the Friday Misery doesn't want Abuurn's company

If a group of young men decide to use paint to express their school spirit, it is generally praised and welcomed by other fans. If said paint is to be used to spell words, it adds a delicate layer of importance in regards to placement.

Trust me, I was once the "W" in DAWGS for a winner take the SEC conference crown matchup in Stegeman Coliseum between Hugh Durham's basketball team and LSU's Tigers. And sure enough, when the camera did aim in our direction, the five of us were in the correct order. There was no confusion as to why we were rooting for "DWASG" or "ADSWG".

Then there's these dipshits from the plains.

Hey, any idiot can throw a roll of toilet paper...you know, in the event their War Eagle Tiger Plainsmen win a tackle football game. But it takes a special group of mouth breathing, illiterate dumbasses to misspell their school's name whilst calling so much attention to themselves with painted bare chests.

the Deep South's Oldest Rivalry

This game used to define friendly rivalry. These football programs have a history intertwined and woven into the very fabric of their being. Most notably: Vince Dooley was an Auburn man before he moved to Athens; and Pat Dye was a Georgia guy before settling in West Opelika.

Good boy Magillicuddy! (via)

There was even a time about 10 years ago when the series record was not only tied, but the total points scored were remarkably close. Georgia at Auburn in 1996 produced the SEC's first tiebreaker. Uga V tried to take a bite out of Auburn's Robert Baker, which brought the Georgia team out of the doldrums and we came back from a 28-7 deficit to force the OT.

But time has not been kind to this Auburn football program. They are the team you thought of when you were ever posed the question: would you rather win a national championship and then go through years of CFB purgatory, or have a consistent team that always at least makes a bowl game?

They paid Cecil Newton for his son, won the natty, everyone bailed, and they're on their fifth head coach since winning the 2010 BCS trophy. Worse than that, they've become whiny little pissants that get to play two home games against Georgia in back to back years. They not only yell obscenities at a coach on his way out, but also on his way in! 

They're miserable humans. I mean I don't approve of what Harvey Updyke did, but I get it. It's tiring listening to them complain when a call doesn't go their way, when they can't figure out which shoe is for their right foot, who their true mascot is, why their personal pan pizza is SOOO hot, and when it turns out the story their coach having an illicit affair was falsely reported by one of their own!

Maybe misery does love company, but go kick rocks Auburn fan. Sick of your shit!

10th Magnolia Avenue freeeezze out!

It's so fitting that Auburn bought out Harsin's contract just to bring in noted slut shaming Mr. School Issued Burner Phone, just so they could beat Saban's mighty Alabama. You know, the way Freeze did when he was racking up NCAA violations at Ole Miss. How's it working out? Well, Bama beat the War Tigers last season by a field goal, Freeze finished his inaugural season on the Plains at 7-6, then Saban retired.

And it's been downhill since for the little war tigers and Coach Freeze. Instead of developing quarterback talent, ol' Hugh has taken to bad mouthing his personnel to the media, radio show listeners, his wife, their equipment crew, or just about anyone who will listen. Or at least pretend to.

You weep reap what you sow little brother! This is the resume for the guy you hired:

1. engaged in rampant recruiting violations at Ole Miss
2. blamed a former coach for the violations, thereby opening up a defamation lawsuit by Houston Nutt
3. Nutt's attorneys then discovered the escort service calls, dating back to when he landed in Oxford
4. And definitely worst of all, while head coach at Liberty, DM'd a sexual assault survivor that had been critical of the school's hiring of Baylor's former AD who had been part of its unchecked sexual assaults by Baylor student athletes.

Wow. But this is the fanbase that celebrated Trooper's towel and Fairley's late hits. So we hope you are ready for your whoopin' Barners! Then you can continue to enjoy your stroll through Purgatory. Now, let's bow our heads...Lord, please keep Coach Freeze away from Chip Towers' Toppers this weekend. And please let his team's offense continue to be abundantly inept at protecting the football. Amen!

-----------

In memory of the great Senator Blutarsky. He did not care for Auburn. Sir, I hope you enjoy this one from your spot upstairs. Go Dawgs!

