Friday Misery - historically and anthropologically speaking

I've been listening to some of y'all. Talking about rankings and "Who needs to lose so Georgia can move up?". Pretending like any of that matters way back here in September. Shut your damn piehole! Worrying about rankings and who's in front of you is for baseball fans, and B1G administrators. The only thing that matters is Atlanta in early December. And you don't get there by bitching about FSU and Oregon winning football games.

Child please. Act like you've been here before. You're embarrassing yourself, and more importantly...me.

The day Bernie, Daisy Duke and Derek met
So there I was, in all my magnificent pre-pubescence, in a gymnasium with a large group of twelve year old, awkward, wanna be hoop stars. Yet everyone was focused on just two kids. I saw guys whispering to each other and smiling. They'd dribble all the way around the foul line just to pass the ball to this dynamic duo. It was annoying at first, then it was downright obnoxious. To the point that I was robbed of at least three easy lay-ups.

WTF guys. I was open. Who're those kids anyway?
Dude, that's Coach Durham's son over there, and that's Derek freakin' Dooley with the hair and dribblin' the ball between his legs!! Awesome!
Oh. Ok. Nice crossover I guess.

And such was my introduction into unearned prestige and pre-established hierarchy. Someone can immediately, and without merit, be given a higher status based on something completely irrelevant to the setting in the first place. I could see having a pre-conceived notion that Hugh Durham's son (who's name now escapes me) would be pretty good at basketball. But this Derek kid was being treated like Dr. J and Magic all rolled into one. The coaches' whistles were useless because they couldn't unpucker their lips long enough from the kids' gym shorts.

Very good guys. Now let's roll over.

Fast forward through a good three decades and suddenly lil Dools is being given more undeserved credit. Was he a good coach at La Tech? Sure, I guess. Those Bulldogs always seemed to remember their helmets and shit for the games that I caught on Friday nights. But worthy of an SEC perch, even one as loaded with baggage and a worthless athletic director as the one in Knoxville? Whatever. Derek's gotten more use from his last name than he has that can of Suave aerosol.

Oh wait, I think I hear all you fence sitters starting to chime up..

But Bernie...he's the son of our beloved Coach Dooley. We should support him and that family. I mean let's try and win the football game and everything, but just by a couple points maybe. Don't embarrass him, especially with his mother there. She's so nice the way she talks so incessantly and protects her young like a momma bear should. We can get along for awhile. Besides, we can root against them in other sports.

F(orget) that! Hey dumbass, lest you forget: "I never knew how good she looked in orange. All these years she's been wearing the wrong color." That's Derek, talking about his family's matriarch while in Atlanta. Look, this isn't your parents' Woodstock love-in. where they'd gather in a field, pass the J around and sing Peter, Paul and Mary tunes until their underwear disintegrated and the moon beams told them to go back to school. If Coach Dooley and Barbara wanna pull for their son, fine. I get that I guess, on some level. But I've never called Vince my daddy and Barbara ain't ever wiped my ass. If you aren't pulling for my team, you're rooting against them. The line is thin, but it's clear as day.

If one day Derek wants to repent his evil ways, I only need two things: first, take off those orange pants son. I can't tell if you're a hippie or just have a queer eye for the sideline, but that shit don't fly here. And second, the next time you see me break for the basket in my two stripe gym socks and my Dukes of Hazzard tank top, ready to go all good ol' boy on the backboard...PASS. THE. GODDAMNED. BALL!!

Of teeth, livestock and IQs
If you're thinking this is going to be one of those pieces where I make fun of Volunteer fans for wearing overalls ill-equipped to handle their body mass index and how they select their valedictorians in grade school by whoever shows up the first day of 4th grade...well yes, that's exactly what this is. 

To the untrained eye, a HillBilly may appear as if they are just a gator fan with less of a tan and more Wal-Mart clothing. That and they can't seem to agree as to which shade of orange is their own. More on that in a moment. But first, exhibit A...back by popular demand...the couple that first chewed the fatback...the pair that can't ride elevators together...the husband and wife of biblical AND cylindrical proportions...

HillBilly Adam and HillBilly Eve

These people are best referred to as the Anti-Darwins. They don't evolve, they devolve. A study of their culture and development produces more questions than answers. Like, humans can be lawfully married to a goat? And, possum meat is higher in cholesterol than a pork shoulder?

But slowly you give up on trying to understand their mountain folk ways. The hatred burns to the surface like a fresh back tat. They're not only ignorant and stupid, they feed off their own asshatery. You can't love and adore the same coaches that you have run out of town. You can't blame a coach for wanting to leave your three ring hillbilly circus in the middle of the night through the smoke of a thousand mattresses. Hey Nathan Ray Junior Bob, you can't re-marry your sister after your brother grabbed her up off the lawn chair in the den while watching a rerun of In the Heat of the Night and took her down to City Hall in his brand new 1971 Ford pick-up.

Oh, and the Vol Navy? I mean, bless your hearts. The closest thing to an aquatic fighting force in Knoxville is your own quarterback. And there can't be that many bottles in the city. After all, Britton Colquitt was once on scholarship there. He couldn't have left but so much beer behind. So settle down Ricky Earl and Delilah Jean. Stop shaking that half eaten smoked guinea pig at me Cletus Frank and Raylene DixieAnn.

Take heart in the fact that your boys ain't quite as shitty as they were last season. Be glad there's as many Jarvis Jones on the Georgia roster as there are teeth in your sister's "pretty mouth", and that you can count that high! Don't worry about bowl games. Not when you've got all of the Saban rejects on coaching retainer! #winning!!! Please, no more fretting over the lack of dental insurance when there's still a chance DaRick Rogers could be back before the Bama game!!

