Sunday, September 16, 2012
Saturday, September 15, 2012
FAU - what to look for
Tonight we get the worst team on the schedule, without question. Here's what I'm looking for from my perch in Sanford's south side.
- reserve players. I want to see them early and often. Because that would mean we came out with a high level of urgency and some reckless abandon. Maybe even some bad intentions. Let's get Murray's arm, Jarvis' motor, Gurley's legs and Motel 6's bulk working early.
- some kicking confidence. Heard Morgan mention that the timing hasn't been consistent between the snap, hold and kick. With the bulk of our SEC East play staring us in the face we need to get this down tight.
- OL blocking confidence. This group is going to gel and get on solid ground. I'm sure of it. The question is when. This FAU defensive front is undersized for the most part. Would love to see some pancakes out there to boost the morale for Coach Friend's unit.
- clean up the laundry. Against Buffalo we saw a very disciplined football team. Last week in a hostile environment, not so much. There's no reason to get jumpy here. Settle in and don't move the line of scrimmage backwards for free.
- an energetic crowd. Despite all of the issues and arguments, I've come to expect empty seats unfortunately. But I hope the atmosphere has some electricity in it. If that sense of urgency is there for the players then it should overflow into the stands. Some sacks, turnovers and big gains should set the tone nicely. It's up to the rest of us to follow suit.
- Keith Marshall. Open that engine up kid and let's see what you got.
Have a great day!
SEC Kickoff with Coach Dooley
Coach looks back at last week's action, highlights Jarvis Jones in his Coaching 101 spotlight and then previews the big games this weekend.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Friday Misery - FAUx gators
To quote Mark Richt - "Back then I was scared to death of [Coach Schnellenberger]. … He was a scary guy."
Owls are just gators with feathers
I hate Florida. When you hear someone say "Beat the rush, hate Florida early", they aren't referring to me. Cuz my ass is always first in line. If you're behind me I'm really glad you're there. But if you're at the back of the line I might call into question your devotion to the cause.
"But Bernie, it's just Florida Atlantic. They're new to D1 football. Boca is no where near Gainesville. They're good people that just want their L and a fat check."
I don't give a shit where Boca is. It's not in Georgia and their dirt ain't red. It's sand! Besides, you sound like what I imagine an Arkansas fan sounded like this time last week talking about a directional Weesiana school. You know how to spell Florida gators? Right. Now, you know what the first seven letters are in FAU's name? Right. Do you also read Michael Crichton? Or for you gator fans that stumble upon this, did you see that movie picture with them there giant lizards? Well, what do birds come from? Eggs. Of course. And an owl is a bird. And you know what else comes from eggs?
Right, a gator! You can dress a florida football fan up in feathers and make it woot! woot! all you want. It doesn't change the fact that what we're getting tomorrow is something that descended from the Mesozoic era that likely drives a hand painted 1973 Dodge Dart and definitely believes college football was invented sometime after the Reagan administration.
So by all means, welcome them all you want. Hug em. Pat em on their scaly back. Give em a big ol' fat bankroll just for showing up and being able to breath through their mouths on dry land. But don't count on me to feel sorry for their ass when they get KTFO by Shawn Williams.
Carl? As in Spackler?
There have been two (2...dos!) coaches in the history of Florida Atlantic tackle football. That fact is recent news to me. I saw FAU on the schedule and immediately thought epic moustache, pipe in mouth and fiber bran for breakfast. Dry. No milk, because milk is for women. And babies who don't know how to get in a three point stance yet. I thought we'd get to see the guy that makes that Dos Equis dude look like hispanic ice dancer.
But no...Coach Schnellenberger has retired to some long term facility with silver moustache combs and nurses who double as coconut oil bikini models. He's probably lounging poolside on Saturdays now while one nurse shampoos and conditions his chest hair and another adjusts the rabbit ears on the 1983 television set he bought after he beat Nebraska's punk ass in the Orange Bowl. Then rumor has it he shouted in their coach's ear at midfield - "Take that Osborne. Keep shipping that corn to Kentucky. I'll be up there eventually to drink it all."
Now the FAUx gators have some guy named Carl on the sideline. I don't know about Carl. A message bored post I read last night purports that he too has a 'stache, and once was seen next to a woman in a swimsuit. But that may have just been Bo. As in his brother, not Bo Derek who once asked Coach Schnellenberger to tango at a Key West bar but was satisfied just staring into his eyes through leafy tobacco smoke.
My internet research team spent nearly two hours finding a photo of Carl. It wouldn't have taken so long except I had told them his last name was likely Spackler. That was the only Carl I could think of that would come even remotely close to Schnellenberger on a scale of 1 to Awesome. "A Cinderella story. An unknown comes out of the pack...crowd is on its feet. He's the Cinderella boy!"
But what they found was that Carl Spackler was last seen at the base of Mount Everest with a sherpa, a half empty case homebrewed Gopher Lager and a five iron. Instead, on Sanford's north sideline will stroll some little Italian twerp that has missed his calling as a Rogaine before spokesperson.
That's right, the guy on the right is the one who replaced the guy on the left.