Atlanta by way of Pasadena

Man, what a weekend! Two years ago today we didn’t have a coach. Yesterday we watched Kirby give an interview to Rece Davis after Georgia was seeded third in the CFB Playoffs!

What a time to be alive!

When Joe Waterloo texted me for a prediction before the SEC Championship game I went with 28-17. I knew our offensive line especially would play better than they did in the environment of Jordan Hare three weeks ago. The wild card was Kerryon Johnson. Turned out he was a shell of his former self. I’m not entirely sure he should’ve even been playing at all.

Take away their running game and Malzahn is back to being just a gimmick with no alternate game plan.

Kirby preached before and during his game interviews about “physicality” and “composure”. His team really played with his instructions in mind. We were dominated in the trenches three weeks ago, but Georgia's coaches were able to flip the script on Malzahn & Co. Saturday night. The offensive line was bulldozing jokers and the defensive front was everything we saw in other locations like Knoxville and Jacksonville earlier this season.

We knew it before Saturday, but this team is something special. Now that we've made it in I'm thoroughly looking forward to seeing how they measure up against the nation's elite.

Speaking of which, I really think the committee got it right by bringing in Alabama at #4. I didn't think they would, but it seems they saw what many of us did as well - with Ohio State you have an up and down team. Conference champion or not, on January 1st in prime time no one wants to tune in to see a re-run of Clemson obliterating the Buckeyes.

On the other hand, a rematch of last season's epic battle between the Tigers and the Tide? Yes please.

But there's a lot of time in between now and then. I'll have the 8th annual Bowl Pool up later today or tomorrow. Until then, you can keep pinching yourself until the cows come home. But this is real y'all! Go Dawgs!

via GeorgiaDogs.com

the Friday Misery is not feeling entitled

They blew up the place where your five yards short was born. So I don’t know why everyone keeps talking about it. Are you the kind of husband that gives his wife the same gift every five years? Are you wearing the same shirt today that you wore back then? Did you save the last three cups of milk from December 1st, 2012 to tailgate with tomorrow outside the Benz?

Put your History books down. The bell rang and there’s a new sheriff in town.

The Official SECCG entrance exam

Step off Trebeck! This is my show. Contestants, please remember to phrase your answers in the form of a correct answer.

1. Which number is greater, Matt Lauer’s creep factor or the number of Auburn mascots?
2. Which has a bigger mouth, Mr. Ed or Cam Newton?
   
3. Celebrity quotation: who said it? … “We beat the dog crap outta them didn’t we?” ...Gus Malzahn or Mike Vick??
4. Per capita, which city’s teenage boy population takes more cows to their high school prom, Pakistan or Opelika?
5. Greatest running back of all time….Herschel Walker...or the Goal Line Stalker? (I’m sorry, Bo who?)
6. What one item do Auburn area Costco’s and local supermarkets stock more frequently than all other items combined?
7. Is it Plainsmen or Planes’ men?
8. Eric Ramsey is to cassette tapes as Cam Newton is to _________?
9. Greater man, Vince Dooley or Pat Dye?
10. Please spell your name here —-> _____________.

Answers: 1. Ironically, Lauer by a long shot. Congrats National Broadcasting Company Creepshow. 2. Cam. But, have you ever seen the two of them in the same room? At the same time? Hmmmm…. 3. Both answers are correct! But Vick has paid for his crime. Gus, you’re next dipshit! 4. Opelika up until 2010 when there was a sudden surge in goat dates and Pakistan took the lead. 5. Yes, even the Official SECCG entrance exam has a freebie. 6. Toilet paper. What else? 7. Who gives a shit? 8. Church Steeples. Also, bagman is an acceptable answer as well. We’d also accept sleaze bag, laptop thief, panderer of attention (aka attention whore), outfit pimp, Pimp of Cheese, misogynistic asshole, whiny ass loser, eternal three year old, and of course Fairley’s shower partner. 9. Son, it ain’t how you start it’s how you finish! Patty shouldn’t even be mentioned in the same sentence as St. Vincent. 10. If yu jist rote a “X” than u cuddint git ntwo UGA. Wur dam eegle!

