Of North Ave. and
vomit
Yesterday on twitter I got a little nostalgic. The year was
1995. My first UGA diploma was still somewhat fresh in hand only two
years old and the Dawgs were invading “historic” Grant Field on Thanksgiving
Day one last time. Ray Goff was nearing his end and had helped the team endure some key
injuries. Tech was still acting like a friggin' 12 year old over their shared national
title five years prior…OMG that was the
best team ever and those mutts were delivering our pizza while we celebrated
from our dad’s basement!!!1
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| Turkey carcass, or tech secondary? |
We watched as senior kicker Kanon Parkman set up to kick a
winning field goal, just as he’d done four years earlier as a freshman, My God!. The snap was good and the hold
was true. But the kick was about the ugliest thing you could imagine. I swear
it never lifted higher than Coach Goff’s signature ball cap, maybe even lower
than his horn rimmed glasses. It wobbled a lot more than it spun. Its
magnificence was only confined by its aim, which was true. Kanon’s leg was dead on. It knuckled its way to Glory! I jumped victoriously and sent a heartfelt thanks towards
the Heavens...
...then sprinted my happy ass to the truck, jumped in and
hustled my way towards some Thanksgiving leftovers. Shortly after escaping
Atlanta’s city limits however my stomach began to rumble. The wings I’d had the night
before were making their own comeback. I pulled over and left a roadside
offering of the food poisoning variety. And by the time I had driven the 300+
miles I was hardly in the mood for turkey and dressing.
But still…I drifted off smiling. Dawgs 18 nerds 17. Holy
shit it sucks to be an engiNerd.
This year’s
candles
I was born to despise Tech.
Legend has it that on the day I was born Tech sucked even more than on
the day before. So it has become my obligation, one of my greatest pleasures in
life to hate the wrambled wreck. Every year since that historic day when I took
my first breath, looked the doctor in the eye and said “Jasper’s knee will be
down goddamnit!”…I have celebrated my birthday in part by blowing out candles
towards Georgia Tech’s ineptness, their inability to tackle, their cute little
offense, and their eternal virginity.
 |
| Custer was Chantastic! |
It’s not a task I enter into lightly. When family and
friends watch the smoke clear and ask, “Bernie, what’d you wish for?” I simply
reply, “Same as every year.” And then later that day, or later in the week, as
the time drains from the clock I can simply point to the scoreboard and smile.
Most years that is. There is the occasional Georgia Tech
win, that may or may not be vacated. There is the occasional year when our
Dawgs are not up to the challenge of my birthday cake’s adornment. They waste a
lead and therefore waste my breath. Consequently, my wish is lost like a Jim
Donnan gameplan. Or it’s stolen by Al Ford and thrown in the dirt. JASPER WAS
DOWN GODDAMNMIT!!!
Despite those hiccups…those fleeting moments of epic nerdom…this
series is about as one sided as Custer at Little Bighorn. The candles on the cake
put up more of a fight than the teams Tech sends onto the football field. And that's why wishes can come true when your birthday is around the same time as mine.
Dawgs on top. Wear black. See you in Athens!
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