And don't hate us for the beat down we'll be giving you tomorrow. Hate Mike Hamilton for having a raging case of Dooley envy. Just like those 30 UT t-shirts in your closet, none of which are the same shade of orange, you brought this on yourselves. You descended from those that ate the forbidden fatback. And in the hidden hollers and raccoon trails of Appalachia, Hell hath no greater fury.

And now, we pray. Dear Lord, please have mercy on Derek's hair and keep it combed to the correct side, even as Marlon Brown blows by him, running down the sideline towards paydirt. And help teach these mountain mongrels to respect all animals, as well as to respect each other. Even when Deliverance is playing on GranPappy's tv set.

The Voice in my ears

He made the highlights a lot higher. And he commiserated right along with us during any difficult year. If I was frustrated, he was was exasperated. If I was full of joy, it was his voice that pushed me that final step to the top of that mountain.

courtesy of 1980Dawgs

To commemorate what would have been his 90th birthday, and to recognize his 42 years as a University of Georgia broadcaster, UGA will rename its Sanford Stadium booth after Larry Munson before tomorrow's game.

Hunker it down Mr. Munson! You are forever missed.

The Jarvis Jones poster

via Brandon Boykin's Instagram

Countdown to Kickoff - Georgia and Tennessee

Hannah Chalker previews the Georgia-Tennessee matchup 'tween the hedges.

BDB takes on "The Grove"

Like a fine wine, or maybe just a fat hunk of cheese...this has been aged. Aged all the way to something just short of perfection. Plus, Nama has to use the dump button in excess.

I think my favorite part was Nama saying, "He's in! He's IN THE ENDZONE! ON TOP OF PEOPLE!!"

Four games in: the highlights

After yesterday, here are some of the bright spots and surprises that I have rattling around in my head:

• Marlon Brown. On a squad that has been spreading the ball around a lot, he's second on the team in receptions with 16 and 3rd in yardage with 264. He has three touchdowns already and has been been really good at creating extra yardage after the catch. He nearly broke a long one for another touchdown Saturday against Vandy. He also had one that nearly broke against Mizzou. And you just know he's ready to go off on the Vols.
• Gurley. Not so much of a surprise as we expected him to be good. But in all honesty, he's been better than that. With his size and speed, he's a great complement to Marshall. But he's also the type of back that can carry the bulk of the load if necessary. Especially now that his protection skills have developed so quickly.
• Defensive depth. The suspensions concerned us. But the defense has not only held up admirably, they've shown us that it's not just the starters that are coming to the games ready to play. Amarlo Herrera especially has been magnificent. Personally, I would be surprised if Tree starts Saturday with the way Herrera has been playing.
• Defensive line. Like Gurley, not a surprise. They are one of the more experienced and largest in the nation. And they walk the walk as well. Twenty-nine tackles for loss in four games. They're both eating space and penetrating into the backfield regularly.
• Aaron Murray has been a huge bright spot. He's complemented his early tenure with great field awareness, better decision making (as amazing as his 12/12 start was against Vandy, his best pass was the one he threw out of the back of the endzone when everything was covered), improved footwork and a hard-nosed edge in leadership.

I really wanted to throw the offensive line a bone as well, but I'll wait until later in the season once everything is clicking. But they have made great strides thus far. Other than that, what did I miss? What has caught your eye?

Tennessee prep - 1973 in Knoxville

As legendary as Larry Munson was, it took a while for the connection to form between him and the program and him and the fan base. Many point to the 1973 upset of the Volunteers in Knoxville as that turning point. This video takes us through that game with comments from Munson and the game's hero Andy Johnson.

Nothing sucks like a big orange.

h/t Dawg19

Of course, I'll have more on Munson tomorrow as we celebrate his birthday. I don't know about you, but I really miss that gravelly voice in my ear.

SEC Audibles - Derek Dooley

SEC Audibles - Coach Richt

Jarvis struggled, now that's left to his opponents

Terrific article by ESPN's Mark Schlabach on Jarvis Jones and his struggles to overcome adversity earlier in his life. Most of all, losing his older brother when he was 15 and learning to deal with the guilt and anger he felt in the aftermath of Darcell Kitchens' murder.

Jones, who was 15 when his brother was killed, struggled to cope with Kitchens' death. For a long time, Jones was overwhelmed with guilt for not telling his older brother to stay with him on that fateful night.

"It stuck with me for a long time," Jones said. "If I had just stayed there with him, he might still be here. I really struggled with it. It took a toll on me. It killed me inside. I'd completely shut it down emotionally."

And then dealing with doctors after falling to a neck injury during his freshman season at USC.

Jones was a backup linebacker and played special teams for USC during the first eight games of the 2009 season. Against Oregon on Halloween night 2009, Jones collided with a teammate while trying to tackle a Ducks receiver and sprained his neck. USC's doctors told him he suffered from spinal stenosis, a condition that is caused by narrowing of spaces in the spine. It can cause pressure on the spinal cord and nerve roots, and paralysis is a rare risk for some people. Jones said he consulted three spinal specialists, who cleared him to play football, but USC wouldn't let him back on the field.

"When I got the call, it was one of the most difficult times in my life," Stephens said. "To just think that the dreams and goals we set for him were possibly not going to come to fruition was very difficult." 

Jones will undoubtedly be the first to say he's been lucky to have the support he's had in overcoming tragedy and setbacks. But it's certainly a tribute to the man in the #29 jersey that he's making so many positive headlines.

Can they just go ahead and vote on the Heisman today?

Damn Good Dawg!