Comparing apples to some other apples

Of course I considered going back to re-read my post prior to the 2012 SEC Championship Game. It’s still one of my favorite Friday Miserys of all time. Honestly. So it would make sense to at least give it a cursory glance.

But as I reflected back on how I felt back then to be in that position, as well as what I thought I could remember about my words that came forth from my keyboard before that epic GA Dome battle, I realized the vast differences between then and now.

Back then I remember feeling like it was our turn, it was our time. I’d be willing to bet there is an air of “Hey, we’re due!” in that post. I was eager to see our team stand up to the nation’s darling, the straw that stirs the college football postseason drink, the mighty Saban’s minions vs our talented squad of hard working Dawgs.

Yes, I felt it was our time. In other words, I felt that 2012 team was entitled to the national title game as a reward for a hard fought season. I felt those players, and by proxy us as fans, were even destined for it.

I don’t feel entitled to anything today. Sure, that 2012 team came so very close to earning it all. Nothing was going to be handed to them on that field, on that day. We knew that going in. Alabama gave us their best effort, as expected, and the Dawgs nearly stood taller in the end. Nearly.

But despite that near euphoric moment five years ago, I don’t feel entitled to anything today. I certainly don’t think that’s Kirby’s message. In fact, I know so.

"Hey guys, I read the quarterback's eyes, broke on the route,
and this is what I earned!"

We can argue at a later date as to whether the 2017 SEC East champions are better than the 2012 SEC East champions. It’s a little too early to gauge that honestly right now, other than to say that the 2012 team had a more competitive geographic environment to do work in. But at this point in the season, I do feel it’s safe to say that this team has worked harder than any other Georgia team in recent memory.

Some of you may bristle at that last sentence, but bear with me. You have to remember that those 2012 seniors were a foundation that had grown into men together under one regime. They were a group that had been to the SEC Championship game together the year before.

This 2017 team that will vie for the SEC crown against Auburn tomorrow is in their second year under a new head coach. Some of them have had more than three different position coaches since they left high school. They finished last season with five losses.

They lost to Vandy at home. They needed a late field goal to beat Kentucky. They lost to Tech.

Georgia Tech.

And they responded in the off season by lifting more weights, by running more reps, by pushing each other even further, and by buying into what the coaches were selling even more. Then they laid absolute waste to the SEC East this year. From the end of the Georgia Tech game in Athens last year to today, this team has grown leaps and bounds.

After losing to Auburn three weeks ago Kirby said that this team will be remembered by how they respond. Well, they’ve responded by beating two lesser teams soundly. That’s resiliency.

That’s the kind of resiliency that sees its quarterback go down in the early moments of the season and says, “This is just the next obstacle.” That’s the kind of resiliency that finds a way to force a turnover late on the road against the storied Notre Dame Fighting Irish.

It’s focus in the eye of the storm. It’s taking a punch and steadying yourself instead of falling. It’s not just Georgia. It’s the new breed. It’s not preparing yourself for the professional Sundays. It’s facing the here and now with a low growl and leverage against the man in front of you.

You want more? You need more?

Well, the pressure is on Auburn. They set a bar I don’t think they can continue to clear. Their coach used his mouth to write a check that his team can’t cash. Gimmicks are cute, but just like two-ply shitpaper dangling from trees, mall Santa candy canes, and Bobby Lowder’s checkbook, they’re a dime a dozen.

The pressure is on Auburn. Compared to three weeks ago, they’re trading in roughly 40,000 fans for a nice dinner in Buckhead and what they hope will be a front row spot on Finebaum’s show. They’ll bring their Walmart jeans and anti-Bama signs/slogans/chants, still clinging to the only bowl they truly care about.

Bless their hearts. We beat our state rival and calmly boarded the buses for home. Auburn fans will still be talking about beating Alabama last week when the cows’ calves’ calves come home in 2028.

Erk telling his captain Ros the best way to GATA!

Georgia knows their mistakes. Tucker and Pittman and Chaney have taught and coached and revamped just for this moment. Bellamy and Dom and Zo didn’t come back to lose to the same plain men twice in one season. Chubb and Sony can shoulder the reins; their thighs only get heavier as the fourth quarter wears on. Then, “Oh hey there Mr. Swift! C’mon in!”

