Wow.

Lots to talk about. I hope to capture most of it in tomorrow morning's Sunday thoughts. But this about says it all, no?

Two keys to a columbian victory

There's no need to worry about running Gurley inside the four on first down in this town. Thanks Bryan Allen. Asshole.

1. Protect the football. Win the turnover battle is always key, especially on the road.
2. Give Maty happy feet. I think we can stop their running game, at least enough. But Mauk's dangerous. So we have to pressure him without losing containment. If he develops a rhythm then we lose the opportunity to force the third and longs.

Chin up Dawgs! Let's get this one.

"They don't pay me enough to bitch."

I'm out. I need about 12 hours off and I'm gonna use it to take the Mrs. to her first Rock Show tonight. No kids. No memorabilia. No overdue work projects. No ncaa investigators (at least none that I'm aware of). No self-righteous talking heads.

No kids.

Given the mood, I've picked one of the Truckers new ones to celebrate. Although I was there for this 40 Watt filming, you won't see me paying the man who levels the floor.

If you're at the Tabernacle tonight and we bump into one another, don't act so surprised. And try not to look so long. Cheers y'all!

Gurley: the rock, the hard place, and the victims

Unequivocally, I think it's downright shitty that every female in the state of Georgia can own a "I'm a Gurley Girl" t-shirt that someone not named Todd Gurley was paid handsomely for and yet the man whose talents begat the shirt's proclamation can't make a buck off his own damn name.

We know Manziel did it, and actually got caught. Everyone knows Cam did it, and got away with it. And we can all pretty much agree that one day (maybe soon), what Todd Gurley is alleged to have done will not be against the rules. Well, maybe. One day.

But, none of that excuses it. Not in the least. I have no doubt that Gurley knew the rules. And if he took some cash for signing memorabilia, he's in the wrong and needs to pay the price. One day, probably in just a few months, we'll talk about what this does for his Georgia legacy. However, today we're stuck with the fact that he's let thousands, perhaps even millions of people down.

And that list starts with his own teammates. This may tarnish Gurley's image, but in the long run it doesn't affect him much, if at all. I'm not saying he's not torn up about this blowing up and having to sit out. I don't know him personally, but from what I've observed, read, and seen I would expect he carries a lot of remorse for the position he's put his team in as they load up for a huge road game. Just think back to the post-game scene in South Carolina. The dude was choked up and pissed off and ready to do more on the field. And now he's not allowed near it.

Gurley's a great guy. He made a bad mistake. Stepping away from being a diehard Georgia fan, I'm sorry he's put himself in that position. I've made mistakes. You have too. They may not have made SportsCenter, but they probably affected people we know and love. And I suspect that is what is hurting Todd Gurley the most right now.

Stepping back into my diehard Bulldog shoes once again, I hurt most for guys like Hutson Mason, Chris Conley, Michael Bennett, and all those big ol' Dawgs up front that were prepared to block and fight and help Gurley get enough yards Saturday to beat Missouri. They're the real victims here. As bad as I feel about this, as embarrassed as I am to face these questions from those around me, as ashamed as I am that my alma mater is in the bad headline column once again, it's those guys that are on their way to suit up tomorrow that I feel the most for in the wake of this news. After all, they're the ones that have invested the most time, energy, sweat, blood, and pain into this season.

Not me. Not you. And definitely not the suits inside Butts-Mehre that don't have the balls to stand up to this nonsense. It's them, the guys that strap on the helmets in the name of Glory, Glory, that have the most to lose and the least amount of time to get over it.

So fans, alumni, Twitterers and BookFacers, gentlemen, and ladies too, let's take a breath. Set aside your shame and anger and frustration. We can't rewrite the headlines. But we can support our team. For its during the good times and the bad that we find out who is willing to stand beside them and yell those two simple words...

Go Dawgs!

Friday Misery - the #WildHONKEY and the Pinkel

[sips on a cocktail]
[writes post leaning heavily on the best football player in the nation]
[phone blows up]
[best football player in nation suspended indefinitely]
[chugs entire liquor cabinet while holding down DELETE button]
[burps]
[repositions fingers over keyboard...]

YGTBFKM
We can't have anything nice. Not ONE gotdamn thing. People are telling you "Well we weren't going to win many games anyway so we might as well start towards 2015." And they're full of shit. Others are telling you "Well, Georgia's just snakebit and full of rotten luck. Was bound to happen this way, honestly." Bullshit. Luck is for losers and gray-haired ladies sitting at the nickel slots.

If I'm Coach Richt I'm dragging 70 tackle footballers out west, sitting their ass down in the locker room, staring them in the face, and saying "You've heard for two months how you're a one man team. Now's your time to prove you're more than that. We lost with Gurley on the sideline last year. You gonna lose again without him? Well, ARE YOU?!? Are you gonna lose to those guys again Jordan Jenkins? How 'bout you Conley? Swann? 

Now. Right now. NOW's the time to prove we can throw the goddamn football. NOW's the time to prove the Georgia Bulldogs are a team and not just a player on award watchlists and espn highlights and Lou Holtz's tricky tongue. Now get out there and get all medieval on their tiger-striped ass!"

