DoucheAnchors of the Day

This one comes in parts, cuz this guy has wrecked havoc in tv studios across the midwest. All with the allure of a childhood toy called a yo-yo.

Ladies and Gents...K-Strass!

I like the part when the doucheanchor says Do you want to continue where you're at? Cuz you've got all 8 yo-yos in there...actually you've got 7 now...

BWAHAHAHA!

I hope by now you realize the guy in the funky get-up who's pretending this is the first time he's tried his hand at being a YO-YOist isn't the actual douche in these clips. It's the targets of his pranks, the morning show news station personalities who hit the meter running high and don't let up until the next commercial break.

K-Strass is becoming a cult hero or sorts. You may have seen him on DeadSpin or YouTube. Despite the awkwardness of his attire and the lack of social grace in front of the camera, I can't help but admire the work that this weird dude has done to disrupt mid-westerners' mornings the last few weeks.

Like this one where K-Strass completely botches a new move and impales himself, twice. All while the goofy anchordouche smiles continuously, unsure of anything to say.

At least the anchor lady tries to regain control of the show. But her co-host can't shake that creepy grin.

Yes, the damage to morning show studios' integrity has been great, but give some credit to Sunrise 7 for at least admitting they got jobbed by a guy in shorts, suspenders and a yellow baseball cap.

But some major douche points for the anchor there at the end for the UF-Yo comment. You sir are a prime candidate for the next open mic night at the local Laugh Barn. We trust you haven't procreated.

Trivial Update - Time Capsule Quotations

#ThursdaysRTrivial ep 44 coming up right after this PSA: Only 113 days until we're saved. Please continue to display a modicum of patience.

#ThursdaysRTrivial episode 44 "Who Said THAT?!?" It's the Twitter Twivia Show that's a lot like a canned beer you leave on the coaster for 10 or so minutes: maybe a little warm but refreshing nonetheless... REPLY back your answer for a chance at a fabulous prize. Use the following quotations to determine who said them once upon a time...

"It's a dream come true for me to go to Georgia. I know that the relationship I have with Coach Richt and Coach Bobo means that I will have a great time down there." 

“It was the place I wanted to be, and I am very excited about being a Bulldog."

“I would probably come into Georgia and redshirt my first year. They’d like me to put more weight on, learn the offense and get stronger...I would bring a little different style. Most of the quarterback’s at Georgia are more drop back passers but I can do some other things.”

Recently, I was doing some historical reading about this QB out of Missouri that re-committed to the Dawgs this week. It was refreshing to read Gray's comments about the Georgia program and know that he still felt the same way nearly four years later, even though things hadn't played out on the field quite the way he wanted them to. Right then I decided it would be a great muse for the forty-fourth episode.

Of course, I expected this one to be fairly easy given Logan Gray's recent decision that made some headlines. I also expected TrT champion Ally to tweet in with not only the correct answer, but also some trash talk. Sure enough, as fast as Al Gore's interwebs would take it...her answer appeared in my Tweetdeck: Logan Gray. I'M BACK BABY!!!!!!

But just in front of her tweet was one from TNRLM, also a frequent TrT winner as well as blogger extraordinaire. His tweet knocked me out of my chair with laughter: I was gonna answer this, but will call "FAIR CATCH" instead.


Unfortunately, my little trivia show is out of petty cash this month so I can't afford Ken Nugent's retainer to sort through the legal nuances in this week's episode. But as always, there's plenty of swag to go around. So Ally and TNRLM will both get a Logan Gray autographed copy of CMRs post-spring depth chart (which may end up being the last of its kind) as well as a commemorative practice jersey that's half green and half white.

Add those to your trophy cases kids. And all you tweeps tune in next week when I spill more beer through my nostrils.

Casual Friday - Athens Reunited

I've got a reunion of sorts this weekend in Athenstown. The closer I get to driving east on 316 the easier I begin to breathe, the bluer the sky gets and the louder Paradise City blares in my ears. Yes, I (heart) Athens. But most of all I'm looking forward to seeing some familiar, yet older faces.

I'm pretty much booked solid through Sunday, but I've got a very special Douchebag of the Day coming tomorrow. But for now, roll your sleeves up and prop your feet up on the desk for a minute or two.

• Last week I gave you a very amateurish beer review. Only fair that I point you towards an expert this week. So check out Four Boys Beer Review to discover new and different beers.
• Is it safe to assume that we've seen the last of Logan Gray waving his hand in the air? I mean surely #6 put that on the table as something that had to be taken off of his duty list.
• Tiger has a pain in his neck. Tell Elin something she didn't already know.
• I think my favorite is Dude...you like built a raft? (h/t Dawgtoons)
• Pretty sure I'm gonna go back to Lookin at Lucky in the Preakness tomorrow. That or Rusty the horse. I hear he's been loading up on Beefarino.
• Spencer Hall's directions are pretty clear. So go cast your ballot. War Damn Bieber!
• If the Heisman voters strip Bush of his trophy and give it to Vince Young...will Pete Carroll have to give Mack Brown the MNC?....oh, wait...that's right..