Georgia has the talent. We also have the depth. And both are rested and ready. While Bama was separating shoulders Saturday evening, Swift and Herrien and Clark and Muckle were iced and ready for Monday’s practice. Fromm, perhaps the only player to show his true composure in the fourth quarter three weeks ago, has been patiently waiting for a moment to shine on this kind of stage.

Tomorrow is time. It’s not time to go through warm-ups and stand there ready to be handed a trophy. Tomorrow is time to earn every yard, fight for every first down, challenge every ball carrier. Tomorrow is only our time if we make it our time. Kirby’s crew ain’t coming to claim what we believe is rightfully ours. He’s coming to put his players on a field for the opportunity to prove they’re worthy, prove they’re ready.

It’s “your time” if you wait in line during recess for a swing on the playground. It’s “your turn” if you have successfully traversed the queue before finally getting to ride Space Mountain at Disney World. You’re entitled to take a seat and say “WEEEE!!!!”

I don’t want a swing and Space Mountain is just turns in the dark at a high rate of speed, like an Indy 500 during a solar eclipse. I’m ready to see to the finish what these Dawgs started Labor Day weekend. Are you ready? Are you going to just stand there with your hand out, or are you going to shove it into the turf, bend your knees and get your hips set to drive through whoever, whatever is in front of you?

It's SEC Championship weekend baby! And these Dawgs weren't bred to be hunted. Now bow your heads...dear Lord, please don't let these tigersmenplaineagles hoard our Charmin over the weekend. And may our Savages run as rampant as our running backs run free. In the name of Uga V and Auburn's own four sport letterman, the late, great Erk Russell! Amen!

Sunday Thoughts on getting past these awful hurt feelings

Damn. Does your backside hurt as much as mine this morning?

Everything is still in front of us. Go to Atlanta and win the damn thing, all of the other stuff falls in place. So there’s that. I mean, it was kinda cool having that “#1” tag beside our name for a while and having everybody talk about us like we could do things like stop the run and block and tackle ball carriers, not to mention make half time adjustments and also remember to get the team off the actual bus with their heads on straight.

But it was also awkward if you want to know the truth,

Kirby is right, this team will be defined by how it responds to this setback. Big game left at Sanford, especially for the seniors that came back for this season. Then an in-state rivalry game that we pissed away last year. Focus on those two one at a time and let each rep, each whistle in practice motivate you.

Because yesterday was quite obviously a team loss. It wasn’t just the players and it wasn’t just the coaches. We all got beat, very handily. Regroup and refocus without the attention that comes with being the number one team in the nation.

The fact of the matter is that currently we aren’t the team we thought we were. But that doesn’t mean we can’t be yet.

I’d love to play Auburn again. I’d also love the chance to play Alabama. But right not we all just need to focus on Kentucky and beating the snot out them like we should. We need to focus on not drawing selfish penalties. We need to focus on a better game plan. And quite honestly, we need to focus on being a better home crowd than we were when the Gamecocks visited a couple weeks ago.

Because whether you like it or not...whether you are still stewing over yesterday’s debacle...we’re still in this together.

Go Dawgs!

(Now if you’ll excuse me I’d like to go back to bed...)

Friday Misery - an abridged history lesson on the Deep South's Oldest Rivalry

A litmus test for whether you, as a Georgia fan, should be worried about Auburn: 1) has their quarterback ever stolen a laptop? No, then 2) has he ever taken teammates cash and valuables from the team lockerroom? No.

Okay. So if Auburn somehow wins tomorrow, we’ll know this Stidham kid is hiding some shit in his dorm room closet.

Then…

It was close to a brotherhood really. I mean, there was no love lost between us. But it’s not like we met in Jacksonville each year to shout our disdain about each others’ mothers and general hygiene habits. We even shared fellow alumni/former players as coaches. Our campuses are one lazy drive away. We didn’t even complain all that much when they used our fight song, and we tolerated their cute yet inferior hedges with a modicum of respect.

And their schizophrenic loyalty to three different mascots at the same time was amusing if not downright...well, yeh it was kinda sad and pathetic even then.

But, there were times they’d beat the Gators and the Volunteers just to show they had our back. We did the same against Bama and LSU more than our fair share.