Owls are just gators with feathers
I hate Florida. When you hear someone say "Beat the rush, hate Florida early", they aren't referring to me. Cuz my ass is always first in line. If you're behind me I'm really glad you're there. But if you're at the back of the line I might call into question your devotion to the cause.
"But Bernie, it's just Florida Atlantic. They're new to D1 football. Boca is no where near Gainesville. They're good people that just want their L and a fat check."
 |
| Shown here, the Head of the FAUx Ornithological Society gives the secret sign for "I'm my cousin's husband." |
I don't give a shit where Boca is. It's not in Georgia and their dirt ain't red. It's sand! Besides, you sound like what I imagine an Arkansas fan sounded like this time last week talking about a directional Weesiana school. You know how to spell Florida gators? Right. Now, you know what the first seven letters are in FAU's name? Right. Do you also read Michael Crichton? Or for you gator fans that stumble upon this, did you see that movie picture with them there giant lizards? Well, what do birds come from? Eggs. Of course. And an owl is a bird. And you know what else comes from eggs?
Right, a gator! You can dress a florida football fan up in feathers and make it woot! woot! all you want. It doesn't change the fact that what we're getting tomorrow is something that descended from the Mesozoic era that likely drives a hand painted 1973 Dodge Dart and definitely believes college football was invented sometime after the Reagan administration.
So by all means, welcome them all you want. Hug em. Pat em on their scaly back. Give em a big ol' fat bankroll just for showing up and being able to breath through their mouths on dry land. But don't count on me to feel sorry for their ass when they get KTFO by Shawn Williams.
Carl? As in Spackler?
There have been two (2...dos!) coaches in the history of Florida Atlantic tackle football. That fact is recent news to me. I saw FAU on the schedule and immediately thought epic moustache, pipe in mouth and fiber bran for breakfast. Dry. No milk, because milk is for women. And babies who don't know how to get in a three point stance yet. I thought we'd get to see the guy that makes that Dos Equis dude look like hispanic ice dancer.
But no...Coach Schnellenberger has retired to some long term facility with silver moustache combs and nurses who double as coconut oil bikini models. He's probably lounging poolside on Saturdays now while one nurse shampoos and conditions his chest hair and another adjusts the rabbit ears on the 1983 television set he bought after he beat Nebraska's punk ass in the Orange Bowl. Then rumor has it he shouted in their coach's ear at midfield - "Take that Osborne. Keep shipping that corn to Kentucky. I'll be up there eventually to drink it all."
Now the FAUx gators have some guy named Carl on the sideline. I don't know about Carl. A message bored post I read last night purports that he too has a 'stache, and once was seen next to a woman in a swimsuit. But that may have just been Bo. As in his brother, not Bo Derek who once asked Coach Schnellenberger to tango at a Key West bar but was satisfied just staring into his eyes through leafy tobacco smoke.
My internet research team spent nearly two hours finding a photo of Carl. It wouldn't have taken so long except I had told them his last name was likely Spackler. That was the only Carl I could think of that would come even remotely close to Schnellenberger on a scale of 1 to Awesome. "A Cinderella story. An unknown comes out of the pack...crowd is on its feet. He's the Cinderella boy!"
But what they found was that Carl Spackler was last seen at the base of Mount Everest with a sherpa, a half empty case homebrewed Gopher Lager and a five iron. Instead, on Sanford's north sideline will stroll some little Italian twerp that has missed his calling as a Rogaine before spokesperson.
That's right, the guy on the right is the one who replaced the guy on the left.
I'm no forensic pedophile investigator...but damn son. Wasn't Houston Nutt available back in December? At least Uncle Giggity pretends he's awesome in the mirror once a day. This guy...he hangs out at parks, or advertises on Craigs List for a Wednesday afternoon rest stop rendezvous. This is like Tom Selleck leaving Magnum PI and CBS deciding to replace him with Paul Reubens. I don't care if Carl Pelini is Mussolini's great-great grandnephew, or if he craps five-star outside linebackers before his morning coffee.
We had a deal! We're anointing Russ as Uga IX. Coach Awesome Sauce could've blessed the collar with fertility and maximum swagger. When we scheduled your FAUx gatuh ass we wanted a Hall of Famer, Richt's former coach, the one guy on the face of the Earth that could tell us what the hell our angel of a head coach did way back when to get suspended after his one start. What team rule did he break? Was a scooter involved? Was his dorm anywhere in the vicinity of an alley? My guess is that he shaved a goatee without Schnellenberger's permission.
Now we'll never know. The secret will die well south of Athens GA. Like Newman in a jeep. I loved Seinfeld. I hate gators. And again, owls are just feathered ones.
Now, let us bow our heads...Dear Lord, please give our inferior neighbors to the south of us the foresight to hire qualified candidates with Magnum like facial hair. And let Russ show Pitbull that a real good time actually starts at Sanford's center G. In Russ we trust! Amen.
Now we'll never know. The secret will die well south of Athens GA. Like Newman in a jeep. I loved Seinfeld. I hate gators. And again, owls are just feathered ones.