Can Tarheels Steal Georgia's Mr. Basketball?

Michael Carvell of the AJC is reporting that Marcus Thornton has been contacted by Roy Williams. The State of Georgia's Mr. Basketball doesn't offer much more info than that, but had plenty to say about his trip to Athens recently.

From the sounds of it, UGA threw the entire package at Thornton during his visit. The coaches emphasized playing time and the triangle offense that makes stars super on the hardwood. AD Evans and President Adams also spoke with the Thornton family and emphasized academics to the honor student from Westlake.

Thornton says he plans to visit Hewitt on North Avenue before making his decision around his graduation date which is next week. He's choosing between Georgia, Tech, Alabama and Texas. 

If he sticks to his own deadline, I don't see how UNC could steal him. If he comes out in the next week and says he's delaying his decision, then Williams was able to get deeper into his ear than we thought.

Lindy's is Leaked

As you hopefully are aware, I can't stand pre-season polls. For every team that has been accurately predicted in August, there's a heap of lost souls that couldn't live up to their appointed glory.

But since they exist, I do casually glance through them. And as we await the Godfather's Phil Steele's Bible to hit the newsstands (next month I believe), we have the others. Lindy's preseason Top 25 was released leaked yesterday. Georgia's #21, which sounds about right.

More interesting to me is the preseason All-Americans. Georgia has 3: AJ Green (it's nice to see AJ get the bigger bone than Julio for once) and Drew Butler are 1st teamers and Blair Walsh is a 2nd teamer, behind that UCLA Forbath kid that's all-world. 

Those also sound about right to me as I can't think of anyone else on our roster that's among the top two at their position in the nation. Of course, by December we could certainly see the likes of Orson Charles...maybe Cordy Glenn or Ben Jones...Justin Houston...Bacarri Rambo...

Who else do you expect to see?

** Sidenote - if you're interested to see who's been the closest in their prognostications, check this out.

Good Academic Standing

No losses of scholarships are expected later this spring when the NCAA releases its annual APR report. This year's Academic Progress Report measures the graduation, retention and eligibility of the 2005/06 classes through the 2008/09 school years.

None of Georgia's 20 athletic teams fell below the 925 out of 1,000 score necessary to avoid possible penalties for poorly performing teams.

"We're in good shape with our APR numbers," Williams said.

The better news according to Senior Associate AD Carla Williams is that the graduation rates in Athens are trending upwards.  So we can expect to see even greater improvements.

Gray Stays

** UPDATED below **

Per a UGA release, Logan Gray has decided to remain in Athens.

All together...deep breath...

To be honest, I expected this...but have still spent the last couple weeks worrying and fretting. Sure, I haven't seen anything from Logan under center to give me great pause. But without him we are dangerously thin at a crucial position. And with him, should Murray end up the starter he will have earned it and not just been handed it due to lack of competition.

The caveat is that Gray hopes to get some work at WR. I'm curious to see how much time he gets there, both at Woodruff and at Sanford. For me, it brings up these questions:

• Is Gray staying to compete at QB with the additional possibility of earning WR snaps should he remain #2?
• If that's a yes as I assume, can Gray compete for both and still be prepared for either (especially QB)?
• Do we have enough bubble wrap for both of these positions to make it through the '10 season?

What did I miss?

Updated - Well, evidently I missed a plenty. Per Weiszer's Twitter CMR doesn't expect much of a QB competition and has all but given the starting job to Murray. Gray essentially becomes insurance. That's probably what it would've ended up being anyway I guess, but the fact that CMR would say this tells me that they're at least comfortable enough with Gray's skills at QB that they don't believe he would need much reps during practice.


Again, plastic bubble wrap. Craploads of it puhleeze...

Is Garcia a "quitter or a flunk-out"?

Much has been made about the Lamecock Booster Clubs where the Ol' Ball Coach has used his tried and true method of tough love on his QBs. Of course, it's been a long time since Spurrier patted Wuerffel's fanny.

This year's target is the same as last season's, Stephen Garcia. It seems Connor Shaw has made quite the impression on his coaches since enrolling in January. But of course, so had Garcia back when he was keying cars on campus.

Which brings me to my point. How strong is Garcia's psyche? He was second in the league in passing last season. He's a redshirt junior. He would seem to have earned a little slack.