In 1996 we shared one of the greatest college football games that will ever be. An epic four overtime battle that turned boys into men right before our very eyes. God bless you Corey Allen. And may Robert Baker get a fair shot at his next parole hearing.

It was an experience that helped Georgia fans put the Game Between the Hoses from 1986 behind us on some level. It deepened our bond as fellow SEC compatriots. We drew closer, but always respecting the fact that we would always be on separate sides at least one day out of 365.

Then again. They lost. We won. So maybe that's just how I remember it.

...and now.

Fairley buried the crown of his helmet so deep into the back of our quarterback that we all felt the pain surge through our spines. Then he did it again.

Then yet again.

No flags^*. Of course not. The health and safety of an opposing quarterback shouldn't stand in the way of a plainsman title run pahtnah! And as if the salaciousness of buying players to grab that national championship wasn’t enough, they then resorted to taking Butts-Mehre outcasts and degenerates as their own, shoved them in our face, and essentially told us to get the hell out of town.

Auburn is like that best friend you had all the way through grade school. Until freshman year of high school, when he fell ass first into a Homecoming date with a junior cheerleader because his older sister owed him a favor because of that time Dad took Mom to that three day conference in Columbus and sister threw that party where Johnny Snodgrass got drunk on Bartles and Jaymes and threw up on GramGram’s handmade bedspread and the younger brother didn’t tell a legally responsible soul. After Homecoming he of course developed into a snot-nosed piece of shit that everybody else turned their back on because he somehow always thought he was the Big Man on Campus even though he didn't own a single pair of Nikes, wore a knock-off Members Only jacket from KMart, and ate by himself next to the teachers’ table sophomore, junior, and all of senior year until he walked across the stage of the gym through the jeers and sneers of two hundred and eighty-six other pissed off 18 year olds in cap and gowns (60% of which were also drunk on Bartles and Jaymes wine coolers).

I still hate that guy. Hell, he’s probably at some insurance seminar right now talking some sap’s ear off at the Holiday Inn Express breakfast bar about that one time he had a Homecoming date with Sissy “Two Bits” Kowalchuk and stayed out past 10pm. Asshole.

They drew the line, we’re just here to remind them of how often they have failed to cross it. Because that coach that bought them that natty, yeh, he’s now wearing a rented suit on the SEC Network jabbering like a mental patient that’s on the second of three frontal lobotomies. And their new coach, yeh, Malzahn is the equivalent of the high school kid that stole all the answers to the physics test but then fails the final every year because he can't even spell the word "formula".

Malzahn's glasses are just for show because he thinks it makes him look smart. If you take away his reclaimed 5star former safety he’s just a pink slip away from a job on an Opelika used car lot drinking day old coffee because Starbucks won’t validate his latte anymore.

Okay, let’s break this down for real...they’re central time zone. They’re an hour behind and three chromosomes short of a gene pool. We squeeze the Charmin just like the old commercial asks us to, but they rub it on their genitals and hurl it into trees to celebrate a victory, or just another successful evasion of an NCAA inquiry. We #keepchopping, they #keepdodging FBI investigations. We watch Netflix and chill, they go cow tipping and get ill.

They're plainsmen which is evidently the lovechild of a tiger that beds down with an eagle. We just wanna get after that ass! Go Dawgs and also screw it I’ll pronounce Jordan Hair any damn well I please and thank you very much! Now, bow your heads...Lord, please give Chubb 13 yards and any number of one hundreds he chooses. Also, please protect our traveling fans from their deviant time zone confusery. In the name of Wayne Johnson, Mike Bobo, and UGA V, Amen!!

^*CORRECTION: the Senator provides video evidence of a flag after the third late hit. I would apologize, but I'm not yet ready. Go Dawgs!

But is Kirby a chess master?

Bear with me here...

We've seen the program take a giant step forward. The 9-0 record speaks for itself. But there's also the following to consider: an enormous uptick in recruiting, the starting quarterback gets injured and we respond by going on the road and beat the Fighting Irish, the fact that a starting linebacker can get popped for pot hours before a road trip and it's buried at the bottom of a sports page under the NHL standings, divisional rival programs are chomping at the bit to fire their coach just to keep up with a second year head coach from Bainbridge GA.

