the Friday Misery doesn't "need your attention...

...because it WANTS to smack a damn gator.

Three factions of Dawg fans this morning on the eve of the annual renewal of the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. Where do you fall?

1. You’ll be there tomorrow, soaking in the sun, and basking in the thrill of college football’s greatest rivalry. Awesome. Cheers!
2. You can’t make it, but will squeeze in your own cocktail party amongst the ghouls and goblins. Cool!
3. You have given up and prefer to sit there in your piss soaked chinos.

Dumbass.

gAtoR wORd pLaY

On this episode, we learn…

“Jorts” spelled backwards is of course “stroJ”, which in German means one who is proficient in ignoring personal hygiene, is overly casual in their attire even in the presence of other “stroJs”, and overly comfortable existing as a lower class citizen.

You probably knew this already, but in case you’re new around here, a synonym for Corch is Asshat.

Trinton gon' shake it now.

At the regional Gainesville FL libraries, every occurrence of the phrase “Touchdown Celebration” is whited out and written over with “Hert Feewings”.

Similarly, history books have all pages ripped out that mention any year prior to 1990.

To pass the state’s high school graduation tests, students must complete a crossword puzzle that only contains two clues - 1 Across “rhymes with Febow” and 1 Down “rhymes with Mebow”.

Steve Shithead Spurrier has more letters than Stanfill. But Bill has more heart.

Wantful things

I will not be able to listen in, but I bet leading up to kickoff there’s a lot of discussion about how Georgia needs to win this game. About how Georgia needs to control its own destiny in the SEC East. We need this and we need that.

That’s bullshit. Needing something is when you can’t reach it. Needing something is for losers. Needing something is when you have to ask for help. Needing is two week old weak sauce.

We all know that the team that needs to win the WLOCP doesn’t always win. Many times it loses. Sometimes it loses very, very badly.

Pictured (from L to R) - "wanting it" and "butthurt"

The team that wins the WLOCP wants to win the game. They want it with every fiber of their being. They want it from the crown of their helmet to that last cleat in the turf. They want it more than a fat kid wants cake.

Last year we needed to win, and just look what the hell that got us. It got us a front row view of the team with the pretty scripted helmets across the field that wanted it. They wanted it more. And they got it ALL. DAY. LONG.

Right here, right now, we don’t need the SEC East. We don’t need to run the table. We don’t need national favor and we certainly don’t need an Uncle Verne hand job. We don’t need to pay Georgia Tech back. We don’t need to bat one down against Auburn.

That’s later. That’s all next month.

Right here and right now we have to want to win this game. We have to want to kick their sorry inbred swampy ass. We have to want touchdowns. We have to want to drive that shit into the dirt. We have to want to give every gotdamn thing we’ve got.

I don’t need your handouts. I don’t need your slack-jawwed sympathy. I don’t need another excuse out of your pretty little mouth.

I want to beat florida. I have to beat florida. I want it for my soul. I want it for my children. I want it for America. And I’ll give all that I can possibly give for that feeling again of leaving Everbank with The Big Machine chanting from the EverBank escalator bays all the way down Duval. This isn't a game. It's the WLOCP. Strap em up tight boys, because it's time to SMACK A DAMN GATOR!! 

But first, let's bow our heads...dear God in Heaven, please in the name of Robert Edwards, help us want it more. And also find Sony some space. Amen.