Of course, on the flip side the chickens did lose an entire pizza to UConn in December.

"We're hoping Stephen Garcia will have a good summer," Spurrier said. "We give our guys a plan to follow through the summer. Hopefully this year, he'll follow it. He hasn't followed it very well other years."

There's something to be said for continuing to put pressure on your quarterback; relentlessly moving the bar up for him to clear. And the news is positive for chicken ranchers overall in that OBC reports that his team is in good academic standing and has fewer quitters and flunk-outs than in previous years (no word on gas station attendants...). But I just wonder how much public pressure this Garcia kid can handle.

And if we'll be seeing a true freshman QB in Chickumbia on September 11th. 

Wednesday Headers

So the Georgia basketball players are off of Twitter; Alan has one possible reason why. I wouldn't be surprised to see football as well as other sports follow suit. 

• Before we leave the hardcourt, Connor Nolte adds some impressive graphics to explain his recent escape from the Grim Reaper's grasp.
• The Diamond Dawgs collected a season high 20 hits on their way to outlasting GA State last night at Foley Field. Final score, 13-9.
• TeamSpeedKills wonders if Vanderbilt might be thrown into the expansion pool. Meanwhile, the Big Televen is denying the report I posted on yesterday.
• Starting to get excited about the trip to Boulder this fall. If you are too, make sure you're following our Colorado brethren here and here. They told us the other day about the Buffs' season tickets going on sale. 
• The Senator thinks Bama should add a new asshat to their recruiting bankroll.
• Ghost of Neyland takes an early look at what it will take for the Vols to beat Oregon at home this fall. And he also weighs in on the Aaron Douglas saga. 
• Lastly, ever wonder what it would be like to go back and do high school over again? Maybe improve that social standing...get another chance to make the varsity...catch one extra nap in Geometry...Well, Guerdwich Montimere put his plan to action.

Hope he hadn't rented that prom tux yet.

Jim Delaney's Dance Card a Who's Who of Mediocrity

According to 810 Sports Radio in Overland Park Kansas, the Big Televen has officially offered four schools the chance to become bigger and slower. Notre Dame, Rutgers, Missouri and Nebraska now must make the choice between status quo and a promise of more money.

It is not yet clear whether the Big Ten will expand to 14 or 16 teams but sources indicated Missouri and Nebraska are invited in either scenario.  Notre Dame has repeatedly declined the opportunity to join the Big Ten.  If Notre Dame remains independent, Rutgers would be the 14th team.  The Big Ten would then decide whether to stop at 14 or extend offers to two other schools.  If Notre Dame joins, sources say an offer will be extended to one other school making it a 16-team league.

The Kansas radio station goes on to explain the penalties Mizzou would face for leaving the Big 12.

The Big 12 charter states any member will lose between 50 and 100 percent of its shared annual revenue depending on the length of notice any school gives.  According to published reports, Missouri receives around $9 million annually in shared football revenue from the Big 12.  According to sources, it seems likely Missouri would give one- year notice.   It is projected that Missouri's football revenues would increase by $10 million or more per year when it joins the Big Ten versus what it currently receives in the Big 12.

Rutgers certainly falls into the no brainer category with Mizzou and Nebraska having to at least make a difficult decision. Sure, $10 million additional dollars is a nice sum but Mizzou and Nebraska still have to decide if this dream is a long-term windfall worth leaping for or just a pipe dream from whatever Jim Delaney's been smoking.

And it's just hard to imagine NotHer Dame making the move at this point after all these years of saying no. I doubt they can be scared into jumping on board with the likes of Rutgers and two average Big 12 teams. Couple that with the fact that the scheduling implications (like PWD said, there's only so many service academies) for the long time independent are dramatic and I believe it's easy to conclude the Irish will stick to their current green pasture.

But that's not going to stop all the speculation. And here's the newest proposal for the 16 team mega-conferences that I've seen. I submit that to you simply because it's fun to see the ACC dissolve into a pool of Big East and Atlantic 10 teams. If only Diddy coulda held on for a couple more seasons...

Monday's Meatloaf - Mothers: the family's tube of Krazy Glue

Some things just go hand in hand to make the world a better place. Ice cream and chocolate syrup. Baba O'Riley and Gameday. A Sunday in May and spending some time with mommas. Hope everyone had a great day with theirs.

Part of the joy in going home for me is the aromas that emanate from Mom's kitchen. So it takes a truly special day for me to agree to travel there when I know her macaroni and cheese isn't going to come out of the oven. Luckily Dad had about a 30lb beef tenderloin to entice everyone yesterday. It was good. Woulda been better smothered under a coupla spoonfuls of Mom's macaroni...but we have to make sacrifices at least one day a year.

