Bernie: Thanks for coming Mike. Now, lets get this over with...
Prez Adams: No problem really. Although the correct address is of course "Former President Adams". (adjusts his bowtie with the canned cheese and Cabernet stains.)
B: Well, my dime means you have the following choices - Mike...or the more casually accurate Former Prez Asshole...
PA: Good gracious. I'm much more accustomed to pulling the strings rather than being used as a common puppet...but I really do want that sausage mcmuffin...
B: Whatever gets us through this prez assh..I mean Mike. Let's start with your plans now that you're done as UGA's dictator and the university has rejected your designs for a new $25000 office. Does this mean you'll have to live in Russell Hall, with the common student drinking Milwaukee's Best and planning ousters of resident assistants that refuse to give you your own private shower time?
PA: ahem...No. I'm working on starting a course for kickball in the Phys Ed department. As well as a fund reallocation class for UGA finance majors. Hopefully one day I'll get that office.
B: Over my dead body. So how is your kickball game?
PA: I'm working on waddling out grounders and my pitching roll. The other day I almost kicked one past the second station thingamajig.
B: Incredible. Will you still attend the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party now that you're no longer UGA's ruler supreme?
PA: You mean the Georgia-Florida game. And of course. The football program has enjoyed tremendous success while I've...
B: No. I meant the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. And you've done little to nothing to be honest.
PA: But you'll recall Bernie that I hired Richt and changed the name of that game...
B: Lemme stop you right there. You're starting to make an Adams out of yourself.
Today's Ingredients
- Evidently Adams also sat down with Emerson. If you're interested in reading more revisionist history.
- And kudos to Kerri for the best Prez Adams is leaving tweet.
- And since she brought up photoshop, thanks to BassinDawg for his efforts in tailoring Adams' gift so perfectly.
- Personally, I'd've been more impressed if David Greene had designed the new playbook app.
- Speaking of cutting edge, Blutarsky is already preparing for the WLOCP.
- Lady Sportswriter updates us on Christian Miller.
- Dude You Crazy finds the bar is set quite higher in College Station.
- Heard a radio ad the other day referring to the reigning Sun Bowl champion Georgia Tech. Well, ecdawg explains that they lost some cash getting out there.
- Clempson gon' Clempson y'all.
- Yep. Clempson gon' Clempson.
- Lastly, new president Jere Morehead has some words for us.
Now, back to a Mickey Dees dining room...
Prez Asshole: So, I can get a second mcmuffin right?
Bernie: Sure. You want an order of grits with it?
PA: What are grits?
B: That was a test. You passed. And failed. Congrats. Let's try another one: how many points is a three pointer worth?
PA: That's not funny. That was that goddamn Dooley's hire. All I did was drop the name.
B: Ah yes. I forgot your Wiki-history was written in pencil. Now, noving on. What will be your lasting legacy in Athens: a greedy cash whore or a backstabbing tyrant with a penchant for opening his piehole way too hard...?
PA: I don't like either of those options. Can I stall long enough to order a McRib and an apple pie?
B: No. This place reeks of Auburness and other not so special sauces. Plus you'd probably order an unsweetened tea with it just to piss me off. Damn yankee.
 |
| Prez Asshole getting his jort on. (via BassinDawg) |
PA: I'll have you know I grew up in the South. I take offense to that sir!
B: Yeh, but I bet your suitcase was made of carpet as you trudged around the north getting your head spun around about the War of Northern Aggression and how to be chivalrous. I saw you push that old lady aside to get your grubby hands on that half-assed breakfast sandwich.
PA: Well, after all I did to raise SAT scores and improve the campus, can I at least get a ride back to the Arch. Want to make sure Morehead hasn't discovered my decanter of cognac yet.
B: Please. You're the Former Prez Asshole of this town. Stick your thumb out to get down Baxter, then hop on a Milledge bus.
PA: What's a milledge bus?
B: Not at all shocked to hear that come out of your fat mouth. But I am shocked I'm still giving you your gift.
PA: (makes an awkward face to where you're not sure if he's overly excited or just hoping it's a villa in Tuscany he can use...for research and development...)
B: Here. It's a pair of short jeans. Commonly referred to as "jorts". They're very popular, especially in areas of Florida near (coughs) Gainesville (coughs). Now you can kickball AND fly your freak flag.
With that I dropped a five dollar bill on the table, chunked deuces and went to Waffle House to celebrate. Scattered, smothered and covered. Stick a fork in that joker's reign. Y'all have a terrific Monday. Hopefully the new president drinks bourbon.
Bernie
