Are You Fan Enough Kid?

Last week I called you out, laid down the law. And for the most part everyone fell in line. Saturday was a great day to be a Dawg fan. I was not embarrassed by those who sat around me. The energy was good. The behavior was near perfect, save some one-toothed wonders scattered about.

Of course, we must take into account the fact that when the home team sprints out to a 17-0 lead, it's hard for even the drunkest of dillweeds to find reason to boo. So maybe they were there, just suddenly feeling less strength in their numbers...less virile and more sterile.

Or perhaps they just all moved to Slurban's Swamp.

I could be working an algorithm.

However, while my bone to pick with the boo-birds is no where to be found, I do have one for those lazy, pampered, snot-nosed students whose seats remain empty. No, not those of you matriculaters that show up really early, just as Sanford is opening; rising with the early tailgaters to make sure you get a good seat. I'm referring to the ones who just can't seem to drag their lazy ass out of bed on a Saturday morning, slap on a t-shirt and a pair of flip-flops so they can walk down Baxter to cheer on their classmates.

At the Tennessee game I was sitting next to this old guy who was telling me of a couple students that told him it's just too much to have a game at noon the Saturday after a night on the town. As he said, IT'S SIX SATURDAYS A YEAR!! Are you kidding me? And like Derek n Ol' Dawg pontificated, back in our day nearly all the games were at 1:00. Plus, beer downtown Friday night back then was practically free which made Saturday mornings about as pleasant as waking up on the floor next to a used trash can. And yet, we still marched up the hill to Guthries for a remedy cure and then back down Baxter to Sanford (yes, through three feet of snow, barefoot) in plenty of time to see the team warm up.

But not you. Your week was way too stressful between the Biology lab on Wednesday and that Philosophy paper you barely avoided. Much too taxing to go over to the stadium and actually be required to cheer. God, if you actually had to get up at 6am to drive over from Atlanta or further...YOU...JUST...MIGHT....DIE.

Well, take a moment away from your daddy's crackberry to listen up. This is your time. Soon, getting tickets will be even more difficult for you. UGAA will actually require a significant monetary commitment. Currently, you're unable to even commit to light beer. So your future attendance is highly suspect. It might be a good idea to actually take advantage of a good athletic program, brush your teeth...learn to bark. 

They've got spirit, how about YOU?

When I was your age I was so committed I gave 5 years to my undergraduate experience. Maybe your parents won't bankroll you that long. Hell, if you were my kid I woulda already cut you off when I found the first unused ticket to a glorious Saturday afternoon just outside the hedges. Consider yourself lucky. Then, do me and the rest of the Dawg Nation a favor...give your ticket to someone who has aspirations that begin before noon on a gameday Saturday. Someone who is just as disgusted by empty aluminum stadium seats as yours truly. One of those spirited kids who'd love nothing more than to paint himself red, affix a black mohawk to his head and stand in line with the rest of the abled student body. Someone who would like nothing more than to hear an alarm clock on a Fall Saturday morning cuz it means another chance to spend the day with 94,000 Dawg fans. A person who simply has more bite to his bark than your no good, yellow bellied, worthless, might as well be orange butt.

Saturday's Homecoming. Not only are your classmates playing in the game, they're also performing in the stands, walking as part of the Court. Plus, the alumni who have laid the groundwork before you are coming home to cheer, play and revisit old memories. AND ON TOP OF THAT...there's a changing of the collar ceremony Saturday. Uga VIII Big Bad Bruce gets to meet his extended family, frolic on the turf, then straddle a bag or two of ice.

If you'd rather sleep than be a part of that...well, then I don't know you son. You might as well be some engiNerd pounding away at his Ti-85 in the library at 2 o'clock on a Saturday afternoon in the Fall. That's how they roll on North Avenue kid. This...this is Athens G-E-O-R-G-I-A. This red and black Nation will go on, we'll continue to thrive in fact.

But please God...please help this country with sorry souls like these. For they'll never truly be FAN enough.