But even sacrificing for one's own mom has its limits. Around the dinner table scraps I endured all the talk about mistakes I had made growing up. I may have married well above my station in life, but it was a rocky road getting there. And when the talk turned to the time I embarrassed my mother in the JCPenney in GA Square Mall about 30 years ago...I sat there and smiled.

Afterall, it was news to me that no one else had made similar missteps...

But there's always one incident that draws a quick line with me. An incident as shrouded in mystery as that pesky triangle in Bermuda. An event in time known in my family simply as the lamp. And even on Mother's Day I refuse to weaken my position. A position known simply as the truth.

Frown at me for pointing out that it was my brother who broke the light fixture. Turn the heat up on me by having my own kids pepper me with questions about my involvement. And you can try and confuse me with implications of a second friend on a grassy knoll. Hell...you can even take away my next two servings of Mom's macaroni and cheese....

I didn't break that lamp.

Today's Ingredients

• Take your vote Reader. Did Bernie break that lamp while his parents were slugging back margaritas with the neighbors? Or did he simply leave his fingerprints at the scene by helping to glue it back together?
• It's nice to see the kids get off the bus on Friday with all those cute homemade Mother's Day gifts. Got me to thinking that school's always out once Father's day rolls around. That means a pair of socks, maybe a tie...and a couple of big hugs. And you know...I wouldn't have it any other way.
• Congrats to all you grads out there. It's a big ugly world. My advice - stay in school! Who you trying to impress?
• PWD isn't afraid to crunch some very big and slow numbers up in Big Ten country. To him they simply don't add up.
• I agree with Hale (and everyone else who lives and breathes in this red and black blogosphere) that the Senator's idea for the Lexicon is a tremendous one. But by the time I get a moment to sit down and think of one that no one has suggested yet...someone else has already logged back in and offered it up. I guess that means I can expect a recruiting visit from the Ohio Valley any moment. 
• And it wasn't just a weekend of alphabetical order over at Get the Picture, the Senator also added this nice piece on the fine line we're facing in Coach Grantham's first year.
• Scott has a very offensive preview to the 2010 football season.
• 2010 Dawg signee Demetre Baker cleaned up in track and field over the weekend.
• And Dawgs Opinion points out that Christian LeMay took home some nice honors from Blacksburg Saturday.
• Hold on a sec...(rewind....play...) The Diamond Dawgs lost. Ugh. Another weekend at the wrong end of a broom. Somebody put this season out of our misery. And if you prefer even more misery for your company, King has a not so optimistic (and therefore completely realistic) preview of Tuesday's game against GA State.
• On the other hand the Lady Dawgs really know how to use the diamond, and Texas needed some mercy to get off of it.
• A Sea of Blue tries a yin/yang approach in dissecting one John Crapalari as the innerwebs heat up with talk of a possible move to the NBA.
• If a Beaver wrecks a golf cart in the Pac-Ten...does it make a sound? (UPDATE: if you follow that previous link, you may also want to read this one about the drunk OSU lineman back in '05 caught with a gay ram...you just can't make this stuff up. Suddenly scooters emerging from alleys seem even more tame).
• Lastly, scientists have proven what us older siblings have been saying for years - you kids today have it so easy. 

Of course regardless of what scientists say, in the end younger siblings tend to win out. At least that's the view from my elderly perch. I can provide the grandkids and make the visits, but all the brother has to do is call every Mother's Day from some tropical foreign land called Hawaii and suddenly our family history has been revised more thoroughly than the wrinkles in Joan Rivers' face.

But that's never a reason not to love those mommas. Afterall, where would we be if Herschel's mom had given up on her awkward, stuttering son? I recall a portion of Walker's book Breaking Free when he recounts a story of looking for his shoes late one Sunday morning. Herschel's mom is desperately helping him find them before church...then finally says It don't matter if you don't have your shoes. Jesus don't care what you look like.


That's both love and perspective only a mom can provide. They are eternally the Krazy Glue that keeps us all together. So I hope you made some consolations for yours this past weekend Reader. They can always keep that family lamp lit...but don't let them rewrite the history behind it.

Here's your napkin Reader. Please take care of your own dishes afterwards though. I'm tired.


Bernie

DoucheTeenyBopper of the Day

I'm forced to hear this Beaver kid's songs a couple times a day before I finally pull the plug. So consider this my own dose of revenge...

I couldn't understand the host either at first, but assuming the kid can read (maybe a bold jump to a conclusion I know) he doesn't get a pass after getting an extra opportunity to read the word.

Get a haircut kid. Then open a history book.