Now, let us bow our heads...Dear Lord, please give our inferior neighbors to the south of us the foresight to hire qualified candidates with Magnum like facial hair. And let Russ show Pitbull that a real good time actually starts at Sanford's center G. In Russ we trust! Amen.
More on Mizzou's class
If you're wondering why I'm still posting about Missouri...well, Bulldog Bry asked me to.
Here's an ad Missouri fans/alumni/school took out in the Athens Banner-Herald. (h/t Mac)
Here's an ad Missouri fans/alumni/school took out in the Athens Banner-Herald. (h/t Mac)
Y'all alright. Come on down here and set a spell now.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
THE Mizzou Tailgate Video
You saw the preview. Some of you were even there in person. Anyone who spent the weekend around Nama learned what a "dongle" (sp?) is, although its function in life still eludes me.
Well now you get the full picture. From airplane nap...to tailgate interviews...to a yellow drenched Faurot Field. They showed, we filmed. Take it away Namaman!
Well now you get the full picture. From airplane nap...to tailgate interviews...to a yellow drenched Faurot Field. They showed, we filmed. Take it away Namaman!
Kudos to JMac and Chase for their confidence with their predictions. And really Mac was only six points off with a FG added for each team. And another shout-out as well to "Little Joe" for not blowing up our tailgate, literally.
We'll be back with some more Geritol and bourbon in two years Columbia! You've been warned.
We'll be back with some more Geritol and bourbon in two years Columbia! You've been warned.
Tailback who?
Ok, so Todd Gurley is the starter at tailback against FAU. Through the first two games the freshman leads the team in rushing yards, yards per carry* and touchdowns. He added one bonus in each game as well: a 100 yard kickoff return for touchdown against Buffalo and then 40+ yard scamper to flip the field position late against Missouri. So you can definitely say he's earned the start.
But what exactly has he earned? Gurley takes over the top of the rotation from Ken Malcome, a guy that carried the football six times against Buffalo and seven times against the Tigers. Meanwhile fellow freshman Keith Marshall leads the team in rushing attempts, presumably from near the bottom of the depth chart.
Nowadays there's no guarantee that any starter is going to get even 60% of the carries. Mark Ingram got 45% of the rushing attempts for Alabama during his Heisman season. Back in Knowshon's heyday he averaged around 53% of the workload. During our 2002 run towards Atlanta Musa Smith shared the rushing attempts with Tony Milton, DJ Shockley and to a lesser extent Tyson Browning. As a result Smith ended with 48% of the carries.
All of that to say, I'm a little torn. I tend to shun the idea of a tailback by committee. I've always wanted that one tailback heads and shoulders above a couple more competing to get the scraps. This three-headed-threat of Gurley-Malcome-Marshall is different though. No one has a ton of experience and they all appear to have their own set of skills to bring to Bobo's playchart. Boo really moved moves a pile when it counts. Gurley ain't going down with just a shoulder bump. And Marshall's shiftiness is just waiting to breakaway. I get the sense that the coaching staff is getting a feel for who to use when and where. During arguably our best drive the other night, our top rusher waited on the sideline.
And you know the best part of that last sentence...he didn't tap his helmet to get there.
*taking away LeMay's 12 ypc in garbage time against Buffalo
But what exactly has he earned? Gurley takes over the top of the rotation from Ken Malcome, a guy that carried the football six times against Buffalo and seven times against the Tigers. Meanwhile fellow freshman Keith Marshall leads the team in rushing attempts, presumably from near the bottom of the depth chart.
Nowadays there's no guarantee that any starter is going to get even 60% of the carries. Mark Ingram got 45% of the rushing attempts for Alabama during his Heisman season. Back in Knowshon's heyday he averaged around 53% of the workload. During our 2002 run towards Atlanta Musa Smith shared the rushing attempts with Tony Milton, DJ Shockley and to a lesser extent Tyson Browning. As a result Smith ended with 48% of the carries.
All of that to say, I'm a little torn. I tend to shun the idea of a tailback by committee. I've always wanted that one tailback heads and shoulders above a couple more competing to get the scraps. This three-headed-threat of Gurley-Malcome-Marshall is different though. No one has a ton of experience and they all appear to have their own set of skills to bring to Bobo's playchart. Boo really moved moves a pile when it counts. Gurley ain't going down with just a shoulder bump. And Marshall's shiftiness is just waiting to breakaway. I get the sense that the coaching staff is getting a feel for who to use when and where. During arguably our best drive the other night, our top rusher waited on the sideline.
And you know the best part of that last sentence...he didn't tap his helmet to get there.
*taking away LeMay's 12 ypc in garbage time against Buffalo
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
When DICKSAMIV sniffs a fake...
...you ain't gettin' past his waiting hands!
Last post on the Mizzou game, promise. But after watching the game last night I just had to add this announcement. I am officially recognizing the following picture as my 2nd favorite of DICK SAM IV.
Last post on the Mizzou game, promise. But after watching the game last night I just had to add this announcement. I am officially recognizing the following picture as my 2nd favorite of DICK SAM IV.
 |
| via KC Star |
Or maybe this one...
 |
| via Rob Saye |
But forever and always, a gator killer son!
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