But, I am not Coach Richt. I am just a Bernie. And I'm here to tell you that...

Maty doing a really shitty Johnny
Money Fingers impression.

Serve no whine before its time

...it really pisses me off that the Missouri Eff'n Tigers won the division last year. IN THEIR SECOND GODDAMN SEASON! Are you kidding me? That actually happened? We actually and Honest to Herschel let that shit happen? 

A year and a half after sitting down, officially, at the big boys table, they're at the head slurring their speech while sloshing their zinfandel and drunkenly waving a turkey leg. Sure, there's Pinkel, face down in the macaroni pie with his chinos half-zipped muttering his way through the alphabet. Backwards. And there's Maty Mauk with his cute little name and his douchy halloween costume.

And not one...NOT ONE...Jarvis Jones in sight to bring the damn pain.

What pisses me off more than Missouri setting up shop in Atlanta? Glad you asked. Because it's me. It's you. It's us.

We all piss me off. Bitching, moaning, belly-aching, and whining about this and that. The secondary can't cover. My oatmeal is too hot. Hutson Mason threw two touchdown passes that Brice Ramsey should've been on the field for against Vanderbilt. We only beat Vanderbilt by 24 points because we suck and now Tech fans are saying hateful things to me at work. I think I have a planters wart on my foot and now my oatmeal is too cold.

Lighten up Francis and set your f---king jaw. Muck Fizzou....Okay. That's about enough. But before we close, here's one thing that is absolutely righteous. Take it away Gary:

yes! Love it! #WildHonkey steps in for #WildB3AST RT @Gary_A_Morris: @BernieDawg any chance we line Douglas up in the wild Honkey formation?
— Bernie (@BernieDawg) October 9, 2014

'Cuz you know what Brendan Douglas always brings to games right? His truck motor and iron shoulder shivver. Let us pray...Dear Lord. Bless Mizzou's little heart. And help them make some damn sweet tea. Amen.

Gurley: what I hope and what I fear

One thing I haven't heard anyone ask, if there's a video of someone that's supposed to be Gurley signing autographs, was the person signing said autographs left-handed?

Anyway...part optimism and part paranoid. All speculation:

What I hope...

Gurley misses somewhere between a half and two games. That's about the best we can hope for at this point. To be honest, what I was hearing earlier last evening would probably have put him out the rest of the season. But the internet loves grease fires. Hopefully, it's just a few hundred bucks and the rest of the team doesn't suffer from one poor decision. The only positive I can find in this mess is that it seems this guy was shopping his name and phone number around quite a bit. Hopefully that helps the resolution come sometime before the NFL Combine.

What I fear...

Frankly, AJ Green chapter two. Things get messy and the whole thing drags. I'm sure UGA has had people on this for a while now and trying to decide how long they could wait out in front. So their investigation should be wrapped up soon, if not already. This whole thing sounds eerily similar to the Manziel deal, but somehow whenever UGA plays by the book they call "The Georgia Way", we just get screwed.

I'll be back later with the Friday Misery. Or maybe I'll just go climb back in bed, pull the covers up, and see if this shitbrick's address comes to me in a dream.

Stay classy Nick Marshall

(My bad. Being told this is a parody account. I'm dumb. )

Gurley suspended indefinitely. (UPDATED)

NCAA investigation. So yeh, our worst nightmare.

ATHENS ----- University of Georgia tailback Todd Gurley has been indefinitely suspended from competition by the UGA Athletic Association during an ongoing investigation into an alleged violation of NCAA rules.

"I¹m obviously very disappointed," said UGA head football coach Mark Richt. "The important thing for our team is to turn all our attention toward preparation for Missouri."

UPDATE - Emerson backing up Bruce Feldman's story of whether he accepted benefits for autographs.

 A source said the investigation involved whether Gurley received money in exchange for his autograph or use of his likeness. That echoes a report by Fox Sports reporter Bruce Feldman.

Missouri fans drink leaded paint

If you're heading out to ColaWest for the first time, I feel obligated to share with you footage of our trip out there in 2012. It was a good time. They are very nice people. Weirdly courteous, overly accommodating, nervously gracious, but nice folks.

Of course, they drink from paint cans. So that might explain a little something^*.

h/t @namaman

^*That's assuming they haven't all turned into a bunch of self-absorbed pricks now that they're the defending SEC East champions.

Coach Lilly, then Legacy

Nice feature by Starrs on Jeb Blazevich. Turns out it wasn't the long line of successful tight ends that Georgia has produced that lured him down from North Carolina.

“He’s a conscientious kid,” offensive coordinator Mike Bobo said. “He takes everything serious (and) works extremely hard. Just (look at) that long pass that Todd threw to him; if you go back and look at it, the ball is coming down and he actually catches it and looks that ball in the whole way. (It’s) very little things Coach Lilly teaches — how to play the position, how to block, how to step (and) how to catch. He tries to do it exactly as coach says. He’s got talent, too, and he’s a good player, but the little things have set him apart and made him able to make plays early as a freshman.”