well.

Next week they'll take a look at Alabama, my personal favorite to win the west. Saban may have trouble stepping up into his car at times without a step stool, but the guy can coach some defense. LSU is talented, but their defense was good enough last season for a middle of the pack ACC finish, at best. I don't see enough improvement there to get the Hat another feather for his cap. In Oxford, I think Ole Miss is certainly good enough to win it, but should something happen to Snead, they're basically done.

Bama doesn't have the luxury of a proven starter under center. They'll role play on offense and turn the heat up on both the cupcakes in their schedule and the real teams. I think they'll come into SEC play with an early loss to the Hokies, but take care of business win it counts.

And that is what sets the table for the Dawgs to exact some revenge for the humiliating Blackout defeat last September.

What? You thought I was picking Corch Slurban's felons to repeat? There's not enough tequila and lime in the world for me to do something that rash. So get your squeeze of lime and stir it up between sips. But grab a piece of Dentyne before you sit back down at work. That way when the boss comes round and you sluuuuurrr yur worrdddddddds...

At least your breath is minty fresh!

Bernie

180 Degress...without a Single Kevin Bacon

Ever wonder how you go from -

I hate [f-word] (and not the one that rhymes with TRUCK) and anything homosexual...ahhh, even though I walk around in these prissy shirts and have my team dance like nancies on the gridiron before each game...

...to this -

...well, $170,000 dollars, a box of Kleenex and a two hour conference call with Charlie frickin' Weis gets you pretty close. Hang in there McMackin...we know you use doilies.