Wednesday, August 14, 2013

If a linebacker is suspended in Tuscaloosa, does it make a sound?

Truth is, we don't know what team rule Trey Depriest violated. But he's had his access to practice revoked for at least a week. So I doubt it was for something as serious as forgetting his middle name or emerging from an alley on a scooter. Here are some more educated guesses.
  • Asked Saban if he had time to go to the bathroom, and the coach mistakenly heard, "Do you have time for this shit?"
  • Was found perusing his Anthropology syllabus during a team meeting.
  • Was overheard saying he should've gray-shirted.
  • He smiled.
  • Failed to punch correct elevator button for the head coach.
  • Overslept and reported to practice on time.
  • Remarked that he hoped the NCAA didn't suspend Manziel so he could get his autograph next month.
  • Wondered aloud as to why "the process sucked so much ass with the Dolphins."
  • Broke a promise to never retell the story of when Saban knocked in his door during his recruitment and his mom asked if Saban was a representative of the Lollipop Guild.
  • Dumped bucket of Powerade over the new statue.
On second thought, he'd've been kicked off the team for those violations. He probably just smoked a little weed.