But what's most intriguing to me here leading up to the Auburn game is that Kirby and his staff are out-coaching those across the field. Tucker's halftime adjustments are second only to his pre-game game plan. Jim Chaney has gone from an inept doof with a whistle in between buffets to a bonefied game caller that dares defenses to stop the same play he just ran just so he can show you what his freshman quarterback can do with his arm.

I understand the nervousness for this next game. Auburn is better than they were last year when they seriously considered punting on second downs in Athens because their offense was so offensively incompetent. Stidham is a vast improvement over their disaster at the quarterback position in 2016.

But it's still Malzahn. He's dangerous only when he has the tools that he took from Richt's tool belt. As much as an improvement as Stidham is I still like our defense which has proven they can cover the entire field in big games, then they throttle down and pin their ears back.

Which is why I ask the question: Kirby has shown he can play the entire coaching game, from Mama's supper table to developing entire game plans designed to suck the life out of hostile stadiums. But is he two, three, or even four moves ahead of his opposition?

In other words, we were so vanilla on defense Saturday against the Gamecocks. Was that on purpose? We didn't need to blitz in Jacksonville, but Bentley could've used some pressure in his face. He has the arm to hurt you. Was Kirby just thinking, "No, we can handle these guys with the basics. Let's save those sexy looks for when we might need it, whether that's the fourth quarter today or next week on the plains."

It's only Wednesday, but I'm thinking we match up really well against this Auburn team. I think we can generate as much if not more of a pass rush that Clemson did the second week of the season. Despite only managing two field goals in last season's game, Chaney's offense still had Eason throw for over 200, and Chubb had over 100 yards as well.

Kirby knows Auburn. Tucker knows Malzahn. And if nothing else, they are still Auburn. And we're Georgia.

the Friday Misery has all precincts reporting as hating abuurn

So you’ve had a bad week. You’re ambivalent. You’re downright agnostic. You can’t even seem to get out of bed and you sure haven’t even seen the television remote since your mom left town on Monday to visit Aunt Sara down in Lagrange.

Trump?

No. Shut the hell up. I’m not talking about no damn election. This is football son. It’s actual serious bidness. It’s not decided by no electoral college and it sure don’t have no hanging chads.

I’m talking about you...yes, you there with the Auburn tickets that’ve been on stubhub since mid-October. You with the four day old mustard stain on your chin. You the “fan” who was not so quietly hoping for a loss in the bluegrass so you could somehow and in some goddamn way justify selling those seats even to an auburn “grad” since they haven’t moved off of your outrageous initial asking price.

You need a bath and some smelling salts. That, or maybe just an enema. However, I’ve got work to do and I couldn’t really take the time to give a damn. So…

I was wrong.

Once, way back in August before I knew that blocking on the offensive line could be so offensive and actually downright optional, I opined that this Saturday’s contest and renewal of the Deep South’s oldest rivalry could be the Gus Bus’s last stop on the Official WarTiglesmen’s sweater vest tour.

I can’t remember if I was drunk or just that goddamn stupid, but looking back I know that I was wrong.

“Auburn comes to town possibly in their own desperate straits. Unless Coach Malzahn still has some magic up his sleeve, the War Plainsmen could be fighting for bowl eligibility. Meanwhile, Smart’s Dawgs are ready to enjoy a three-game homestand to finish the regular season and maybe help Chubb get over the 2000 yard mark.”

Haha. So stupid. “Siri, what is 2000 yards rushing?” …   …..     …   …. “Bernie, are you still a Georgia fan?”

"Hey! (clapclapclap) Hey siri. Hey. We're in the real for real
CFB rankings. (clapclapclap) Hey! (clapclapclap)"

Shuddup. Of course I am.

I did get closer to the mark later in that post though…

“It will be interesting to see how this young team finishes under its new coach. It’s hard not to expect a bad showing at this part of the season. Which is why I’m glad we get Auburn at home. Hopefully it’s a night game and Sanford provides some pep in the team’s step.

I think the key to beating the Tigers will be how much our linebackers develop in the first nine games and how well our secondary can tackle. A big game from players like Bellamy and Carter and a healthy ground attack could give us our seventh win of the season.”

(Okay, so maybe it would just be our sixth win. Sue me or just ask for your money back at the end of this post.)

You’re welcome. The main point is that I was really wrong but I still hate Auburn. That hasn’t changed and it won’t. Not as long as there are sheep that they will bed down with and bagmen that they’ll meet on a darkened corner against a backdrop of toilet paper drifting amongst the tree limbs.

So romantic. Dumbasses.

HOLD ONTO THE BALL!

That's the wife's rallying cry. It comes when there is either a sense of urgency or a sense of importance. Actually, usually both.

Chubb breaks into the secondary...HOLD ONTO THE BALL! When Sony rounds the corner on a sweep...HOLD ONTO THE BALL! When Sanders intercepts a pass and begins a run back...HOLD ONTO THE BALL DAMMIT!!

She's a superstitious soul and calling out the obvious is both necessary and vital to our survival.

But tomorrow it takes on an even deeper meaning. Yes, every offensive player needs to hold onto the ball as if it were the last swig from the handle of bourbon and it's 3:01 and Uncle Verne is knocking on the door and making sure Gary is done taking his pregame dump. And every ball intercepter that wears the Georgia G needs to grasp that pigskin like it was the last biscuit on grandma's Sunday table.

Holding onto the ball means more than ball security and more yardage. It's also controlling the one thing that Gus has a hard on for even more than orange tweed with no sleeves. 

The Clock!

Holding onto the ball means Sean White has more time to pick his nose. Holding onto the ball means Pettway has more time to contemplate why his mom didn't use more C's in his first name and less estrogen.

"I can't talk now. I'm trying not to pee."

Holding onto the ball means we want it more. We need it more. It means we recognize that football is not patty-cake, two hundred speed sweeps, and singalongs. It's for men with bad intentions. It's eight of the last ten and hungry for eleven.

Concession speech

“Well they just got to the ball fast and they tackled. We need to change that faulty tire, rebuild the transmission, and maybe take one of their safeties that I can convert to a quarterback or running back or even a quarterback or something so we can beat oregon again cuz my wife wants a new house and also a goat she can milk.

Hashtag West Opelikan livestock, but I digress.

Also I think there should be a rule that their current safeties that haven’t stolen money and other shit from their own locker room have to tip the ball in the air so that our finely trained receivers can successfully and unabated run under that thing to score. It just fits our systems the way I’ve drawn this program up since the beginning. All of the success we’ve had has been predicated on other institutional programs’ generosity and ...and ...and basically free loading off of that so that our fans can get what they’ve waited for and also war eagle!

Questions?”

“Yes, coach...why’d you go for it on 4th and 32 from your own 12, in the first quarter...on the opening possession?

“War eagles. Next question.”

More heart than any words that've ever come
out of Trigga Tray's mouth. Ever.

Maximum effort. Laid onto the turf.

I’m not asking much y’all. We haven’t been home in weeks. Is it too much to suggest that we come together with one common goal? Is it ridiculous to mention that it’d be nice if you stop searching for our next head coach and log off the dawgvent for just 12 hours so that we can tailgate in Fall’s absolute resplendent splendor? Is it out of order to demand your absolute best and 100% of your determination and 200% of your voice so that we can do our part in the prime Saturday spot tween the hedges?

I’m only asking because quite honestly I doubt your loyalty. No, not you with the Tahoe packed before 3pm Friday. And not you who told an Auburn coworker that absolutely not would you take two bills apiece for your four tickets.

Y’all are leaders among the boys. You’re Deandre Baker not giving up on the deep pass. You’re Rodrigo lining up his toe and Eason when the clock hits under two minutes.

We have to commit to the G and we have to get after that ass! Auburn is in town and they’re drunk on their own bullshit. A half a tick and Les Miles is still coaching while Gus asks your wife whether she wants paper or plastic. One more Holstein on I-20 outside Toomers’ Corner and these barners are late for the kickoff.

We’re Georgia. We’ve been ready since 10:47pm last Saturday night. We’re the Dawgs and Saturday night is alright for fightin’. Get a little action in...now, let’s bow our heads. God bless our veterans, Tra Battle, and please HOLD ONTO THE BALL!! Go Dawgs y’all! Amen.

"He doesn't care for auburn!"

What follows has zero (0) footage of The Bagman, Zero.

Sunday Thoughts on Eight of the last Ten

The 56th win in this series finds Carl Lawson's picture on a milk carton.

Let's start the bullets with the defense. 

- As big as the turnover margin was, the halftime adjustments put pressure on the Auburn offense and forced enticed Malzahn to panic into using Sean White and thereby disrupting some of the rhythm they had rushing the football. What Jeremy Johnson lacks in throwing the football he makes up for in scrambling and running the football. Auburn got away from that when they probably didn't have to. Especially considering White was clearly still hobbled.

- Auburn went into the locker room at the half with 161 yards rushing. They finished the game with 231. Pruitt's defense did a much better job maintaining their discipline and managing the edge later in the game. Great game by Jenkins and Floyd, which was refreshing to see.

- And hello Mr. Carter! Couple tackles and a forced fumble, not to mention a key quarterback pressure.

- Malkom Parrish! Wow. Auburn smartly avoided running to his side, so he never got a tackle. But that interception might have been part of the reason Malzahn eventually sent White in.

- Isaiah McKenzie had a big day - 4 carries for 26 yards and a touchdown, 2 catches for 16 yards, and of course the punt return that he took back for six. He wasn't the only offense on the day, but his speed and dependable hands made a huge difference.

- Maybe Schotty should drink some of Ekeler's Red Bull.

- As much frustration as I had over the short yardage shotgun situations, I thought overall Schottenheimer mixed the wildcat formations with the traditional sets effectively in the second half. He also did a better job of utilizing his weapons than he did last month.

- It was a shame Lambert didn't connect with Mitchell on some of those deep throws. I thought those were great play calls.

- It's a shame Marshall couldn't play either. Was hoping for a big day from #4.

- The offensive line had a mostly effective day. They gave Lambert time and I think it's more than fair to say giving Wynn the task of stopping Lawson was effective. The run blocking never fully sprung Michel into wide open spaces. But it's hard to tell if that's more of a function of the blocking or the fact that everyone knows we're running Sony between the tackles.

- And the third down conversion ineffectiveness continues to be a real concern. Dodged a big bullet with the face mask penalty on the lone touchdown drive.

- Speaking of the first touchdown, Mitchell continues to prove his effectiveness as a blocker.He locked that edge and McKenzie's speed did the rest.

The Fire Em ALL narrative is now harder to hear as it is starting to get drowned out by the Georgia can still win 10 games. Regardless, lot of football left. And if ten wins is to happen, this offense is going to continue to use playmakers like it did yesterday. Against Auburn it was just enough to overcome some suspect playcalling and get yet another win on the plains.

Go Dawgs!

Two keys to burn the barn

Last SEC game of the season. A return to the scene of the crime. "Oh, hello there Mr. Trigga. Who's been up for stroking your ego these days?"

1. This game will be won in the turnover margin. Last year’s score wants to tell you we curb-stomped them in Athens. Truth is they moved the ball pretty well and even converted 8 of 14 third downs. Auburn’s downfall was in the -3 TO margin - two lost fumbles and one interception. We’re not going to see the Auburn team that everyone was laughing at when they were under-performing earlier in the season. Their offense is going to challenge Pruitt’s just like last year. Hopefully we can create some plays and match their speed.
2. Keith Marshall. Look, it’s no secret that defenses aren’t afraid of Schottenheimer. He doesn’t have a downfield passing game to threaten them deep and Chubb is not in the huddle. What they may be overlooking is that Georgia still has plenty of weapons. Get #4 on the field with Godwin, Mitchell, Michel, and McKenzie. Just find a way to do that. Somehow. Some way. Then watch these plain men get burnt.

No one outside of Athens or Opelika cares about this game. Hell, some Dawg fans can’t stop bitching about how there’s nothing left on the table to eat. Poor bastards.

This game is about respect. This game is about the coaches having already removed their heads from their ass and are ready to get back to some winning ways. It’s about players who were there two years ago when “it” happened.

Win this game. Go out and win it!

Go Dawgs!